Do you think having children after age 35 is too late?

[LoriB]

I'm 33 and currently TTC #2. My daughter will be 8 next month. I have PCOS and it took me nearly 2 yrs to conceive her, so this is kind of my "last ditch effort" to have a second child. I am 100% content with the idea of only having one child and if I do succeed this time, I'll know it was truly meant to be. And same goes if it does NOT happen. I don't think for one minute that 35 is too old. Not for me anyway!

[loren]

well, i will put a little different slant on this one and i really am being truthful FOR MY SITUATION. i had my first child at 30, then 35, 38 and 42. My one at 42 was my easiest pregnancy but then, I look at sperm and get pregnant. I had a hysterectomy at 45 partly because i knew it would mean i had to stop. My husband and i always said, having kids later in life is going to keep us young. We felt sorry for all those people who had kids early and seemed to be so old compared to us since they were now emptynesters at 40. well, time goes on and we are now 54 and 55 with two kids left at home and we so wish we would have had our kids earlier so we could be kidless now. we are very active in our kids lives, we are always the oldest parents on the team but that part is okay. Really, we are now feeling our age and wish we were free to travel and do more but we can't because we live by the kids' schedules and school breaks. we will finally be kidless at 60 and will be free to travel and be spontaneous. The part that makes me the saddest though is i will be an old lady when i have grandkids and probably won't get a chance to see them grow up. This is all part of the life cycle. If I were to do it all over again, I would have struggled more when i was young and had kids. also, my kids grew up with money, and that's not necessarily a good thing. My oldest lived poor with us through med school and she is my most grounded kid. Don't let age stop you from having kids though, because being a mom is the greatest thing in life and i would never want it any other way.

[elle-mo]

Had my 1st at 33 and my last at 38...I wish I had them younger but wouldn't trade it for anything because I was much more mature and more financially secure. I just have to suck it up and take better care of myself (easier said than done!)

I never wanted kids, didn't think I could have them and then after 7 years of marriage and no birth control I get knocked up. Best mistake I ever made!

[TravelBug]

No, not at all. I think it depends on your personal situation but to me, I have so much more patience now dealing with 2 LOs I just can't imagine doing it when I was in my 20s when I was still finding myself. I am convinced I wouldn't have enjoyed my kids as much.

[kathypetersen]

I had my first (twins) at 40 through IVF. Then, totally naturally and not trying, I had my third at 43. I know it seems old, but I feel pretty young for my age. I'm pretty healthy, and both pregnancies went real smoothly. Had my twins till full term with absolutely no problem. I waited later in life because I was quite ambitious and was focused on my career and achieving certain goals in life. I knew when the time came to have kids, I wanted to focus entirely on them. Now, fortunately, I am in a better financial situation that I am able to be a full time stay at home mom and enjoy my kids. Not saying any which way is better, but this is the way I wanted it and it works for me. If I would have changed anything, I probably would have maybe shifted everything earlier by about 5 years. But definitely not much earlier than that.

[Fun2BAround]

Well, I thought I would never have a child after breast cancer and a myomectomy to remove 16 fibroids. But lo and behold...after 7 years of marriage and 12 years of togetherness I am 8 weeks pregnant at age 38. I'm so blessed and happy...I don't care what anybody thinks. I can't wait for my baby to get here...everything in HIS time...not mine...

[cupcakehappy]

I turned 35 two months ago and am expecting a baby girl next month.
I don't want to jinx myself, but so far I haven't had any problems with the pregnancy- no morning sickness, problems with the baby, etc. I still don't feel quite ready to be a mom and ideally would have liked to have waited another 1-2 yrs., but then again, I know that risks increase every year too...

I only plan on having one, but if I wanted two or more, I think 35 would be the perfect age to have the first one, with a second around 37 or 38- just my opinion

[guccimamma]

i guess it depends on the person, kids take a lot of energy....

the issue for me isn't having a baby around 40, it is raising them....i'm not sure if i want to be hauling my stuff to the little league fields every saturday, going to tennis matches, soccer games, etc etc etc....when i am in my 50's

i know plenty of parents who have had kids later in life....i have a good friend who had twin boys at 42, now she is 52....she isn't going to be relaxing or taking it easy for some time now.

i just look at her, and realize that i was done with college and married by the time my parents were 50.

if i could go back in time, i would have had both of my children by 30...

[peanutbabycakes]

some things just don't ever go as planned....i tried getting prego when i was around 29, but didn't get prego till i was 35! i'm almost 36 now and prego with twins and everything is going really well so far. i can't imagine being prego any other time but right now. everything happens for a reason....it just wasn't my time yet.

[nvie]

Agree with PBC, sometimes the more you planned, the harder it is to conceive. I have friends who have been trying to conceive for years and have undergone many IVFs but still can't conceive. It's the timing which we don't have control over.

Stats show that chances of conceiving decreases with age...something that you might want to think about, if you want a big family!

I am 32 and we are expecting our first one this June although both DH and I planned to start a family next year. Seems like our little one is too eager to join DH and I!

[mjlover1977]

im really glad to hear these positive stories ... i just turned 32 and am getting married in Oct so when we come back from our honey moon in Dec we're trying straight away. I worry SO much that im leaving it too late but i think a lot of that is that my mum had my sister when she was 33 and my sister is severely mentally disabled ... i know the tests and stuff are better now but i have grown up with this life and its very sad.
I have nightmares and thoughts that ill get told i cant have a child and it would kill me as all ive ever wanted is to be a mum ... thanks for the positive stories!

[HauteMama]

While I didn't have my children after age 35, I did have them at 29, 31 and 33. I wouldn't change a thing. I wanted the time alone with my dh for us to build a strong basis for our marriage before having children. We had a chance to travel and be spontaneous, which was really important for us. Having children is wonderful, but it is also exhausting and stressful and it can stress a relationship tremendously. I think our relationship was stressed less because of our alone-time before children.

Sure, the risks go up with age, and pregnancy may be harder on your body (though many women find pregnancies at later ages easier than younger women). The risk of Down's syndrome, for example is 1/1400 at ages 20-24 and about 1/25 at age 45+. But if you break those numbers down, there is still a 96% chance of having a baby without Down's syndrome at "advanced maternal age". I'd play those odds any day (not that there is anything wrong with having a baby with Down's; it just isn't what most people plan for)! So don't let statistics scare you into any decisions.

Ultimately, there are people who are happiest having their babies later, and there are those who are happiest having their babies earlier. It depends on the person and the family. None of the women in my family have had children terribly young, but none of them would have wanted them earlier. Just like having children at a young age seems to run in families, having children later seems to run in ours. You need to do what feels right for you, and if you want children when you are 35 or older, don't let anyone frighten you into not having them.

[rainrowan]

Having a child after age 35 is not too late. I had my second child and last at age 38.

However my child was diagnosed with autism. Now, this is just my situation and not speaking for everyone with healthy babies. Sometimes I wonder if it had to do with our advanced ages when conceiving him but there's no substantiation for it.

If there had been any absolute way of knowing I'd have a child with significant autism (and there is not since my child's autism manifested itself by age 2). I would not have had another child after 35. Instead of claiming our golden years in retirement and marriage... it's likely he'll need constant supervision well into adulthood. We've had to mentally prepare ourselves to caring for him well beyond his "adult" years, or until we are no longer physically capable of caring for him ourselves, which could be in our 70s or 80s.

I love my child with all my heart but knowing I brought him into the world to suffer his autism also breaks my heart. When all our peers have children graduating from college and/or getting married, we don't share in it because our children are significantly younger.

[capulet]

I had DD at 32 and will very likely have a second child at 35 or darned near (I'll be 34 in June and we're not officially ttc #2 yet). My pregnancy went really smoothly and DD is healthy and happy. We were married three years before she was born and I think the timing was perfect for us. My MIL had eight kids between the ages of 25 and 45--she had a couple of miscarriages in her early 40s and one of her younger kids had chromosomal issues that they diagnosed in utero and didn't know if they would be significant until he was born, but all her kids are perfectly healthy. Of course she is pretty extraordinary, and she and my FIL are healthy and have a lot of energy for parents in their mid 50s, but I figure if my MIL can have five kids past the age of 35, I can probably manage one more!

[L4F4]

Age is a number. For me, it depends on health, fitness, and circumstances.