[exotikittenx]

A guy that offers that quickly? I'd be wary of that... I'd be nervous he was a pedophile. I've never heard of a guy offering to watch a kid. This seems really strange to me.

[HaydenM]

Just a thought, is XOXO's father in his life? Does he spend time with the child (have partial custody)? I've seen plenty of stories where it's the boyfriend that ends up abusing or neglecting a child in their presence. You are such a good friend. Don't lose sight of your own instincts. GO with it! I'd rather have your friend's child be in a safe home than in an abusive/neglectful home. The child is way too young to speak up. You may in fact be the kid's only voice.

[GirlFriday]

Originally Posted by HauteMama

The thing that would bother me is that he OFFERED. Most men would not offer to be a babysitter for someone they have only known a month unless they had other motives for being around the kids. I hate to be so suspicious, but I am with you 100% on this. There isn't anything you can actually do about it, unfortunately, except tell your friend your concerns, but it would make me very, VERY nervous.

I totally agree. Normal men don't seek out spending alone time with kids that aren't their own. And if they do, that's very suspicious. In fact when they tell you to be leary of pedophiles, they say this is a warning sign.

My husband will be a great loving father, but he doesn't offer to babysit people's kids. That's just weird. Granted, maybe he's doing it to impress your friend, but this stuff bothers me.

Even if abuse isn't a worry, the fact that your friend brings all these men through the house is damaging to the kid. It really makes me mad when divorced women are more worried about finding a man, than taking care of their kids. When my mom was divorced, she was committed to raising us and didn't want us to have a step-family that would complicate our lives even further.

[maddog]

I agree with the concern that he offered. Honestly, if it's any decent man with some common sense, he probably wouldn't think it's a good idea for a child to meet a date-of-one-month, much less take care of him. I'm really concerned about the pedophile issue too.

Can you maybe urge her to speak to the child's doctor about if it's a good idea to be bringing men home? My friend's ex husband brings his gf home and my friend had the doctor confirm that it's not good for the child psychologically when the gf isn't a stable part of his life. Not that it helped cuz he continued, but at least maybe she can get some professional perspective?

It's great of you to be making that call. It's a tough thing to do and you could lose a friend in the process, but that child has a right to be protected from predators.

[coachygirl]

I have to agree with everyone in this post. The guy doesnt sound like the best guy in the whole world. I actually just watched a thing on pedophiles and thats how they attack. They find a single woman with a child or children and make them their prey. It is definitely something you need to be concerned with. Keep us posted.

[Ladybug09]

Wow, I would be very concerned about something like that also...

[QueenOfDa702]

Thank you sooo much for all of your thoughts. She is now avoiding my calls, so I guess I pissed her off. I dont really care though. I sent off something for her son yesterday, I want to wait to call CPS until he gets it(probably tomorrow), so she doesnt suspect me of calling. She will know(umm..think) I asked for the address JUST to send him something KWIM?

Originally Posted by HaydenM

Just a thought, is XOXO's father in his life? Does he spend time with the child (have partial custody)? I've seen plenty of stories where it's the boyfriend that ends up abusing or neglecting a child in their presence. You are such a good friend. Don't lose sight of your own instincts. GO with it! I'd rather have your friend's child be in a safe home than in an abusive/neglectful home. The child is way too young to speak up. You may in fact be the kid's only voice.

The father isnt in his life. Never has been. He was another one I told her to stay away from, and she didnt listen. I actually knew the guy before she met him, I knew he was bad news, when she called me to ask if I knew him(because he told her he knew me, I have a unique name, its hard to miss lol), I told her what he was all about and to stay away. You see how far that got me, she has a kid by him.

Whenever she gets over herself and starts talking to me again, Ill tell her to talk to her sons doctor about it. That sounds like a really great idea, but I doubt she will even listen to him.

[Allisonfaye]

Originally Posted by HauteMama

The thing that would bother me is that he OFFERED. Most men would not offer to be a babysitter for someone they have only known a month unless they had other motives for being around the kids. I hate to be so suspicious, but I am with you 100% on this. There isn't anything you can actually do about it, unfortunately, except tell your friend your concerns, but it would make me very, VERY nervous.

I agree with this...and you. I would be very concerned too. Sorry but your friend doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack.

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by HauteMama

The thing that would bother me is that he OFFERED. Most men would not offer to be a babysitter for someone they have only known a month unless they had other motives for being around the kids. I hate to be so suspicious, but I am with you 100% on this. There isn't anything you can actually do about it, unfortunately, except tell your friend your concerns, but it would make me very, VERY nervous.

ITA. to the OP, i think you are right to be concerned/upset....i would be too, if it was my godson. letting a guy you've known for only ONE MONTH watch your toddler son is very irresponsible IMO. my friend from high school was molested by a babysitter when she was very young, and it seriously screwed her up for a long time. i can't believe someone would take that risk with their own child.

if i was in the situation, i'd be very concerned about it, b/c if anything happened to that child (e.g. the boyfriend abused him somehow), i'd *never* forgive myself (or my friend) for not doing anything to prevent it.

edit: i just read the other posts, omg, yeah pls try to do something, this guy def. sounds like a weirdo...am so sorry you have to go thru this..

[TwixyTwins]

I'm a newbie here, found the purse forum searching for a bag I saw in a magazine and cruised onto this side of the tracks.
That is very sad to hear about your friend and her choices. My sisters, girlfriends and I listen to Dr. Laura. Maybe you should direct her to Dr. Laura's website, talk radio show and her books. Dr. Laura would set her straight.

In my experience with desperate friends wanting a man in their life I've found they won't listen to you even if you tell them, they'll do what they want anyway in fact might do more damage just to spite your advice. I would tell her in a creative way. Maybe somehow bring up "another" story similar..or cut out magazine stories or make her watch the news or even email her links that you find on child abuse.

I hope everything turns out well for the sake of your Godchild.

[Mindiwe]

I have another suggestion, I skimmed through, so maybe I missed something.

Smoking weed, a rapper in between jobs, offered his child care services, my question is: Do you know if he's on probation? A call to the county sheriffs department can usually answer that. If he is, get the name of his PO and inform them of his current living arrangements and if he is in compliance.

Don't give up trying to put an end to this, it may be frustrating, but it seems at this point, you are the only voice for your 3 yr old godson.

[Taralindsey]

Oh my god, This is awful! I hope she comes to her senses and the little boy is OK. I Would NEVER leave my children with ANYONE I have only known for a month! I don't even like daycare places.. It took me a few visits to the pre-school to be comfortable. Maybe I am paranoid but when it comes to my children, I feel it better to be safe than sorry. I have heard some horrible stories of children being raped and abused by boyfriends of single mothers and it is just sick... I am scared for the little boy. I hope you can get through to her.

[QueenOfDa702]

*UPDATE*
I called CPS last week. I talked to a lady, told her what the issue was, she said she would have a social worker get back to me early this week. I havent heard anything, so I called back today to see if I could get an update. They are now giving me the runaround, saying that they are busy, someone will get back to me, yada yada. So, I told them if nobody got back to me by next Tuesday, I would be calling again and talking to a supervisor.

It seems like every time I've talked to anyone from CPS in my city, they act the same way. Like they could really care less about anything but that paycheck they get every other Friday.

Im not really *positive* this is a reason to visit the home of my friend, but if this isnt a good enough reason, why cant they just tell me that rather than beating around the bush KWIM?
Anyway, Ill keep you all updated.

[QueenOfDa702]

Another Update
I finally got in contact with someone who was willing to help me at CPS(this was days ago), she said they would check it out and she would give me a call back. I got a call on Friday, she told me that there was food in the house, the house was clean, and there were no signs of abuse so there was nothing they could do(I was pretty much suspecting that there would be nothing they could do). However, she asked my friend who watches her son while she is at work, my friend said "I have a daycare provider". Lies! So, the CPS lady gave her some literature on what to look for if your child is being(Physically or Mentally) abused, and told her to only leave him with people she trusts. She said she told her a couple of stories about cases she has had in the past with Mothers leaving their kids with people they hardly know, and the child ends up missing or dead. Hopefully that scared her.

The lady was super nice and told me I did a good thing by calling, and I had a right to be worried, etc. She said if my friend says anything else that I am concerned with, to go ahead and give her a call.

I also asked, if CPS had grounds to remove him from her custody, where he would go(would he go to family, foster care, etc.). I was really concerned about Foster Care and that concern almost made me not even call. But, she said they would place him with the State only until they could get into contact with my friends parents, then he would be placed in their custody(if they were willing to take him, but Im positive they would).

So anyway, I hope a professional telling her what could happen opened her eyes a bit. Only time will tell! Thank you all for your support, I really needed it!

[Sternchen]

Glad to hear you had found someone at CPS who was willing to help you!

If CPS in the states works the same as it does here in Germany, I know the runaround they can give you. We've been dealing with them for quite a while with Nicole's (my cousin) mother...that's the reason why she's been living with us most of the days of the week