[xxmicahxx]

I actually gave birth JULY 5, 2008 - 11:40AM to a healthy baby boy named Ralph Daniel. I'm am still a 17 years old going 18 this November. I am the only child since my mom has hyperthyroidism. I am very happy to know my parents and relatives were and are always there for me. I never regret being pregnant at such young age, I actually see it as a blessing from God.

I went into labor at around 2:00AM in the morning. I woke up as i couldn't sleep as contractions has been strong. I had not had an internal exam before so I didn't know if I was dilated to how many centimeters. I didn't tell my parents about how I was feeling since I thought it was normal to experience pain near your due date. Due date was supposedly July 9,2008. At 7:30 or so, contractions and pain were really come off and go in a few minutes so I had to tell them. They rushed me in the hospital. Little did I know, I am 8cm dilated. I had a normal spontaneous vaginal delivery and am proud as I do not exercise and follow my diet. Lol! I was very big.

I just have quite a few problems I am facing right now.

We're not married and he's the same age as me. Here in the Philippines, you could take the name of the father or not. Mother decides. We are still together but most of the time, I think he doesn't deserve it as he has not given me any support for this baby. His family is not making much money enough for them. He has 2 younger sisters and her mother is unemployed. Her father only works as a secretary in the Ombudsman and has not been improving so well. To think, his father is drunkard. He is the eldest and her parents is relying on him to finish studies to help the family. He's not very much nice to my aunts though (once he sent a text message to my aunt saying I am a whore and foul words whenever they side with me). He always ask me for money and once I have bought him a new phone because he'll pay me back but he never did. Always ask me out but I always pay. Always "borrow" money but never pays. Whenever he has the money, he doesn't share it with me nor treat me out like the way I do to him.

My father and mother has already talked with his mother ONLY. His father has refused to talk to us as "HIS FATHER IS SHY AS TO WHAT HIS SON HAS DONE." They promised us to help with the baby expenses, etc. I'll live with my parents and he'll live with his' as well until I we get to finish school and after that, everything is all up to us. We do everything we want.

when I was pregnant, i always remind him to buy stuff for the baby and all that but what he says is "later, there's still time to prepare. in fact due date is still not near..." he has given me nothing, NOT A SINGLE pair of socks! Always promise but never gives anything to me or even. One thing he has given me, company. Until now, he hasn't showed or given me support neither his parents. his father don't even have the courage to see the baby as he is shy. darn it.

my bf just visited and we argued as he wanted to take the name for the baby. i said that i cant cause my parents don't want to and i still am not ready but it's his baby and he can change it when the time comes. he doesn't understand. i just want to break up with him right now.

HERE ARE THE THINGS I CONSIDERED:
- Promises were broken. Such as baby's needs but he always says it could wait.
- No financial support from him.
- He doesn't have MONEY and always borrows from me. As well as his family.
- He has vices.
- My parents had all expenses paid. No expenses on the part from his family. They only visit to see the baby. They don't even ask or volunteer to help.
- Has not given me pre-natal support. Not been with me through pre-natal check-ups and all that.

PLEASE HELP ME WHAT TO DO. I don't want to argue with him anymore. No matter what, my baby will not take his last name but I am allowing him to see the child because no matter what, it's also his blood.

PLEASE PUT YOUR INPUTS. I really need help and sorry for my bad english or unorganized story.

[helium]

This is a very tough situation because I don't know what the customs in the Phillipines are (i'm assuming you and your family are from there), nor do I understand the legal side of this matter.

Hopefully someone more useful will chime in, have you talked to your family about how you feel about this? If 'mother', i'm not sure which one you're referring to, decides whether the baby will take his name or not, then why would he have say in this?

Anyway, I definitely hope everything sorts out for you and I keep you in my prayers.

[xxmicahxx]

Originally Posted by helium

This is a very tough situation because I don't know what the customs in the Phillipines are (i'm assuming you and your family are from there), nor do I understand the legal side of this matter.

Hopefully someone more useful will chime in, have you talked to your family about how you feel about this? If 'mother', i'm not sure which one you're referring to, decides whether the baby will take his name or not, then why would he have say in this?

Anyway, I definitely hope everything sorts out for you and I keep you in my prayers.

Thanks so much.

If unmarried, the mother has the right to decide on which last name to take. The father's or mother's. He keeps insisting that he wants the baby to take his last name but I don't want to and I'm sure my parents don't want either. He doesn't give any support. He doesn't have money, he even asks me for money and his family is financially unstable. I need opinions from fellow Tpfers so I know how I can handle the situation and not make this more worse and if tpfers think he still deserves to have the baby's last name despite all the things about him i have gathered.

[helium]

Originally Posted by xxmicahxx

Thanks so much.

If unmarried, the mother has the right to decide on which last name to take. The father's or mother's. He keeps insisting that he wants the baby to take his last name but I don't want to and I'm sure my parents don't want either. He doesn't give any support. He doesn't have money, he even asks me for money and his family is financially unstable. I need opinions from fellow Tpfers so I know how I can handle the situation and not make this more worse and if tpfers think he still deserves to have the baby's last name despite all the things about him i have gathered.

Well ok, assuming that no legal nor cultural trouble will befall you, I think you have absolutely nothing to lose in this situation. He already doesn't give you money nor support, so what have you got to lose in insisting the baby doesn't take his name?

[annaversary]

Oh my, hello there dear xxmicahxx, first of all I want to say I am very happy you had a healthy delivery and I hope you and your baby is doing well

I'm angered by reading your story, the TEENAGE father is definetly so naive and ugh, well he's OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a father. Like I read from helium's post, I don't know how your country's customs/laws/rules/etc... so I'm sorry I may not be as much help to you. But definetly, from a teenager to a teenager (I'm 17 myself.) definetly ASAP, BREAK UP WITH THE DAMN KID! I hope you do and be careful with him if he's after the baby or anything like that. HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO MAKE THE BABY HAVE HIS NAME! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Ridiculous, and so are his parents! Ugh..

Sweetie, I will give you my blessings and keep you in my prayers and wish you the best. Feel free to PM me if you ever need a shoulder (or in other words) someone to talk to and chat with. I am here I am on TPF daily. So just PM me if anything!

Take care and give your baby boy a kiss for me Take care! And keep me updated.

[xxmicahxx]

Originally Posted by annaversary

Oh my, hello there dear xxmicahxx, first of all I want to say I am very happy you had a healthy delivery and I hope you and your baby is doing well

I'm angered by reading your story, the TEENAGE father is definetly so naive and ugh, well he's OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a father. Like I read from helium's post, I don't know how your country's customs/laws/rules/etc... so I'm sorry I may not be as much help to you. But definetly, from a teenager to a teenager (I'm 17 myself.) definetly ASAP, BREAK UP WITH THE DAMN KID! I hope you do and be careful with him if he's after the baby or anything like that. HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO MAKE THE BABY HAVE HIS NAME! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Ridiculous, and so are his parents! Ugh..

Sweetie, I will give you my blessings and keep you in my prayers and wish you the best. Feel free to PM me if you ever need a shoulder (or in other words) someone to talk to and chat with. I am here I am on TPF daily. So just PM me if anything!

Take care and give your baby boy a kiss for me Take care! And keep me updated.

Thanks so much Anna! Will PM you my yahoo messenger, we can talk when I get online soon. Maybe we could talk privately about this as I want to pour my heart out. I don't want to talk with friends as they will definitely not side with me as they will insist he's still the father an has rights and all that. Sheesh. Speak soon, sweets. :(

[annaversary]

I would love to hear from you. I'll PM you my YAHOO messenger too! Pour your heart out to me, I'd love to listen. Hear from you soon!!! And in the mean time, take care and just try to put on a smile for me :)

[lilflobowl]

After reading what you've shared I think it's can be summarised such that you feel that he's undeserving to have your baby take on his surname. & guess what? I think that in it's own answers your questions.

Since you have a choice, I would say to let your baby take on your surname.

[lilpikachu]

If he's not ready to take responsibility and support you and your baby, then he doesn't deserve the privilege of giving your child his surname. He really needs to grow up.

Congratulations and I wish you all the best! :)

[sea0fyears]

If his only claim this baby is the sperm he donated, then I would say DO NOT let your baby grow up with his father's last name. It takes much more than a romantic encounter to be a father, and it doesn't sound like he's been one so far.

[annaversary]

Micah! I'm just rereading your story and I was wondering, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? I'M A NOVEMBER BABY TOO!

P.S. When are you on yahoo! I'm signed on all the time! Talk to you soon hopefully!

[addicted2chanel]

I'm a teen mom also. If you ever want to talk, just PM me. I'm here almost everyday I know how hard it is, and if you want some advice, don't hesitate to ask me

[Vinyl]

Hello there, xxmicahxx! After reading your whole story, I have to say... by all means, DO NOT let him pressure you into giving your baby his name. I personally do not think he has the right & he seems rather shameless to ask you for money while never treating you.

[LTV]

Hi Micah, kumusta? Fatherhood means so much more than taking after his last name. You should let the father of your child know that. :) And ditto to what everyone had adviced you....don't let him pressure you. You know what you need to do. Good luck sweetie.

I'll Pm you :)

[VPT]

Seems like he's more of a sperm donor than the baby's daddy. For now, let baby have your surname. Later you can always get some sort of deed poll to get baby's surname changed to his, but before you do, list down the conditions he must fulfill as baby's father over the next 10 yrs before you reconsider his appeal. Maybe get a private lawyer to witness it. I don't know Philippines' laws but in some countries should there be a dispute, the court can rule in favor of the mother.