On early miscarriage...

[GyrlLayney]

Beana - thanks for your wonderful post!

Originally Posted by beana90

I am very sorry for your loss too. I know how devasting it can be. Here is my story...I miscarried 4 years ago. One day I was at work (was about 10 weeks along) and noticed that I had a brown discharge when I went to the bathroom. I called my doctor and they had me come in. They tried to do an ultrasound in the office but something was not working. They had me call the women's center at the local hospital and I was able to schedule the ultrasound the next day. So I went hopeful. The tech took all my information and started doing an internal ultrasound. She asked me if I was sure of the date of my last period. I said yes. She said she saw the sac and fetal pole but that was it. So she left the room and called my doctor. I knew things were not good. So she came back in and had me talk to one of the doctors in my group. This dr. was new and kind of young. She said to me give it a week and go back for another ultrasound. She said that maybe we were wrong with the dates. My doctor also mentioned to me during the pre-op visit that, had I only been 6 weeks or less and they did not see movement, then they'd advise me to wait a week or two to give the fetal pole a chance before deciding it is lifeless. So I made the appt. for the following week and left. When I got home I did a lot of research on the net. I knew in my heart that I was having a miscarriage. I did a lot of crying that week. What made things worse for me was that my sister was 6 months pregnant at the time and was having a normal pregnancy. I went back a week later and the results were the same. The doctor had me come into the office and told me my options. I asked for a D&C as soon as possible. I needed this to be over so I could recover. They were able to squeeze me in the next morning and it was over. The doctor sent the tissue out for testing to see what caused the miscarriage. A few months later they called me with the results. The fetus had chromosomal abnormalities. I completely understand your desire to get it over with and electing for a D & C... that's the way I felt too and didn't want to prolong my pain with naturally expelling everything, which could take weeks and risk hemorrhaging. I just had the D & C done this AM and I'm home recovering but I feel fine. No cramps, just some bleeding. I'm looking forward to the test results and hope that if they determine that the drugs may have been the culprit, that they share the findings with the pharmaceutical companies and FDA, etc. so other women will be aware of the risks in taking these drugs while pregnant or TTC. My husband had a really tough time after the D&C. I think seeing my sister being pregnant made things worse for him. But we were lucky because we ended up conceiving my son 3 months later. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't have the wonderful little boy that I have now if things didn't happen the way they did. On a side note, I never realized how often miscarriages happen. It was something that I didn't talk about....didn't think that I knew anyone that had one...but I was wrong. Once I told people that I had one, I heard all the stories about how they had one or knew somebody that had them. There is a lot of support out there. Hearing all those stories somehow helped me get through it. If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me.

I cannot imagine how painful it was to go thru what you did while your sister was pregant hugs to you. Come to think of it, one of my brothers and sis-in-law also had a miscarriage around the time I was pregnant with my first and another brother and his wife recently had a 2 month old, and another brother had a 3 year old. Fortunately, she conceived 3 months later and just last month delivered her third child . All's well that ends well.

[GyrlLayney]

*EDIT* Below I wrote 10/28 as the date I learned I was pregnant. It was actually 11/28 when I did the home test so I was probably two months pregnant. It was 10/29 when I was advised at that point to wean myself off the meds. But instead of a week of weaning, I only took one more dose when I was feeling really bad withdrawal symptoms, but toughed out the rest of the week.

What agonized me most was the fact that the second month of a baby's development is extremely susceptible to drugs or other substances the mother comes in contact with because it's the month when the vital organs are formed: heart, lungs, brain.

Originally Posted by GyrlLayney

Did you, or someone you know, have an early miscarriage? If so, share your story so other tPFers going thru this might be able to relate... that includes me, too! And feel free to post information/facts that may be helpful to those of going thru this ordeal. Here's my story: 10/28 – Was late for my period so I did a home test and found out I was pregnant! It was utterly unexpected and definitely unplanned because my DH and I were already perfectly contented and incredibly blessed with our 6 yr. old DS and 3 yr. old DD. Plus, I’m 38 and he’s 52 so we were ready to enjoy traveling and I was going to get my Master’s possibly PsyD or PhD in Psychology. But life can be unpredictable… so with further verification via urine analysis at Planned Parenthood, we eventually grew more and more accepting and even excited at the prospect of adding another member to our family. Deep down, I was very concerned about the effect an anti-depressant (Cymbalta) and ADD med (Strattera) may have had on my developing fetus. Altho I did stop taking the meds cold turkey as soon as I found out on 10/28, those drugs were already in my system when I conceived either on 10/14 or 11/14. And right now, those drugs are considered not safe to take during pregnancy or while nursing. So as much as I wanted to be competely happy about the pregnancy… I was really quite worried. 12/12 - My first OB exam for this pregnancy. Needed to find out exactly how far along I was… not sure if first day of my last menstrual period was 10/1 (12 weeks pregnant) or possibly 10/29 (7 weeks). Important to know because at my age, certain tests for genetic counseling can only take place between 11-13 weeks. My doctor checked my fundus (top of uterus) and cervix to try to determine how far along I was, but could not determine it. Then she took out the Doppler for a heartbeat check. Unfortunately, we did not hear a baby’s heartbeat (which was probably good, for my sake). I was then sent over to the nearby hospital for an ultrasound, and possibly even an internal ultrasound to determine how far along I was. After dealing with a very rude and sarcastic female ultrasound tech (more on her behavior later), she left the room and then about 15 minutes later the phone rang in the room I was in, tech returned to hand the phone to me. It was a doctor from my obstetrical practice. He told me that I had miscarried. My DH could not attend either the OB visit or ultrasound because he had to pick up our other kids. Only the ultrasound tech could console me. She determined that I was 8 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy. And she gave me a little picture. When I got home, I sat the kids in front of some video and had a heart to heart with DH. I think he’s much more upset about this than I am. But after talking and reading him some facts and myths about the cause of miscarriage... he's feeling a little better now. 12/13 - Just came back from my pre-surgical appointment with my obstetrician. I'm electing to have a D & E (dilation and evacuation) tomorrow morning.

[kimberf]

**hugs to you** I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but please know that you always have lots of sympathetic ears here.

Please also keep in mind that there's a very very strong possibility that the miscarriage had absolutely nothing to do with anything you did (or didn't do.) It's very likely that it had nothing to do with the medications. So please don't make yourself feel bad that you in some way caused it, on top of the grief you are already feeling. My best to you and your family.

[angelthelson]

sure sistah, maybe it's not meant to be but, i feel sad for you too =(

[stephanie71]

I'm really sorry for your loss... a big hug...

[GyrlLayney]

Thank you, Angel and Stephanie.

[sea0fyears]

I've looked at this thread since it was up and debate posting several times a day... but here's my whole story.

DH and I had decided in December of 2005 that we would start trying for a baby. Late February of 2006 I found out I was pregnant via home test. We were scared, but mostly thrilled. We told everyone right away. We looked at furniture, clothes, thought about names, the whole bit. I had my first doctor's appointment on March 15th. We got to see an ultrasound of our tiny baby wiggling around. There was a heartbeat present. I even got a picture to take home. I was horribly sick, but the thought of the baby growing inside of me kept me going. My next appointment was on April 13th, my birthday. I went in excited to see my baby again. I had begun to show at this point, so we were hoping to get a good picture. This time we could make out the baby in the ultrasound monitor without the midwife pointing it out. We oooh-ed and ahh-ed for a few seconds while the midwife was strangely quiet. After about a minute I knew something was wrong. She sat me up and said that something didn't look right, but that she needed to have a more detailed ultrasound done before saying for sure. Then she asked if I could remember if we had seen a heartbeat at my first visit. At that point, I started crying. All I could say was "yes, yes, it was there!" This was the last coherent thing I can remember saying. After that I just looked at people and cried in response to whatever they asked me. On the way out the assistant mentioned that it was my birthday. Yeah.. happy birthday to me.

We were sent directly to the hospital where I had another ultrasound. I remember being able to see little hands and legs. The tech didn't say a word, but to tell me that she would forward the info/images to my midwife who would call me with the results. I remember thinking that it must be a bad dream. This couldn't possibly be happening to me.

We went to a fast food place since it was dinner time and had no intention of keeping my birthday plans with family. While we were there we got the call from my midwife... my baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. She briefly discussed the options of a D&C or waiting to miscarry at home. I couldn't live with the knowledge that the baby inside of me was dead, so I opted for the D&C. That night was pure hell for me. I don't think I slept for crying.

The next morning I went in for the D&C. The doctor who works alongside my midwife was the one performing the surgery. He was very nice and explained everything that would happen and the kind of recovery I could expect. When the nurse was starting my IV she asked me if I knew why I was here.. presumably since I hadn't said a word since I arrived. The only thing I managed to get out was that I knew, but didn't want to say it out loud. Then she said the first of many phrases that I would come to hate; "Don't worry. You're young, you'll have other babies." I wanted that baby. My first baby. I think my lack of communication in those first weeks were just severe shock and depression. I'm still working on the latter.

While I was under DH called our family and employers and let them know what had happened. A few hours after I woke up (and against the wishes of my doctors) we left town. I couldn't stand to face people we knew, who knew how happy we had been. I was hoping that if we left town word would spread so that we wouldn't have to tell it. We were gone for 2 weeks, and when we got back everyone knew. Thankfully, they also knew I didn't want to talk about it.

I was told that we should wait 3 months before trying to conceive again, to let things heal up after the surgery. During this time I was incredibly jealous of pregnant women. It was also during this time that my brother (the black sheep of the family) announced that he and his wife were expecting. Their baby was due exactly one month after my original due date.

[sea0fyears]

Continued...

July rolled around and I was given the all clear for conception. I became pregnant a few days later. I threw myself into this baby. We bought a crib and other baby items right away. We didn't even tell our parents or employers until I became severely ill a second time, and we couldn't hide it any longer. I had hypremisis and was hospitalized several times. I lost 25 pounds during my first trimester. I tried to avoid thinking that it would "all be worth it if I got a baby this time." I used to have a needle phobia, and yet I wouldn't even flinch when they had to try seven times to start an IV. I had learned that some things in life hurt more.

Eventually, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. She did give us a scare when it was found that she had her umbilical cord wrapped tightly under her knee where it could have pinched closed and killed her. It still scares me to think about this. That night when we were filling out her birth and pregnancy info there was a question asking how many times I had been pregnant. DH was filling out the form and he burst into tears. I realized at that point that this feeling would never go away. Having this baby didn't make losing our first any easier.

Even now, it stings a little when I have to list the D&C as a surgery on my medical history. And all those times when I went to the hospital during my pregnancy... "Is this your first pregnancy?" "So you have a baby at home?" There are still nights when I cry thinking about that baby. Was it the boy we had first hoped for, or another precious little girl? They would be over a year old now.. who would they have looked like? The only things I have left are that very first ultrasound photo and the patient bracelet that I wore during the D&C. I wonder if I'll ever tell my kids of the sibling that never was. For now I take things a day at a time. I devote all my time to my baby girl and try to overcome this dead feeling inside of me. Like so many others I was surprised to learn how common miscarriage is.. about 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. My boss had had a miscarriage. Several of my high school girlfriends have had miscarriages. It's just that no one ever talks about it...

[katy 1368]

Oh gyrlayney my heart goes out to you - any m/c is heartbreaking. I hope you will feel better soon.

seaofyears - your story sounds similar to mine, I started bleeding at 13 weeks and went for my first scan, the baby was alive and the heart was beating but there was a huge blood clot in my womb too. Sadly two nights later I passed the baby whilst at home after the bleeding just got too much. It was so sad - very sad for my BF who had to pick up the little thing and wrap it up to take to the hosp. then wait for an ambulance that took so long to come he drove me in the end (sadly in Britain on a friday night they are too busy scooping people off pavements who have got drunk and got into fights than be available for people who really need them at times.) we were so sad and depressed afterwards just like you and I was exactly the same in that I was pathologically jealous of any pregnant woman who crossed my path - I just used to think "lucky bitch". Plus several friends of mine also were pregnant and gave birth around my due date too - which was my own birthday ironically enough. It is so hard to be happy for them no?

Luckily I was pregnant by the time my birthday rolled round but had to endure several months of bleeding with this baby too and the stress of not knowing if it was all going to happen again. I am now 31 weeks and all seems fine but I am paranoid every day that "something" will happen and if she stops moving for even a few hours I get very tense. I cannot wait until she is born and all is well.

And yup I am exactly the same as you in that when people ask if she is my first I do say "yes" but inside I will always feel that is not the case and the thought of that poor little thing makes me cry still sometimes.

love and hugs to you all - miscarraige is a hidden thing it seems to me still. People do expect you to get over it very quickly and for me this is wrong.

[GyrlLayney]

Sea0fyears - Your post has me speechless. With every word I read, I deeply felt your intense pain and sadness. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope it helped to let it all out instead of keeping it hush-hush. I'm sure you've given other tPFers who have also remained silent about miscarriage a sense of "catharsis." And helped other women understand how profoundly difficult losing a pregnancy can be. Hugs to you, Seaofyears!

[sea0fyears]

It does help to let it out. It surprises me to think that miscarriage is considered a "dirty secret." You can't ever feel better about it if you keep pretending it didn't happen, right? I really wish people would see it as the loss of a life, the same as any other. It may only be a loss to the parents, but it's still a loss to be grieved over.. I may not have known much about them, but it was still MY baby.

[alanalovechanel]

I am so sorry to hear of all of your losses. Sitting here with my hand on my belly, feeling my son kick around makes me entirely grateful. I couldn't imagine my world without him, and he's not even born yet.
1/20 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. No one seems to talk about it, but there are a lot of women that have had them. Not too long ago I walked into my dear friend's house to find her huddled on the bathroom floor crying. Not knowing what was wrong, I asked, she replied by saying "I can't believe it happened AGAIN!!!!" she explained to me with tears flowing from her eyes that that was her 5th miscarriage in one year. I couldn't help but cry with, and for her. I am very sorry to hear of all of your losses, and I thank god that I have never had to go through that, and that I have a healthy baby boy due in 8 weeks.