son won't settle at new school

[tiffanystar]

We recently moved to a new area and my seven year old son is really struggling to settle at school. He is playing up at home, wetting himself and has tried to run away from school. He is very anxious at school & is keeping his arms folded. I have tried to reassure him that the school is very nice & that the children want to be friends. My son gets hysterical every night saying "I want to go home".

I got my son a kitten, which he has enjoyed looking after, to try & distract him and help him to feel more at home. To be honest the last two weeks have been a real nightmare & I feel very run down. My husband might be made redundant so he feels very stressed too.

Please can you offer any advice of how I can help my son. We have invited a school friend over to play next week and I'm having a meeting with the school today to see what they suggest. Have you any experience of this problem. I took my son to the doctor & he said it will pass in time.

[Jeneen]

Is it possible he is being bullied or teased by the other children?

[Pinkified J]

Originally Posted by Jeneen

Is it possible he is being bullied or teased by the other children?

That could be a possibility. Perhaps you should talk to his teachers about his interaction with other kids?

I think another possibility could be that he misses his friends from his previous school? Did he have any close friends there any kids he always hung out with? Maybe by removing him from there, you might have taken away his safety net at school? I would say try setting up a weekly play date?

I hope everything works out.

[rainrowan]

Would it help to have him call up his old friends? I know when my son's friend moved, he called him every week to chat... I think it helped with the transition... after a while the calls were less frequent. Transition at that age can be pretty overwhelming.

Is there anything or anyone at the school that might be frightening your son? His running away is cause for concern. Are you available to take him to and from school so he is not more anxious than he already is?

[tiffanystar]

Yes I take him to school & collect him too. I went & had a meeting with the school who are getting a special school psychologist in to help. He hadn't done any work in class today.When I picked up my son he denied trying to run away. I again reassured him that the school is lovely & he will make new friends whilst not loosing his old ones.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me & my son that he will settle down & he will be happy again.

Thankyou for your comments. If anyone reading this has been through similar with their child, please let me know any tips or advice. thankyou

[chele70]

My daughter transitioned at 7 to a new school two years ago. To ease the transition, I encouraged her to have LOTS of play dates. I volunteered in her classroom. I also was able to continue play dates with her old friends. She also joined the Girl Scout group in her school and that helped her to make friends fast. She also found new friends on a soccer team from her new school.

I think the extra curricular activities were a BIG help. It expedites the bonding if they are on some kind of team.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you and your son. Time will help also and I'm sure he'll be okay.

[HauteMama]

I am so sorry your son is having trouble. Change can be overwhelming at that age. My son had a hard time transitioning into first grade in the same school, so I can only imagine the challenge of a different school.

But I agree about playdates, volunteering at school and parties. The more you are seen at school, the more comfortable your son will be. Kids are sometimes reassured by the mere fact that a parent is in the building, even if it isn't in the room. Second, the more the kids get to know you, the more they will accept your son (it is strange how that works, but it does). Playdates and group playdates or parties will hlep other kids get to know your son and your family and they will be more likely to include him at school if they know him outside of school.

Good luck and I hope he adjusts soon.

[PurseAddict79]

Awww I am so sorry... I can so relate.

Last year, just before my son's 7th birthday, his world flipped upside down. I moved in with my exbf who had kids my son's age, and my son had to share his mommy. He did everything you mentioned; tried to run from school, refused to do classwork... it even got so bad as him picking fights with other kids and his teacher. The school counselor did nothing for him... she only saw him for 20min every 3 weeks.

I ended up putting him in counseling... he and I went to a few sessions together and then he started going "alone" (I waited in the waiting room"). I also made sure he and I had "mommy son" time...

Kids are risilient, he will overcome this... it's just a big change for him. Keep reassuring him, and maybe look into getting him into therapy so he can learn how to effectively communicate with you.

[Sternchen]

I'm sorry that your son is having a hard time.

I grew up in an army family and we moved around A LOT, which means that I also had to change schools a lot It takes time to get used to new surroundings, new people and new routines. How long have you lived in the new area?

Have you tried including him in the arrangements for his new home? Letting him decorate his room (paint colors, where the furniture goes, etc etc)

[tiffanystar]

We have only been in this area for a month (and went on a weeks holiday in that time), so no time at all. We are decorating his room as a priority. I have a playdate arranged for next week. We had some tears this morning but he has gone into school & phoned me to say he has been doing his work. So there is some improvement. I have said that I will speak to his teacher after school & if she says he has done well then he can go to a golf lesson I have booked for him. So basically he knows what is expected of him today. I'm being firm but fair also.

[Sternchen]

Sounds great Tiffany!

It's rough on kids. I remember how scared I used to be when we moved and I was around that age. I was am an only child and was basically alone. Knew no one in the school...it was rough. But after a while I got used to it and made friends. By the time it was time to leave for the next duty station I was always so sad to go!

[tiffanystar]

Thanks Sternchen & everyone who've made comments. It has really helped, yesterday I was very tired & finding the situation tough going. It's certainly not always easy being a parent.

[rif167]

Ran into this thread while looking for answers for my 15 y.o. son.

He and I moved to a new town about 6 weeks ago. I'm a single parent/father. He refuses to go to his new high school (sophomore) saying he's just can't stand it. It's definitely much larger than his last high school. Teachers and guidance counselor all say he is very bright, is not in trouble and seems to get along very well with the other kids, but is very shy.

I've begun crisis-counseling with him last week. He missed 5 days of school. Went back for another round yesterday, then today I find out he missed school again! I'm going OUT OF MY MIND over this. Thank God!, my new employer has been so understanding of this current trouble, but for how long?

In the meantime, my son is withdrawing more and more. He won't even talk to me about anything, period. Totally clammed up! All the while, he's getting farther and farther behind in classes. I'm alone in a new town, and am DESPERATE for help with my son! I don't know if the crisis counselor is helping at all (two visits in 5 days...I feel like we're just not going to get out of the box here!).

I know he misses his old school and friends terribly, but that is 400 miles away, and it is absolutely not possible to go back there to live again (I was facing certain lay-off there, and was fortunate that the company I work for was able to get me a new position elsewhere; turned into a promotion). I am at a loss here. My next step is to call the police, I guess. I don't know what else to do with him! He's got me totally hostage.

[LinaFelina]

Originally Posted by rif167

Ran into this thread while looking for answers for my 15 y.o. son. He and I moved to a new town about 6 weeks ago. I'm a single parent/father. He refuses to go to his new high school (sophomore) saying he's just can't stand it. It's definitely much larger than his last high school. Teachers and guidance counselor all say he is very bright, is not in trouble and seems to get along very well with the other kids, but is very shy. I've begun crisis-counseling with him last week. He missed 5 days of school. Went back for another round yesterday, then today I find out he missed school again! I'm going OUT OF MY MIND over this. Thank God!, my new employer has been so understanding of this current trouble, but for how long? In the meantime, my son is withdrawing more and more. He won't even talk to me about anything, period. Totally clammed up! All the while, he's getting farther and farther behind in classes. I'm alone in a new town, and am DESPERATE for help with my son! I don't know if the crisis counselor is helping at all (two visits in 5 days...I feel like we're just not going to get out of the box here!). I know he misses his old school and friends terribly, but that is 400 miles away, and it is absolutely not possible to go back there to live again (I was facing certain lay-off there, and was fortunate that the company I work for was able to get me a new position elsewhere; turned into a promotion). I am at a loss here. My next step is to call the police, I guess. I don't know what else to do with him! He's got me totally hostage.

Since he's 15, is he planning on taking driver's education soon? That was one thing I had to look forward to at that age. Maybe get him excited about saving up to buy a car?

I'm not one to normally suggest buying your way out of it, but maybe something like buying him a couple of concert tickets? If he's at least talked to someone with similar interests, he could say, "I've got an extra ticket to go see this band if you're interested... Or some "cool" clothes? It goes a long way to feel like you're fitting in at that age.

Is he a typical 15 year old guy? What does he like to do?