Need advice on something I'd like to do...

IntlSet · Jun 11th, 2008, 07:09 PM

A dear friend of mine had a baby about 10 months ago... I haven't seen her for 2 or 3 years. She hasn't offered to visit and I assume that (a) she'd like to stay with the baby (b) she's strapped for cash. She and her boyfriend (unplanned pregnancy) are really hurting financially, and are living with his parents. My friend doesn't work.

I want to send her a round-trip plane ticket to come visit me in Chicago. But do you think she won't want to because she'd have to leave the baby? She's been with the baby for every single minute since he was born... I thought maybe we could do a girl's weekend and have a break. Sorry if that sounds dumb, because I know new mothers can be very reluctant to leave their children. Do you think it'd be insensitive of me to send her a ticket, implying that I think she can just leave her 10 month old?

I know her boyfriend's parents, with whom they live, could take care of the baby...

Anyway, thank you.

Mrs. MC · Jun 11th, 2008, 07:11 PM

I personally wouldn't leave my baby but there are some people who would. I would ask her first

IntlSet · Jun 11th, 2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. MC

I personally wouldn't leave my baby but there are some people who would. I would ask her first

Right, but I'm just concerned I'll sound insensitive if I ask!!

misschbby · Jun 11th, 2008, 07:15 PM

i would just ask ? sweet of you to think she might like a break and thats how i would approach the topic

Mrs. MC · Jun 11th, 2008, 07:24 PM

I think if you just send a ticket then that is worse because she may feel obligated or trapped in an awkward situation, I would want to be asked

kimberf · Jun 11th, 2008, 08:12 PM

I agree that it would be nicer if you ask. I think that your sweet intentions will be clear and she won't feel awkward about it. It's much safer than just getting a ticket for her.

A couple of other thoughts -- how would you feel about it if she brought the baby along? My BFF came to visit with her 6 mo. old a few months ago. Of course, I was 8 mos. pregnant at the time, so it's not like we were really going to whoop it up without the baby along. But if your objective is to spend time with her and bond, that could be a good way to do it. Alternatively, what if you go there (wherever she lives) and hang out with her. If you stay in a nice hotel, she can come and hang out with you and watch movies, shop, maybe spa, but can still go home to her baby at night if she wants to. Just a thought...

capulet · Jun 11th, 2008, 09:06 PM

Ditto kimberf. I would want to be asked--DD is eight months old and I can't even begin to imagine leaving her for more than a couple of hours, let alone a few days. I breastfeed, so that's a huge consideration. But there are other ways you can spend time with her. I would love a girls' weekend sort of thing, but DD would have to be a part of it.

Swanky Mama Of Three · Jun 11th, 2008, 10:09 PM

Annie, I agree. . . ask her.

Put it this way to her:

"hey! I wanted to plan a girls' only fun getaway! Are you up for it yet? My treat!

"

I personally would love it if a BFF asked me. .. but I know some Mom's feel weird leaving their children so asking is best.

IntlSet · Jun 11th, 2008, 10:17 PM

Hmm, I guess I didn't make myself clear. Naturally I would ask rather then send a ticket for one random weekend. I was just concerned that the act of asking would seem pushy or insensitive. I guess I will go ahead and take Amanda's advice to offer to treat her. Hopefully she won't find anything pushy or offensive about that! Thanks everyone.

Swanky Mama Of Three · Jun 11th, 2008, 10:26 PM

I think you're really sweet and thoughtful, hopefully she's receptive.
I don't think she'd feel you're pushy or anything, but a lot of people have a VERY hard time accepting help or anything remotely related from others. I hope she accepts!

IntlSet · Jun 12th, 2008, 03:55 PM

^^^
I hope so, too, Amanda... I think your suggestion "My treat" is a really tactful way of putting it!... I'll send off a note to her.

biggestbaglover · Jun 12th, 2008, 04:51 PM

I think you are a total sweetheart to offer that to your friend and I know she will appreciate it so much! New moms can be really funny about stuff like that though. I know that I have a 3 year old and a 11 month old and although I have no problems with going out for an entire girls day/night, I want to be home at night to sleep in the same house as my kids. My girlfriends are always asking to do a weekend away but I have not been able to bring myself to go away overnight yet even though I have lots of people who could watch my kids including my husband, my parents and my in laws. Something about the thought of one of my kids waking up at night and crying for me and me not being there to console them really bothers me.

I agree that you should just offer it to her and see what she says. If she is uneasy about leaving the baby, perhaps you could fly out there and spend some time having a few girls days together. Regardless, you are extremely thoughtful and a great friend!

madmadtoo · Jun 13th, 2008, 12:52 AM

U are really sweet. Do U need a new best friend? Hahaha! Anyway I am sure she would appreciate it. So even if she can't bear to leave the baby and come see U, well, U can always drop by.

sea0fyears · Jun 13th, 2008, 03:01 AM

I think as long as you stress that she'll be keeping you company, and it's for your benefit(you miss her), she shouldn't feel too bad about it. My two very best friends from high school are out of town (one of them is out of state) and DH and I are way better off than they are financially, but it's really hard for us to find time to visit unless they come to us. Once a year or so I offer to take a family trip with us somewhere, like disneyland or sea world as a treat (on us) since they have kids. I always use the excuse that it's much more fun to go to these places and see it from a child's point of view.

Jun 11th, 2008, 07:09 PM	#1
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	Need advice on something I'd like to do... A dear friend of mine had a baby about 10 months ago... I haven't seen her for 2 or 3 years. She hasn't offered to visit and I assume that (a) she'd like to stay with the baby (b) she's strapped for cash. She and her boyfriend (unplanned pregnancy) are really hurting financially, and are living with his parents. My friend doesn't work. I want to send her a round-trip plane ticket to come visit me in Chicago. But do you think she won't want to because she'd have to leave the baby? She's been with the baby for every single minute since he was born... I thought maybe we could do a girl's weekend and have a break. Sorry if that sounds dumb, because I know new mothers can be very reluctant to leave their children. Do you think it'd be insensitive of me to send her a ticket, implying that I think she can just leave her 10 month old? I know her boyfriend's parents, with whom they live, could take care of the baby... Anyway, thank you. __________________ www.drinkmorechampagne.com

Jun 11th, 2008, 07:11 PM	#2
Mrs. MC Member	I personally wouldn't leave my baby but there are some people who would. I would ask her first __________________

Jun 11th, 2008, 07:24 PM	#5
Mrs. MC Member	I think if you just send a ticket then that is worse because she may feel obligated or trapped in an awkward situation, I would want to be asked __________________

Jun 11th, 2008, 09:06 PM	#7
capulet NUM	Ditto kimberf. I would want to be asked--DD is eight months old and I can't even begin to imagine leaving her for more than a couple of hours, let alone a few days. I breastfeed, so that's a huge consideration. But there are other ways you can spend time with her. I would love a girls' weekend sort of thing, but DD would have to be a part of it. __________________ Dreaming of a Gao...

Jun 11th, 2008, 10:09 PM	#8
Swanky Mama Of Three Location: Dallas Area	Annie, I agree. . . ask her. Put it this way to her: "hey! I wanted to plan a girls' only fun getaway! Are you up for it yet? My treat!" I personally would love it if a BFF asked me. .. but I know some Mom's feel weird leaving their children so asking is best. __________________ Holy inappropriateness!!! - a la Bethenny

Jun 11th, 2008, 07:15 PM	#4
misschbby Member	i would just ask ? sweet of you to think she might like a break and thats how i would approach the topic

Jun 11th, 2008, 08:12 PM	#6
kimberf Member Location: California	I agree that it would be nicer if you ask. I think that your sweet intentions will be clear and she won't feel awkward about it. It's much safer than just getting a ticket for her. A couple of other thoughts -- how would you feel about it if she brought the baby along? My BFF came to visit with her 6 mo. old a few months ago. Of course, I was 8 mos. pregnant at the time, so it's not like we were really going to whoop it up without the baby along. But if your objective is to spend time with her and bond, that could be a good way to do it. Alternatively, what if you go there (wherever she lives) and hang out with her. If you stay in a nice hotel, she can come and hang out with you and watch movies, shop, maybe spa, but can still go home to her baby at night if she wants to. Just a thought...

Jun 11th, 2008, 10:17 PM	#9
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	Hmm, I guess I didn't make myself clear. Naturally I would ask rather then send a ticket for one random weekend. I was just concerned that the act of asking would seem pushy or insensitive. I guess I will go ahead and take Amanda's advice to offer to treat her. Hopefully she won't find anything pushy or offensive about that! Thanks everyone. __________________ www.drinkmorechampagne.com

Jun 11th, 2008, 10:26 PM	#10
Swanky Mama Of Three Location: Dallas Area	I think you're really sweet and thoughtful, hopefully she's receptive. I don't think she'd feel you're pushy or anything, but a lot of people have a VERY hard time accepting help or anything remotely related from others. I hope she accepts! __________________ Holy inappropriateness!!! - a la Bethenny

Jun 12th, 2008, 03:55 PM	#11
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	^^^ I hope so, too, Amanda... I think your suggestion "My treat" is a really tactful way of putting it!... I'll send off a note to her. __________________ www.drinkmorechampagne.com

Jun 12th, 2008, 04:51 PM	#12
biggestbaglover Member	I think you are a total sweetheart to offer that to your friend and I know she will appreciate it so much! New moms can be really funny about stuff like that though. I know that I have a 3 year old and a 11 month old and although I have no problems with going out for an entire girls day/night, I want to be home at night to sleep in the same house as my kids. My girlfriends are always asking to do a weekend away but I have not been able to bring myself to go away overnight yet even though I have lots of people who could watch my kids including my husband, my parents and my in laws. Something about the thought of one of my kids waking up at night and crying for me and me not being there to console them really bothers me. I agree that you should just offer it to her and see what she says. If she is uneasy about leaving the baby, perhaps you could fly out there and spend some time having a few girls days together. Regardless, you are extremely thoughtful and a great friend!

Jun 13th, 2008, 12:52 AM	#13
madmadtoo Member	U are really sweet. Do U need a new best friend? Hahaha! Anyway I am sure she would appreciate it. So even if she can't bear to leave the baby and come see U, well, U can always drop by.

Jun 13th, 2008, 03:01 AM	#14
sea0fyears Ready or not... Location: Arizona	I think as long as you stress that she'll be keeping you company, and it's for your benefit(you miss her), she shouldn't feel too bad about it. My two very best friends from high school are out of town (one of them is out of state) and DH and I are way better off than they are financially, but it's really hard for us to find time to visit unless they come to us. Once a year or so I offer to take a family trip with us somewhere, like disneyland or sea world as a treat (on us) since they have kids. I always use the excuse that it's much more fun to go to these places and see it from a child's point of view. __________________ Come visit my purse collection!! (new stuff on BOTTOM of page 3) 2008 Wishlist ~ Black Prada Nylon Backpack ~ Neverfull MM in Damier (got it.. love it!) ~ "Return to Tiffany's" oval bracelet ~ Damier Speedy 30 (got it) ~ Agenda PM, style undecided ~A new Hair style. (got it.. maybe once I'm brave enough I'll post pics)