Finding out baby's sex...

[missyanne]

Did you find out about your baby's sex? If not, were you ever curious?

WARNING: This is going to be long!!

I found out about my pregnancy when morning sickness started kicking in and let me tell you, I was not a happy camper. Morning sickness made me so sick and annoyed with everything, I wasn't happy about being pregnant one bit. However, when I thought about find out about the baby's sex, I felt a little excitement. I went through stages from not being able to wait till we could find out if the baby is a boy or girl to not wanting to know, to wanting to find out but not letting anyone else know, then back to not wanting to know and now I'm just stuck.

Before I continue, I want to mention that both my bf & I are Chinese and in most Chinese families, boys are favored more than girls. That's not the case in my family but apparently seems like the case in his. Bf & I were pretty excited to find out the baby's sex at first but then his dad started giving me stress about it. We were heading home one day and his dad asked me if I wanted a boy or girl... of course, in my head, I was thinking a girl so she can be my little mini-me and go shopping with me when she gets older but the correct answer to say was "it doesn't matter, boy or girl is fine" which is what I said, next thing you know, he goes on about how my bf will have a lot of "face" if the baby is a boy because he's the first (and only) boy in the family so him and his family will get lots of "face" if the baby is a boy BUT they'll still be happy if it's a girl.

Seriously? I can't believe he actually said that to me, that got me really ticked off. And that was not the only time he mentioned it, he would always occasionally just say if the baby is a boy, the family will have lots of "face". It seriously gets me sooo annoyed beyond history of being annoyed whenever I hear someone say that. I mean.. seriously, what century are we in? It's such a shame for people to even still THINK that way. So what if the baby is a boy or girl. Why would they have more "face" if the baby was a boy? So are they saying they'll be ashamed if the baby is a girl? That's when I decided I didn't want to find out the baby's sex. My bf still wants to know, but if I want to be selfish, the ultimate decision is in my hands. Also, once my bf's sister called me on the phone and kept asking about if I wanted to know if it's a boy or girl blah blah blah and then gave me the same speech about the family having lots of "face" if baby was a boy. I swear I was soo ready to hang up on her.

Do you think I'm overreacting about this situation? I just feel like it shouldn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl. They should just be happy for us, not keep giving me stress about all that boy nonsense. My sonogram is scheduled for November 10th, which is a day after my birthday. It would be like a birthday present if I decided to find out the baby's sex but right now, I really don't know. Bf's dad and sister went back to Hong Kong for vacation and the other night when I was over at their house, I overheard his mom on the phone with someone (definitely an international phone call) and she said "it's not the fact that she doesn't want to know if it's a boy or girl, it's just that if it's a girl, she'll be embarrassed to tell you guys"... Uh... EXCUSE ME?! If it's a girl, I would be embarrassed to tell them? I was beyond pissed off when I heard that. I couldn't believe she had the never to even SAY that. I think this is the MAIN reason why I don't want to know the baby's sex until baby arrives but a part of me is still curious. It would make the baby shopping and name picking so much easier. Also, I would be able to refer to the baby as he/she rather than.. "it".

What would you do if you were in my situation? Would you still choose to find out or just let it be a surprise? I thought of finding out and not telling anyone but I have a feeling my bf will be so excited that he'll just start telling everyone. And if I were to find out, even if baby turns out to be a boy, I would NOT tell his family. They are not going to know until the baby is born. My friends and family wants me to find out because they all want to know too but I'm just still so undecided.

[maybeiloveyou]

Originally Posted by missyanne

I just feel like it shouldn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl.

YES! I understand that people have preferences... but come on now, the most important thing is that you have a HEALTHY BABY! There was an article in Elle (I think) where women got SO obsessed with having a baby of a certain sex, that they got depressed and didn't love their child as much when it turned out to be the sex they didn't wanted. That article made me angry. I'll try to find it.

IF I were pregant, I wouldn't tell because I sort of hate gender stereotypes and I would hate to receive a barrage of gifts that were either blue or pink! So I would let it be a surprise for that reason.

In your case, if you really want to find out, maybe you could just find out, and keep it a secret from your BF? Maybe just buy more gender neutral clothes and pick 1 boy name and 1 girl name? In your situation I would probably keep it a secret... the constant pushing for a boy by your family would annoy me too . I come from an Asian culture and it's like that as well, very annoying!

[maybeiloveyou]

Hmm here is the article, Elle seems to have removed it from their site so here is the cached version: http://74.125.155.132/search?q=cache...&ct=clnk&gl=us

[SunnyFreckles]

We didn't find out...with this one, or our son!

I just LOVE not knowing!!!!!!

[alic99]

missyanne, i agree with you. the sex of the baby shouldnt be such a big deal but unfortunately, ít is to chinese ppl! im chinese so i kno exactly how you feel. I believe the most important thing is that the baby is healthy. i might be wrong but someone once told me that the sex of the baby is determined by the father's sperm. so if you get really annoyed with ur bf's family just tell them that the sex of the baby is out of your hands as its determined by "their" son. I know that puts your bf in a bad situation but if his family cares so much about "face", they'll start telling ppl that they dont care whether its a boy or a grl.... because its their son who determines the sex of the baby and not you. btw, did ur bf say anything to his family? i hope he supports you and tells his family to back off! And try not to get too unhappy about this situation. Happy mum = happy baby!! Good luck!
ps: I wanted a grl too as my first child.

[qtiekiki]

I am so sorry you are put in this situation. We are Chinese also. My Inlaws wanted a boy (to carry on the family name), but they never said anything like that. It didn't bother them that much that our first was girl since they figure we'll have more than one kid. And they love our daughter to pieces. I am now pregnant with baby #2, and I do sense that their hope for a boy had heightened. They kept calling the baby "dede" to our daughter. This time only I found out the sex of the baby. DH wants to be surprised, but I didn't. So I am not telling anyone else.

[Junkenpo]

Don't let your in-laws ruin your excitment!


Everyoen here asks.... and my family runs heavy to boys. My DH's dad had one of each & a girl first.

I'm hoping for a girl... I'm scheduled to find out in 3 weeks. But I will be happy no matter what.

And yes.... the sex of the baby is determined by the father. I bet all those women who got put down in the past for not producing sons wish they knew that!

Woman have XX chromasomes, men have XY chromasomes. We get half our genetic info from mom & half from dad. Since women have XX, they can only provide an X.... as the egg. Dad's sperm is the other half... either X or Y. So if the sperm that fertilizes the egg is an X, then you get XX = a daughter. If the sperm that fertilizes the egg is a Y, then you get XY = a son. And this is determined from the moment of conception!

Good luck with your family!

[staargrl]

sorry to hear about your stress! i'm also chinese (So is the DH) but luckily i didn't have to go thru any of the "have a boy b/c he'll carry on the name... etc" b/c for the last three generations on the dh's side has been boys so they're super excited that we're having a little girl!

Chinese parents have a tendency to be SO traditional sometimes, they forget what's most important-- what day and age this is... and most importantly that the baby is healthy!! If your bf's parents next time bring this up again, you should talk to your bf... how does he feel about this? shouldn't he talk to his parents about this? (or is he pushing for a boy too?)

actually despite the carry-ing on the name thing, the word "Good" in chinese is "hao", and if you write it out, it's a girl first, then a boy... :)

good luck girlie, but don't let it stress you out too much... do what you think is right in your gut... and try not to let it get to you, b/c it'll just end up also affecting baby.

*hugs*

[vhdos]

Well, if you find out about the sex of the baby, and it's not the preferred sex of the family, then it gives them more time to get used to it before the little one arrives.

[Aslan]

Sorry that you are going through this. It does suck that they are so overly pre-occupied with sex of your baby. Whether your choice is to find out early or wait til delivery date, please do it for your own reasons, not because of them. I didn't vote on your poll because a choice like this cannot be universalized; it's up to you!

I couldn't wait with either my DS or this L/O to find out gender. I like picking out gender specific things, am way too impatient, and don't like surprises, LOL.

Originally Posted by vhdos

Well, if you find out about the sex of the baby, and it's not the preferred sex of the family, then it gives them more time to get used to it before the little one arrives.

Totally, good point! They are going to find out anyway.

[tabbyco]

This is about you and your husband. Do what you two want. That special moment when you are in the same room and finding out together won't be tainted by what others think... they can't take that away from you.

Best of luck! We are hoping to find out at our u/s tomorrow, although it may still be too early...

[NYCBelle]

don't have kids but me and DF will not be finding out when it's our time. This is the biggest surprise in life and i honestly don't care what sex our baby is as long as it's healthy. our parents didn't know and they managed just fine.

[missyanne]

Thanks for all the replies everyone!

My bf is not pushing for a boy, he doesn't care if it's a girl or boy because it's still our child and he's still going to love him/her equally. Whenever he hears his family say things like that to me, he just tells me not to listen to them or pay any attention to what they say. I'm not sure if he's ever told them (without my presence) to leave me alone about the baby's sex but it seems like his father keeps pushing him to push me to find out, which is making him really stressed out as well.

I had a chat with bf last night and we've decided not to find out the baby's sex. We came to this conclusion because he said it's up to me and even if he finds out, he won't be able to tell anyone so we're not going to find out at all. I feel so relieved now because at first he wanted to find out whereas I didn't, but now I'm glad we came to a conclusion and he's going to support my decision.

His sister keeps bugging me to find out the baby's sex because she wants to know and so she'll know what to buy the baby. Every time she says that, I tell her I don't want to know and if she wants to buy something for the baby, she could go for neutral colors like whites, yellows and greens. Apparently, she thinks that's wrong and thinks she has the right to know if baby is a boy or girl so she could get blues and pinks. (wtf?)

I think my bf probably told his dad to leave me alone about the baby's sex because at one point, his dad just said out of the blue "we'll be happy regardless if it's a boy or girl". Well, I really hope that's the case because while his dad wants me to have 3 kids ... I do not plan on having any more at all after my first. Reasons being we are both very young, still in school and definitely not financially stable for THREE kids. We're barely able to afford one, let alone 3. I'm actually thinking of getting my tubes tied after the baby, but his parents doesn't have to know that.

[qtiekiki]

Glad you've come to a decision and your bf is 100% supportive.

I wouldn't tie your tube just yet. I know you are young and not seeing yourself with more than 1 kid, but you never know how you'll feel later on. So why do something so permanent? Maybe do an IUD type BC, so it's more long term but not permanent.

Good luck and Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[ilovepinkhearts]

^^ita!
i looked into getting my tubes tied after my second son...im so glad that my doc told me about the risks and i decided to no get it done, because now i have my lil girl