[QueenOfDa702]

So, Im talking to my very good friend(via AIM), we've been friends since 4th grade, Im the God Mom of her soon to be 3 y/o Son. She lives in a different State than I do, but we talk frequently. So, anyway, Im talking to her, and she's telling be about this guy she met a month ago, they are supposedly dating.

Then she proceeds to tell me hes babysits her son!!!!!!!!
OMG! She's only known about his existence for ONE MONTH! Its bad enough the kid has already met the dude(which is a trend with her), but leaving him ALONE with a guy you've only known for a MONTH?!

Do I have the right to be LIVID?! I am so pissed right now, Im shaking! I always kept my mouth shut before, when she would tell me about the guys she meets, and how "good they are with her son"(in other words, they have met him within a week, usually!), that makes me mad because IMHO kids dont need to be seeing all of the different people going in and out of your..umm..room. KWIM? But, hes young still, so I let it go, hoping he wouldnt know any better, and she would quit when he got old enough to actually know what was going on. But now, leaving him with someone she barely knows? I told her about it. I sure did. Actually, I have the conversation...

The conversation has been edited, for obvious reasons.

XOXOXO (8:35:25 AM): the guy im talking to or daating or whatever... watches him for me
XOXOXO (8:35:33 AM): or i leave him at the daycare lady's all day
XOXOXO (8:35:55 AM): pretty shitty id rather have the guy im talking to watch him.. over someone who is suppsoed to be my friend though
XOXOXO (8:36:18 AM): and actually i dont ask him to watch him.. he offers
QueenOfDa702 (8:36:41 AM): how long have you been seeing him??
XOXOXO (8:36:48 AM): like a month
QueenOfDa702 (8:36:50 AM): I never heard anything about him!
XOXOXO (8:36:54 AM): i havent talk to you
XOXOXO (8:36:55 AM): lol
QueenOfDa702 (8:36:57 AM): lol
QueenOfDa702 (8:37:01 AM): only a month?
XOXOXO (8:37:05 AM): yyyeah
QueenOfDa702 (8:37:09 AM): girllll and hes watching your kid?
XOXOXO (8:37:29 AM): yeah... its amazing like that though
QueenOfDa702 (8:37:37 AM): amazing?
XOXOXO (8:37:42 AM): haha
XOXOXO (8:37:58 AM): i dunno how to explain it
XOXOXO (8:38:01 AM): were good though
XOXOXO (8:38:04 AM): i dont worry
QueenOfDa702 (8:38:19 AM): how long have you known him?
XOXOXO (8:38:26 AM): a month
QueenOfDa702 (8:38:33 AM): oh wow. XOXOXO!
XOXOXO (8:38:36 AM): i knew the daycare lady for a day before i let her watch babyXOXOXO though
QueenOfDa702 (8:38:43 AM): shes a daycare lady though
QueenOfDa702 (8:38:47 AM): thats different
XOXOXO (8:39:01 AM): mm yeah.. but.. its different
XOXOXO (8:39:25 AM): im not just letting some random person take him.

QueenOfDa702 (8:39:44 AM): he might not be random, but you've still only known him for a month!
QueenOfDa702 (8:40:02 AM): ok, Im not going to go into it, Im gonna let it go, Im ticked off right now, so as long as you know how I feel about it!


I proceeded with the conversation, and said nothing further about it.

Ok, I dont get it. Who in their right mind would let this happen? "Its different"??? Huh? How is it different? Every other guy shes known has been "different" until a few months into it, they cheat on her, or she finds out they have a WIFE(yea, thats happened!), or they just "arent who I thought they were." How has she NOT learned a lesson yet? What the heck is wrong with this girl?

I guess this was more of a rant, I had to get it out, I had to tell someone. And no, I dont care if she finds it, she knows how I am, she knows Im outspoken, and if she finds this, then she will just know what I was going to say before I "let it go" like I did when I was talking to her.

Please give me some insight on why someone would do this, especially when they have daycare available! Any insight that will help me get peace of mind is greatly appreciated.

ETA: She works two jobs, so when has she had the time to even get to know this guy?

Sorry so long! And I apologize in advance for any typos, I didnt proof read
Thanks for reading this, if you've made it this far!

[Sternchen]

It really depends. Is she a responsible mother who makes good choices for her son (other than this)? I would hope so. Since you're not there and you've never met this guy I think it's kind of hard to determine if this situation is good or not. He may be great with her son and her son may really like him...You just never know.

I'd actually give her the benefit of the doubt here and say that it's probably okay. If her son is happy, thriving and not showing any signs of abuse I can't think of anything that's really wrong with this situation. Isn't hiring a babysitter sort of the same thing? You know them for only that short time during the interview and then all of a sudden you're trusting them with the life of your child?

[ChanelMommy]

You're a concerned friend and you have a right to be upset, your looking out for the welfare of her child. She's lucky to have a friend like you

[Tracy]

what if this guy is a pedophile??? one month??

i have a recently divorced friend that is making some stupid decisions too. not really w/ her kids but w/ herself. she's meeting men she's met online w/ no back up. i saidsomething and she's like, "i trust him!" i said, "you've never met this person face to face and you trust him? he could be anyone!" she though i was silly and overprotective.
i think some women get caught up in the attention and get loopy.

[VPT]

It's her son and her life, let her deal with it. Have you met the guy yourself? Otherwise it's best to just air your concern once, and let her consider that's what friends do, they don't interfere. You don't know this guy he could well be a trustworthy person who's great with kids! Same thing goes with babysitters, you don't befriend the babysitter for 1 yr before hiring her do you?

[HauteMama]

The thing that would bother me is that he OFFERED. Most men would not offer to be a babysitter for someone they have only known a month unless they had other motives for being around the kids. I hate to be so suspicious, but I am with you 100% on this. There isn't anything you can actually do about it, unfortunately, except tell your friend your concerns, but it would make me very, VERY nervous.

[QueenOfDa702]

As far as babysitters go, they have references. Or at least, they should, if they dont, then I would have a problem with that too.

Im sure this isnt the first guy she's left her kid with, she has different men all the time, in and out of his life. This is just the first time she's told me about it.

I wont pry, this is the first and last time I will say anything(I only state my opinion once, listen or dont, thats her choice.), however, I did a little investigating and I *think* I found his MySpace page(the only guy on HER myspace page from the same town). And wow, if you could read a book by its cover I would swear this guy is NO GOOD. But, then again shes not known for finding the most reliable, decent guys.

Im just concerned, she has 2 jobs, when has she even had the time to get to know this guy? I just have a REALLY bad feeling about this.

Thank you ALL for your advice, Im calm now, but still very disappointed in her choice. Its just a horrible idea IMO and could result in stuff I dont even want to think of.

[QueenOfDa702]

We were posting at the same time.

Originally Posted by HauteMama

The thing that would bother me is that he OFFERED. Most men would not offer to be a babysitter for someone they have only known a month unless they had other motives for being around the kids. I hate to be so suspicious, but I am with you 100% on this. There isn't anything you can actually do about it, unfortunately, except tell your friend your concerns, but it would make me very, VERY nervous.

My SO has a HUGE issue with that(I do too, actually)! Like, why would this guy want to watch him sooo bad? Its just WEIRD! And on his(if its home, but Im 99% sure it is!) MySpace page, this guy looks CREEPY!

[gillianna]

Can you check the sex offenders national list to see if this guys name is on it? So not normal for a guy to offer to watch a kid, red flags all over. She sounds like a person you can not talk sense to but is there any familymembers of hers you can talk with. You read about these guys wanting women with kids---easy mark for them.

[QueenOfDa702]

Ok, so, she wont listen to either of her parents, I have nobody I can turn to that will help me talk some sense into her.

Also, its confirmed that this MySpace page is the guy shes talking about. My SO saw a "tagged" picture of her laying in bed with him(ugh!), which she QUICKLY took off her page. So, once my SO saw his page, he knew this was the guy! And let me tell you, this guy is NO GOOD. He has a video of him on his page, and his friend is smoking weed right next to him(in other words, this guy smokes weed too, Im sure.). This guy is NO GOOD and its freaking me out!!!! The only thing I can think of is that You Tube video of the teenager letting his 2 y/o cousin smoke weed! Oy.

If anyone wants to see his MySpace page, you can PM me. I would post here(because frankly, I dont care lol) but Im pretty sure its against the rules!

Ok, now Im freaking out all over again. Agh!

*Wooooo Saaaaaaa*

[Mrs. MC]

I would be be pissed too. I think this sounds like a bad idea and this bad choice she has made will affect her son the most not her.

[madamelizaking]

Wow.... She really doesn't understand how the dating world works, does she? It takes at least 6 months to get to know someone and at least a year before you see their true side...I would NEVER let anyone watch my child unless they were a close friend/relative

[Tracy]

Originally Posted by QueenOfDa702

As far as babysitters go, they have references. Or at least, they should, if they dont, then I would have a problem with that too.

Im sure this isnt the first guy she's left her kid with, she has different men all the time, in and out of his life. This is just the first time she's told me about it.

I wont pry, this is the first and last time I will say anything(I only state my opinion once, listen or dont, thats her choice.), however, I did a little investigating and I *think* I found his MySpace page(the only guy on HER myspace page from the same town). And wow, if you could read a book by its cover I would swear this guy is NO GOOD. But, then again shes not known for finding the most reliable, decent guys.

Im just concerned, she has 2 jobs, when has she even had the time to get to know this guy? I just have a REALLY bad feeling about this.

Thank you ALL for your advice, Im calm now, but still very disappointed in her choice. Its just a horrible idea IMO and could result in stuff I dont even want to think of.

ITA w/ the babysitter thing. usually it's someone from the neighborhood that everyone uses. or it's someone from the HS in a childcare program.

[print*model]

I don't blame you for being upset and no disrespect, but your friend is a fool for letting some guy she just met watch her child. This type of thing pisses me off beyond belief. I will never for the life of me understand why women put their children in situations like this just to say that they have a man!

You need to break it down to her. Seriously. Especially if you know that this guy is no good. Let's get real. What guy volunteers to babysit another man's three year old son that he just met?! Come on. There are so many cases of situations like this that have ended with the child being brutalized or even worse, killed at the hands of the mother's so-called boyfriend. It happens all the time. I just saw hidden camera footage of a "boyfriend" hitting and kicking his girlfriends baby (maybe 2 years old) in a convenience store FOR NO REASON! He was doing it because he thought no one was watching his ignorant ass. That was in a store. Imagine what he was doing to the baby AT HOME when no one was really watching him! And do you know who I blame? The baby's mother! Sex is NOT that important that you jeopardize your children and subject them to abuse from some a-hole who has been sitting around your house all day while you are at work. Eating your food and watching cable (and God only knows what else) all day alone with your kids.

I believe that mothers should be locked up when innocent children suffer from being put in these type of situations.

You need to talk to your friend again. It's not about butting into her business. It's about that child and his welfare. I would tell her that she's free to live her life the way she wants to. She's a grown woman. But she does not have a right to bring strange men into that child's life and put him in a position where he could be hurt, or even worse.

A young man was just sentenced this past week to life in prison. Around 2 years ago, he was babysitting his cousin's two children for the day. He repeatedly raped the 4 year old girl all day long. Later in the day she stopped breathing, he ran outside into the street in his underwear to get help. The little girl died. Stories like this absolutely freak me out. Women need to love their kids enough to put THEM first and not their own sex life.

I hope the baby will be okay.

[QueenOfDa702]

Thank you for your insight! Im actually thinking about sending her the link to this thread. She needs a reality check, big time.