Having kids after 35

Twinklette · Jun 28th, 2006, 11:48 AM

My DH and I had a long talk last night...he thinks we waited too long to have kids - due to various personal situations it never seemed the right time. Now I'm 36 and my DH is 35. He wanted to have 2 kids and feels it's too late for that now...he's been asking me for 6 years to try to get pregnant and I just wasn't ready. Now I am and he's having 2nd thoughts, basically saying that since we can't have 2 children and the family he wants that we shouldn't have any. That we are set in our ways, we will be too old, etc. I sometimes wish I had just gone ahead a few years ago, but things were pretty bad then.

What do you all think? I am pretty upset as I can't see my life without children, yet I wonder if I didn't do this to myself by putting it off for so long. I may not even be able to have children at this point but I certainly would like to try

I would love some advice here on the age issue and how I could talk to my DH about maybe seeing things in a different light. If it happened by chance he would definitely be thrilled but he doesn't seem to want to put lots of effort into getting pregnant because of the reasons I mentioned.

Luccibag · Jun 28th, 2006, 11:52 AM

Im 39, I have two kids, and Im thinking of MAYBE one more!

Tell your DH people are having kids at later ages now. Look at the celebs! Brooke SHields is 40 and she just had a baby. That celeb Mariska Hargitay is 42, or 43 and having her first. My doctor told me her AVERAGE patient (ob-gyn) is from 34 to 43!

Go for it! (Oh and tell your DH that Brad Pitt just had his first and he's 43!)

PS, my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. (that's my 6 year old daughter in my avatar) and my son is 10.

Becca4277 · Jun 28th, 2006, 11:53 AM

I do not think that 36 is too old to start trying for a family. One of my dearest gf had her first at 38, then became pregnant with twins at 40 (naturally). I understand what your hubby is saying about being set in his ways, etc. However, I believe that some of the best parents out there are older parents; they have the patience and wisdom that 20 year olds do not have (please, no offense to anyone...I had my daughter when I was 29).

It is a big decision and one not to be taken lightly. Think about it a bit more and make the decision with your heart. Good luck!!!

Luccibag · Jun 28th, 2006, 11:54 AM

Oh and another plus! Maternity clothes now are HOT! Not like a few years ago when you wore TENTS!

Michele · Jun 28th, 2006, 11:58 AM

I don't think your too old at all. Times have changed and technology has gotten so much better that its not unheard off at all for women in their late 30's and 40's to have children. Also, in today's society, being in your late thirties is still considered quite young.

RozzieJ · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:00 PM

Please, are you kidding me...you guys are still young. People are having babies well into there 40's. What I would like for you to do TODAY sweetie is make an appt w/your OB-GYN. You and your husband go and talk over your concerns with Doc. and take it from there. Children are a blessing....I have two crumb snatchers of my own.....lord knows they can work a nerve, but I wouldn't trade them for all the DESIGNER HANDBAGS in the world (did I just say that...teehee)

Peace and blessing!!!

janecanadian · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:01 PM

I was thirty five when I found out I was pregnant...my dh an I had pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that it wasn't going to happen and we were okay with that...we too, were pretty comfortable and set in our ways and enjoyed the freedom of being able to do anything we wanted, whenever we wanted...then SURPRISE, I discovered I was pregnant and I would not change anything...our daughter has brought nothing but joy into our lives...sure, sometimes we miss the old days of sleeping in and travelling, but the sacrifices have definitely been worth it...I don't think we will have another one, but hey, whatever happens happens...

ParkAvenuePrincess · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:02 PM

awww, Im really sorry hun. I do feel for you. I don't think you are being unreasonable to have waited or to want children now. People change & peopel grow. I think it was perfectly the right thing (in fact, the only responsible thing you could have done) to not have children while there were other not so great issues in your life.

This is probably not what you are looking to hear but if you do have trouble having a baby, what about adoption? ther are an awful lot of children out there desperately in need of loving homes so if having two is such a big deal to your DH, maybe suggeest that?

Also, 35 is not exactly an old age to have children now! many, many women are choosing to have them later in life so that the ycan prove a happy, secure home for them. I think this is absolutely the right thing. If you rush into having children just because of 'body clock' pressure I think its a big mistake!

Not the same in any way at all, but I have just turned 30 & I still eally can't ever see my life with children, but this is a problem for me, as my DH is 8 years older than me. I don't want to get to 35 & find I do want children, by which time he will be 43. Its something I'm definitely feeling pressure over (not by him at all! its just seems all magazine I read at the mo have articles about older parents!) & its not nice! so I sympathise with you totally.

but I honestly think you should just go ahead & try, if you really ant children I mean. who the heck says you can't have another after the first?

redney · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:02 PM

I'm 36 and don't have kids, but many of my closest friends (ages between 34-37) are now getting pregnant for the 1st time, or have had their first within the past year. Each couple's situation is different, of course, but the majority have said they are glad they waited - feel more mature/prepared/financially and emotionally stable, etc.

Also, one of my friends (now 35) who had her son when she was 28 says that she is ~by far~ the youngest mom among her son's 2nd grade class. Most of the parents are in their 40s, she said.

I think it's more common and acceptable these days to have kids later.

Good luck and best wishes to you and your DH with your decision!!

RozzieJ · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luccibag

Oh and another plus! Maternity clothes now are HOT! Not like a few years ago when you wore TENTS!

I know thats right

Japster · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:06 PM

36 too old? NO WAY! You both are mature, settled and at a great point in your life.
BTW, I'm 27 and getting pregnant is hell on earth for me. Fertility drugs, lots of negative EPTs, an ectopic & part of my tube removed.

Nishi621 · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinklette

My DH and I had a long talk last night...he thinks we waited too long to have kids - due to various personal situations it never seemed the right time. Now I'm 36 and my DH is 35. He wanted to have 2 kids and feels it's too late for that now...he's been asking me for 6 years to try to get pregnant and I just wasn't ready. Now I am and he's having 2nd thoughts, basically saying that since we can't have 2 children and the family he wants that we shouldn't have any. That we are set in our ways, we will be too old, etc. I sometimes wish I had just gone ahead a few years ago, but things were pretty bad then.

What do you all think? I am pretty upset as I can't see my life without children, yet I wonder if I didn't do this to myself by putting it off for so long. I may not even be able to have children at this point but I certainly would like to try

I would love some advice here on the age issue and how I could talk to my DH about maybe seeing things in a different light. If it happened by chance he would definitely be thrilled but he doesn't seem to want to put lots of effort into getting pregnant because of the reasons I mentioned.

Why can't you have 2 kids? I live in an area of NY-hell-all of NY! Where it is pretty commonplace to have kids later in life. Most of the mothers of the other kids in my son's kindergarten class are 40 or more. I am 41, my husband is 50 and my younger son is 5 1/2-I gave birth to him 5 days after I turned 36! Our oldest son is 18 (and, no-the younger one was not an accident or a surprise-we were trying for another-LOL!)

I don't believe in that "set in your ways" jazz. If you really want and love children-and it seems like both of you do-then you will make room for them. I know plenty of couples who waited until later in life to have kids-and in some ways-i think they appreciate them more-the fact that they are older makes them calmer more giving parents. Not to mention sometimes more financially and emotionally stable and more secure in their relationship. I see no reason why you guys can't get pregnant now! You just might have to have the second one pretty quickly after the first.

Twinklette · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:14 PM

Thanks everyone! You all are making me feel so much better :) I just hope that I can talk some sense into my DH! I think he's just upset as he wanted kids when we were younger, at 30...but things didn't work out that way. Things don't always happen the way you plan, which is what I tried to tell him! If it's meant to be it WILL work out. All your support is wonderful, thank you! One thing I have against me is endometriosis (mild case but I keep getting a large cyst on my left ovary that I have had to remove 2x), so Japster I might end up needing fertility treatments - I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles! My GYN said if we aren't pregnant within 3-6 mos of faithfully trying then we both have to get tested immediately.

chicky · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:16 PM

i don't think having kids after 35 is too old, ok, so, it can be harder to conceive and we can only get more tired as we get older, but many women over the age of 35 can, and do, have normal, healthy children.

My mum. for example, had her last child at the age of 44. (She had 6 in all, lol

) It took her a while to get pregnant but she had a perfectly healthy baby girl 8 years ago. She is now 52 and still has 4 children under the age of 19 at home.

On the downside of having children younger, it can be said that you may not have done all your 'living' - i for one felt i was too young once i had actually had my son (I was 24 when i fell pregnant) though i wouldn't change a thing now, it does seem as though your life passes by quicker as you're watching for every milestone - the first step, the first word etc.

Suffice to say, it just wasn't the right time for you a few years ago, you had your reasons - yet now it is the right time. Will your hubby change his mind, do you think?
I'd suggest a good heart to heart and see what compromise you can both reach - good luck

Nishi621 · Jun 28th, 2006, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinklette

Thanks everyone! You all are making me feel so much better :) I just hope that I can talk some sense into my DH! I think he's just upset as he wanted kids when we were younger, at 30...but things didn't work out that way. Things don't always happen the way you plan, which is what I tried to tell him! If it's meant to be it WILL work out. All your support is wonderful, thank you! One thing I have against me is endometriosis (mild case but I keep getting a large cyst on my left ovary that I have had to remove 2x), so Japster I might end up needing fertility treatments - I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles! My GYN said if we aren't pregnant within 3-6 mos of faithfully trying then we both have to get tested immediately.

Here's a tip on conceiving. Have sex exactly 2 weeks after the first day of your last period-that is the day you will most likely ovulate and your best shot at getting pregnant. And, of course-keep your legs up for a while afterwards to give those little swimmers some help in the direction department

. Oh-and for good measure, have sex the next day also.

And, print out this thread and show it to your hubby-it might help.

Jun 28th, 2006, 11:48 AM	#1
Twinklette Happy Holidays*~ Location: Northeast	Having kids after 35 My DH and I had a long talk last night...he thinks we waited too long to have kids - due to various personal situations it never seemed the right time. Now I'm 36 and my DH is 35. He wanted to have 2 kids and feels it's too late for that now...he's been asking me for 6 years to try to get pregnant and I just wasn't ready. Now I am and he's having 2nd thoughts, basically saying that since we can't have 2 children and the family he wants that we shouldn't have any. That we are set in our ways, we will be too old, etc. I sometimes wish I had just gone ahead a few years ago, but things were pretty bad then. What do you all think? I am pretty upset as I can't see my life without children, yet I wonder if I didn't do this to myself by putting it off for so long. I may not even be able to have children at this point but I certainly would like to try I would love some advice here on the age issue and how I could talk to my DH about maybe seeing things in a different light. If it happened by chance he would definitely be thrilled but he doesn't seem to want to put lots of effort into getting pregnant because of the reasons I mentioned. __________________ Last edited by Twinklette; Jun 28th, 2006 at 11:51 AM.

Jun 28th, 2006, 11:52 AM	#2
Luccibag Member	Re: Having kids after 35 Im 39, I have two kids, and Im thinking of MAYBE one more! Tell your DH people are having kids at later ages now. Look at the celebs! Brooke SHields is 40 and she just had a baby. That celeb Mariska Hargitay is 42, or 43 and having her first. My doctor told me her AVERAGE patient (ob-gyn) is from 34 to 43! Go for it! (Oh and tell your DH that Brad Pitt just had his first and he's 43!) PS, my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. (that's my 6 year old daughter in my avatar) and my son is 10. __________________ My collection pics http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...el-356589.html

Jun 28th, 2006, 11:53 AM	#3
Becca4277 www.petfinder.com Location: Upstate NY; too far from NYC :-(	Re: Having kids after 35 I do not think that 36 is too old to start trying for a family. One of my dearest gf had her first at 38, then became pregnant with twins at 40 (naturally). I understand what your hubby is saying about being set in his ways, etc. However, I believe that some of the best parents out there are older parents; they have the patience and wisdom that 20 year olds do not have (please, no offense to anyone...I had my daughter when I was 29). It is a big decision and one not to be taken lightly. Think about it a bit more and make the decision with your heart. Good luck!!!

Jun 28th, 2006, 11:54 AM	#4
Luccibag Member	Re: Having kids after 35 Oh and another plus! Maternity clothes now are HOT! Not like a few years ago when you wore TENTS! __________________ My collection pics http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...el-356589.html

Jun 28th, 2006, 11:58 AM	#5
Michele Member Location: Maryland	Re: Having kids after 35 I don't think your too old at all. Times have changed and technology has gotten so much better that its not unheard off at all for women in their late 30's and 40's to have children. Also, in today's society, being in your late thirties is still considered quite young.

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:00 PM	#6
RozzieJ Member	Re: Having kids after 35 Please, are you kidding me...you guys are still young. People are having babies well into there 40's. What I would like for you to do TODAY sweetie is make an appt w/your OB-GYN. You and your husband go and talk over your concerns with Doc. and take it from there. Children are a blessing....I have two crumb snatchers of my own.....lord knows they can work a nerve, but I wouldn't trade them for all the DESIGNER HANDBAGS in the world (did I just say that...teehee) Peace and blessing!!!

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:01 PM	#7
janecanadian Member Location: Canada	Re: Having kids after 35 I was thirty five when I found out I was pregnant...my dh an I had pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that it wasn't going to happen and we were okay with that...we too, were pretty comfortable and set in our ways and enjoyed the freedom of being able to do anything we wanted, whenever we wanted...then SURPRISE, I discovered I was pregnant and I would not change anything...our daughter has brought nothing but joy into our lives...sure, sometimes we miss the old days of sleeping in and travelling, but the sacrifices have definitely been worth it...I don't think we will have another one, but hey, whatever happens happens...

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:02 PM	#8
ParkAvenuePrincess Loving Every Minute! Location: UK	Re: Having kids after 35 awww, Im really sorry hun. I do feel for you. I don't think you are being unreasonable to have waited or to want children now. People change & peopel grow. I think it was perfectly the right thing (in fact, the only responsible thing you could have done) to not have children while there were other not so great issues in your life. This is probably not what you are looking to hear but if you do have trouble having a baby, what about adoption? ther are an awful lot of children out there desperately in need of loving homes so if having two is such a big deal to your DH, maybe suggeest that? Also, 35 is not exactly an old age to have children now! many, many women are choosing to have them later in life so that the ycan prove a happy, secure home for them. I think this is absolutely the right thing. If you rush into having children just because of 'body clock' pressure I think its a big mistake! Not the same in any way at all, but I have just turned 30 & I still eally can't ever see my life with children, but this is a problem for me, as my DH is 8 years older than me. I don't want to get to 35 & find I do want children, by which time he will be 43. Its something I'm definitely feeling pressure over (not by him at all! its just seems all magazine I read at the mo have articles about older parents!) & its not nice! so I sympathise with you totally. but I honestly think you should just go ahead & try, if you really ant children I mean. who the heck says you can't have another after the first?

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:02 PM	#9
redney Lovin' Life!	Re: Having kids after 35 I'm 36 and don't have kids, but many of my closest friends (ages between 34-37) are now getting pregnant for the 1st time, or have had their first within the past year. Each couple's situation is different, of course, but the majority have said they are glad they waited - feel more mature/prepared/financially and emotionally stable, etc. Also, one of my friends (now 35) who had her son when she was 28 says that she is ~by far~ the youngest mom among her son's 2nd grade class. Most of the parents are in their 40s, she said. I think it's more common and acceptable these days to have kids later. Good luck and best wishes to you and your DH with your decision!!

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:06 PM	#11
Japster RAOK Mama Location: WI	Re: Having kids after 35 36 too old? NO WAY! You both are mature, settled and at a great point in your life. BTW, I'm 27 and getting pregnant is hell on earth for me. Fertility drugs, lots of negative EPTs, an ectopic & part of my tube removed. __________________ BLACK FRIDAY SALE: 40% off all Jewelry with code: BF2008, sale ends 12/4

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:14 PM	#13
Twinklette Happy Holidays*~ Location: Northeast	Re: Having kids after 35 Thanks everyone! You all are making me feel so much better :) I just hope that I can talk some sense into my DH! I think he's just upset as he wanted kids when we were younger, at 30...but things didn't work out that way. Things don't always happen the way you plan, which is what I tried to tell him! If it's meant to be it WILL work out. All your support is wonderful, thank you! One thing I have against me is endometriosis (mild case but I keep getting a large cyst on my left ovary that I have had to remove 2x), so Japster I might end up needing fertility treatments - I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles! My GYN said if we aren't pregnant within 3-6 mos of faithfully trying then we both have to get tested immediately. __________________

Jun 28th, 2006, 12:16 PM	#14
chicky Sofa King Marple Location: UK	Re: Having kids after 35 i don't think having kids after 35 is too old, ok, so, it can be harder to conceive and we can only get more tired as we get older, but many women over the age of 35 can, and do, have normal, healthy children. My mum. for example, had her last child at the age of 44. (She had 6 in all, lol) It took her a while to get pregnant but she had a perfectly healthy baby girl 8 years ago. She is now 52 and still has 4 children under the age of 19 at home. On the downside of having children younger, it can be said that you may not have done all your 'living' - i for one felt i was too young once i had actually had my son (I was 24 when i fell pregnant) though i wouldn't change a thing now, it does seem as though your life passes by quicker as you're watching for every milestone - the first step, the first word etc. Suffice to say, it just wasn't the right time for you a few years ago, you had your reasons - yet now it is the right time. Will your hubby change his mind, do you think? I'd suggest a good heart to heart and see what compromise you can both reach - good luck __________________ One does not know the true meaning of petty until one has seen two cats squabbling over a patch of sunlight..