Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs?

beautiful stranger · Sep 1st, 2007, 07:36 AM

I seem to have that problem .. my 4 year old is friends with a boy and a girl (brother and sister) who are her age and wants to be with them 24/7! I want my kid to be happy and have frineds but i dont really enjoy the kids mom! .. she is too clingy and will call at odd hours aside from bringing them over every hour of the day .. she is a working mom so i think she feels guilty that her kids are home alone with the nanny and asks me to either let my daughter go over to their house to play or that her kids come over to my house to play .. sometimes i just wana have fun alone at home with my kids and sometimes i dont wana have other kids over .. i am not cruel or mean or cheap but i dont like how clingy she is becoming .. (my kids are bored could your daughter come over while i am at work? she cant? could they come over then?) I am running out of excuses .. that aside .. she also pops up on weekends and whenever she is free .. she calls alot .. (can i come over for lunch? can YOU come over?) i mean ok our kids are close but leave ME alone! :( dont get me wrong she is nice and sweet and is a good friend but its getting on my nerves lately .. i dont wana be with YOU every second of my free time .. even if i have nothing to do but stare at the ceiling .. (i miss your kids .. can I/u come over?) .. i mean come on! .. we are adults here .. she also has a wierd way of raising her kids .. she gives them too much "depth" .. i mean if her son doesnt say hi to someone (as sometimes kids do .. they just refuse to say hi) .. she has to analyze it and say that (he FEELS that she doesnt like him or that he FEELS that i dont really like this woman so he subconsciously doesnt like her either) .. come on he is just 3!! .. not everything he says or does has to be analyzed and have a deeper meaning .. if another kids bites her kids .. hell breaks loose (my kids are always tortured by others cuz they are too polite and nice to fight back .. my kids are always picked on .. my kids are too sensetive .. too emotional ... etc) ... my god!!!

how can i slowly pull away from being her friend without hurting her or hurting our kids friendship? i dont care if my daughter never sees them again but i wana do it gradually .. any suggestions??? do i have to be friends with someone just cuz our kids are?

SOLIDGOLD2 · Sep 2nd, 2007, 12:14 AM

the next time she wants to you to go over tell her you are really busy and YOU will call her when you have time to go over...sorry you have to go thru that i would be annoyed

omgsweet · Sep 2nd, 2007, 12:27 AM

omg thats terrible! i agree with the post above though. maybe you should say it kinda forcefully. "I have a lot going on. Let me get back to you when I have a chance." If she calls again, dont answer...

Janos614 · Sep 2nd, 2007, 02:24 PM

Can you screen your calls? You're making yourself too available to her. Does she live close by enough where she'd be able to know if you were home or not? If telling her forcefully doesn't work, you may have to be blunt and escalate the issue, since she doesn't seem to have a clue at all.

SOLIDGOLD2 · Sep 2nd, 2007, 02:43 PM

yess just avoid her calls don't pick up to her

gillianna · Sep 2nd, 2007, 09:35 PM

Does she have any other friends??? LOL-Maybe this is the reason why. I would just screen my calls and tell her you have plans. I mean she has a nanny to watch over her kids, you don't need to be her babysitter too.

beautiful stranger · Sep 3rd, 2007, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janos614

You're making yourself too available to her..

EXACTLY!!! i try screening my calls on my mobile but i dont have caller ID at home .. she does have a nanny but she doesnt want them to be alone with HER all day long and throws them at ME .. it isnt my fault she feels guilty about that .. she shoudl leave work if she feels that bad about leaving then .. not throw them at me .. i tried excuses but im running out LOL .. i loved my daughter to a new preschool for this coming school year and havent told her yet .. lets hope that sends the right message to her ... thanks for your replies everyone ...

merika · Sep 3rd, 2007, 01:53 PM

Nope. I've become friends with other mothers because of my kids but it was never forced. My kid's play dates are straightforward in-and-out ones. Drop the kid off at a given time, pick them up on time. 4yos can't really play for hours on end without getting tired and irritable, and I limited play dates to about 2 a week at that age, of about 2 hours duration not more than that.

Maybe you can tell her that you have prjects to work on from home and find it hard to take care of three kids more than a set number of hours a week. Limit your availability, as Janos said.

beautiful stranger · Sep 4th, 2007, 05:22 PM

she knows I am writing my masters thesis these days ... i liked the idea of limiting play dates to twice a week for a couple of hours each time .. i will try that! .. it will have to end since this is really cutting into my Q time with my own kids and my working time ..

guccimamma · Sep 7th, 2007, 12:46 PM

be evasive with her, if she doesn't pick up on it

dump her like a bad habit

beautiful stranger · Sep 8th, 2007, 07:49 PM

i gave her the old "im having a bad week .. please give me some space" ... it seems she is getting the hint .... hope it catches on :P

Sep 1st, 2007, 07:36 AM	#1
beautiful stranger The Original Angel Location: Where it smells of hot cocoa	Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? I seem to have that problem .. my 4 year old is friends with a boy and a girl (brother and sister) who are her age and wants to be with them 24/7! I want my kid to be happy and have frineds but i dont really enjoy the kids mom! .. she is too clingy and will call at odd hours aside from bringing them over every hour of the day .. she is a working mom so i think she feels guilty that her kids are home alone with the nanny and asks me to either let my daughter go over to their house to play or that her kids come over to my house to play .. sometimes i just wana have fun alone at home with my kids and sometimes i dont wana have other kids over .. i am not cruel or mean or cheap but i dont like how clingy she is becoming .. (my kids are bored could your daughter come over while i am at work? she cant? could they come over then?) I am running out of excuses .. that aside .. she also pops up on weekends and whenever she is free .. she calls alot .. (can i come over for lunch? can YOU come over?) i mean ok our kids are close but leave ME alone! :( dont get me wrong she is nice and sweet and is a good friend but its getting on my nerves lately .. i dont wana be with YOU every second of my free time .. even if i have nothing to do but stare at the ceiling .. (i miss your kids .. can I/u come over?) .. i mean come on! .. we are adults here .. she also has a wierd way of raising her kids .. she gives them too much "depth" .. i mean if her son doesnt say hi to someone (as sometimes kids do .. they just refuse to say hi) .. she has to analyze it and say that (he FEELS that she doesnt like him or that he FEELS that i dont really like this woman so he subconsciously doesnt like her either) .. come on he is just 3!! .. not everything he says or does has to be analyzed and have a deeper meaning .. if another kids bites her kids .. hell breaks loose (my kids are always tortured by others cuz they are too polite and nice to fight back .. my kids are always picked on .. my kids are too sensetive .. too emotional ... etc) ... my god!!! how can i slowly pull away from being her friend without hurting her or hurting our kids friendship? i dont care if my daughter never sees them again but i wana do it gradually .. any suggestions??? do i have to be friends with someone just cuz our kids are?

Sep 2nd, 2007, 12:14 AM	#2
SOLIDGOLD2 Member	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? the next time she wants to you to go over tell her you are really busy and YOU will call her when you have time to go over...sorry you have to go thru that i would be annoyed

Sep 2nd, 2007, 12:27 AM	#3
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Location: Scottsdale, Az	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? omg thats terrible! i agree with the post above though. maybe you should say it kinda forcefully. "I have a lot going on. Let me get back to you when I have a chance." If she calls again, dont answer... __________________

Sep 2nd, 2007, 02:24 PM	#4
Janos614 Member Location: NYC	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? Can you screen your calls? You're making yourself too available to her. Does she live close by enough where she'd be able to know if you were home or not? If telling her forcefully doesn't work, you may have to be blunt and escalate the issue, since she doesn't seem to have a clue at all. __________________ On my wish list: 1. Damier Tate PM 2. Damier Neverfull MM 3. Palermo PM

Sep 2nd, 2007, 02:43 PM	#5
SOLIDGOLD2 Member	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? yess just avoid her calls don't pick up to her

Sep 2nd, 2007, 09:35 PM	#6
gillianna Member	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? Does she have any other friends??? LOL-Maybe this is the reason why. I would just screen my calls and tell her you have plans. I mean she has a nanny to watch over her kids, you don't need to be her babysitter too.

Sep 3rd, 2007, 01:53 PM	#8
merika Just me Location: In front of a computer	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? Nope. I've become friends with other mothers because of my kids but it was never forced. My kid's play dates are straightforward in-and-out ones. Drop the kid off at a given time, pick them up on time. 4yos can't really play for hours on end without getting tired and irritable, and I limited play dates to about 2 a week at that age, of about 2 hours duration not more than that. Maybe you can tell her that you have prjects to work on from home and find it hard to take care of three kids more than a set number of hours a week. Limit your availability, as Janos said. __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Sep 4th, 2007, 05:22 PM	#9
beautiful stranger The Original Angel Location: Where it smells of hot cocoa	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? she knows I am writing my masters thesis these days ... i liked the idea of limiting play dates to twice a week for a couple of hours each time .. i will try that! .. it will have to end since this is really cutting into my Q time with my own kids and my working time ..

Sep 7th, 2007, 12:46 PM	#10
guccimamma guccimamma	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? be evasive with her, if she doesn't pick up on it dump her like a bad habit

Sep 8th, 2007, 07:49 PM	#11
beautiful stranger The Original Angel Location: Where it smells of hot cocoa	Re: Do you ever feel forced to be friends with someone cuz your kids like theirs? i gave her the old "im having a bad week .. please give me some space" ... it seems she is getting the hint .... hope it catches on :P