Do you think having children after age 35 is too late?

[sweetneet]

^i agree BlkLadyLaw, it's all about the mindset which is soo different depending on location. I grew up mostly in San Francisco Bay area, and then was in Boston for a while for grad school, and briefly lived in LA. Within my & my husband's circle of friends, most of our friends did not have children until age 28 or 29 at least..two of our friends had their first children at 35 and at 38. And a number of our friends still do not have kids at all. The majority of our friends went to graduate/law/medical school so graduating and securing a good job and kicking off your career was usually done first before having children. Even friends who had children while they were still in graduate school..a lot of them were in their 30s and had worked a while (5+ years) in industry before coming back to graduate school so they had a lot of $$ saved up.

anyway, it's interesting because i was always used to that sort of mentality (finish college + grad school, get married, work for few years, save $$ then have kids), but now i live in suburban TX and i feel like the biggest freak because I am female, married, 31 years old and do not have kids yet. in my neighborhood, it seems most women have children in their early/mid 20s, and once they have kids they usually become SAHMs. DH's family is from south TX and EVERONE iin his family had been asking us when we are having kids. most of his cousins are younger (25, 26, 27) and have 2 or 3 kids already!

[jenniletv]

I was used to that mentality too..go to college, get married then have children. My DH and I have been together since we were seniors in High school and we did not get married until I was 25. I was by no means ready for children then and still was not by 30. Now I am pregnant with our first and we have been trying for a year and a half. I am 32 DH is 34. I'm getting ready to turn 33 in July and I was beginning to think we had fertitlity issues until this happened. You just never really know how your body is going to react to pregnancy or to getting pregnant and certainly everyone is different. I do not feel that 35 is too late at all, but some people will have fertility issues or other things that scare them into thinking it may be too late.

[katlun]

my friend just had twins at 42

and my SIL had her 7th at 41

for me I was done at 32 with 3 kids in 3 1/2 years, I blame my SIL because we were always pregnant together...but she kept on going

[lv lover steph]

I would say no... I just had my first at age 35 and it has been amazing!! I am at a stage in my life where I could 'back off' my career and focus on my family and I am loving every minute of it!!

[olialm1]

My mom had me when she was 40. FORTY. People look like they actually shit themselves when I reveal this information. I'm perfectly normal too, no complications or anything.

[chodessa]

LOL olialm1.. I can't believe in this day, people find that surprising!!

[guccimamma]

i am 39, and it would be my worst nightmare to have a baby today. i am thankful to have had both by 32. i am enjoying them so much now.

i am so exhausted from my kids....toddlers took it all out of me. i think my 40's are going to be so much fun. i look forward to traveling, and not lugging baby stuff around.

i love my kids, but i am not a "baby" person

[Allisonfaye]

I had my kids at 40 and 41. Would I have done it differently if I could? Yes. But I don't know if I would have wanted them in my 20's. I wasn't mature enough. I was raised by wolves so I was still raising myself in my 20's. Plus, my friends who had their kids in their 20's are soon going to be empty nesters and I am not sure if I am ready for that yet. We got to travel a good bit before and after we got married so I am pretty happy with it all. It is tiring but I am working out and probably in the best shape I have ever been in.

[alliemia]

for me personally, i was happy to have my kids at 30 and 31. i feel by 50, they will both be adults, practically done with college and then i can take more trips with my husband, relax, and be young enough to help care for grandchildren.

i'm pretty wiped out tired most days now, and i'm 34.

[cupcakehappy]

I just had my first baby this past weekend and I turned 35 a few months ago. I didn't have any morning sickness or complications during pregnancy and didn't have any problems during labor (only pushed about 5 times before she came out.. lol..)

She's perfectly healthy so based on my personal experience, you can still have kids after 35. I know every pregnancy is different and that risks do increase with age- especially after 35- but I wouldn't rule out having a healthy pregnancy and baby based on age alone (esp. with all the prenatal care offered these days!). Now having the energy to run around and raise kids after a certain age is another story :)

[elle-mo]

1st kid at 33, 2nd one at 38. Everyone is different, I would've liked to have been younger but I didn't even want kids in my 20's. Mine are spaced apart and it's easier for me, my older one helps out a lot and I can spend time w/the younger one when my older child is at school. I couldn't deal with 2 kids that are 2-3 years apart, too many diapers and too much crying.

[shopETOH]

I don't think it's too old. I'm 35 and still deciding what I want to do about kids. But that said, it is not as easy as people make it sound. Pregnancy rates PLUMMET after age 35. Do some googling on responsible medical sites and talk to your doctor and they will tell you truth no one wants to admit- fertility has a shelf life. Yes IVF can be done, but my sister is now 43 and she's been doing IVF for a YEAR and is still not pregnant. It's expensive and exhausting and not very high success depending on the issues you have. So it's individual. I think a lot of people get away with waiting, but a lot also do not. It's Russian roulette....

[Is it on sale?]

Um...just wondering....are there any Moms here who have actually had children when they were in their mid 30's or beyond who are now raising teenagers or have college age children??

The whole "have a child in your late 30's" thing does, for many, seem like a swell idea, but I just wonder how that works out when you have a rebellious teenager in your 50's! A time when most couples have put their children through college and are off living carefree lives.

Is it, in the end, a trade-off...you have your younger years to yourself, but your later years are spent still raising a child?

[kcf68]

Rebellious teenage children happen at any age you raise them. I think you are a little bit wiser in dealing with the situation when you are older.

[BlkLadyLaw]

I personally prefer having my youth kid-free versus my mid-life kid-free. I'm settled, I've done it all...life is far from over yet I had a fabulous time with no responsibility for anyone but myself and my own happiness and fulfillment. I'm ready for them now and was definitely not ready to scale back my lifestyle or sacrifice for them previously...whereas I am now.
In my social circle of friends and amongst my coworkers (male and female) no one will have or does have college grad kids in their 50s (and from what I read about online the growing trend is that many that did think they would have this empty nest situation at 50 still have these grown kids living with them or dependent on them in some way!). What would be deemed unusual in my social circle of folks that are mid 30s to early 40s is anyone with a kid over 5 yrs old at this point (if they have any at all yet).
Heck, I have legal colleagues that are still paying off their own 6 figure student loans well into their 40s let alone thinking about paying for a child's college bills also at that point lol!
My mom had me young and frankly she spent too much time trying to be my girlfriend when I wanted a mom not a girlfriend. She also spent too much time trying to recapture the youth she missed out on while I was a teen. My grandma who was 45 when I was born was much more of the mother figure in my life that I needed. There is something to be said for spending some time maturing yourself as a person, finding yourself and fulfilling goals before becoming a mother. I find most folks are not even sure of who they are as a person and what they really want out of life before 30.