I actually wish more people had this mental dilemma. There are too many people who have kids before they are ready. While I did not get into LV until this year, I enjoyed my early years of marriage with my husband when we were childless. I enjoyed my career, travel, jewelry on special occassions, etc. I did not think I'd ever want kids. It all changed over time. You will know when you are ready. You will be willing to give up anything. If you are financially ready though, materially, should not have to give up much. Please don't have kids until you are ready. Children deserve to be loved unconditionally, welcomed into this world and nurtured.

Whoa. I could've written this myself.

1) My parents spoiled the heck out of me and as a result I am pretty much useless. I didn't even have to wash dishes until after I got married. I still make my husband do my laundry. I am trying though: learning how to cook and clean, and all of that.

2) My husband is also enlisted in the Navy and is working to become an officer. Creepy coincidence much? I'm also still working on school/my career.

3) I turn 24 later this year but still feel 20. My husband turns 25 in May. He wants a baby too.

Anyway the point is, I kind of went through something similar. When we got married two years ago my hubby wanted to have kids right away but I did NOT like that idea, at all. I told him I needed to think about it some more and a few weeks later I told him I wanted to wait a few years because having children is a permanent life-affecting decision. I still wanted us to enjoy each other as a couple, and to experience life as a young childless married couple. He was a little disappointed, but thankfully he was very understanding. I explained that I wanted us to still go out partying every now and then, be able to spend a little more freely, and of course travel and not feel inhibited.

I also stressed that we, as a young couple, needed time to grow more--as individuals and of course financially.

I think I am finally getting ready to take the plunge though, but definitely not until at least the end of the year.

Also I just want to stress that having kids is NOT the end of the world. My sister-in-law/brother-in-law are also a military couple who just had a kid and she is just as "spoiled" as I am, and they still travel. I think it just depends on how you handle everything.

I'll cut to the chase.... IMO you're not ready to have a child. It's such a sarifice and you have to be mentally ready for it. It's not about your age though, you could be 41 and still not be ready. I will tell you that you can have kids and LV in your life. But it's a balancing act and the LV is secondary. As a previous poster said, don't wait too long, because motherhood is not a right and doesn't happen automatically just because you want it. Good luck, focus on your education!

Originally Posted by ihatebogus

I thought I was reading my mind when I was reading your post. I am 34 yo as well, from the same continent, with an understanding and open-minded husband, and without any intention to bring another life into this rather turbulent world...

Oh wow! Guess we are twins.

But seriously am happy we are our own reflections.

Sometimes we make plans and then there's Gods plans...let's just say I never ever thought I would be the parent I am....lived selfish for 35 years before being blessed with child...never considered myself ready for it....human nature and maternal instinct will prevail...always have faith in gods plans....

Oh and let me add children need so much more than anything you can buy...so LV purchases are not extinct after a child enters the picture...

I'm in a similar situation as you but older. I'm 30 and my boyfriend is 32 and we are both not ready to get married and have kids. One of the reasons for me is because I don't feel ready to put someone else before me. Second, I love buying LV too!!

I agree with everyone else here that you should have kids when you are ready to make sacrifices. You are still very young and should be able to enjoy your freedom, if that's what you want!

Originally Posted by lshcat

You are clearly not ready to have a child ~ I think just the age alone, your words here and the fact that you KNOW you are not ready. If you are 'torn' about becoming a mother, and asking purse lovers about it, oh my gosh, please don't. Just please don't. When your husband and you discuss it - it is supposed to be an exciting and 'mutual' discussion and have absolutely NOTHING to do with designer handbags or material things. This is a new human being and it will change your entire life! And you should NEVER EVER have to be 'guilted' into becoming a Mom. Stay strong, you're doing the right thing by saying 'no' - for now :) You got married while a teenager and you're only 2 years into the marriage.. please give the marriage more time. When/if your life priorities change in a few years, and you figure out what YOU want to do in your life/career.. then you can reevaluate. Together. If it's to be a Mom staying at home, great. If it's a career woman, great. Both? Yes it can be done! But as a school drop-out not working I'm guessing that you don't even know who YOU are yet in this life. I don't think it's a matter of giving everything up for yourself, when you do have a child. There is a balance. But if you're not looking to work that balance out right now then it's okay. He'll just need to understand that you are only 21 and not quite ready or mature to the point where you want to take that step. And he'll need to respect that. And it's time to cut those mom purse strings too :) it's okay if your mom "doesn't understand you" -- you are a married woman now who needs to figure out who she is, in this new adult/wife/woman role, as your life goes forward. Good luck!

THIS!! Great advice, I agree 100% with everything.

I had my first child at 24 and let me tell you, between 21 and 24 you change, A LOT, do not have a child if you don't feel ready, its such a huge decision and such a huge step in life you need to be prepared for it not guilted into it, that will only negatively impact things in the end! I think you need to focus more on finding out who you are and what you want before you can even THINK about bringing a new life into this world! HTH!

Right there with you girl! I am 23 and my husband and I got married 1 year and 1/2 ago...I am in no way ready for children..and like you I am not afraid to admit either that I don't want to give up my LV's..or our traveling lifestyle for kids quite yet..do I want kids..ABSOLUTELY..it just doesn't have to be right now..I see all my friends who got married at the same time as we did start having kids right away..and now I see what they are going through at such a young age..no time to enjoy each other and get to know each other as a married couple..or they are ALWAYS going to Disney World on vacation (no offense to disney world lovers out there)..I just know there is so much more I want to see and do before I get tied down permanently...YOU ARENT ALONE!

I spent 1,500 on my 3 kids christmas presents. ..i bought them a huge castle they asked santa to bring...the looks on their faces when they saw it was better than any brand new LV. After someone has kids they dont put LV first anymore (or at least i hope so). I think your views change after you have kids...you cant comprehend the amount of love that is. Your still young and have plenty of time for kids. Try to be nice to hubby though if he wants kids really bad and you dont it can hurt deeply. Try not to be too harsh on him and be gentle when you explain why you dont want kids right now.

Originally Posted by JennyErin

THIS!! Great advice, I agree 100% with everything. I had my first child at 24 and let me tell you, between 21 and 24 you change, A LOT, do not have a child if you don't feel ready, its such a huge decision and such a huge step in life you need to be prepared for it not guilted into it, that will only negatively impact things in the end! I think you need to focus more on finding out who you are and what you want before you can even THINK about bringing a new life into this world! HTH!

I agree with this. I had my first child at 25 and most people around me thought that was young. Do what feels right for you.

I totally agree with Ishcat.. you are not being selfish for contemplating the idea of having kids now. It is a lifetime responsibility when they arrive and you and your husband should discuss this together from both point of views. In my personal experience we waited 5 yrs after being married to start a family (married @ 24 and he 29). We decided that we needed to be financially ready and finish school and get our careers going first, as well as do some traveling and enjoy each other, which helped in the long run. You will know when you are ready..enjoy your marriage and finish school missy. :)

Originally Posted by benswife2007

I spent 1,500 on my 3 kids christmas presents. ..i bought them a huge castle they asked santa to bring...the looks on their faces when they saw it was better than any brand new LV. After someone has kids they dont put LV first anymore (or at least i hope so). I think your views change after you have kids...you cant comprehend the amount of love that is. Your still young and have plenty of time for kids. Try to be nice to hubby though if he wants kids really bad and you dont it can hurt deeply. Try not to be too harsh on him and be gentle when you explain why you dont want kids right now.

This is so true. While I feel pretty lucky that I'm still able to buy nice purses/shoes/outfits because I still have my full time job however everytime I go shopping now, my boys comes first in my mind. I always go to baby department first to see what they have before browsing for myself. I also can't explain the amount of love I have for them. It's really weird because I spent years thinking that I will lose my freedom once I have kid. Turned out it's one of the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't lose my freedom (though yes, travelling around the world is not something I can do right now), I just make the best of it.

To OP, sounds to me you are not ready just like you said. You are young so just enjoy being just the two of you a little longer. I didn't have my babies until I'm 34 so I had a pretty good share of travelling and shopping before that!

You're not ready to have children yet. At all.

I was like you at your age and in no way was I ready for a child. Then I hit around 26 and wanted to be a mother. The material things no longer matter to me, I want kids more than I want a new bag, etc.

I don't think you are ready for kids at 21. I have a daughter that is 24 and I always tell her to enjoy her life first then have children...

And this is part of the reason that thoroughly discussing issues like having children before marriage - including timelines - is so important. It can cause a lot of stress for you and your DH if he is ready for a family and you are not.

However, I wholeheartedly agree with the advice given so far; you are not ready. IMO, that's perfectly okay because you are SO YOUNG. You have plenty of time and there is no rush. No one should have children under pressure or before they are ready. Have a discussion with your DH and assure him that you do want children someday (if you do, that is), but you are not ready yet and that you want to wait until you are at least (give an age/time you can see yourself being willing to discuss it again) __ to consider it. If the two of you can establish some sort of timeline, it will help avoid him pressuring you and will keep the peace.