[Sternchen]

I thought that this thread would be a good place where we could ask questions about being intimate with our partners after giving birth. By "intimate" I don't just mean sex. I also mean cuddling, having alone time, date nights, issues that we're having with being intimate again, etc.

So, I'll start off with my own question! For those of you who cosleep or sleep with your children in the room, how do you manage to get some "mommy & daddy" time in? Bart isn't comfortable making love with the baby int he room, so we've become non-bedroom people. I dunno, it doesn't really bother me since I know she's sleeping and we won't wake her (she doesn't sleep in our bed). How do you guys deal with this?

[Highmaintenance]

I practiced co-sleeping for a looooong time...my daughter still jumps in my bed every now and then, the difference in that now she needs to knock at the door before entering mom and dad's room......in our particular situation we had a house with 3 extra rooms for our own....-if you know what I mean-...however it feels so weird not to have a nice time in your own bed...

Sorry I can't give you a solution to your problem, it has been 8 yrs since I gave birth to my child and I'm still trying to have her sleep in her own room myself!!!

Good Luck!

[mulberrylove]

I am 6 months pregnant and this is really weird but only today was i thinking these exact thoughts ...... how will it affect our us time? I am so glad you started this thread so i can get some tips to keep things "going" after our baby is born ... Did you find anything changed whilst pregnant (did your husband/partner act differently towards you , good or bad?)

[Rockst@r]

My munchkin will be 4yrs old in two weeks...and she still sleeps in our bed! We have a 3rd unused bedroom that's furnished and that's where we go if we want to be intimate (sex). As for other forms of intimacy, we still cuddle, hug, and show affection as much as we always have. As a result, we have a very affectionate and loving child. We're trying for baby #2 now and DH finally gets it when I say that "letting the baby sleep with us is a bad idea." There will no longer be an unused 3rd room once that baby comes along...jeez...we'll be relegated to the living room sofa if we can't get our daughter out of the bedroom! We go to Atlantic City once per month and my mom watches our daughter overnight so we can have alone time. We also try to get an evening alone whenever possible, though childcare is 99% of the time on us (meaning she's not in preschool; that's next year). Our schedules are totally different and we have one day per week off together so we try to make it really count. We may have a Sunday "family day" and in the evening sis-in-law might watch our daughter and we can slip out for a few hours for dinner and a movie. Children are an adjustment, but I've never felt like they're a burden. If anything, our marriage has flourished with having a family. The once per month getaways give us something to look forward to, so it's like Christmas every month! LOL

[EmilyAnne_SD]

Originally Posted by Rockst@r

My munchkin will be 4yrs old in two weeks...and she still sleeps in our bed! We have a 3rd unused bedroom that's furnished and that's where we go if we want to be intimate (sex). As for other forms of intimacy, we still cuddle, hug, and show affection as much as we always have. As a result, we have a very affectionate and loving child. We're trying for baby #2 now and DH finally gets it when I say that "letting the baby sleep with us is a bad idea." There will no longer be an unused 3rd room once that baby comes along...jeez...we'll be relegated to the living room sofa if we can't get our daughter out of the bedroom! We go to Atlantic City once per month and my mom watches our daughter overnight so we can have alone time. We also try to get an evening alone whenever possible, though childcare is 99% of the time on us (meaning she's not in preschool; that's next year). Our schedules are totally different and we have one day per week off together so we try to make it really count. We may have a Sunday "family day" and in the evening sis-in-law might watch our daughter and we can slip out for a few hours for dinner and a movie. Children are an adjustment, but I've never felt like they're a burden. If anything, our marriage has flourished with having a family. The once per month getaways give us something to look forward to, so it's like Christmas every month! LOL

This is similar to what DH and I do. We try to have a date night once a week, incorporate a family day once a week, and have some "nookie" time as often as possible. If DS is sleeping in our bed, we move to a different part of the house! Makes it interesting, no doubt!

[guccimamma]

babies are easy, they are always napping...so you can put them in their crib or sneak into another room

when they get older, that's the challenge..nothing more romantic than the kids banging on your bedroom door (locked) yelling...."what are you guys doing...open the door"

[Sternchen]

I just wanted to bump this thread back up

Now that Julia is older, moving around, babbling, not sleeping as much, we have found that being intimate has become more of an issue. Neither of us feel comfortable having sex while she is in the room (she sleeps in our room, in her own bed) so we have taken to getting creative when my mother isn't home (we still live at home) ROFL.

I think our date nights ahve really saved us though. My mom takes the baby for the day/evening and he and I go out and have a nice day and evening together...

How have you guys been doing after baby?

[kcf68]

Put the baby in her own room and spend time with your hubby....One of the greatest thing you can give your children is to show the love between their parents and a solid marriage....

[addicted2chanel]

I was just thinking about this the other day. How it will affect my intimacy with my S/O. But luckily, I have family around to watch my baby.
I have found that late in my pregnancy, it's hard to be intimate, certain positions don't work, and my S/O is having a hard time realizing that he WON'T hurt the baby. Also, he says since the baby is so low, it hurts for him, so we have been showing affection in other ways.
I think I would just put the baby in the other room.
I'm sure Grandma would understand that you two want a night alone for a change! How do you think you came into this world! I'm sure if you asked, she'd be more than willing to help you out once in a while.

[Sternchen]

Putting her in another room isn't an option because...well, we don't have another room! We're saving our money to build a house, so until then, she's here with us My mom takes her pretty often, so that's not really an issue either.

I just started this thread so we could all talk about it. I know in the beginning I wasn't in the mood for sex or any sort of intimacy because I was constantly worried about the baby.

[merika]

Is the room big enough to have a portable screen/divider? That way you could put it between the bads to at least get an illusion of having your own space. And it will also give the child the closeness of being near the parents and a little bit of independence.

Something like this:

[japskivt]

We still haven't had sex. There is something that goes wrong with me after I give birth and stays that way until I stop breastfeeding, I just don't want sex. It is so strange, as soon as I stop breastfeeding, I am back to normal.

We co-sleep too. (he's in a co-sleeper). I would put him in a pack-n-play in another room or do it in another room. It wasn't an issue with DD, she STTN at 3 months and was in her own room.

We do cuddle and hold hands a lot. We also lay on each other when lounging on the couch at night.

[riceandsoup]

japskivt, it's the hormones produced during breastfeeding that are causing your low libido. It's perfectly normal!

As for post-baby intimacy, DH and I weren't in much of a mood for any of that for about six months after both our girls were born. We co-sleep with #2, but #1 is nearly six and sleeps in her own room most of the time. We either do the deed next to #2 while she's sleeping on our bed, or elsewhere. Once she's about 2-3 years old, we'll evict her and then hopefully things will go back to normal!

As for general intimacy, we do that throughout the day with ourselves and also our girls. Keeps the lurve strong!

[HauteMama]

We decided from the very beginning that we would not cosleep any longer than absolutely necessary. Only when the kids were tiny infants did they commonly sleep with or in the same room with us and they quickly became accustomed to their own beds in their own rooms.

But as others have said, it only gets more difficult when they get older! Our kids are now 7, 5 and 3 and we can occasionally put on a new video and instruct them that mommy and daddy need to talk and not to come upstairs unless one of them is on fire. We put them to bed at a reasonable hour (they have school), but they seem to have a 6th sense about it and one of them keeps waking up and wandering into our room or even down the stairs to the living room if it is an evening we were going to be intimate!

As for non-sex intimacy, we are very close as a family. We are constantly laying together, snuggling with the kids on our laps, hugging, etc.

[sea0fyears]

We co-slept (same bed) for about 8 months, then when DD became more mobile and I was able to wean her night feedings we moved her into the crib in her own room. We have a few spare bedrooms, so DH and I would just leave her in our bed (we had guard rails installed the whole way around) and go else where, but now that we have our bed back, we're not as eager as we used to be. "forbidden fruit.." I guess. We do alot more going out now, though, since a babysitter just has to sit and make sure the house doesn't burn down for 4 hours.