Becoming a Stay at Home Mom

[LV Luvr]

So this thread may be also geared toward the Money Talk thread, so Mods please move if you see fit. TIA!

How did you and your family transition when you decided to become a stay at home mom? Was it hard and did it change your lifestyles at all?

DH and I are debating on me staying home. We take trips, go out to eat, and overall have a very comfortable lifestyle with me working. But I know a number of things will change. So how did you all make the transition? Can you still enjoy some luxuries from time to time?

[bohohobo]

I'd say it's more relaxing at home (no work stress no bitchin no politics etc) but also very tiring if you don't have help. Fine when baby is 0-6 mos or until he starts crawling and being mobile. You can take baby out for walks, coffee with friends, shopping, etc. When baby becomes mobile you gotta watch him like a hawk see that he's safe doesn't put little things into his mouth nor suck on power cords, and it can be physically tiring. My back feels broken in 10 places but thanks to my Sleep Number bed at 100 setting the firmest, my back is revived after sleep

Luxuries from time to time, whatchou mean?? I can have them all the time, just need to work them around my schedule... unless by luxuries you mean traveling overseas, taking cruises to sail around the world, scale mountains halfway around the world... then no.

[Nola]

I love (and hate) being home right now. What I love; the schedule; I can make it myself. I get to see my daughter so much it feels impossible to love her anymore. Hate: Everyday is the same, there are no holidays.

My little luxuries; I buy fashion mags some days (when I know I´ll get around to looking at them), we go to restaurants rarely but when we do it´s super nice. We don´t have a car so that saves a lot. Not much money for travelling. I took a short paris trip in the summer which fired me up for a long time.

[megs0927]

My situation is a little different as DH is the owner of his company. Once we found out I was pregnant, over time, he raised his salary enough to cover each of the bills I paid. Luckily, we haven't had to make any cutbacks so far, but know that is a possibility depending on the economy and continued success of his company.
I love staying home but I do miss work. None of my friends stay home so it can get quite lonely. With all of the illnesses going around, we don't get out much as i want to keep her exposure level down as much as possible. Like the above poster said, the attachment I have with my daughter is amazing. We have such a close connection and I do think part of it is due to being home with her all the time. It's the hardest job I have ever had, but hands down the most satisfying.

[missbanff]

When I was pregnant with my first, I was all set to go back to work. DH and I talked about me staying home and encouraged me to do so, but ultimately he said it was up to me. I planned all along to return to work.

Then about 2 months into my maternity leave, I realized I could not leave my son. To be fair to my employer, I gave them 6 weeks to find my replacement. It was the worst 6 weeks of my life. I hated leaving my baby.

I would not change the decision to stay home for anything in the world. DH continued to earn good money, so we did not have to give up any luxuries, so to speak. The only thing that changed as far as that was concerned was that I spent time shopping for the baby, and not for me, LOL!

The biggest thing to be prepared for, IMO, is that you can get very lonely if you don't have any other moms to chat or hang out with....especially if it's your first child. It really helps to have a support group of people who know EXACTLY what you're going through. I joined a nursing mom group and it was the best thing I could have ever done. Also, you may have to find ways to challenge yourself mentally--it's very easy to become stuck in a day-to-day rut.....KWIM?

Good luck with your decision, I know it's not an easy one. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for you.

[megs0927]

Originally Posted by missbanff

The only thing that changed as far as that was concerned was that I spent time shopping for the baby, and not for me, LOL!

Isn't that the truth!!! I never thought that I would love shopping for someone else MORE than myself!!!

[LV Luvr]

^ Did your shopping budget change? Mine will decrease dramatically to almost non-existent.

[Bags4Bubbles]

I'm planning on staying home when the baby gets here and possibly just teaching a few hours of dance one night a week next season if it's offered to me - so that I can get out of the house. (Although it won't be adult time though, so I'm not sure how relaxing it will be. LOL...) Other then that, we'd decided that if we were able to, me staying home with our kids when they were younger was our choice for them.

For us, I don't *think* the transition is going to be difficult - but I'm in a unique position. It's been a few years since I've had a FT position - since then I completed my MBA which took a few years and I was just bringing in what stipend I got for being a Research Assistant for the university. Afterwards, the market had tanked so I just went into my fallback of teaching dance part-time and so we've not been used to having two FT incomes for a while now.

The biggest difference will be for me, not for us as a couple, if that makes sense. I will personally have to cut back on alot of the luxury spending and non-necessity items I was used to getting. Even when I was working FT, we didn't really count the money that I was making into our household budget or for mortgages, etc... and DH pretty much didn't mind paying for all of our expenses as a couple. (Looking back, I guess that was a pretty sweet deal.) So the majority of my income, whether it be from FT or PT work, went to non-necessity personal luxury items, over-indulging in items like makeup, or adding into our savings. So instead of trying all of the makeup on my wishlist - I'll only be getting choice items now... instead of getting numerous new bags a year, I'll probably only get a few... instead of being to just impulse buy, I'll have to think through my purchases every time. I'm okay with that.

So for us, I'm hoping the transition won't be too shocking and we might even appreciate additional benefits of having my full attention at home. We'll still be doing the same things, going on vacation occasionally, going out to eat occasionally (we try not to more then once a week), and going on family outings. I'm hoping that I don't resent the transition too much - but I'm thinking at this point I'll have my attention so diverted to the little one... that I may not even notice!

GL with your decision either way!

[megs0927]

It hasn't yet. I don't know if I could handle a dramatic change in the way we budget to be quite honest. I know that sounds materialistic and selfish, but I have told my husband that if we had to make big time changes that I would probably go back to work. We have decreased trips- especially now with a little one. I will only let my MIL or my parents (who live across the country) watch our little one so we don't go out to dinner near as much as we used to. So in a way, we are already cutting back on extras just b/c we don't have an opportunity to get out without DD.

[HauteMama]

When I became pregnant, we "practised" not having my income by having my check deposited directly into savings until the baby arrived. That taught us how much we had to work with, plus it built up a buffer in savings. In the first few years we went without a LOT. It probably would not be a lifestyle most people would want (no cell phone, no cable TV, no computer). But we did fine, dh was recruited for a better position with a different company, and now we are financially comfortable. We do now have the means to enjoy some luxuries (travel, a bag now and then, dinners out) now; we just have to plan for them. My shopping budget was next to non-existant at first, but it is comfortable now. We had some lean years, but me being home was a priority for us, so we made it work.

[everything posh]

When I got married, I moved to London, so I wasn't working at the time. Well, 6 months later I became pregnant with my daughter and I always wanted to be a SAHM. Luckily, my husband's salary is more than enough to where we still were able to travel and to shop just like we used to. Even now with two children we havn't really cut down on anything. Of course we don't go out as much as we used to. I LOVE being at home, but it really is tiring as both my girls are extremely attached to me! My youngest will follow me everywhere including the bathroom!!! On the other hand, It is priceless to have so much time with my girls and thousands of pictures of all their firsts and funny moments that I may have missed if I was at work. (Of course, not knocking any working mom! I can only imagine how hard it is to juggle work and the children!)

[sweetneet]

this is an interesting thread.. i had the same kind of question as the OP. after our baby is born i plan on being a SAHM for a while. though i do plan on going back to fulltime work relatively soon (6 months-1 year after he is born)..my decision to stay at home is mainly because i don't think i'd feel comfortable putting my baby in a daycare at such a young age (neither of our parents live in the area, so we won't be getting free babysitting unfortunately).

about cutting back on luxuries..as others mentioned it's hard to say if i'll have to consciously cut back on things, since i think a lot of things we do a lot of right now (eating out and travel) will be automatically cut drastically after the baby is born, just because it will just be harder to get out and about with our baby. for example we usually do some sort of air travel 3-4 times a year for vacations, friends' weddings, visiting family etc and we usually eat out at least 4 times a week..but after our son is born we probably won't travel for at least 6 months, and i'm sure we'll rarely get the chance to eat out.

[divadivine682]

I am a stay at home mom....While I do love the perks, sometimes it IS draining like the other posters have said. The pros outweigh the cons for me personally and since Lily will most likely be our last child (we have 2 kids) I love the fact I am able to stay home with her and "soak up" every single milestone since it may be the last time for me. What I do is I work on saturday nights (im a bartender) at my job I've been at for 6 years. Obviously before I had her I was able to be pretty much full time but cut it down to one night just for the social interaction after she arrived. I love being able to have conversations with an ADULT and not a 7 month old or a 7 year old, know what I mean? DH is home on the weekends so he watches the kids. We can do family stuff during saturday day and have all Sunday to do anything we need to as a family so I'm not missing out on seeing him as well (he works like 12 hours a day so we don't see eachother that much during the week). It gets me out of the house for a few hours and hey, the extra money is nice too.

[kcf68]

I gave up a "Corporate lifestyle" to be a stay at home mom. Although, sometimes I miss the challenges and ambition, I like staying home with my kiddies. I don't eat out all the time and have learned to cook quick healthy dinners for my family. I haven't really scaled back on my shopping habits but have been more picky about my larger purchases. I don't need all the business clothes but casual put together outfits. Sometimes I get bored with some things about staying home but I try to keep busy with support groups and taking "fun" classes at the College. I try to take one class a semester like sewing, cake decorating or self improvement classes. I really am pretty busy now that I think of it.

[Blondee178]

I'm so glad I bumped into this thread. DF and I have discussed my being a SAHM and it freaks me out!! It would be such a huge transition for me. I've been working since i was 14 yrs old and am not comfortable depending on someone else for everything. Have any of you ever felt like this? If so, how did you overcome it?