[PurseFanatic]

So my boyfriend is happy that we're pregnant, but he still doesn't tell everyone he runs into (old friends, etc) like I do.

Then tonight he said something that made it all clear to me. I told him about a private blog I started for friends and family concerning the baby and asked him if he wanted the address. He said no. I was silent for a minute obviously out of hurt and then he said "It just all seems too good to be true."

I asked him if he was scared that there was still a chance we wouldn't have the baby, and he said "yes". I told him well, I am 16 weeks I will be starting my fifth month next week, the heart rate was great, all the ultrasounds have looked good. But I know what he means. I knew a lady that was pregnant and lost her baby in the 7th month.

I told him "God obviously wanted this baby to be, every thing will be fine." Of course I worry too though. But to me I'd rather love this little thing with my whole heart and be hurt if anything were to happen rather than feel guilty forever if something did happen and I never bonded with this baby.

I think he's terrified of falling in love with it and then something happening. (Looooooooong story but basically everyone he's ever cared about has not returned the feeling. No mother around, etc.)

I wish I knew something to do or say but I just have a feeling this is one of those things that until he's in the delivery room holding the baby he's not going to be convinced everything is going to happen and there's a wonderful little angel that is going to love him for no reason at all.

I'm worried too, I've always wanted to be a mom and this does seem like some unreal happiness about to be bestowed on me, but God has a reason for everything.

I told him "Just enjoy it now because as long as everything goes ok, you're going to be a daddy again in 4 months!"

[Nola]

Some men are just like that, cautiously optimistic. He probably feels he can let it all out when the baby is born. I´m sure he will be a good father if he thinks about things like this, just hang in there.

[Sternchen]

I think this can be pretty typical behavior for men, they just don't get as excited as some women do and would rather not shout it from the rooftops until the baby is actually here. Know what I mean?

Try not and be hurt by this...He isn't acting this way to hurt you

[lanasyogamama]

I don't think it's as easy for guys to connect with the baby in utero, even with U/S pics, etc. They aren't feeling the movement, they don't have the 24x7 awareness. He'll be great when the baby arrives, if not sooner, maybe when you have a really big belly he'll connect more!

[Bella.Love]

If he's showing concern about everything being to good to be true, he's already bonded. The child is already in his heart and mind because he's so scared of something happening. He just has to realize he's bonded and that love and connection is there, which can happen at any time; when he sees the baby for the first time, or once the baby is home and he wakes up to see his family sleeping :)

[Roche]

Originally Posted by lanasyogamama

I don't think it's as easy for guys to connect with the baby in utero, even with U/S pics, etc. They aren't feeling the movement, they don't have the 24x7 awareness. He'll be great when the baby arrives, if not sooner, maybe when you have a really big belly he'll connect more!

100% correct. Guys just don't see and understand pregnancy the way we do. He does not feel the baby like you do so its still very strange for him: he knows the baby is coming but on the other side, he has no other proof than you gaining weight!!! You will see that he will change when the baby arrives.

[Roche]

...and tell him that more than 97% of pregnancies that are doing well in general finish with healthy babies. The chances that you could have a big problem are smaller than having a plane accident.

[HuntJumpSC]

My DH & I suffered 2 losses last year, both early, but still devastating. He took it so hard...I did too, but I had already been through so much (lost my Dad, my first pony, had kidney stones...) I think by the second loss I was pretty much numb. We are both in our 30's (he's 32, I'm 34) and want desperately to start a family.
After the second loss, we were referred to a specialist. They ran all kinds of tests, and determined what needed to be done, which luckily was quite simple. We got pregnant again on the very first cycle, and so far, everything has been textbook perfect.
For a long time, DH refused to get excited. He basically was waiting for strike three. That all changed after my 18 week ultrasound, where he actually saw baby, and not a blob. He realizes now that things are different, and the chances of something going wrong are slim, though still there. Finally, he can loosen up, quit worrying so much, and enjoy the anticipation.
Men are like that....they tend to try and be emotionally detached when it comes to something that could potentially be heartbreaking, like a loss. Give him time, he'll come around!

[ive_flipped]

I think that a lot of women are like that too. Especially ones that know people who had issues or they themselves have had issues before. Men like everyone have said are even more removed from it because they are not carrying the baby. They guard themselves so much more then we do. And then there are those really superstious people that can't do things ahead of time or talk about it because it is bad etc.
Give him a big hug and involve him in as much as he is comfortable with.

[PurseFanatic]

Thanks for all the posts guys, you are so great. You're right, I didn't think of it that way before I read your responses, I'm the one having the cravings, the (um gas), feeling the itching belly. He's not experiencing any of that and men just aren't as emotional as us anyway.

Thanks again!

[Mrs. MC]

I think this is very normal behavior. What is real to us, kicking etc is not necessarily real to our partners until they can see something concrete. Men are very concrete as we know for the most part. My husband didn't really think of our first child as being real until he saw the ultrasound, it is a strange thing for them apparently and everytime my son would kick, my dh said he couldn't feel it or it was too late and he had stopped already. I bet once the baby is here or you are further along in your pregnancy, it will be a lot different !

[VT Pooh]

Here is my experience.

I just became a mom less than 5 weeks ago. I wasn't sure how my husband felt before the baby came. But I didn't think he really bonded with the baby.

Once the baby was borned. They were immediately bonded. He takes bath for the baby, he feeds the baby and etc. He does everything. I have to say he actually does a better job than me. Except the baby needs me more when he cries.

I won't worry. Things will come naturally once the baby comes.

Good Luck!!!

[kimberf]

We both were really cautious until well over 20 weeks, not just my DH. We told a few very close friends and family members in the beginning, then didn't really talk about it to people until after we got our genetic tests and ultrasound. We wouldn't talk about names, we didn't look at furniture, we didn't buy clothes or anything else. We've never had a miscarriage ourselves, but we're in our mid-30s, so have quite a few friends who have had them, some quite late (18-20 weeks), and we also know people whose children have genetic defects. So, for us, neither of us would really allow ourselves to count on everything being OK until after all the tests, and really as we got into the third trimester. We're very bonded now, and my DH is like VT Pooh's -- totally into taking care of the baby, and quite honestly, probably a better parent than I am.

[emmalawyer]

I can relate to what your BF is feeling... and I wouldn't worry about him being able to bond once the baby's here.

I was terrified the whole 37 weeks that something would happen to the pregnancy and I would end up with a sad situation on my hands instead of 2 babies in my arms.

I bought the basics (think crib and layettes) the weekend before I was scheduled for the induction (which took place 2 days later, on Tuesday).

I was an admittedly extreme case but my attitude about this pregnancy was shaped by other circumstances in my life that I won't go into here.

Once the babies were born, I bonded and then some... changing diapers, seeing first smiles, witnessing that first glimpse of recognition in their eyes when they wake up in the morning and see YOU and you can tell that they think you hung the moon... all THAT and the many, many other things they do throughout the day basically leave you powerless and unable to resist bonding with them regardless of what you may have felt during gestation!

[ChristyR143]

My dh didn't 'bond' with either of our babies until after they were born. I think pregnancy is something that men can feel very disconnected from, because it's not happening to them. It's something they are just kind of watching from the sidelines. Add a miscarriage to the mix, and then they become even more cautious about the whole thing. I wouldn't worry...as soon as he sees that tiny little piece of him, his heart will be mush!