Terrible Three Tantrums

little*birdy · Jun 7th, 2008, 07:45 AM

Don't know if this has been posted before, as search is down and I really cbb trawling through all these pages.

I have a 3 year old who throws a massive tantrum everytime she doesn't get her way. We were at a shopping centre today and she had wanted to go on one of those little merry-go-rounds. As we were in a rush to go home, we told her to play on one next time and all hell broke loose. I hate feeling this way in public as I get the feeling people think I can't control my child and I'm seen as a bad parent. I don't want my child to think anything she asks for she gets each time. I had to bite my tongue and quickly walked away from the centre, all the while with the little one squealing and crying. Parents, how do you cope everytime your little one throws a public tantrum and what do you do to calm/soothe them?

Sorry for the long post. I was a little upset today and DH wasn't much of a help.

Thanks

everything posh · Jun 7th, 2008, 12:57 PM

I think we've all been in this situation more than once!!! There were times we had a meltdown or two, but I usually would just pick her up kicking and screaming and hold her until she calmed down. Finally we started discussing BEFORE going to the mall or any other store what we were going to do and what she could get. She is now content with going and getting what we agreed upon.

Sometimes I think kids get wayyy over stimulated at the mall with so many things to do and to touch. Every mall seems to have a Carousel and a play area which is hard for a 3 year old to pass up. I wouldn't worry about looks people are giving...most likely they are parents and totally understand what you are going through since they have been there too!! Good luck i'm sure you'll figure out what is best for you and your little one!

Mrs. MC · Jun 7th, 2008, 11:54 PM

First I want so say is that any reasonable person would not think it is anything that you are doing wrong especially people who have been a parent to a preschooler ! Three year olds are very emotional and they are getting smarter every day, asserting their independence and dealing with power struggles over potty training and food issues etc. My son never had a temper tantrum until he turned 3 ! The only advice that I have for you because I am going through it too is "stick to your guns" pardon the expression but don't give in, be consisestent and follow through with your limits (don't make Idle threats) and lots and lots of positive reinforcent for even the slightest good behavior or good deed !

sratsey · Jun 9th, 2008, 10:09 AM

Don't stress about what other people are thinking.
The ones throwing you dirty looks, probably don't have kids. The ones who do have kids, have likely been there and are looking at you with nothing but sympathy. I don't indulge in my son's tantrums. I don't try to soothe him. I pretty much tell him that when he's calm, we can talk about what he finds so upsetting. If he's throwing a fit ina place where it's completely disruptive to other people (like a restaurant) I'll remove him and let him tantrum it out and when he's calm we go back in.

If you were in a rush to get home, then the best you could do is pick her up and put her in the car and go home. Let her tantrum the whole ride if she has to.

If I'm going to a place where I KNOW there's a carousel, I will work it into the schedule so that if he behaves and lets me gets my errands done, he is rewarded with a ride before we go home.

3 for me, was a much rougher age than 2. I agree with the poster who says that you should just "stick to your guns"
Teaching your child that she doesn't get everything she wants just for the asking is a good lesson to teach. The reward system will help a lot at this age.
With my son, if I had 4 shops to go into and the carousel is $2- at the end of 2 shops he would get $1 which he knew would go towards the purchase of his ride ticket. At the end of the other 2 shops, he would then get another $1 and we would go on the ride. Worked like a charm.

annemerrick · Jun 9th, 2008, 01:49 PM

I found the three's worse than the two's...just hang in there! No sense in getting embarassed...although I have been there! You will be in this situation plenty more times!!! :):)

Sarsi · Jun 9th, 2008, 03:05 PM

my girls are now 3 and 4 yrs old... and unfortunately they still have meltdowns

We try to discuss what we are going to do and what we are only going to buy when we go out,
and also agree on what they can or can't do or have...

if they do not, then they will get a timeout when we get home,
and if they behaved then they get what we agreed they can have.
this seem to work well for both girls.

but every now and then they still get the meltdowns...
and if this happens we go home and they get a timeout.

Somehow everytime one of my girls have a tantrum...
some people seem to think that its okay to interfere with how you handle your kids...
so now I just pick them up kicking and screaming and go home.

LavenderBlue · Jun 9th, 2008, 05:20 PM

As a young, childless person, I would like to THANK you behalf of the other childless people shopping in the mall you were at for addressing the situation of your child's tantrum promptly and taking your daughter outside where you could calm her down! I think you showed plenty of concern and restraint by acting the way you did, I can't think of any better way to react to the situation. What I think would have been much more upsetting to other shoppers would have been reactions like (A) totally ignoring the screaming child and continuing to shop/chat/yak on the phone or (B) smacking the child and yelling at her, both of which I have seen while shopping in public

THOSE reactions reflect badly on parents. I think in your situation the other shoppers were probably like, "Poor mom ..."

mws · Jun 10th, 2008, 01:19 AM

Great advice all around. Don't give in and quick removal are key and best for everyone.

As far as preventing tantrums and meltdowns, I always kept my kids in strollers and shopping carts as long as humanly possible, around 4 1/2 years old. To me it limited over stimulation and the opportunity to misbehave.

little*birdy · Jun 11th, 2008, 09:37 AM

I've just checked this thread and would like to thank everyone for their responses

DD is my first child and even though she is 3, I'm still learning. Gosh, I know I'll still be learning as a parent till she's probably about 30 lol! There were times I had almost exploded in public but instead kept my composure as I know getting upset myself would upset DD even more. DD having tantrums have at times put me off wanting to have another one but I do get over this feeling pretty quickly as kids are just the best, tantrums and all

Jun 7th, 2008, 07:45 AM	#1
little*birdy Handbag Dreaming	Terrible Three Tantrums Don't know if this has been posted before, as search is down and I really cbb trawling through all these pages. I have a 3 year old who throws a massive tantrum everytime she doesn't get her way. We were at a shopping centre today and she had wanted to go on one of those little merry-go-rounds. As we were in a rush to go home, we told her to play on one next time and all hell broke loose. I hate feeling this way in public as I get the feeling people think I can't control my child and I'm seen as a bad parent. I don't want my child to think anything she asks for she gets each time. I had to bite my tongue and quickly walked away from the centre, all the while with the little one squealing and crying. Parents, how do you cope everytime your little one throws a public tantrum and what do you do to calm/soothe them? Sorry for the long post. I was a little upset today and DH wasn't much of a help. Thanks

Jun 7th, 2008, 12:57 PM	#2
everything posh Member Location: Chicago, Athens, London, San Jose!!	I think we've all been in this situation more than once!!! There were times we had a meltdown or two, but I usually would just pick her up kicking and screaming and hold her until she calmed down. Finally we started discussing BEFORE going to the mall or any other store what we were going to do and what she could get. She is now content with going and getting what we agreed upon. Sometimes I think kids get wayyy over stimulated at the mall with so many things to do and to touch. Every mall seems to have a Carousel and a play area which is hard for a 3 year old to pass up. I wouldn't worry about looks people are giving...most likely they are parents and totally understand what you are going through since they have been there too!! Good luck i'm sure you'll figure out what is best for you and your little one! __________________

Jun 7th, 2008, 11:54 PM	#3
Mrs. MC Member	First I want so say is that any reasonable person would not think it is anything that you are doing wrong especially people who have been a parent to a preschooler ! Three year olds are very emotional and they are getting smarter every day, asserting their independence and dealing with power struggles over potty training and food issues etc. My son never had a temper tantrum until he turned 3 ! The only advice that I have for you because I am going through it too is "stick to your guns" pardon the expression but don't give in, be consisestent and follow through with your limits (don't make Idle threats) and lots and lots of positive reinforcent for even the slightest good behavior or good deed ! __________________

Jun 9th, 2008, 01:49 PM	#5
annemerrick Member Location: Back in Dallas	I found the three's worse than the two's...just hang in there! No sense in getting embarassed...although I have been there! You will be in this situation plenty more times!!! :):) __________________ WWW.MYBAG.NET

Jun 9th, 2008, 03:05 PM	#6
Sarsi Member Location: Bay Area CA.	my girls are now 3 and 4 yrs old... and unfortunately they still have meltdowns We try to discuss what we are going to do and what we are only going to buy when we go out, and also agree on what they can or can't do or have... if they do not, then they will get a timeout when we get home, and if they behaved then they get what we agreed they can have. this seem to work well for both girls. but every now and then they still get the meltdowns... and if this happens we go home and they get a timeout. Somehow everytime one of my girls have a tantrum... some people seem to think that its okay to interfere with how you handle your kids... so now I just pick them up kicking and screaming and go home. __________________ SARSI

Jun 9th, 2008, 10:09 AM	#4
sratsey Member	Don't stress about what other people are thinking. The ones throwing you dirty looks, probably don't have kids. The ones who do have kids, have likely been there and are looking at you with nothing but sympathy. I don't indulge in my son's tantrums. I don't try to soothe him. I pretty much tell him that when he's calm, we can talk about what he finds so upsetting. If he's throwing a fit ina place where it's completely disruptive to other people (like a restaurant) I'll remove him and let him tantrum it out and when he's calm we go back in. If you were in a rush to get home, then the best you could do is pick her up and put her in the car and go home. Let her tantrum the whole ride if she has to. If I'm going to a place where I KNOW there's a carousel, I will work it into the schedule so that if he behaves and lets me gets my errands done, he is rewarded with a ride before we go home. 3 for me, was a much rougher age than 2. I agree with the poster who says that you should just "stick to your guns" Teaching your child that she doesn't get everything she wants just for the asking is a good lesson to teach. The reward system will help a lot at this age. With my son, if I had 4 shops to go into and the carousel is $2- at the end of 2 shops he would get $1 which he knew would go towards the purchase of his ride ticket. At the end of the other 2 shops, he would then get another $1 and we would go on the ride. Worked like a charm.

Jun 9th, 2008, 05:20 PM	#7
LavenderBlue Member Location: Sacramento, CA	As a young, childless person, I would like to THANK you behalf of the other childless people shopping in the mall you were at for addressing the situation of your child's tantrum promptly and taking your daughter outside where you could calm her down! I think you showed plenty of concern and restraint by acting the way you did, I can't think of any better way to react to the situation. What I think would have been much more upsetting to other shoppers would have been reactions like (A) totally ignoring the screaming child and continuing to shop/chat/yak on the phone or (B) smacking the child and yelling at her, both of which I have seen while shopping in public THOSE reactions reflect badly on parents. I think in your situation the other shoppers were probably like, "Poor mom ..." __________________ for real! Or ! Wishlist: A Coach Wallet in Clay My Holy Grail: MJ Gray Quilted Blake

Jun 10th, 2008, 01:19 AM	#8
mws Member	Great advice all around. Don't give in and quick removal are key and best for everyone. As far as preventing tantrums and meltdowns, I always kept my kids in strollers and shopping carts as long as humanly possible, around 4 1/2 years old. To me it limited over stimulation and the opportunity to misbehave.

Jun 11th, 2008, 09:37 AM	#9
little*birdy Handbag Dreaming	I've just checked this thread and would like to thank everyone for their responses DD is my first child and even though she is 3, I'm still learning. Gosh, I know I'll still be learning as a parent till she's probably about 30 lol! There were times I had almost exploded in public but instead kept my composure as I know getting upset myself would upset DD even more. DD having tantrums have at times put me off wanting to have another one but I do get over this feeling pretty quickly as kids are just the best, tantrums and all