My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this)

simpleplan · Dec 28th, 2007, 08:28 AM

I finally got to spend some time with my best friend since high school, but it had to be shopping together with our sons, my 8yr old and her 6yr old.

We all went in her car and she had a cd playing with a mix of songs..One of them was the song "I wanna f*ck you" by .. Akkon (sp)?? I lowered the volume and asked her to change the song but her son immediately said "I like this song" and started singing it. (Unbelievable...) she turned up the volume and let it play..OKAY..wth, I was very angry. She could have played the edited version atleast and had some respect because I NEVER let my son listen to these type of lyrics..the next song also had an abundance of the words h*e, f*ck, p***y....
By the middle of the 2nd song I asked her to change it again and she finally did, but she wasn't being understanding about it, and gave me that "look"..it made me feel guilty and angry at the same time. (sigh..)

I miss her, but we've really changed and drifted apart since the good ole days. We're just different as mothers now..Even when she wanted for us to take our sons to go see "300" and I refused to take my son to see such a gory, violent movie-- she was really po'd at me, and I mean I expect her to understand me, that I have to think of my son now..we're not teenagers anymore. It's neat to see our sons play together, but now even if I miss our friendship, I can feel she is angry at me, or dissapointed or-- I dunno what.we see each other less and less now..(sigh..) This really bothers me and it's been bothering me for a very longggg time...

dallas · Dec 28th, 2007, 08:53 AM

Sounds like you miss the person that she used to be. As for her choice of music, no parent in their right mind would let their child listen to filthy lyrics like that and think that it was ok. She is a disgrace. I'm sorry but if I were you, I would be glad that I don't see her very often.

purseinsanity · Dec 28th, 2007, 11:34 AM

It sounds like your priority is raising your child well...hers seems to be that she wants to continue her life as it was before having a child. Those lyrics are hardly something that should be heard by a 6 or 8 year old! No way should you feel guilty...she should be ashamed of being so disrespectful to you and your child. And I'm sorry, but I'd think twice about letting your son play with hers. If he's exposed to this junk this early in life, I'm sure he uses those types of words in daily use; hardly something I'd want my son doing!

GUCCI_COOCHIE · Dec 28th, 2007, 07:21 PM

Don't feel bad/guilty! You did the right thing by asking her to change the song. I would never want a child to listen to those things (even if I do sometimes).

I kinda know how you feel because I'm really young and I have other friends who would let their much younger siblings/cousins listen or do things that I would never let mine do.

~KT~ · Dec 30th, 2007, 03:40 AM

My boyfriends old downstairs neighbors would listen to music like that super loud with 3 kids under 5 in the house. Disgraceful, but I also heard the mom call the 2 year old a B*tch one day when she wouldn't cooperate in something. I wouldn't feel guilty for a second asking her to change the music. It's very rude to play something like that around a person let alone their children when it's obvious they aren't happy.

gina8521 · Jan 1st, 2008, 07:25 PM

It seems like you have grown up and taken more of a responsibility as a parent than she has. She either has not grown as much, or more likely, has grown in a different direction than you. Its tough when you were so close to someone before and then you realize you are so far apart now. Not much you can do now but remember the good times you had when you were younger, and know that you are doing right by your child as a parent.

ali w · Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:20 AM

I can totally understand your situation because I had a similar one. My friend has avery vulgar mouth and she speaks that way around her children(not directly to them but they can hear her using the language).
I don't speak that way(usually) and definitely not in front or anywhere near my babies. I found that I always had to tell her to whisper or spell it out. Which got tiresome for both me and her.
So

What I found worked was to see my friend without my children. We go shop or workout and I don't have to censor her; or worry that my son will repeat something he has heard her say.

Have you tried explaining the way you feel to her? A true friend will except and respect your position even if she disagrees.

lp1062 · Jan 2nd, 2008, 07:40 PM

I think when this happens it's time to question the value of the friendship. It's nice to keep up with old friends but sometimes it's time to move on. It sounds like your parenting is so different (and responsible) that you might not have a common ground. I think mom's especially want to feel a like mindedness with their friends. Do you know what I mean? You want to feel a shared sense of values in parenting. I hate to sound harsh but many friendships just run their course. Maybe this one has also.

Dec 28th, 2007, 08:28 AM	#1
simpleplan unconventional witt	My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) I finally got to spend some time with my best friend since high school, but it had to be shopping together with our sons, my 8yr old and her 6yr old. We all went in her car and she had a cd playing with a mix of songs..One of them was the song "I wanna fck you" by .. Akkon (sp)?? I lowered the volume and asked her to change the song but her son immediately said "I like this song" and started singing it. (Unbelievable...) she turned up the volume and let it play..OKAY..wth, I was very angry. She could have played the edited version atleast and had some respect because I NEVER let my son listen to these type of lyrics..the next song also had an abundance of the words he, fck, p**y.... By the middle of the 2nd song I asked her to change it again and she finally did, but she wasn't being understanding about it, and gave me that "look"..it made me feel guilty and angry at the same time. (sigh..) I miss her, but we've really changed and drifted apart since the good ole days. We're just different as mothers now..Even when she wanted for us to take our sons to go see "300" and I refused to take my son to see such a gory, violent movie-- she was really po'd at me, and I mean I expect her to understand me, that I have to think of my son now..we're not teenagers anymore. It's neat to see our sons play together, but now even if I miss our friendship, I can feel she is angry at me, or dissapointed or-- I dunno what.we see each other less and less now..(sigh..) This really bothers me and it's been bothering me for a very longggg time... __________________ iHeartMyLexus

Dec 28th, 2007, 08:53 AM	#2
dallas Ya anno	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) Sounds like you miss the person that she used to be. As for her choice of music, no parent in their right mind would let their child listen to filthy lyrics like that and think that it was ok. She is a disgrace. I'm sorry but if I were you, I would be glad that I don't see her very often. __________________ A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship; and he who plants kindness gathers love.

Dec 28th, 2007, 11:34 AM	#3
purseinsanity Chooland Resident Location: In handbag heaven	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) It sounds like your priority is raising your child well...hers seems to be that she wants to continue her life as it was before having a child. Those lyrics are hardly something that should be heard by a 6 or 8 year old! No way should you feel guilty...she should be ashamed of being so disrespectful to you and your child. And I'm sorry, but I'd think twice about letting your son play with hers. If he's exposed to this junk this early in life, I'm sure he uses those types of words in daily use; hardly something I'd want my son doing!

Dec 28th, 2007, 07:21 PM	#4
GUCCI_COOCHIE 90 day ban! 6/1-8/31 Location: OC.	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) Don't feel bad/guilty! You did the right thing by asking her to change the song. I would never want a child to listen to those things (even if I do sometimes). I kinda know how you feel because I'm really young and I have other friends who would let their much younger siblings/cousins listen or do things that I would never let mine do. __________________ *CURRENTLY ON A 90-day BAN! http://90dayshoppingrehab.blogspot.com/

Dec 30th, 2007, 03:40 AM	#5
~KT~ Member Location: San Jose, cali	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) My boyfriends old downstairs neighbors would listen to music like that super loud with 3 kids under 5 in the house. Disgraceful, but I also heard the mom call the 2 year old a B*tch one day when she wouldn't cooperate in something. I wouldn't feel guilty for a second asking her to change the music. It's very rude to play something like that around a person let alone their children when it's obvious they aren't happy. __________________ -Katie

Jan 1st, 2008, 07:25 PM	#6
gina8521 Member Location: Las Vegas	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) It seems like you have grown up and taken more of a responsibility as a parent than she has. She either has not grown as much, or more likely, has grown in a different direction than you. Its tough when you were so close to someone before and then you realize you are so far apart now. Not much you can do now but remember the good times you had when you were younger, and know that you are doing right by your child as a parent.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:20 AM	#7
ali w ~Oh So Fabulous~ Location: Valley of the stars!	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) I can totally understand your situation because I had a similar one. My friend has avery vulgar mouth and she speaks that way around her children(not directly to them but they can hear her using the language). I don't speak that way(usually) and definitely not in front or anywhere near my babies. I found that I always had to tell her to whisper or spell it out. Which got tiresome for both me and her. So What I found worked was to see my friend without my children. We go shop or workout and I don't have to censor her; or worry that my son will repeat something he has heard her say. Have you tried explaining the way you feel to her? A true friend will except and respect your position even if she disagrees. __________________ www.fabchicboutique.com BUY~SELL~TRADE

Jan 2nd, 2008, 07:40 PM	#8
lp1062 Member	Re: My bff and I are so different as mothers- (sad about this) I think when this happens it's time to question the value of the friendship. It's nice to keep up with old friends but sometimes it's time to move on. It sounds like your parenting is so different (and responsible) that you might not have a common ground. I think mom's especially want to feel a like mindedness with their friends. Do you know what I mean? You want to feel a shared sense of values in parenting. I hate to sound harsh but many friendships just run their course. Maybe this one has also.