Do you think having children after age 35 is too late?

[strife00]

My Aunt and her husband had twin boys in September, and if I'm right she was 42! It was In-Vetro but the doctor was cool with it and the baby(s) would be healthy. They waited till they were married, the finances were right, had a home so on.
It depends on the couple and what they're comfortable with. I probably wont have kids after 35 just out of personal preference, but I have quite a bit of time to change my mind later down the road.

[teurope]

I had my DD at 34 and it was an amazingly trouble-free, sickness free pregnancy (I had a long labor, though, but relatively pain-free). I think I got pregnant the second month we tried. I will say that I still didn't think I was ready to be a mom at the time, but I figured that I probably would NEVER really be ready, so I might as well take the plunge before I got "too old" -- even though I didn't think of myself as too old. But the reality is, as we get older, our fertility decreases, so it's not so easy to get pregnant, so I figured I should get a move on :)

In retrospect, I do wish I'd had my DD earlier, like at 31, 32. There's lots of moms in the area who are my age and have just had their first kids (and lots of moms who are in their 40s -- I know one who had her first at 44 and her second now at 46, both healthy boys). But I wonder about what my energy level will be like 20 years from now, since we want to have more kids. I'm now 36 and we've been trying since last fall to get pregnant, but I guess I naively thought that since I got pregnant so quickly the first time, that it'd be just as easy this time around. LOL. However, I'm charting now and using ovulation predictor kits, so I'm hoping we'll see some success soon. And if not, I'll go talk to my doctor. But we definitely would like more children.

So, no, I don't think 35 is too late to have children. I think that it really depends on you and your SO and how children will fit into your lives. For some people, children is a better fit earlier in their lives, for others (like me), I couldn't have possibly had kids before 30.

[angfento]

I'm 35 and pregnant with my first. My DH and I have been married for 8.5 years, and are very comfortable financially. We have traveled and did a lot of fun things in our first 10.5 years together. We are so happy we waited and now feel like we are "ready' for kids! As far as the risks, yeah they are they, but I'm not worried. I like the extra special treatment and services I get for being and 'older' mom to be! I can't wait for all of my 3D ultrasounds that I get! More time for us to bond with our little one before he/she even gets here!

[siworae]

I'm 27... still single, nowhere near ready to be married. I'm not really keen on having children, especially not before 30. I know I'm just not emotionally or financially ready right now.

I think it really depends on the individual, and probably something to discuss with your doctor, especially if there are health concerns. It seems like more and more women are opting to have children in their 30's, and even early 40's.

[mammabyrdie]

Originally Posted by mammabyrdie

I had my 4th at 36. My mom had me at 39.

****UPDATE****

I'm 38 and pregnant with baby #5. I'll be 39 when I deliver.

[sallygirl]

omg, totally late. I think it's time to start working on setting up a burial plot. Definitely no future after 35.

[katy 1368]

No it's completely not too late - I got preg at 36 and had my girl at 37 and it is all fine and dandy. Most of my friends had their kids in their thirties and most when they were over 35.

[avantgarde]

If I had to do it all over again, I would have both of my kids before age 30. I find there are more high risk pregnancies as you get older. I had my first at age 29 and my 2nd at age 32. Not considered too late - My first was easy and problem free but had to be monitored closely with my 2nd one due to low placental function. Had to be induced two weeks early and had early bleeding at 32 weeks. I was so scared but everything turned out smoothly.

[BlkLadyLaw]

I am. And as an attorney who works with mainly women who also do not start until after 35 it is the norm amongst my colleagues. Most of my colleagues had kids between 37 and 43.

[BlkLadyLaw]

At 29 most of us are just getting started in our careers if not still in school let alone the consideration of those that do not find 'the one' and marrying until 30+ (assuming you do not choose to have a child out of wedlock). My OB GYN office says the majority of their clients are over 35...being the DC area with lots of professional women that kind of makes sense.

Every woman is different and has different health and genetic factors which are to be judged case by case...that is what truly makes them high risk...not their age. Being underweight, overweight, overall health, the father's sperm, a smoking father, prior GYN issues in the woman (fibroids, HPV, cervical dysplasia, cancers, tilted uterus, prior terminated pregnancies), a problematic genetic history of the father's relatives, a problematic genetic history of the mother's relatives, medications you may be on, stress, environmental hazards the mother is exposed to...frankly there are a laundry list of things that impact fertility and carrying a healthy baby to term that have nothing to do with age. All those issues can impact a woman whether she is 20, 25, 30, 35, or 40.

I think the right time is when you are emotionally and physically ready, you are in a loving committed relationship and your partner is also ready and you all are financially ready....beyond that ignore age.

[Magdeline]

Originally Posted by BlkLadyLaw

I am. And as an attorney who works with mainly women who also do not start until after 35 it is the norm amongst my colleagues. Most of my colleagues had kids between 37 and 43.

I'm 21, going to law school in the fall, and ALREADY having people ask me when I'm going to have children! I usually tell them to ask me again in 20 years... looks like I'm not too far off Thanks for the insight!

[BlkLadyLaw]

Originally Posted by Magdeline

I'm 21, going to law school in the fall, and ALREADY having people ask me when I'm going to have children! I usually tell them to ask me again in 20 years... looks like I'm not too far off Thanks for the insight!

Best wishes with law school! I transferred colleges during my junior yr in undergrad and changed majors so I was in undergrad longer and got a later start. I finished law school at 28. So you are ahead of the game!

[KristyDarling]

There are slightly higher risks if you're at the 'advanced maternal age' of 35 or older, and you have to undergo more tests/monitoring, but where I live (San Francisco), it is the NORM to have your *first* baby at 35 or older. I'm 35 and am easily the youngest mother in my son's kindergarten class.

[viba424]

I have been preoccupied with this because I am 35 and after two miscarriages, frankly Im pretty freaked out at 7 weeks. Given my troubles with M/C, I would have started a few years earlier, but still would have been over 30. I think some of it comes from where you live. I grew up in a rural area and all of my high school friends have pretty big families and older children by now. I live in a big city and have virtually all childless friends my age. I also think it depends on when you get married. Despite the drama with me, Im glad I didnt do it too early in life.

[BlkLadyLaw]

Originally Posted by viba424

I have been preoccupied with this because I am 35 and after two miscarriages, frankly Im pretty freaked out at 7 weeks. Given my troubles with M/C, I would have started a few years earlier, but still would have been over 30. I think some of it comes from where you live. I grew up in a rural area and all of my high school friends have pretty big families and older children by now. I live in a big city and have virtually all childless friends my age. I also think it depends on when you get married. Despite the drama with me, Im glad I didnt do it too early in life.

I am 9 weeks and nervous with every week also! I had a MC at 19 ys old that I was relieved about as I was not ready and I had one back in February after our first try. Try not to stress. All you can do is take good care of yourself and have a positive outlook. I too feel more ready now than I ever have been in life.

Only two of my female friends have kids...(one of which has been married for about 7 yrs and just had her 1st by choice at 37 and the other has 3 and had the 1st in her 20s while single and had 2 more in her marriage though he just left her! :( ) most are not married and do not have kids...they range in age from 32-44. The 32 yr old is divorced after a young marriage to a military guy and newly married and trying for the 1st but has one ovary and is having problems. The 44 yr old had a hysterectomy in her early 30s due to serious fibroid issues. I have another friend that is 40 who is not dating anyone right now though has said she has been told that she likely cannot due to some GYN surgeries she has had. The others are either not ready or are just trying to find Mr. Right so they can get married and get started!

I agree where you live makes a big difference. I grew up in small military towns in the midwest and have a lot of family in the midwest and in Mississippi. In those places they are amazed I have no kids yet. Everyone starts families not long after highschool (whether in wedlock or not). Anyone that has lived near a military base knows the military lifestyle encourages soldiers to marry and many are by 24. My little brother was looking for a wife since he was about 20 and married at 24....though normal where he lived...I think you'd be hard pressed to find a lot of east coast guys that are thinking like that in their early 20s. Many of my high school classmates goal was to either enter the military or be a military wife or getting a job at the local post office....nothing wrong with that (and sometimes that life seems a lot simpler and happier) but I wanted a different life. I have a high school reunion coming up and everyone has been reconnecting on facebook and everyone is like on husband number 2 or 3 or married to people they dated when we were in high school and has a brood of kids lol. I'm the oddball...but then again I left Missouri and was exposed to a whole new lifestyle and mindset....people who went to college and worked a few years and then did grad school and had careers and travelled the world and sowed oats and partied and guys/girls who were not thinking about marriage until 30+. If I had stayed in Missouri, most likely I would have married in my 20s and had kids earlier just based on dating men with a different mindset and being in an environment with a different mindset. The 'norm' in Colorado and Missouri is not the 'norm' in New York and DC Metro! That is not even considering different mindsets about this in other countries beyond the US. I'd love to hear from our European, Japanese and non-US ladies about this 'age' topic.