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Only child at private schools or two kids at public schools?

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Jun 28, 2012, 9:35pm   #31
k
katlun
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I have three children, they have attended public and private schools and I have found that just because I am paying for it doesn't make it better

It's the class your child it taking and then it really boils down to the teacher, I have paid for lousy teachers and have found wonderful teacher in public school

Don't underestimate your public school, they actually offer more classes and after school activities because they are larger and have the student population to do so

My oldest who just turned 16 is taking a math class at the local college this summer, because she wants to and I know that it will not hurt to do so and this is free to a public high school student including books - so why not try

The other question is will your child want to go to college what happens if they want to be a plumber, how would you handle that?
Jun 29, 2012, 10:01pm   #32
l
Thread Starter
lv_forever
Member
Originally Posted by LeeMiller
My sister and I aren't close so it isn't like you have guarantees. We could afford private school for our daughter but with the great public schools around here I don't see the need. That and I want her to have more exposure to a variety of people. Private schools can be elitist and snobby.
I totally agree with you... I went to public schools and loved them. They were really great with lots of after school programs. I would not even consider private schools if I were happy with the public school system here. It seems to be going downhill every year. And with the economy and the budget crisis almost every state is facing, it really doesn't seem like it will get any better.
Jun 29, 2012, 10:07pm   #33
l
Thread Starter
lv_forever
Member
Originally Posted by katlun
I have three children, they have attended public and private schools and I have found that just because I am paying for it doesn't make it better

It's the class your child it taking and then it really boils down to the teacher, I have paid for lousy teachers and have found wonderful teacher in public school

Don't underestimate your public school, they actually offer more classes and after school activities because they are larger and have the student population to do so

My oldest who just turned 16 is taking a math class at the local college this summer, because she wants to and I know that it will not hurt to do so and this is free to a public high school student including books - so why not try

The other question is will your child want to go to college what happens if they want to be a plumber, how would you handle that?
10, even 5 years ago, I would not have even questioned sending my child to a public school. It is just the state of public school system going downhill that scares me. I don't know what the public school around here will be like 5 years from now, it may be something entirely intolerable. If that becomes reality, then I want to be prepared to send my child to a private school. With two kids, I probably won't have that choice for both. Also, I am not underestimating public schools here without learning the facts. Both DH and I have been reading the statistics and doing research on all the schools here.

As for your other question - if he wanted to be a plumber or a mechanic or pursue other careers that do not require a college degree, that is entirely up to him. However, I do want him to have a choice of doing something else. If he doesn't go to college, then his career opportunities do get limited. Perhaps he won't even want to go to college - that is fine as well. But I do want to offer him a choice of going to college without racking up $200k in student loans if he wants to go.

I am still extremely conflicted about this. DH has now come out and said he really wants another one but it is ultimately up to me. Still lots to think about.
Jun 30, 2012, 1:38am   #34
V0N1B2's Avatar
V0N1B2
Armchair Supermodel
Originally Posted by lulilu
I always thought an only child missed siblings even as adults, because my siblings and I have a special bond, shared memories etc.

My children have the same bonds.

Go with your heart. The rest will follow.
Sorry, I realize this post is a month old but I just wanted to say with respect to the above comment.... You can't miss something you never had.
I am an only child and I have never even thought about what my life would have been like with siblings. I cannot miss a "bond" with someone that I never had in my life. It's like saying I really miss NYC at Christmas - I've never been. Being an only child has shaped who I am and I have never once wished for a different childhood - nor do I now as an adult.

OP: If you want another child, have another child. Don't let the school system dictate the size of your family. I have no idea what the school districts are like in the US, but if your child is well-loved at home and importance is placed on homework and learning, I have no doubt it will not matter in the least where your child(ren) receive their education.
Jun 30, 2012, 5:36am   #35
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Sternchen
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Originally Posted by V0N1B2
Sorry, I realize this post is a month old but I just wanted to say with respect to the above comment.... You can't miss something you never had.
I am an only child and I have never even thought about what my life would have been like with siblings. I cannot miss a "bond" with someone that I never had in my life. It's like saying I really miss NYC at Christmas - I've never been. Being an only child has shaped who I am and I have never once wished for a different childhood - nor do I now as an adult.

OP: If you want another child, have another child. Don't let the school system dictate the size of your family. I have no idea what the school districts are like in the US, but if your child is well-loved at home and importance is placed on homework and learning, I have no doubt it will not matter in the least where your child(ren) receive their education.
I completely agree with you, I am also an only child and cannot imagine it being any other way!
Jun 30, 2012, 11:07am   #36
No Cute's Avatar
No Cute
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I say, don't let money be a decider on another child. If you want more children, the rest of this stuff tends to work itself out. I have two sons, and I would have never guessed I could get them both a private education on what I make, but I'm managing (their father isn't so helpful in this area). Money and education are nice, but a child...so precious. You never know what will happen with the area schools, with school costs, etc.

All the best, OP.
Jun 30, 2012, 11:50am   #37
lulilu's Avatar
lulilu
Member
Originally Posted by V0N1B2
Sorry, I realize this post is a month old but I just wanted to say with respect to the above comment.... You can't miss something you never had.
I am an only child and I have never even thought about what my life would have been like with siblings. I cannot miss a "bond" with someone that I never had in my life. It's like saying I really miss NYC at Christmas - I've never been. Being an only child has shaped who I am and I have never once wished for a different childhood - nor do I now as an adult.

OP: If you want another child, have another child. Don't let the school system dictate the size of your family. I have no idea what the school districts are like in the US, but if your child is well-loved at home and importance is placed on homework and learning, I have no doubt it will not matter in the least where your child(ren) receive their education.
I was not criticizing having an only child. That's an entirely personal decision. In fact, I had an only child for 10 years and then had other children. I understand the only child family dynamic from experience. I was very dubious about more children -- my career had changed and become increasingly demanding etc. But at my second husband's urging, we had children. Now I have four.

I also experienced private school vs public school. I attended all girls private school, as did my eldest daughter. My husband went to boarding school. But we moved (out of financial need really) to a better school district and the younger 3 attended public school. They loved it.

I guess my response was based in part on the fact that I sometimes wonder how life would be if I had just had one. I know as an adult, I enjoy my sisters' company a lot. But not so much my brother who doesn't live close by and is engrossed in his wife and job. As I face the experience of having one parent die when we were young adults, and an elderly mother, I see that having siblings is nice.

JMHO based on my personal opinion. Not a condemnation of anyone's decisions regarding children or private vs public schools.
Jun 30, 2012, 2:29pm   #38
j
janesBydiction
Member
Originally Posted by renza
I am not a parent, but as a child of parents with very high expectations, I thought I could offer my two cents, for what it's worth.

My siblings and I all went to public schools. When we were younger, we lived in a state/district with very good public schools. We then moved to another state with a pretty poor reputation for public schools (not dangerous or anything, but schools weren't well-funded and didn't offer much extras), but continued attending public school. My parents did not have the money to send us to private, and the options nearby were limited. My high school had honors classes but only 2 AP classes and limited range of extracurriculars (band, chorus, and regular sports teams).

We were raised with the expectation that we would excel in school (only As were acceptable) and music, and from middle school onward, my parents always told me that I had to do well in school and get a good scholarship for college because they couldn't afford more than state school tuition. Well, that is exactly what I and my older sister did. Despite the fact that we did not go to private k-12, we both earned full tuition/board merit scholarships to a top 25 private university. My brother didn't get a full scholarship, but he went to MIT for his undergrad and master's, paid for by a combination of grants, money from my parents, a generous aunt/uncle, and loans.

My points are obvious, I know, but maybe it is helpful to hear it from someone who had an "average" school experience. Don't base your decision to have a second child on whether or not you can fund K-12 private schools and 4-years of private college education. Public schools are fine--the point is that your child has to do well wherever they are. By going to public school, my siblings and I were able to stand out from the crowd; that is one benefit. On the other hand, we did not have all the AP credits or preparation that other students who attended private schools and fancy college/prep schools had, but we still did very well in college and went on to graduate degrees at highly-ranked universities.
I couldn't agree more. When it comes down to it, it's mainly about how well the child can understand then apply the concepts. A lot of this has to do with the expectations from the parents. Kids who have higher expectations by their parents to tend to do better than the group whose parents have either low or non existent expectations.

I don't think it's a good idea to base whether or not to expand a family based on whether you can afford private school. I'm an only child who is relatively content with life. Every family and living situation is different. Good luck!
Dec 11, 2012, 4:03am   #39
G
Gremlin
Member
I know this is bit of an old thread but I feel the need to voice my opinion so here I go.

OP, I think you should have another kid if you want to and then decide.

I think it's important to wait until your kid is a bit older in order to judge where they will do better. For example, some kids just aren't particularly academic so putting them in a private school might prove to be a bit of a waste if they just don't like school in general and then there is the chance of them resenting the pressure to do academically well in a private school environment. Then there's the possibility of you ending up with a Hermione Granger/Sheldon Cooper for a kid in which case you would definitely want to have them in private school so that they can be offered the best education possible and a better chance of getting into Ivy League schools (if that's what they want) etc etc.

Moral of the story: Wait and see.
Dec 12, 2012, 6:50am   #40
nguyenp's Avatar
nguyenp
Member
i know everyone have different ideas here, but I just want to share a personal story:

When I was in high school I asked my parents why they didn't invest their savings into buying another/ a few properties, or the like, they said that they don't want to "freeze up" all the money in case either I or my sister wanted to go to an amazing school and they can't afford it, they would feel guilty for denying us an opportunity that we would have embraced and really do something with our lives.
I guess their estimation had turned out to be true because my sister's current high school is amazing, but very $$$. My university tuition is not as bad atm, but still high.

EDIT: to add to what i have shared, I also knew friends who had to limit their studies because of tuition, expenses, etc. and for me its a big bummer.
Last edited Dec 12, 2012 at 6:59am.
Feb 26, 2013, 4:12pm   #41
Froggie's Avatar
Froggie
Member
Well, grew up as an only child I sure wished for siblings, there's nothing better than the feeling of closeness under infinite measure.
Last edited Feb 26, 2013 at 4:46pm.
Nov 13, 2013, 11:16pm   #42
F
FunInTheSun
Member
I am in the same situation... though I just cannot make up my mind. Husband cannot decide either. I'm tired of the tears. Two years and counting! Ah man... that clock is ticking.

This thread is old so I hope you have found your bliss - whatever it may be!!! :)
Nov 14, 2013, 1:48am   #43
l
Thread Starter
lv_forever
Member
^^hah, yes, this thread is old! I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with my second child. However, I'm still contemplating sending our son to a private school. The kids will be 3 and 1/2 years apart so I will send our son to a private school of my choice and see how that goes first. Whatever income I bring in will go straight to the kids' school and or college savings so we know we still have options.
Nov 14, 2013, 1:52pm   #44
basicandorganic's Avatar
basicandorganic
Member
I grew up as an only child and my parents enrolled me in private school (for the same reason as OP) and I can't say I'm any better off academically than my peers who went to rigorous public schools. However, having siblings would have probably made me a lot less lonely growing up and a lot more sociable. That, and my parents now regret not having another child. DH went to private school too and feels the same way, but he grew up with siblings and is a lot luckier than I was! :)
Nov 17, 2013, 5:09pm   #45
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Allisonfaye
Member
I am so glad you decided to have a second child. I am not knocking anyone who doesn't have a second child. But I was blessed to have a second one and my two girls are so happy together. W live in a good school district (so far) so that hasn't been an issue.
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