[PinkSuadeSoho]

Originally Posted by sratsey

You did the right thing.
Just make sure the choices you give are ones that you can live with LOL.

During mealtimes my son gets 2 choices
1. eat what your served or
2. go to bed hungry

I'm right on board with ilovepinkhearts. I know moms who cook 3 different meals because they have "picky" eaters.
The one thing I've learned is that kids will not let themselves starve and it won't kill him (or me) if he skips a meal because he's not happy with what I put in front of him.

Sometimes he actually DOES choose to not eat until breakfast.
We eat dinner at 7ish. If he's hungry right before bedtime because he refused to eat his meal, then so be it.

My ONLY exception to this rule is if I'm serving something that he hasn't eaten before.

I always know the children whose parents do the above (give them many meal time choices). It seems to be when they come for a playdate, they expect me to do the same. I make one meal, don't like it, don't eat it.
I agree, go to bed hungry. A child will not starve themselves.

*** On the subject of bad eaters, are there any great websites for parents who need support for little ones with poor eating habits? I have a gf who is really in need of help with her boys. Sorry to hijack OP.*****

[ellacoach]

Thank you all for your support! DH totally agreed that I did the right thing to. And he's fine this morning! he's in the living room eating cereal, so he did'nt starve over night! I refuse to be a short order cook, and always have so that's nothing new to him, but sometimes he's more okay with it than others...

And I agree with everyone who said discipline now in prepration for his later years! sometimes its so much more easier to discipline than others, but it's so necessary!

[eviemarie]

You def did the right thing. I think you should be proud of your parenting skills. It is very hard to know if you are doing the right thing. I often try hard but give in which is the once thing to do as then they have you don't they!

Well Done You.

[bisbee]

I agree that you have to be firm with a 3 year old...but I'm not sure about the rules about the food. I don't believe in forcing a child to eat something they don't want - even if they have eaten it in the past. Too many issues about food from my own childhood, I guess. I was very, very aware of not passing on my own food idiosyncracies to my children - and I was pretty successful - but there are things they WON'T eat (to this day - they are 30 and 33) that they came up with on their own!

Anyway - if they didn't want to eat what we were having, I always gave them one choice - they could opt to have PB&J or something similar - my choice as to what the alternative would be. It was always something very simple that didn't take much time to prepare. Even then, I knew about picking battles - when they got older, that approach became much more significant! IMHO, eating what was put in front of them didn't warrant a battle!

[Danica]

You did the right thing. :) You have to follow through, that's so important. Otherwise he'll be aware he can throw tantrums and still get his way. I'm glad all was well the next morning. :)

[Mrs. MC]

I have a son 3 1/2 too, it is always a power struggle over food and potty issues. I usually give him a choice of 2 things for every meal, it is usually 2 things that I want him to eat and it sometimes reduces the power struggle because he has made the choice and the 2 choices were withing the realm of what we have available at the house and what I feel is nutritionally acceptable. When he says that he wants waffles for dinner then I draw the line because I don't think loading him up with sugar for bedtime is a good idea. It sounds like you did the right thing and followed through which is the most important thing. Next time he will know you mean business !

[Sarsi]

you did the right thing.

I too have a 3 year old... and like you she did not have a terrible 2 phase,
she was so easy and sweet.
but when she turned 3..... it's like... she turned insideout! or the opposite of how she was!
I've been soooo frustrated with her lately
and have also been feeling like I did something wrong with my child or something...
but reading all the ladies experiences here with their 3 year olds kinda made me feel better.
I do hope this phase will end soon, its just too exhausting!

[biggestbaglover]

Originally Posted by bisbee

I agree that you have to be firm with a 3 year old...but I'm not sure about the rules about the food. I don't believe in forcing a child to eat something they don't want - even if they have eaten it in the past. Too many issues about food from my own childhood, I guess. I was very, very aware of not passing on my own food idiosyncracies to my children - and I was pretty successful - but there are things they WON'T eat (to this day - they are 30 and 33) that they came up with on their own!

Anyway - if they didn't want to eat what we were having, I always gave them one choice - they could opt to have PB&J or something similar - my choice as to what the alternative would be. It was always something very simple that didn't take much time to prepare. Even then, I knew about picking battles - when they got older, that approach became much more significant! IMHO, eating what was put in front of them didn't warrant a battle!

I do allow my son to have some choice in what he eats however, I am VERY concerned about nutrition and providing well balanced meals. If I allowed him to avoid foods that he simply didn't want to eat because he didn't "like" them, then he would never get any vegetables into his body as he would never choose to eat them. Thus, I do somewhat "force" him to eat things that he doesn't like, although I will give him a choice between two of his "unappealing" foods. I work very hard to cook well balanced, nutritious, healthy meals so I would not allow him to have PB & J or some other such alternative as he would always choose this and IMO, this is not acceptable.

[ChristyR143]

You absolutely did the right thing. Good for you!!

While I will agree that it might not be the wisest decision to force a child to eat something they hate, it's also important to not set a precedence of the mother having to cook 2, 3 or more different meals in order to cater to everyones' different tastes. I try to make sure that what I am cooking will be acceptable to the kids as well as me and dh. And if I am cooking something new, the kids HAVE to at least try it before saying they don't like it. 9 times out of 10 they end up liking it, and if by chance, they don't, then I have something else on hand that will be acceptable, but that is the only time I will do that. Otherwise, they either eat what I fix, or they don't eat.

[Snowqueen!]

I think you did the right thing. My son who is now 4.5 really went through this in his 3s. We established very clear ground rules. I always make sure at least one thing on the table is something he likes. He has to take at least one bit of everything (unless it is one of the few foods we already know he won't eat). Then if he chooses to not eat, he gets to finish his milk, but does not get anything else.

He hasn't starved, and is pretty open to trying new things now.

Good luck.

[sratsey]

Originally Posted by biggestbaglover

I do allow my son to have some choice in what he eats however, I am VERY concerned about nutrition and providing well balanced meals. If I allowed him to avoid foods that he simply didn't want to eat because he didn't "like" them, then he would never get any vegetables into his body as he would never choose to eat them. Thus, I do somewhat "force" him to eat things that he doesn't like, although I will give him a choice between two of his "unappealing" foods. I work very hard to cook well balanced, nutritious, healthy meals so I would not allow him to have PB & J or some other such alternative as he would always choose this and IMO, this is not acceptable.

This actually happened with a friend of mine.
PB&J was her backup meal and her son went about 2 weeks refusing his meal and taking the sandwich. IMO, that's BS. She wasn't serving bizarre meals it was your standard meat and potatoes, chicken, all the stuff that was perfectly acceptable in the past. Her kid just preferred PB&J, but what child wouldn't? It's sugar and bread :lol:

I never force my son to eat his meal. It's his choice to eat. Or not.
He doesn't get punished for not eating it. He just doesn't get any other option as far as a meal choice, except, as others have posted, if I'm serving something totally new and different. In those cases he HAS TO try it and if he hates it, only then will I prepare him something more generic that I know he'll eat...like PB&J.

Nor do I serve or force anything on him that I know he hates. If my son tried something different and hated it, I would never serve it to him again.
But he can't eat macaroni and cheese one week and then the next week, turn up his nose at it because it would rather have a burger.
When he makes requests like that, I tell him that we're not at a restaurant where he gets to pick off a menu.

One day a week he gets to choose what I cook for the family.

[ChristyR143]

Originally Posted by sratsey

One day a week he gets to choose what I cook for the family.

That's a really neat idea. I think I will start doing this as well.

I guess I got kind of lucky in that both of my boys love fruit and veggies, so that's never been an issue for them.

[dallas]

I know that food is the main topic here but this is a control issue, and when children do this - and most little darlings do at some stage or another - they are "flexing their muscles" to see exactly what they can and cannot get away with and if they succeed, our power-hungry cherubs will "try it on" for anything and everything - it certainly doesn't stop with food - which in my opinion, is why it's so very important as parents that we stand our ground.

[HauteMama]

I agree about not forcing a child to eat what he doesn't want. My kids always have the option of not eating, but I will not indulge their demand that I make something else. And I DO demand that they try one bite. This has often led to them clearing their plate once they discover that they actually like what was served. But if they choose not to even try it, then they can go to bed hungry. Their choice.

I have friends whose children are actually underweight. And they are picky eaters. These parents actually have to indulge their child's demands to some extent because they don't have wiggle-room with weight and health. Indeed, their dr. suggested ways to add high-calorie foods into their diets (melted butter, cream, etc.). But the previous poster who said that kids will not starve themselves is, generally speaking, correct. In the vast majority of cases, kids self-regulate and will eat when they need to; skipping one or even several meals will do no harm.

Like others have mentioned, food shouldn't necessarily be a major battleground, but once you choose any battle you must win it with a toddler! Follow-through and consistency is key to establishing that mom and dad run the house, not the toddler. If you do not establish who runs the house early on, things will only get worse until you have a teenager who listens to no one and does whatever he or she pleases.

[sratsey]

Originally Posted by HauteMama

I have friends whose children are actually underweight. And they are picky eaters. These parents actually have to indulge their child's demands to some extent because they don't have wiggle-room with weight and health.

My son is thin, so believe me, it took A LOT for me to get to the point where I am, now that he's 4.
Food used to be a CONSTANT battle and when he was younger there were often times where I would end up in tears because I was convinced he was never going to eat and never going to grow.
It was my pediatrician who assured me that even though he's thin, he will not starve.

Once I stopped forcing the issue he became a MUCH better eater.
Mealtimes became less of me sitting there stressing out and constantly telling him to eat, eat, eat. It was AWFUL.

Now it's just eat. Or not.
Same goes for every meal, not just dinner.
Lunch is put in front of him for about 1/2 hour. What he doesn't eat gets taken away. I allow one snack between lunch and dinner.

If he skips dinner, he will often make up for it at breakfast.
So that his normal breakfast of pancakes, becomes pancakes and then he also wants an egg, a banana and yogurt. If he goes light on lunch he tends to eat more at dinner. So yeah, eventually, he WILL make up for that lost meal.

I think that if I still indulged him at mealtimes, the way I used to, he WOULD be a picky eater because he would KNOW that he has the choice to pick and choose what I put before him, if that makes any sense.

And I absolutely agree that it's a power thing because it was when I sat with him TELLING him to eat that it would take him an hour to finish a meal or he would just sit there pushing food around his plate. Once I stopped that, the game was over and now mealtime is just mealtime.