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Getting DS Outta My Bed?!

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Aug 30, 2012, 4:05am   #1
IBleedOrange's Avatar
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IBleedOrange
I Bleed Orange
DS is almost one and showing no signs of sleeping in his crib anytime soon. We've tried the "cry it out" method, but he cries all night and will just sleep at Grandma's during the day. Since I'm only off two days a week, I can't spend every night up with him trying to cajole him into staying in bed.

I've tried rocking him to sleep before putting him in bed but as soon as he hits the crib, he's up again. To make matters worse, if I don't come rescue him from his crib when he wakes up, he screams for the dogs, who in turn, run to his crib and whine loudly until I come get him.

Does anyone have any ideas or am I just kind of stuck? He'll nap on my bed if the dogs map with him or I hold him, but not by himself in the crib. I've seriously debated converting his bed into a toddler bed, adding bed rails, and letting him sleep with the dogs. I'm at the end of my rope and I just want a good night's sleep!!
Aug 30, 2012, 4:50am   #2
StylishFarmer's Avatar
StylishFarmer
Member
I'm very very interested in this too. I'm desperate. DS is 3.5. Doesn't help that my husband doesn't mind having him there. They just snore together and I'm sleep deprives to the point of going crazy
Aug 30, 2012, 4:53am   #3
j
joeson
Member
This sounds like one of those occasions where you just have to 'tough it out'.The only reason he is screaming is that he knows it gets results.You need to set the rules now for what you want to happen in the future and stick to them.Of course,this is initially going to be hard but it will work in the end.
For more advice,have you tried the mumsnet forum?
Aug 30, 2012, 7:53am   #4
A
Alexa5
Member
I agree with the above.... really it can be hard in the beginning but you have to set up the expectations. They will never learn if they keep getting rewarded by going to the parent's bed. I know some people don't mind that, but I never allowed my son in our bed ever because I didn't want to start the habit. When he was younger, he would have times where something would get him "off" of his good habits, but we really focused on methods to stay firm. Whether it was running out of bed after tuck in, or waking us in the middle of the night, etc. And I found that each age and problem might have a different solution...but all methods required just sticking to your guns even if you had a tough couple of nights. Good luck!

With the running out of bed after tuck in for a few nights we had to persistently just put him back in, without engaging in conversation. And he would give up after a few to several times, and luckily that phase passed. Another one was randomly running in our room in the middle of the night. He would go right back to sleep after we took him to bed, but still it was waking me from a good sleep. So we started a sticker calendar, and surprisingly it works and we still use it because I love that it helps! He gets a sticker each night he stays in bed, and then after 7 stickers he gets a treat/small toy of his choosing. It just helps to remind him that it is good to stay in bed, and motivates him. He might not need the stickers now, but why not keep it up? :-)
Aug 30, 2012, 8:12am   #5
v
vhdos
Member
It's called "tough love" sand you need to start NOW. Clearly, children learn that if they have the option of sleeping in mommy/daddy's nice warm bed, they will hold out for that (especially when they have learned that it doesn't take much of a tantrum to get them back there). DD had colic & reflux and the only way that anyone in the house could get any sleep, was if she slept across my body (literally). At 6 months-old, I realized that enough was enough. We did a modified CIO (where you go back into the nursery at longer intervals of time. No talking, no picking them up, etc. Just some light taps on the back as reassurance that you are still there). I can remember sitting in the middle of the stairway that led up to her bedroom, and crying my eyes out because it was so darn hard. It took about 3 nights of crying (both DD and me), but after that she began sleeping in her crib all night.
As far as the dogs are concerned, I probably wouldn't advocate using them as some sort of sleep aid in bed with him. Will the dogs sleep on the floor? I mean, if you put a couple of dog beds next to the crib, would they lay down next to the crib? I was just thinking that maybe having them outside of the crib, but still near him, might offer him some comfort while he's learning to sleep in his crib alone.
Aug 30, 2012, 10:05am   #6
LeeMiller's Avatar
LeeMiller
Member
Originally Posted by vhdos
It's called "tough love" sand you need to start NOW. Clearly, children learn that if they have the option of sleeping in mommy/daddy's nice warm bed, they will hold out for that (especially when they have learned that it doesn't take much of a tantrum to get them back there). DD had colic & reflux and the only way that anyone in the house could get any sleep, was if she slept across my body (literally). At 6 months-old, I realized that enough was enough. We did a modified CIO (where you go back into the nursery at longer intervals of time. No talking, no picking them up, etc. Just some light taps on the back as reassurance that you are still there). I can remember sitting in the middle of the stairway that led up to her bedroom, and crying my eyes out because it was so darn hard. It took about 3 nights of crying (both DD and me), but after that she began sleeping in her crib all night.
As far as the dogs are concerned, I probably wouldn't advocate using them as some sort of sleep aid in bed with him. Will the dogs sleep on the floor? I mean, if you put a couple of dog beds next to the crib, would they lay down next to the crib? I was just thinking that maybe having them outside of the crib, but still near him, might offer him some comfort while he's learning to sleep in his crib alone.
This is great advice and how we got our daughter to stop needing to be put back to sleep at 3am every night. Eventually she learned to soothe herself back to sleep. But yes it is so hard for a few nights! I confess I made my DH do it!
Aug 30, 2012, 10:52am   #7
glistenpearls's Avatar
glistenpearls
Ex-Sydneysider
I did this tough love when my boys were about 4 months old. They were doing so great, until recently, one of them start fighting bedtime with me and wanting to be in my bed instead (they are 19 months old). I've been trying to do another CIO with him but it's been a few weeks now, sometimes he went back to sleep on his own after fussing, sometimes he slept through the night but sometimes he howled for at least 15 mins.

Is this part of terrible 2? I just feel like I'm dealing with newborn again but then maybe I'm just spoilt because I had a good full year where they both sleep through the night without any fussing :-(
Aug 30, 2012, 11:01am   #8
nvie's Avatar
nvie
21 countries...
DS sleeps in his cot in our room from birth. Certain nights he'll insist sleeping on our bed, we'll carry him into his cot after he falls asleep. At about 2.5 years, we moved to a bigger place and he has his own room. During renovation, I kept reminding him that everyone sleeps on their own bed in their own room. That went on for months until we finally moved and he has been sleeping in his room since. A year old is too young to rationalize, perhaps start placing him in his cot within the room for a start instead of your bed. Then slowly transition to his room but prepare him in advance, 'brainwash' him. They are smart, just like us adults, why change when you are in comfort zone. Good luck.
Aug 30, 2012, 8:18pm   #9
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kmroboto
Member
Ibleed, we had dd in our bed until a few weeks ago (remember dd is the same age). Since we never had a crib we decided to buy a twin mattress and out it on the floor. The concept is called 'Montessori floor bed'. Dd's room is totally childproof and there is a rug and pillows by the bed so if she rolls out she doesn't get hurt.

I like it because I can nurse her to sleep and lay there with her. Sometimes I fall asleep there. We're still transitioning and she's teething very badly now so we're having some rough nights but so far I like it.

Don't do CIO if you're uncomfortable with it. I personally don't plan to but you never know, maybe we will at some point.
Aug 30, 2012, 8:30pm   #10
merika's Avatar
merika
Wol
What about doing something special for him that he can enjoy in his room? I remember putting up glow-in-the dark stars on the ceiling for DS, another one of my friends got a projection soother that flashed changing figures and patterns on the ceiling in pastel colors. She used to put her son in the crib, turn the lights out and tell him to look at the different colors and shapes and she'd make up little stories about them. http://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Nurse...pr_product_top
Last edited Aug 30, 2012 at 8:44pm.
Aug 31, 2012, 1:29am   #11
IBleedOrange's Avatar
Thread Starter
IBleedOrange
I Bleed Orange
Thank you everyone for your suggestions!!

I think I'll move his crib into my room and see if he'll sleep there and slowly transition him back into his own room. I may take one side of the crib off and start with it as a modified co-sleeper if I have to. With my work schedule, I just don't have the patience/energy to do CIO on work nights.

vhdos, I know you're right. How do I do the modified CIO when he's standing in the crib screaming? I've tried laying him back down, but he gets right back up. I feel like letting him cry for an hour just gets him more and more worked up (but I could be completely wrong).

kmroboto, I'm right there with you on the teething thing, and I think it's causing him to wake up more than often.

Thanks again ladies, and best of luck to those of you that are still in the same boat!
Aug 31, 2012, 3:33am   #12
vernis-lover's Avatar
vernis-lover
Member
Whilst I don't have this problem with my 11 month old, we did start with his crib in our room for the first 6 months where he would sleep through all night on his own. At 6 months, he went into his own room and has been there ever since. He goes to bed around 1900/1930 and is up somewhere between 0600 and 0700. If he does wake during the night then he takes himself back to sleep as I never hear him. He is just cutting his top teeth at the moment but it doesn't seem to bother him in terms of sleep.

I wonder if he does so well because he started in our room? So the suggestions about moving him back into your room seem like a good idea.

I know my friend's little girl didn't sleep through the night until she was about 20 months old.
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