how to disapline an 18 month old???

mustlovecatz · Jul 3rd, 2008, 10:47 PM

my son is 18 months, he hits me, my so and other kids..hes pinches and squeezes my cats or my skin...pulls temper tanrums and throws himself on the ground and kicks!...i know this is expected with kids but i didnt know this early..so how can i discapline him when he is doing something wrong?? i tried smacking his hand but doesnt work so I dont want to keep doing that....i have no idea what to do

Jill · Jul 3rd, 2008, 10:58 PM

U need to keep reinforcing thats it NOT good to hit......until he stops.is he too young for a timeout chair?I cant remember when i started that..LOL.(my baby is 12!)
it sounds like he is really young to b starting this already so u need to Nip it NOW.
use positive reinforcement..like ALWAYS give him a kiss or hug when he is nice to people,that helps as well.he will respond to it and hopefully start better behavior.
Hope this helped...good luck girl!

merika · Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

U need to keep reinforcing thats it NOT good to hit......until he stops.is he too young for a timeout chair?I cant remember when i started that..LOL.(my baby is 12!)
it sounds like he is really young to b starting this already so u need to Nip it NOW.
use positive reinforcement..like ALWAYS give him a kiss or hug when he is nice to people,that helps as well.he will respond to it and hopefully start better behavior.
Hope this helped...good luck girl!

Guess he's too young for a timeout chair but a firm "NO. That HURTS" should do it. And I totally agree with Jill about the positive reinforcement.

pollinilove · Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:08 PM

what i did was i would cry for real cry i can make my self cry . so when my som would do stuff to me hit bite or what ever i would cry and say mommy is sad mommy hurt :( and then he never did it again so you can try that

Mrs. MC · Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:28 PM

My 16 month old hits and then laughs she thinks it is funny. She also is starting to bite, she tells me "no" all the time and she hits my son and says "bad" while she is hitting him. She is constantly abusing me, when she wakes up in the morning the first thing she does is try to gauge my eyes out. My son who is 3 never was like this. I think a lot of this has to do with them play fighting together so she thinks this is acceptable because he is 3 and obviously plays into it and doesn't set limits with her. So what I found the best thing is a firm "no" with a displeased facial expression to go with it because they read that first always and then if it continues, I reinforce the other person in the situation by praising and showing affection and then the first postitive action that she does, I make sure I praise her and make a big deal about it. Removing her from situations helps too like actually picking her up and putting her someplace else, good luck !

sratsey · Jul 4th, 2008, 09:54 AM

I think the only thing you can do to diffuse temper tantrums at this age is to ignore them and when the fit blows over to just carry on like it never happened.
As far as the behavior that you want to nip in the bud, I think you could start doing time outs BUT ONLY IF you think your son understands the concept of "NO"

My son was 19 months when we started using a time out chair.
I really felt like he understood that "NO" meant he wasn't supposed to do something by the look on his face that he gave me when he did it again. LOL.

So the first time I would say "No! We don't _______"
Then if he repeated I would pick him up and say "Mommy told you NOT TO _____"

I don't necessarily know how much he understood that it was bad behavior, I DID want to enforce the cause/effect thing that would associate IGNORING "NO"=TIME OUT. IMO, it's the only way that "NO" every means anything to a toddler, beyond "No means she's telling me not to do something I WANT to do"

Given a choice between "Something I want to do" and "NO" I think ANY child would pick the former UNLESS they knew that not listening would be followed by TO.

Be advised: it will take a LOOOOONG time for you to get a toddler to understand the concept of having to SIT in TO.
When I started TOs with my son he would get up constantly and I pretty much just had to pick him up and put him back, over and over and over again. He could go a good 1/2 hour-40 minutes before that 1 1/2 minutes even started, but after about 3 times, he understood that I would ALWAYS put him back in the chair. Even when he threw it at me LOL.
I think that's probably the most important thing if you decide to start implementing TO. You have to keep putting them back until they "get it" no matter how long it takes.

lil purseaddict · Jul 4th, 2008, 11:15 AM

my daughter started daycare when she was about 18 months and would bite the other children who got to close to her. I talked to her teacher abut what i could do, they told me to try not to use the word "no" and instead try saying "not nice," "that hurts," and follow up with an example of a gentle touch, hugs, kisses, or gentle touches along with a verbal commentary of what your displaying. I later found out her biting was her way of saying "hello, be my friend" because my MIL used to play bite and laugh, it was her way f showing affection. Also kids start to act out because they cant verbalize their feelings such as i'm hungry/ tired/ bored or whatever, so they become frustrated and start lashing out.

mustlovecatz · Jul 4th, 2008, 09:15 PM

^^ I agree with you, ever since he started to walk and get into thing I never use the word NO, i say "dont do that" or "thats not nice"..things like that. I will try the time outs and see what happens, i just hget so embarassed when he hits other kids because then the parents look at me like im nuts and dont want their kids playing with my boy...

DesigningStyle · Jul 4th, 2008, 11:43 PM

OP, I am sorry I don't understand, what is wrong with saying a firm "No" to your child? I really think you need to be assertive here and let him clearly know that this behavior will not be tolerated. I would not overly focus on his bad behavior, but I would be firm and a harsh, serious tone "No!" is in order. Good luck.

Sternchen · Jul 5th, 2008, 03:42 AM

Tell your son "No! That hurts Mommy (kitty, whatever)" and then redirect his attention elsewhere. Don't be mad at him for too long, but do let him know that it hurts and that it's not acceptable. He may not understand it right away, but he'll get the message that he did something he's not supposed to.

Be sure to praise him for good things, like maybe putting some toys away, petting the cat nicely, etc. If he's unsure of how to be with the animals and they are aggresive, I'd separate them because you don#t know if your cat will lash out. Show him how to pet the kitty. Take his hand and stroke the kitty softly saying "See, this is how you pet the kitty nice" or something like that

mustlovecatz · Jul 5th, 2008, 08:23 PM

DesigningStyle, the reason I try not to say No is because I heard from someone who took a Lamaze class that by never saying the word No to your child prevents him from learning to tell YOU no. KWIM?

merika · Jul 5th, 2008, 08:39 PM

^^LOL!!! My mom thought that too, and I told her no her all the time!!

Mrs. MC · Jul 5th, 2008, 08:56 PM

I don't see anything wrong with a firm "No" it is direct and monosylabic and more effective than telling the child that they are not being nice or whatever. I don't agree with that lamaze philosophy, the children are going to learn that word and that meaning regardles so there is no sense tiptoeing around the "no" word in my opinion. I would actually want my child to learn that word, is is valuable in lots of situations where they need to protect themselves as well. Also like I said, make sure your body language and facial expressions match what you are saying, good luck !

merika · Jul 5th, 2008, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. MC

I don't see anything wrong with a firm "No" it is direct and monosylabic and more effective than telling the child that they are not being nice or whatever. I don't agree with that lamaze philosophy, the children are going to learn that word and that meaning regardles so there is no sense tiptoeing around the "no" word in my opinion. I would actually want my child to learn that word, is is valuable in lots of situations where they need to protect themselves as well. Also like I said, make sure your body language and facial expressions match what you are saying, good luck !

omgsweet · Jul 5th, 2008, 09:45 PM

I don't use the word "no" either. My Mom never used it with my brother and sister, and they never yelled "no" back at her. We say, "uh uh!!" My daughter reacts really well to that. She knows what it means and stops what she is doing immediately. It works pretty well for our family.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:28 PM	#5
Mrs. MC Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 2,563	My 16 month old hits and then laughs she thinks it is funny. She also is starting to bite, she tells me "no" all the time and she hits my son and says "bad" while she is hitting him. She is constantly abusing me, when she wakes up in the morning the first thing she does is try to gauge my eyes out. My son who is 3 never was like this. I think a lot of this has to do with them play fighting together so she thinks this is acceptable because he is 3 and obviously plays into it and doesn't set limits with her. So what I found the best thing is a firm "no" with a displeased facial expression to go with it because they read that first always and then if it continues, I reinforce the other person in the situation by praising and showing affection and then the first postitive action that she does, I make sure I praise her and make a big deal about it. Removing her from situations helps too like actually picking her up and putting her someplace else, good luck ! __________________

Jul 4th, 2008, 11:43 PM	#9
DesigningStyle 'always avant-garde' Joined: Dec 2006 Location: New Jersey, USA Posts: 5,028	OP, I am sorry I don't understand, what is wrong with saying a firm "No" to your child? I really think you need to be assertive here and let him clearly know that this behavior will not be tolerated. I would not overly focus on his bad behavior, but I would be firm and a harsh, serious tone "No!" is in order. Good luck. __________________

Jul 5th, 2008, 03:42 AM	#10
Sternchen Member Joined: May 2006 Location: Beauty RAOK Posts: 10,225	Tell your son "No! That hurts Mommy (kitty, whatever)" and then redirect his attention elsewhere. Don't be mad at him for too long, but do let him know that it hurts and that it's not acceptable. He may not understand it right away, but he'll get the message that he did something he's not supposed to. Be sure to praise him for good things, like maybe putting some toys away, petting the cat nicely, etc. If he's unsure of how to be with the animals and they are aggresive, I'd separate them because you don#t know if your cat will lash out. Show him how to pet the kitty. Take his hand and stroke the kitty softly saying "See, this is how you pet the kitty nice" or something like that __________________

Jul 5th, 2008, 08:39 PM	#12
merika Sac Himalaya Joined: Nov 2006 Location: In front of a computer Posts: 7,806	^^LOL!!! My mom thought that too, and I told her no her all the time!! __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Jul 5th, 2008, 08:56 PM	#13
Mrs. MC Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 2,563	I don't see anything wrong with a firm "No" it is direct and monosylabic and more effective than telling the child that they are not being nice or whatever. I don't agree with that lamaze philosophy, the children are going to learn that word and that meaning regardles so there is no sense tiptoeing around the "no" word in my opinion. I would actually want my child to learn that word, is is valuable in lots of situations where they need to protect themselves as well. Also like I said, make sure your body language and facial expressions match what you are saying, good luck ! __________________

Jul 3rd, 2008, 10:47 PM	#1
mustlovecatz Sofa King Banned Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,371	my son is 18 months, he hits me, my so and other kids..hes pinches and squeezes my cats or my skin...pulls temper tanrums and throws himself on the ground and kicks!...i know this is expected with kids but i didnt know this early..so how can i discapline him when he is doing something wrong?? i tried smacking his hand but doesnt work so I dont want to keep doing that....i have no idea what to do

Jul 3rd, 2008, 10:58 PM	#2
Jill Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 23,500	U need to keep reinforcing thats it NOT good to hit......until he stops.is he too young for a timeout chair?I cant remember when i started that..LOL.(my baby is 12!) it sounds like he is really young to b starting this already so u need to Nip it NOW. use positive reinforcement..like ALWAYS give him a kiss or hug when he is nice to people,that helps as well.he will respond to it and hopefully start better behavior. Hope this helped...good luck girl!

Jul 3rd, 2008, 11:08 PM	#4
pollinilove Member Joined: Mar 2007 Location: nc 30 min from va border Posts: 1,014	what i did was i would cry for real cry i can make my self cry . so when my som would do stuff to me hit bite or what ever i would cry and say mommy is sad mommy hurt :( and then he never did it again so you can try that

Jul 4th, 2008, 09:54 AM	#6
sratsey Member Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,530	I think the only thing you can do to diffuse temper tantrums at this age is to ignore them and when the fit blows over to just carry on like it never happened. As far as the behavior that you want to nip in the bud, I think you could start doing time outs BUT ONLY IF you think your son understands the concept of "NO" My son was 19 months when we started using a time out chair. I really felt like he understood that "NO" meant he wasn't supposed to do something by the look on his face that he gave me when he did it again. LOL. So the first time I would say "No! We don't _______" Then if he repeated I would pick him up and say "Mommy told you NOT TO _____" I don't necessarily know how much he understood that it was bad behavior, I DID want to enforce the cause/effect thing that would associate IGNORING "NO"=TIME OUT. IMO, it's the only way that "NO" every means anything to a toddler, beyond "No means she's telling me not to do something I WANT to do" Given a choice between "Something I want to do" and "NO" I think ANY child would pick the former UNLESS they knew that not listening would be followed by TO. Be advised: it will take a LOOOOONG time for you to get a toddler to understand the concept of having to SIT in TO. When I started TOs with my son he would get up constantly and I pretty much just had to pick him up and put him back, over and over and over again. He could go a good 1/2 hour-40 minutes before that 1 1/2 minutes even started, but after about 3 times, he understood that I would ALWAYS put him back in the chair. Even when he threw it at me LOL. I think that's probably the most important thing if you decide to start implementing TO. You have to keep putting them back until they "get it" no matter how long it takes.

Jul 4th, 2008, 11:15 AM	#7
lil purseaddict Member Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 45	my daughter started daycare when she was about 18 months and would bite the other children who got to close to her. I talked to her teacher abut what i could do, they told me to try not to use the word "no" and instead try saying "not nice," "that hurts," and follow up with an example of a gentle touch, hugs, kisses, or gentle touches along with a verbal commentary of what your displaying. I later found out her biting was her way of saying "hello, be my friend" because my MIL used to play bite and laugh, it was her way f showing affection. Also kids start to act out because they cant verbalize their feelings such as i'm hungry/ tired/ bored or whatever, so they become frustrated and start lashing out.

Jul 4th, 2008, 09:15 PM	#8
mustlovecatz Sofa King Banned Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,371	^^ I agree with you, ever since he started to walk and get into thing I never use the word NO, i say "dont do that" or "thats not nice"..things like that. I will try the time outs and see what happens, i just hget so embarassed when he hits other kids because then the parents look at me like im nuts and dont want their kids playing with my boy...

Jul 5th, 2008, 08:23 PM	#11
mustlovecatz Sofa King Banned Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,371	DesigningStyle, the reason I try not to say No is because I heard from someone who took a Lamaze class that by never saying the word No to your child prevents him from learning to tell YOU no. KWIM?

Jul 5th, 2008, 09:45 PM	#15
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Joined: Apr 2007 Location: Scottsdale, Az Posts: 1,530	I don't use the word "no" either. My Mom never used it with my brother and sister, and they never yelled "no" back at her. We say, "uh uh!!" My daughter reacts really well to that. She knows what it means and stops what she is doing immediately. It works pretty well for our family. __________________