Separated Parents....

ilovepinkhearts · Jul 1st, 2008, 01:59 PM

So my husband and I are separated right now. He is out of the house and I already have the boys asking for daddy, where is daddy, when is daddy coming home. I told them that right now daddy is at work [which he is] but what do I tell them tonight when he doesn't come home? I don't want to lie to them, and they are 6 and 3. So they don't fully understand what is going on. So how should I handle this situation?

*Daddy has never been gone for more than a day...

addicted2chanel · Jul 1st, 2008, 02:30 PM

Just tell them the truth, that you and Daddy aren't living together anymore. It'll be hard for them to understand exactly why but my aunt lives with her husband, and has been doing so for the past 2 years even though they've been separated for five. She tries to lie to her kids about why they don't sleep in the same room, and all that stuff. They're 7 and 9.
My mom and dad were never married either, btwm

Angelfish · Jul 1st, 2008, 02:30 PM

Whoa - depends on your situation.

Are you figuring things out, or done? If you are trying to work on it, perhaps it is okay to say Daddy will be away on business for a few days/weeks/etc and he still loves you very much, he's just busy working.

If it's agreed upon between you both as over, it would REALLY be a good idea to chat about this with "Daddy" so you guys can be on the same page. You may not be living with each other anymore, but you will raise those kids as a joint effort for at least 18 more years. Time to start cooperating seperately on matters like this, hard as it is.

Good luck, and strength girl.

ilovepinkhearts · Jul 1st, 2008, 02:45 PM

i honestly don't know if we will work it out. there are too many issues that are pulling us apart. issues that we both have to deal with, and i asked if we wanted to work on them together or separate...and he seemed more on doing it alone. so i don't know how well that will work with the boys. "mommy and daddy aren't living togerher for XXX amount of time"

ugh...this is complicated.

Sarsi · Jul 1st, 2008, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelfish

Whoa - depends on your situation.

Are you figuring things out, or done? If you are trying to work on it, perhaps it is okay to say Daddy will be away on business for a few days/weeks/etc and he still loves you very much, he's just busy working.

If it's agreed upon between you both as over, it would REALLY be a good idea to chat about this with "Daddy" so you guys can be on the same page. You may not be living with each other anymore, but you will raise those kids as a joint effort for at least 18 more years. Time to start cooperating seperately on matters like this, hard as it is.

Good luck, and strength girl.

I agree...
and I also think that both of you should talk to the kids together so no one is the bad guy...
and also for your kids to know that its not their fault this happens and that you both love them very much.
As for tonight... just tell them he is on a bussines trip.

hugs for you and your kids...
Goodluck!

artjen · Jul 1st, 2008, 04:57 PM

I can understand, I'm divorced and now remarried. We separated when my daughter was 6 months old so she certainly wasn't asking where daddy was, but you got me thinking of what would I say if she had been older? I would approach it very softly and only tell them the most simple of information. Saying that Daddy is at work is okay for now. You both can also sit with them, or at least the older one, and say very gently that Daddy is going to live in another place. I would make it as easy for him as possible....could you both take him over to Daddy's place and let him/them help "decorate" their rooms over there? Or, maybe pick some special things (toys, books, blankets) from your house to take over there? If he is missing Daddy maybe you could give him/them some paper and let them draw pictures or make cards for daddy. Something to help them make a connection to their dad during the times they don't see him.

It does get easier. There are always hard parts about separation/divorce. My daughter is 8 now and she transitions from her dad's house to my house very easily. One thing that has always helped is that her dad and I get along pretty well. When he drops her off here we usually spend a few minutes talking about our daughter, things she did in school, or anything really. I might tell him a funny story about her or something cute she said. I email him pictures all the time. I thank him for being a good dad to her. when it is Father's Day I make sure that my daughter has a card to give him and anything else, something she handmade to wrap up for him.

It sounds like you are a very caring mommy and that you will do the right thing.

Mrs. MC · Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:09 PM

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have no experience in this situation but I know how easy it is for anyone to be in this situation. Best wishes

BagsAreMyBabies · Jul 2nd, 2008, 07:02 PM

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like this happened today so I think that you need to give yourself some time to find the perfect explanation. In which case, I do think that the white lie of saying daddy is on a business trip is fine to buy you a couple days.

Mrs. MC · Jul 2nd, 2008, 07:09 PM

reading back my post didn't make sense. What I meant is it sounds like a horibly difficult situation that anyone could find themselves in. I wish you the best, maybe after some time apart you guys can work things out because like someone else mentioned it sounds like it just happened recently. I also think for the sake of the children like other posters have mentioned that it seems fitting to tell them about the business trip becuase you have to deal with your own emotions and to deal with 2 other people's emotions seems unbearable. You will find strength I wish you the best.

scarlett_2005 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 07:28 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I haven't been in this situation before but I think Angelfish gave you some great advice.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

PM me if you ever need anyone to talk/vent to.

ive_flipped · Jul 2nd, 2008, 09:44 PM

I haven't been in that situation either but I wanted to just tell you that your in my thoughts and I hope that it works out (whatever you choose to do)

HUGZ

KC1984 · Jul 4th, 2008, 05:15 PM

It's so hard ... you need to stress that just because yours & daddy's realtionship has changed this will not affect their relationship. There's probably a councelling service for this, maybe had your dr.

Jul 1st, 2008, 01:59 PM	#1
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 1,244	Separated Parents.... So my husband and I are separated right now. He is out of the house and I already have the boys asking for daddy, where is daddy, when is daddy coming home. I told them that right now daddy is at work [which he is] but what do I tell them tonight when he doesn't come home? I don't want to lie to them, and they are 6 and 3. So they don't fully understand what is going on. So how should I handle this situation? *Daddy has never been gone for more than a day... __________________ -=- a new lil bundle of joy is on the way -=-

Jul 1st, 2008, 02:30 PM	#2
addicted2chanel Chanel not war Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,488	Just tell them the truth, that you and Daddy aren't living together anymore. It'll be hard for them to understand exactly why but my aunt lives with her husband, and has been doing so for the past 2 years even though they've been separated for five. She tries to lie to her kids about why they don't sleep in the same room, and all that stuff. They're 7 and 9. My mom and dad were never married either, btwm __________________ I want a rainbow of Jumbos Wishlist: Chanel royal patchwork Chanel python soft and chain (I can only hope) Chanel black soft and chain flap Chanel purple Lambskin Jumbo Chanel white Caviar Jumbo Chanel pink Lambskin Jumbo Chanel beige PST

Jul 1st, 2008, 02:30 PM	#3
Angelfish Abby Fabby! Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,121	Whoa - depends on your situation. Are you figuring things out, or done? If you are trying to work on it, perhaps it is okay to say Daddy will be away on business for a few days/weeks/etc and he still loves you very much, he's just busy working. If it's agreed upon between you both as over, it would REALLY be a good idea to chat about this with "Daddy" so you guys can be on the same page. You may not be living with each other anymore, but you will raise those kids as a joint effort for at least 18 more years. Time to start cooperating seperately on matters like this, hard as it is. Good luck, and strength girl. __________________ Eddie: Sweetie what are you drinking? Patsy: Oh this? Chanel No. 5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6V0xqbcbck

Jul 1st, 2008, 02:45 PM	#4
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 1,244	i honestly don't know if we will work it out. there are too many issues that are pulling us apart. issues that we both have to deal with, and i asked if we wanted to work on them together or separate...and he seemed more on doing it alone. so i don't know how well that will work with the boys. "mommy and daddy aren't living togerher for XXX amount of time" ugh...this is complicated. __________________ -=- a new lil bundle of joy is on the way -=-

Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:09 PM	#7
Mrs. MC Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 2,790	I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have no experience in this situation but I know how easy it is for anyone to be in this situation. Best wishes __________________

Jul 1st, 2008, 04:57 PM	#6
artjen Young @ Art Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Arizona Posts: 807	I can understand, I'm divorced and now remarried. We separated when my daughter was 6 months old so she certainly wasn't asking where daddy was, but you got me thinking of what would I say if she had been older? I would approach it very softly and only tell them the most simple of information. Saying that Daddy is at work is okay for now. You both can also sit with them, or at least the older one, and say very gently that Daddy is going to live in another place. I would make it as easy for him as possible....could you both take him over to Daddy's place and let him/them help "decorate" their rooms over there? Or, maybe pick some special things (toys, books, blankets) from your house to take over there? If he is missing Daddy maybe you could give him/them some paper and let them draw pictures or make cards for daddy. Something to help them make a connection to their dad during the times they don't see him. It does get easier. There are always hard parts about separation/divorce. My daughter is 8 now and she transitions from her dad's house to my house very easily. One thing that has always helped is that her dad and I get along pretty well. When he drops her off here we usually spend a few minutes talking about our daughter, things she did in school, or anything really. I might tell him a funny story about her or something cute she said. I email him pictures all the time. I thank him for being a good dad to her. when it is Father's Day I make sure that my daughter has a card to give him and anything else, something she handmade to wrap up for him. It sounds like you are a very caring mommy and that you will do the right thing.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 07:02 PM	#8
BagsAreMyBabies Member Joined: Dec 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,014	I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like this happened today so I think that you need to give yourself some time to find the perfect explanation. In which case, I do think that the white lie of saying daddy is on a business trip is fine to buy you a couple days.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 07:09 PM	#9
Mrs. MC Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 2,790	reading back my post didn't make sense. What I meant is it sounds like a horibly difficult situation that anyone could find themselves in. I wish you the best, maybe after some time apart you guys can work things out because like someone else mentioned it sounds like it just happened recently. I also think for the sake of the children like other posters have mentioned that it seems fitting to tell them about the business trip becuase you have to deal with your own emotions and to deal with 2 other people's emotions seems unbearable. You will find strength I wish you the best. __________________

Jul 2nd, 2008, 07:28 PM	#10
scarlett_2005 Crazy 4 LV Joined: Dec 2005 Location: USA Posts: 6,663	I'm so sorry you are going through this! I haven't been in this situation before but I think Angelfish gave you some great advice. Best of luck to you and your kids. PM me if you ever need anyone to talk/vent to. __________________ I did it, I lost all my baby weight!

Jul 2nd, 2008, 09:44 PM	#11
ive_flipped innie or outtie lol? Joined: Jun 2007 Location: eh!! lol Posts: 1,249	I haven't been in that situation either but I wanted to just tell you that your in my thoughts and I hope that it works out (whatever you choose to do) HUGZ __________________

Jul 4th, 2008, 05:15 PM	#12
KC1984 Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: In my own little World Posts: 348	It's so hard ... you need to stress that just because yours & daddy's realtionship has changed this will not affect their relationship. There's probably a councelling service for this, maybe had your dr.