Author Urges Parents To Quit Hovering

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http://www.parentdish.com/2009/09/29...it-hovering%2F


If "Free-Range Kids" author Lenore Skenazy endangers children -- and some people claim she does -- so does "Sesame Street."

When the first season of that venerable children's show came out on DVD in 2006, it came with a disclaimer that "early 'Sesame Street' episodes are meant for grown-ups and may not meet the needs of today's preschool child."

Why not? Because what used to be considered wholesome fun is now seen as ridiculously reckless. The DVD shows children scampering through large pipes, balancing on planks between picnic tables and generally cavorting through New York City streets.

You'll put an eye out, kid.

The world is just a much more brutal, dangerous place than it was when "Sesame Street" debuted in 1969 -- or so we think.

"The world has changed, but not for the worse," said Skenazy. "It's only our new fear of even very tiny risks that make 'Sesame Street' look like negligence on parade."

She is a champion of what might be called children's liberation -- giving kids longer leashes and, ultimately, less fear-driven lives. In an often fearful society, however, such ideas are sometimes regarded as heresy.

Skenazy found that out when she wrote a column in The New York Sun in 2008 about how she let her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway system by himself. Within two days, she found herself on NBC's "Today" show, MSNBC and Fox News -- fending off the label of "America's worst mom."

This led to a greater exploration of unchained childhood in her book "Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts." She followed up thebook with a blog that draws thousands of readers a month and plenty of press from around the globe.

Skenazy's book debunks a number of paranoid myths, the biggest being that society is more dangerous than it was when today's parents were children. The crime rate today is actually lower than it was in the '70s and '80s, the author discovered. And even officials at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children say the threat of "stranger danger" is overblown.

In fact, they say, children should be taught to talk to strangers -- to an extent. Children may need help if they're really in danger and should know how to turn to other people for help.

"It's like we think the neighbors are psychotic pedophiles," Skenazy said. "But there's a network of humanity out there we're sealing our kids off from."

Paranoia runs rampant, she said. Some PTAs now auction off the best drop-off points in front of schools -- spots normally reserved for children with disabilities. "In other words, we'll pay for the privilege of treating our kids like invalids," Skenazy said.

Another story that made the author stop in her tracks was one about a toy recall. One child, she said, who was too young to be playing with the toy anyway, almost choked on a piece of it; hence, the recall. She bristled as she recalled an article in a parenting magazine that suggested moms carry some extra shoelaces when they take their toddlers to other people's homes -- to tie shut the other family's cabinets.

"It's like we're supposed to be baby-proofing the world, when what really keeps kids safe is 'world-proofing' them -- teaching them, for example, what not to touch," she said.

Skenazy admits she's not perfect with her two sons. She can get a little nervous herself. "I'm the arm-waving type," she admitted.

Still, Skenazy said, it's important to remember that while terrible things could happen, it's best to prepare kids for what is likely to happen. "Teach them how to cross the street," she said. What's important, she added, is affording children the dignity of risk.

While some parents find Skenazy's ideas horrifying, others find validation. With the positive reaction to her ideas, "Free-Range Kids" has become more than the title of a book. "It's like what happened in the '60s and '70s with feminism," she said. "Once you have a name, you can have a movement."

Overprotecting children doesn't really keep them safe anyway, Skenazy said. "It keeps them from growing up." College administrators even have a new name for the coddled kids coming to school: Tea cups. Beautiful, beloved children who break all too easily.

The Free-Range founder suggests people think back to their own childhoods.

"You don't remember the timesyour dad held your handle bars," she said. "You remember the day he let go."

What do you guys think? Are you over protective?

[one fifty]

[sweetneet]

thanks for posting, that is a very interesting article! i do think the author has a valid point..i think that a lot of potential dangers these days are overblown/exaggerated due to the fact that now we have Internet where we hear about everything and anything bad that could possibly happen to a child. it's like "information overload" that drives the fears.

what really bothers me is how a lot of parents refer to the 60s and 70s (or earlier periods) as "the good old days", as if back then children were at less risk for things than they are now. that couldn't be further from the truth. there were always things like kidnappings, rapes, abductions, molestations etc it just wasn't publicized as much or wasn't talked about at all. there was no Internet, there was no amber alert, etc. no way the news about a kidnapped child in a small town would never make national headlines, for example.

i think it's good to be informed and aware of course, but there needs to be a balance. once i got pregnant i read a lot of pregnancy books, did a lot of online research etc but a few months into it i had to stop myself from going to certain pregnancy sites/forums because i kept getting so freaked out and anxious over some of the (rare) horror stories i would read about online from other pregnant women. yes its good to be informed but to a certain point, i didn't want to worry myself sick over something that was unlikely to happen...i figured that wasn't good for either me or my baby.

[AngelBABY84]

The author brings up some great points.

[megs0927]

I think she makes a lot of good points. I still would NEVER let a 9 year old ride the subway by himself. My husband always tells me I worry too much and I research things into the ground on the internet. There is such a fine line between "healthy" worrying vs obsessive or negative worrying.

[Junkenpo]

i remember walking home from elementary school... our apartment was about 3/4s of a mile away... and also being given permission to walk to the beach about a block and a half away with a bunch of neighborhood kids.

i do think some kids are waaay too coddled by well-meaning parents.. but it does handicap them later in life. Helicopter parents need to let their kids learn on their own. Failing is part of that... learning how to get back up & keep trying is an important skill to acquire.

[Sternchen]

I'm glad that DH and I chose not to "hover" over our children. It's not going to do them any good later on in life...when they can't do anything for themselves and are constantly insecure. We do watch that our children are safe, yes. I know a mother who won't let her child use rollerskates because her daughter might hurt herself. My daughter has been riding rollerskates for the past year and has had all sorts of scrapes, bumps, bruises, etc...but she still keeps riding. If you're scared of something your children more than likely will be too!

[everything posh]

Great article. Thanks for posting! I'm so glad my DH and I decided not to hover over our children. They are still quite young yet though. I would imagine it is a bit harder to NOT hover as they get older and want more freedom.

[omgsweet]

My husband's family calls me a hovering mother. I worry about EVERYTHING.

Mel, Belle got her first pair of roller skates this summer. Her grandmother bought them for her along with a pair for her cousin. They think I'm crazy because I wouldn't let her use them until I got her a helmet.

My Mom was very over protective of me too. While I found it annoying, I think I turned out ok. I didn't have any problems taking care of myself once I moved out of the house.

[merika]

When I was 10, I went to school by public transport. I had to get on the right bus at the bus stop, buy a ticket and get off at the right place. On the way home I had to walk to the bus station, buy a ticket from the counter, pick one of the several buses that passed my stop (determining which did and didn't stop there) and make my way home. I was perfectly comfortable doing all that on my own.

I wouldn't dream of letting my 10 year old son do it, though. I think the world was much more ignorant those days...