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tabbyco · Nov 4th, 2009, 06:37 PM

My MIL and I are passively duking it out for Thanksgiving this year, too... I finally gave up and I'm going to put my feet up and let her do all the work.

Offer to co-host and see if she would include your family, or ask if you can take care of dessert. Involving pink or blue in the dessert is a cute idea!!!

vhdos · Nov 4th, 2009, 06:55 PM

Lots of good advice here. You need to think out of the box OP and come up with your own special way of celebrating, that way everyone wins!

LV Luvr · Nov 4th, 2009, 09:44 PM

Originally Posted by Blondee178

Hello Ladies...I'm so upset right now and need your input.
Early this morning I approached DF about having Thanksigiving at his place so that we can get our families together and celebrate our pregnancy. We didn't get to do a big pregnancy announcement as he started blabbing as soon as he knew...MEN!.

Also my ultrasound is a week before and i was going to announce the sex of our baby that day (assuming baby will show us) by decorating the place pink or blue.

Surprise our family when they come in. So this afternoon i get a text from DF - brother's girlfriend saying she is doing thanksgiving at their place. I explained to her that i wanted to do it and why. She then told me that she's "sorry" but i can either celebrate at her house or wait and celebrate for christmas.

I understand that she may have thought of it first but she hasn't even invited anyone yet (she told me so herself). Her family consists of her and her mother. So its not like it would be a big deal if she had celebrated one holiday over the other. At least those are my thoughts.

I was so upset about not being able to announce it as i planned that i'm seriously considering postponing my ultrasound.

Which lead to an argument between my DF and I. He says he doesn't care about others knowing and that we have to keep the appointment while the excitement for me is gone now.

What should i do?

This would be my first time doing something like this as i was a teen when i had my first and trust me there were was celebrating that. So....

Am i overreacting? Please be honest. If i'm being a baby, let me know and i will try and stop. I just need impartial opinions.

Ok this is JMO...but from that statement aboe she sounds like a total Bia! She's not even family - or even soon to be family so who is she to tell you. Not only that but it's a special occasion you were trying to make for your family as well. I just thin kthat was a crappy statement for her to make. If it were me I'd tell DF you are having it at your house. But that's just me. Keep your appt for sure!! GL and how exciting!!

kimberf · Nov 4th, 2009, 09:57 PM

I don't think you're being a baby. For goodness' sake, you're pregnant and want to celebrate it with family all at once. Can you have another talk, if possible in person, with your future SIL asap before she starts invites? I really don't get it that she has a compelling reason that she has to host, other than it being her first time hosting. Maybe at the very least, you can work out some sort of arrangement for the dinner/dessert idea, or get her to let you have your family there (that would actually be fabulous -- you'd get to celebrate with everyone and make your big announcement, but not have to cook!) If she doesn't agree with that, then I'd call your future BIL (or better yet have DF do it) and see if he can help.

DreamingBeauty · Nov 4th, 2009, 11:16 PM

I don't get why DF's brother's GF trumps you. She is telling you that you HAVE to go to her house on Thanksgiving and leave your own family behind? Who made her the boss? I would just have my own Thanksgiving anyway for my family if I wanted to do it and let the other group know they can come over too if they want. You could do it for lunch if she's doing dinner or vice versa so people can go to both if they want. I think it's rude if she expects you to just dump your own parents and siblings or whoever to go celebrate at her house. Either that or do yours like the Sunday before or something, that way less time after the US and DF won't be as tempted to slip!

Blondee178 · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:28 AM

Thank you ladies for all the good advice. Things have managed to get worse and it it taking every fiber of my being to compose myself and not lash out on this girl.

So last night i get a call from MIL stating that i get Thanksgiving. Supposedly BIL told his mother i wanted it and i got the OK. I was over the moon! Immediately started planning and invited my family. Well, this morning i get a text from his girl saying "so i see u got ur way huh? Have fun. That was nice of u". I replied by telling her that i never went behind her back, that her man gave the ok for the change and that i assumed she was ok with it too. Also, that i didnt appreciate her sarcasm. Her response was a huge rant about how i went behind her back to MIL and nagged her to give me the holiday and how unfair it is to her (GF) to lose her holiday. How i made MIL choose between the two and i have an unfair advantage. To take all the holidays if i want cuz she doesnt care anymore. That my reasons for wanting to hosts are just excuses. etc....

Blondee178 · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:32 AM

So I didnt reply to her,called DF in tears telling him all that happened. I explained to him that if i replied to her it wasnt gonna be pretty and i was holding back for his sake but if she kept pushing my buttons i was going to give her a piece of my mind. He said he would call his brother and get all this figured out.

I'm so upset about this!

Blondee178 · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by LV Luvr

Ok this is JMO...but from that statement aboe she sounds like a total Bia! She's not even family - or even soon to be family so who is she to tell you. Not only that but it's a special occasion you were trying to make for your family as well. I just thin kthat was a crappy statement for her to make. If it were me I'd tell DF you are having it at your house. But that's just me. Keep your appt for sure!! GL and how exciting!!

Thank you! She has only been dating him a year.

Blondee178 · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by kimberf

I don't think you're being a baby. For goodness' sake, you're pregnant and want to celebrate it with family all at once. Can you have another talk, if possible in person, with your future SIL asap before she starts invites? I really don't get it that she has a compelling reason that she has to host, other than it being her first time hosting. Maybe at the very least, you can work out some sort of arrangement for the dinner/dessert idea, or get her to let you have your family there (that would actually be fabulous -- you'd get to celebrate with everyone and make your big announcement, but not have to cook!) If she doesn't agree with that, then I'd call your future BIL (or better yet have DF do it) and see if he can help.

I feel the same way. She's not even cooking but having MIL and her mother do all the cooking. At this point I'm torn between going ahead with my plans of hosting regardless of her feelings or just cancel my plans and let her keep it.

vhdos · Nov 5th, 2009, 11:53 AM

Okay, this is just my opinion, but it all sounds like petty drama. Obviously, there are two sides to every story - she wanted Thanksgiving and you wanted Thanksgiving - each of you had/has a right to be upset over not getting what you want. If I were you, I'd just take the high road and be polite. I wouldn't respond to negativity and I wouldn't get others involved to "handle it" because that just creates more drama. Let it go and plan your celebration because it seems to make more sense that you should host considering your circumstances. Best of luck!

tabbyco · Nov 5th, 2009, 04:47 PM

Dude... she (BIL's GF) sucks! She is revealing her true colors to the entire family and I hope BIL is observing this behavior....

Don't mess with a pregnant lady!!!

Blondee178 · Nov 6th, 2009, 10:10 AM

^^ She sure does suck.

After speaking with MIL yesterday she assured me that Thanksgiving is mine and thats final. Neither MIL nor BIL understood why she was making a big deal about this. MIL even suggested that GF might just be a little jealous of all the attention i'm getting from the family as i'm carrying the first child.

So I decided to just leave it alone and proceed with my planning. I invited her and her family to come over. Don't know if they will or even care. I will just worry about making sure everything is perfect for that day.

LV Luvr · Nov 6th, 2009, 01:47 PM

nataliam1976 · Nov 6th, 2009, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by Blondee178

^^ She sure does suck.

After speaking with MIL yesterday she assured me that Thanksgiving is mine and thats final. Neither MIL nor BIL understood why she was making a big deal about this. MIL even suggested that GF might just be a little jealous of all the attention i'm getting from the family as i'm carrying the first child.

So I decided to just leave it alone and proceed with my planning. I invited her and her family to come over. Don't know if they will or even care. I will just worry about making sure everything is perfect for that day.

I think your MIL is definitely right about her being jealous, but dont let the GF spoil this for you. She is behaving in a petty and unkind way.

Just enjoy the day and have fun, Im sure both your families will be delighted to spend Thanksgiving with you and participate in the special announcement

Nov 4th, 2009, 06:37 PM	#16
tabbyco Member Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Right Coast Posts: 2,330	My MIL and I are passively duking it out for Thanksgiving this year, too... I finally gave up and I'm going to put my feet up and let her do all the work. Offer to co-host and see if she would include your family, or ask if you can take care of dessert. Involving pink or blue in the dessert is a cute idea!!!
	__________________

Nov 4th, 2009, 06:55 PM	#17
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,144	Lots of good advice here. You need to think out of the box OP and come up with your own special way of celebrating, that way everyone wins!
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,144	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Nov 4th, 2009, 11:16 PM	#20
DreamingBeauty Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,610	I don't get why DF's brother's GF trumps you. She is telling you that you HAVE to go to her house on Thanksgiving and leave your own family behind? Who made her the boss? I would just have my own Thanksgiving anyway for my family if I wanted to do it and let the other group know they can come over too if they want. You could do it for lunch if she's doing dinner or vice versa so people can go to both if they want. I think it's rude if she expects you to just dump your own parents and siblings or whoever to go celebrate at her house. Either that or do yours like the Sunday before or something, that way less time after the US and DF won't be as tempted to slip!
DreamingBeauty Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,610

Nov 5th, 2009, 09:28 AM	#21
Blondee178 OP World Series 2009!!! Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 447	Thank you ladies for all the good advice. Things have managed to get worse and it it taking every fiber of my being to compose myself and not lash out on this girl. So last night i get a call from MIL stating that i get Thanksgiving. Supposedly BIL told his mother i wanted it and i got the OK. I was over the moon! Immediately started planning and invited my family. Well, this morning i get a text from his girl saying "so i see u got ur way huh? Have fun. That was nice of u". I replied by telling her that i never went behind her back, that her man gave the ok for the change and that i assumed she was ok with it too. Also, that i didnt appreciate her sarcasm. Her response was a huge rant about how i went behind her back to MIL and nagged her to give me the holiday and how unfair it is to her (GF) to lose her holiday. How i made MIL choose between the two and i have an unfair advantage. To take all the holidays if i want cuz she doesnt care anymore. That my reasons for wanting to hosts are just excuses. etc....
	__________________ Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect... It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Nov 5th, 2009, 09:32 AM	#22
Blondee178 OP World Series 2009!!! Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 447	So I didnt reply to her,called DF in tears telling him all that happened. I explained to him that if i replied to her it wasnt gonna be pretty and i was holding back for his sake but if she kept pushing my buttons i was going to give her a piece of my mind. He said he would call his brother and get all this figured out. I'm so upset about this!
	__________________ Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect... It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Nov 4th, 2009, 09:57 PM	#19
kimberf Member Joined: Mar 2007 Location: California Posts: 2,872	I don't think you're being a baby. For goodness' sake, you're pregnant and want to celebrate it with family all at once. Can you have another talk, if possible in person, with your future SIL asap before she starts invites? I really don't get it that she has a compelling reason that she has to host, other than it being her first time hosting. Maybe at the very least, you can work out some sort of arrangement for the dinner/dessert idea, or get her to let you have your family there (that would actually be fabulous -- you'd get to celebrate with everyone and make your big announcement, but not have to cook!) If she doesn't agree with that, then I'd call your future BIL (or better yet have DF do it) and see if he can help.

Nov 5th, 2009, 11:53 AM	#25
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,144	Okay, this is just my opinion, but it all sounds like petty drama. Obviously, there are two sides to every story - she wanted Thanksgiving and you wanted Thanksgiving - each of you had/has a right to be upset over not getting what you want. If I were you, I'd just take the high road and be polite. I wouldn't respond to negativity and I wouldn't get others involved to "handle it" because that just creates more drama. Let it go and plan your celebration because it seems to make more sense that you should host considering your circumstances. Best of luck!
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,144	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Nov 5th, 2009, 04:47 PM	#26
tabbyco Member Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Right Coast Posts: 2,330	Dude... she (BIL's GF) sucks! She is revealing her true colors to the entire family and I hope BIL is observing this behavior.... Don't mess with a pregnant lady!!!
	__________________

Nov 6th, 2009, 10:10 AM	#27
Blondee178 OP World Series 2009!!! Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 447	^^ She sure does suck. After speaking with MIL yesterday she assured me that Thanksgiving is mine and thats final. Neither MIL nor BIL understood why she was making a big deal about this. MIL even suggested that GF might just be a little jealous of all the attention i'm getting from the family as i'm carrying the first child. So I decided to just leave it alone and proceed with my planning. I invited her and her family to come over. Don't know if they will or even care. I will just worry about making sure everything is perfect for that day.
	__________________ Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect... It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Nov 6th, 2009, 01:47 PM	#28
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,302
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,302

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