[pursedoc]

i had my kids at 36 and 38; my husband is 2 years older. we've gotton all of the travel and things out of our system, so it turned out to be great timing.
that being said it is a very personal choice. i do agree that you shouldn't talk your DH into it- that could backfire in the long run. it has to be something you both want.
it would be very sad to reach 50 or 55 and say "i wish we had done it when we were 38" !
good luck, this is a tough thing for couples to go through.

[vicky]

I had my two kids when I was 32&34 and I dont see that give/take a few years would make a big difference. My DH & I waited until we were ready, when we had done the career & travel thing. We had time to buy a house, get a solid economic ground for a family and (hopefully) be mature enough to raise kids. I am very happy with this decision - I will never have to secretly blame my kids for spoiling my career opportunities or similar. I feel totally cool about the situation since I had time to have a "life before kids". (Not that having kids young is necessariy a bad thing - people are different - but this suits me very well). And there is a very strong tendency to have kids when you are closer to 40, especially in the big cities.

Hope your hubby can see things in a different light if you keep on discussing this! Best of luck to you both

[sweetlove]

You're definatly not too old! My mom was 35 when she had me, and although it was kinda emberassing when I was younger (most kids in my class were born when their parents was betweeen 20 and 25), I'm quite happy about it now as I understand that they were much more capable of paying for what I needed and just had more experience in life. Of course, this is usually individual, there are probably horrible parents that are 35 and great parents that are 20, but personally, I'm happy.

[LV Rawks]

You are not too old, not at all! I have 3 kids, my first was born when I was 27, second was born when I was 30 and #3 came along when I was 31...my hubby is 2 years older than me. I could not imagine having kids earlier than we did, we were too busy partying like rockstars, lol! I hope that you and DH can work this out!

[IntlSet]

Twinklette, if the fertility treatments don't work out and you aren't able to conceive, have you considered adoption?

[Deborahsue]

Emotionally, you are not too old. But physically -- you can't tell until you try to become pregnant. (However there's lots of technology. . .)

I think it's wrong to insist on having two or none. I have one child and have been able to focus all my emotional and financial resources on him -- and still have a career and keep my sanity. I don't think he has lost anything by not having a sibling.

I was 34 when my son was born. I wasn't ready to have a child earlier. I had thought that I would be able to have additional children, but instead had several miscarriages and then a very early menopause. In retrospect it appears I conceived almost at the last possible moment! So, I went through my twenties and early thirties not thinking about kids at all, thinking may-be I'd never have one, then (it felt sudden) becoming pregnant not really intending to -- but nothing is unintentional, I think -- then having the best experience and thinking of may-be having a second -- and then finding out that it wasn't in the cards.

If you want a child, go for it. Don't dawdle, however . . . .

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by Deborahsue

I think it's wrong to insist on having two or none. I have one child and have been able to focus all my emotional and financial resources on him -- and still have a career and keep my sanity. I don't think he has lost anything by not having a sibling.

I agree! I am an only child and am perfectly happy without siblings.

[shoegal]

I understand BOTH sides of the discussion. I will be 38 this fall and I have 10 year old twins (they will be 11 in October - a week after I turn 38). Well I have a boy and a girl and thought hmmm, I think I'm done I'm too old to have other children, etc. I didn't think of having others before they were in school full time (my family is a fertile bunch - there are 8 sets of twins in my generation alone and mine are the oldest. My sister and first cousin also had twins and these were all natural conceptions). Anyway, my daughter got her period last week and I cried all night - I had spent so much time trying to get these twins to the next milestone to live my life that it all went by SOOO fast. I still think about having another baby - I know my twins would like for me to but the changes to your life are enormous. But I am a firm believer in not getting more than you can handle. Tell your husband two kids are not a total impossibility - twins can happen. My husband is older than I am he will be 41 in August and he is still game. As long as he keeps himself in shape, playing with the kids should be no problem!

[gillianna]

I had my son when I was 37 and my daughter when I was 40, my husband is 7 years older than me. You are not too old and you should not feel you are..... so many of my friends have had children later in life. My one friend just had her 3rd child at 44.
My husband and I love our children more than words can say. He is a awesome father--it just is unreal how much joy he gets from the children. We have discussed things and feel at our older ages we have more patience and we have done things and can now just enjoy the kids without stressing about wanting to do this or that with our lives. I think your husband may feel you are set in your ways but that really isn't true. Once you have children your lives are still the same it is just there is more love to go around. I really hope you and your husband can sit and have a serious talk and realize his dream of two kids can still happen and also one or three or more can happen. I mean what if you had twins, or triplets? I wish you the best and please do not beat yourself up over this, you have done nothing wrong. You wanted to wait till you are ready and that in itself with make you a great mom because you are mature enough to realize what you want and I think you can have it all. Hugs and don't give up.

[KittyBag]

I found this today (while searching a completly different subject) and immediately thought of you!

Ethan's Top Five Reasons To Be Happy about the Prospect of Being an Older Parent:

1. Older parents are less likely to be competitive with their children. Fifty-year-old fathers don't try to beat their 17-year-old sons at basketball. (At least, they don't try twice.) Fifty-year-old mothers don't hope to be mistaken for their daughter's sister. A 30-plus-year age gap between child and parent allows enough separation so that the relationship doesn't turn creepy.

2. Maturity is a more valuable parenting asset than physical stamina. Yes, parenting is a physical challenge but it is first and foremost an emotional challenge. Having the energy to weather the many crises of raising children is less important than having the poise to stay calm throughout.

3. (Ancillary to #1) As an older parent, you are less likely to embarrass your teenage sons and daughters by trying to act "cool," "street," or "hip." Being uncool is your destiny as a parent. Age lets you wear the mantle with dignity and grace.

4. Older parents are less likely to struggle financially. While money doesn't buy happiness for a child, it does buy pretty much everything else.

5. Older parents have more wisdom to pass along to their children. Twenty-five-year-olds may think they're adults in full but 35-year-olds know better.

[Pippi]

Originally Posted by Twinklette

...pregnant within 3-6 mos of faithfully trying.....

OOOH! and have fun with that one!

[Swanky Mama Of Three]

Originally Posted by Twinklette

He wanted to have 2 kids and feels it's too late for that now...he's been asking me for 6 years to try to get pregnant and I just wasn't ready. Now I am and he's having 2nd thoughts, basically saying that since we can't have 2 children and the family he wants that we shouldn't have any. That we are set in our ways, we will be too old, etc.

I'm most bothered by his stance on this. Franky, he's acting like an adolescent.
If he can't get what he wants, then he wants nothing?

Here's the thing. . .
don't y'all want some children to grow old w/. . . and when you're 70 don't you want grandchildren to spoil?
My DH didn't want kids when we met.
I said:
"so, who's going to keep you company when you're 50, 60, 70, 80? Not your parent, they'll be gone, not your brother, you rarely see him now. You'll be a lonely old, rich man. . . . Enjoy that!"
Oddly enough. . . this is what convinced him!

Who said you can't have 2 anyhow? Women over 35 are more likely to conceive twins!

You're NOT too old sweetie. . . he HAS to look at the big picture - and that is life w/ children and grandchildren and baseball games and play-doh and dress-up . . . or not.

[Twinklette]

Swanky and everyone, thanks so much. You put it all into perspective! I'm sure everything will work out...and I'll keep you all informed!!!

[rebecca15]

my mom was 36 when she had me. and ii think its a positive thing to have kids in your 30's bc they will keep you going for another 18+years. and it will enrich your life. tell your DH how you feel..the part about "i never pictured my life without children.." good luck :)

[Serendipity]

There is no right or wrong age to have children! You both need to do what makes you happy! Loving parents raise great kids!