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Jan 18, 2012, 5:05pm   #31
sarahloveslouis's Avatar
Member
I can't really say anything to you, OP, that others haven't already - but I will add that my love of handbags coupled with my desire to start a family hasn't gone without outsiders' comments.

More than one person has made it a point to say "Oh once you start having babies, you'll have to put the bags on hold" blah blah blah - IMO they have no idea about my financial standing, my husband's financial standing, etc. I always found it a little rude for someone to comment.

Now that my husband and I are expecting baby #1, I can tell you that while I still can certainly AFFORD to buy luxurious handbags, my desire to do so has diminished some.

You'll figure out your own path - and the most important thing to do is to keep open communication with your husband, who is your partner in life. Don't ever rush into having babies - it's not fair to the child.
Jan 18, 2012, 7:20pm   #32
v
Member
Um, no, you are not ready to have a chile and there's nothing wrong with that. I had my first child at age 32. There's plenty of time for you to try for that later if that's what you decide is right for you. It's okay - let your DH call you selfish. Don't let him pressure you into motherhood before you are ready because it changes absolutely, positively everything...
Jan 18, 2012, 7:54pm   #33
Fee4zy's Avatar
Member
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.
Jan 18, 2012, 9:10pm   #34
HauteMama's Avatar
Member
Originally Posted by Fee4zy
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.
Jan 18, 2012, 9:12pm   #35
Doglover1610's Avatar
Coach, LV & CL Lover
Originally Posted by Fee4zy
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.
Jan 18, 2012, 9:19pm   #36
sarahloveslouis's Avatar
Member
Originally Posted by Fee4zy
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.
Originally Posted by HauteMama
Originally Posted by Doglover1610

Uhhhh, yeah, what they said.
Jan 18, 2012, 9:20pm   #37
Lapis's Avatar
Member
lshcat said it best! If you are not ready you are not ready, take your time.
Jan 19, 2012, 12:54am   #38
l
Member
There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait, wanting to indulge in handbags now. I had a long stretch of period where I indulged myself every single day on luxury goods, food, travel, etc. Now I am not able to indulge myself as much - and let me tell you, it's not just about the money, it's time and energy too, to shop for pretty things! However, because I really enjoyed spoiling myself for a long time before having a baby, I don't really miss those luxuries very much. It's like I kind of got it out of my system. I appreciate that period in my life, and I am now fully appreciating all my designer luxury items. I still love my Louis Vuitton bags, and I still love my Louboutins, but my baby is now my number one priority and of course material things cannot even begin to compete with him, lol.
Jan 19, 2012, 3:40am   #39
oggers86's Avatar
Member
I am 25 and am not ready to have kids. Giving up designer goods is fine for me, I have already had to do that because I would rather put the money towards my house and future wedding etc and sadly I am not in the position to have both. However I am not ready to give up being selfish, you cant just have a day out by yourself when you have kids.

By the sounds of it you arent ready to give up being selfish and at 21 thats completely fine. I dont think its fair for people to call you selfish in a negative way because you arent ready to have kids. What would they rather, you have kids and feel resentment or wait for a few more years and be completely happy to give up all the things you need to give up. And at 24 your bf is still very young as well, give your marriage a bit more time and just enjoy your time together because once you have a child it will never ever be just the two of you.

Please dont have a child because you feel pressured to do so!!
Jan 19, 2012, 6:54am   #40
v
Member
Originally Posted by Fee4zy
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.
I have to admit, these statements made my jaw drop. I can understand being mad at your kids because parenting really can be frustrating at times, but reading this really made me sad. It upsets me to think of children who may not be wanted...
Jan 19, 2012, 9:57am   #41
Chantilly0379's Avatar
Cajun Mama
Originally Posted by benswife2007
I spent 1,500 on my 3 kids christmas presents. ..i bought them a huge castle they asked santa to bring...the looks on their faces when they saw it was better than any brand new LV. After someone has kids they dont put LV first anymore (or at least i hope so). I think your views change after you have kids...you cant comprehend the amount of love that is. Your still young and have plenty of time for kids. Try to be nice to hubby though if he wants kids really bad and you dont it can hurt deeply. Try not to be too harsh on him and be gentle when you explain why you dont want kids right now.
ITA!

Originally Posted by Fee4zy
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.

Speechless!
Jan 19, 2012, 10:07am   #42
benswife2007's Avatar
Member
Originally Posted by Fee4zy
I got married at 29 and had two kids within the first 3 years of marriage. Although I love my girls, I still feel like I'm a bit selfish, even at 38. This Christmas my kids decided to open their presents at 2 in the morning without us. I was livid. Seriously wished I used all that money on myself instead of those brats.

My opinion is that you need to wait until you really want kids. I really did, but now, not so much.
Jan 19, 2012, 11:44am   #43
Fee4zy's Avatar
Member
It's not that my kids are not wanted. I love them very much and I'm very happy they are in my life. I have learned so much about myself through them. Just sometimes I feel at wits end. DH feels like I don't contribute to the family as a stay at home mom. WTF? Really, doing everything day to day isn't contributing? Oh, just because I don't bring in any money? It's not my kids, more lack of respect from DH. But that's for another thread. Sorry, didn't mean to bring you guys down. Just not feeling really good about myself.
Jan 19, 2012, 11:53am   #44
glistenpearls's Avatar
Ex-Sydneysider
^^ I'm sorry that DH behaves the way he does. I know you love your kids, but whatever it is you feel, please never take it out on them. Calling them brats and saying things like not so much (wanting kids) are really out of place. Have you thought about going back to work? I assume your kids are at least 6-8 years old by now and sometimes (well at least for me) going back to work really bring back that independence feeling? In fact I should ask if you ever talk with DH about how you feel?
Jan 19, 2012, 11:53am   #45
redney's Avatar
Lovin' Life!
Originally Posted by lv_forever
There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait, wanting to indulge in handbags now. I had a long stretch of period where I indulged myself every single day on luxury goods, food, travel, etc. Now I am not able to indulge myself as much - and let me tell you, it's not just about the money, it's time and energy too, to shop for pretty things! However, because I really enjoyed spoiling myself for a long time before having a baby, I don't really miss those luxuries very much. It's like I kind of got it out of my system. I appreciate that period in my life, and I am now fully appreciating all my designer luxury items. I still love my Louis Vuitton bags, and I still love my Louboutins, but my baby is now my number one priority and of course material things cannot even begin to compete with him, lol.
Me too I had a long stretch of life to enjoy myself (and my DH) first before having a child.

For me personally, I am sooooo happy we did it this way and I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I think it was incredibly beneficial for me personally to grow, learn, experience many things before having a child.

For 16 years between grad school and having a baby, I traveled, shopped (spent money frivolously - but it was my money) and focused on my career. I wouldn't trade that time and those experiences for anything.

So now I'm kinda like "been there, done that" and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything and am now enjoying the "motherhood" part of adulthood.

As another poster said everything changes when you have a child, so please consider having a child when *you're* ready, not when someone else is and you're not. It could be a tough, bumpy road otherwise.

Do have a heart-to-heart with your DH. If you are keen on kids at some point in your life, discuss your timeline with DH. Once he realizes kids are in your life plan at some point, he might back off you now, KWIM?

Best wishes.
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