Wedding: who pays for what?

BQueenGirl · Jun 4th, 2008, 03:22 PM

In a wedding for a first time couple who is supposed to pay for:

Reception, church, rehearsal dinner, liqour, food, bridal shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party.

I have always thought the womans family or the couple paid for the wedding and maybe the family had the shower but i am not sure what the proper financial protocol for the rest is.

The reason why I am asking is my bride to be freind is pushing huge expenses related to the wedding on the bridal party. Our friend paid 1500 for her bridal shower and paid for the entire bachelorette party, bought all of the bridal party gifts...in addition to her dress and shoes...

IntlSet · Jun 4th, 2008, 03:38 PM

I thought *traditionally* the bride's family covered the wedding costs, while the groom's family paid for the honeymoon?

guccimamma · Jun 4th, 2008, 03:48 PM

i think it is in horrible taste to make anybody responsible for fees associated with a wedding, i paid for my bridesmaid's dresses (there were a whopping 2 of them)

the bridal shower was thrown by friends, but not over-the-top

none of us had any money when we were in our early 20's, so i certainly didn't expect anything extravagant from my friends

oogiewoogie · Jun 4th, 2008, 03:57 PM

Depends on the ethnicity as well, I'm Taiwanese & my husbands Asian as well.. traditionally the grooms side of the family pays for the majority of the wedding.

But nowadays, everyones circumstances are different. My husbands family paid for the majority of the reception (As 90%) of the guests were from his side, My parents took care of the wedding venue. My husband & I took care of the details, dj, flowers, dress, tux, gifts, honeymoon, engagement & wedding day pictures, etc.

I also agree w/ Guccimama that it's tasteless when the bride and groom expect others (friends & family) to be responsible for fees associated with the wedding.

Blue824 · Jun 4th, 2008, 04:10 PM

Sounds like she is expecting a lot of her bridesmaids. She made a member of the bridal party pay for the bridal party gifts?? That is crazy, that is supposed to be from the bride and the groom to their bridal party as a special thank you.

Bachelorette party, in my circle, is organized by one of the bridesmaids and the cost is split amongst all attending.

Bridal Showers, again, in my circle of friends and family, are paid for by very good female friends of the family, like friends of the mom, or an aunt. I have heard of bridesmaids hosting a bridal shower, but because of the expense, usually someone older with more comfortable finances takes care of that!

Sounds like the bride has some unrealistic expectations.

BQueenGirl · Jun 4th, 2008, 04:24 PM

I am glad to see you all have these opinions....I have not participated at all in the wedding or any other part of the festivities because of her unreasonable finacial demands....

I always thought family or the couple paid...

doreenjoy · Jun 4th, 2008, 04:26 PM

Bridal showers should be held by the friends of the bride. Any friends, not just bridesmaids. It is considered somewhat outre for the bride's family to throw the shower.

Also, the shower is a GIFT to the bride. I know these days many brides think their weddings are the event of the decade, but there is nothing wrong with saying "I can't afford this" if the bride demands more than you want to spend.

The bridal party gifts are 100% the responsibility of the bride.

Christiflora · Jun 4th, 2008, 04:57 PM

I do not go by tradition. I think the cost should be paid by whoever wants the wedding or party. if the bride wants an extravagent wedding, let her pay for it with her hard-earned money. If she wants a brachelorette party or bridal shower, she should pay for all the expenses. Her guests can shower her with gifts that they can afford. It is selfish and unrealistic to expect others to pay for her wedding or party. The bride should be grateful that her friends show up, not to mention the efforts that her friends and bridesmaids take to arrange/coordinate for the parties.

guccimamma · Jun 4th, 2008, 04:58 PM

there is nothing wrong with telling a bride that you can't participate in everything for financial reasons, if she is truly your friend..she wouldn't want to see you struggle. you can tell her that you'd like to buy her a nice gift, but everything else is causing a financial hardship.

if she doesn't understand that, she is a total toad.

Kenia · Jun 4th, 2008, 06:15 PM

My family is from Nicaragua and in our culture the groom (with possible help from his parents) pays for the wedding. My parents always say that they are not picking up that aspect of American culture. They refuse "to pay to give their daughter away"...

IMO, the day I get married I will be paying the expenses for my wedding with the/my groom. Whomever offers to help is welcomed to. If no one offers than we foot the bill.

As for bachlorette and bridal showers, I was under the impression that those were gifts. If someone wants to organize one for me so be it.

I was also under the impression that bridal gifts are gifts for the wedding attendants and parents as a show of gratitude from the bride and groom.

diamond_lover · Jun 4th, 2008, 06:33 PM

I am a HUGE wedding fanatic (not married YET though). I always read magazines and wedding books. I am Asian and my SO is Jewish. From my understanding with my SO, the engagement party is usually split between the bride and the groom (simple brunch or lunch or whatver). Depending on how much money the couple has, the bridal party pays for their own tux rentals or gowns (if the couple isn't wealthy). If the couple can afford it, then they pay for the bridal party's tux rentals and gowns. Bachelorette parties are usually thrown by the Maid of Honor and bridesmaids (unless it's liek a trip going to Vegas/Miami then I think the bride should pay for herself). Same goes for the bachelor party. The bride and groom should pay for the bridal party gifts since it's basically a gift of gratitude for taking the time to participate in their wedding. The bridal shower is usually thrown by the bride's family with the bridal party. I don't think it is fair to assume parents will pay for the wedding but if it is divided the bride's family usually pays for the banquet, reception hall, and religious ceremony. The groom's family usually pays for every thing else like flowers, photography, stationery, limos, and other fees. I think when I get married it will basically be 50/50 to make things alot easier since my Chinese parents believe the groom should pay while in the U.S. the bride's parents should pay.

cakegirl · Jun 4th, 2008, 07:08 PM

Kenia, i think you are exactly right about showers and bachlorette parties. If someone offers to give you one, great. But they arent requirements to getting married and you cant ask for one. I have always heard that showers should only be thrown by friends not family members as well.
Traditionally (in America), The grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner, the brides family pays for the wedding and reception, the groom pays for the honeymoon and the attendants pay for their dresses/tuxedos. Today, especially with so many people getting when they are older and more established, these rules often dont apply.

I think people getting married should always go out of their way to make the wedding affordable for their attendants and guests. Is it more important to have close friends by your side when you get married, or that they have matching $100 updos?

Virgo · Jun 4th, 2008, 07:56 PM

From my experience, traditionally the bride's family pays for the wedding, the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner, the bridemaids pay for the shower and the bridemaid and other friends pay for the bachelorette party. The couple usually pays for the honeymoon.

Now that can totally vary depending the financial status and age of all those involved.

ImASadGiraffe · Jun 4th, 2008, 08:26 PM

For my wedding, my father paid for the wedding ceremony and reception. My husband's father paid for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. Everything else my husband and I paid for. We couldn't afford the tuxes and dresses so we picked inexpensive attire that everyone could afford.

BlkLadyLaw · Jun 5th, 2008, 07:55 AM

This is all fascinating about parents paying for weddings because everyone I have ever known has paid for their own wedding; but maybe this is because all of us are doing better than our parents are

I guess this is for people whose parents are well-off?

Jun 4th, 2008, 03:22 PM	#1
BQueenGirl Member Joined: Sep 2006 Location: MI Posts: 1,485	Wedding: who pays for what? In a wedding for a first time couple who is supposed to pay for: Reception, church, rehearsal dinner, liqour, food, bridal shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party. I have always thought the womans family or the couple paid for the wedding and maybe the family had the shower but i am not sure what the proper financial protocol for the rest is. The reason why I am asking is my bride to be freind is pushing huge expenses related to the wedding on the bridal party. Our friend paid 1500 for her bridal shower and paid for the entire bachelorette party, bought all of the bridal party gifts...in addition to her dress and shoes... __________________ http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...gs-100794.html Check out my bags!! Wishlist: Chanel Black Flap. Red EW Flap with new chain. Purple Flap. Pink Flap. Dark Silver Reissue. CC Earrings. Louboutin Pumps. LV Vernis Anything!!! More coach scarves and shoes. Gucci Brit Bag.

Jun 4th, 2008, 03:38 PM	#2
IntlSet Bonjour! Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 11,059	I thought traditionally the bride's family covered the wedding costs, while the groom's family paid for the honeymoon? __________________ http://drinkmorechampagne.wordpress.com/

Jun 4th, 2008, 03:57 PM	#4
oogiewoogie iS eNjOyin Life :o) Joined: Mar 2007 Location: Beachy SoCAL...♥ Posts: 3,182	Depends on the ethnicity as well, I'm Taiwanese & my husbands Asian as well.. traditionally the grooms side of the family pays for the majority of the wedding. But nowadays, everyones circumstances are different. My husbands family paid for the majority of the reception (As 90%) of the guests were from his side, My parents took care of the wedding venue. My husband & I took care of the details, dj, flowers, dress, tux, gifts, honeymoon, engagement & wedding day pictures, etc. I also agree w/ Guccimama that it's tasteless when the bride and groom expect others (friends & family) to be responsible for fees associated with the wedding. __________________ " It is as easy to create a castle as a button. It's just a matter of whether you're focused on a castle or a button." - Abraham-Hicks." Last edited by oogiewoogie; Jun 4th, 2008 at 04:05 PM.

Jun 4th, 2008, 04:24 PM	#6
BQueenGirl Member Joined: Sep 2006 Location: MI Posts: 1,485	I am glad to see you all have these opinions....I have not participated at all in the wedding or any other part of the festivities because of her unreasonable finacial demands.... I always thought family or the couple paid... __________________ http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...gs-100794.html Check out my bags!! Wishlist: Chanel Black Flap. Red EW Flap with new chain. Purple Flap. Pink Flap. Dark Silver Reissue. CC Earrings. Louboutin Pumps. LV Vernis Anything!!! More coach scarves and shoes. Gucci Brit Bag.

Jun 4th, 2008, 04:26 PM	#7
doreenjoy Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 453	Bridal showers should be held by the friends of the bride. Any friends, not just bridesmaids. It is considered somewhat outre for the bride's family to throw the shower. Also, the shower is a GIFT to the bride. I know these days many brides think their weddings are the event of the decade, but there is nothing wrong with saying "I can't afford this" if the bride demands more than you want to spend. The bridal party gifts are 100% the responsibility of the bride. __________________ I have everything I need. Wow.

Jun 4th, 2008, 03:48 PM	#3
guccimamma guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,851	i think it is in horrible taste to make anybody responsible for fees associated with a wedding, i paid for my bridesmaid's dresses (there were a whopping 2 of them) the bridal shower was thrown by friends, but not over-the-top none of us had any money when we were in our early 20's, so i certainly didn't expect anything extravagant from my friends

Jun 4th, 2008, 04:10 PM	#5
Blue824 Member Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 1,932	Sounds like she is expecting a lot of her bridesmaids. She made a member of the bridal party pay for the bridal party gifts?? That is crazy, that is supposed to be from the bride and the groom to their bridal party as a special thank you. Bachelorette party, in my circle, is organized by one of the bridesmaids and the cost is split amongst all attending. Bridal Showers, again, in my circle of friends and family, are paid for by very good female friends of the family, like friends of the mom, or an aunt. I have heard of bridesmaids hosting a bridal shower, but because of the expense, usually someone older with more comfortable finances takes care of that! Sounds like the bride has some unrealistic expectations.

Jun 4th, 2008, 04:57 PM	#8
Christiflora Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,024	I do not go by tradition. I think the cost should be paid by whoever wants the wedding or party. if the bride wants an extravagent wedding, let her pay for it with her hard-earned money. If she wants a brachelorette party or bridal shower, she should pay for all the expenses. Her guests can shower her with gifts that they can afford. It is selfish and unrealistic to expect others to pay for her wedding or party. The bride should be grateful that her friends show up, not to mention the efforts that her friends and bridesmaids take to arrange/coordinate for the parties.

Jun 4th, 2008, 04:58 PM	#9
guccimamma guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,851	there is nothing wrong with telling a bride that you can't participate in everything for financial reasons, if she is truly your friend..she wouldn't want to see you struggle. you can tell her that you'd like to buy her a nice gift, but everything else is causing a financial hardship. if she doesn't understand that, she is a total toad.

Jun 4th, 2008, 06:15 PM	#10
Kenia Member Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 552	My family is from Nicaragua and in our culture the groom (with possible help from his parents) pays for the wedding. My parents always say that they are not picking up that aspect of American culture. They refuse "to pay to give their daughter away"... IMO, the day I get married I will be paying the expenses for my wedding with the/my groom. Whomever offers to help is welcomed to. If no one offers than we foot the bill. As for bachlorette and bridal showers, I was under the impression that those were gifts. If someone wants to organize one for me so be it. I was also under the impression that bridal gifts are gifts for the wedding attendants and parents as a show of gratitude from the bride and groom.

Jun 4th, 2008, 06:33 PM	#11
diamond_lover Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: NYC Posts: 902	I am a HUGE wedding fanatic (not married YET though). I always read magazines and wedding books. I am Asian and my SO is Jewish. From my understanding with my SO, the engagement party is usually split between the bride and the groom (simple brunch or lunch or whatver). Depending on how much money the couple has, the bridal party pays for their own tux rentals or gowns (if the couple isn't wealthy). If the couple can afford it, then they pay for the bridal party's tux rentals and gowns. Bachelorette parties are usually thrown by the Maid of Honor and bridesmaids (unless it's liek a trip going to Vegas/Miami then I think the bride should pay for herself). Same goes for the bachelor party. The bride and groom should pay for the bridal party gifts since it's basically a gift of gratitude for taking the time to participate in their wedding. The bridal shower is usually thrown by the bride's family with the bridal party. I don't think it is fair to assume parents will pay for the wedding but if it is divided the bride's family usually pays for the banquet, reception hall, and religious ceremony. The groom's family usually pays for every thing else like flowers, photography, stationery, limos, and other fees. I think when I get married it will basically be 50/50 to make things alot easier since my Chinese parents believe the groom should pay while in the U.S. the bride's parents should pay.

Jun 4th, 2008, 07:08 PM	#12
cakegirl Member Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 346	Kenia, i think you are exactly right about showers and bachlorette parties. If someone offers to give you one, great. But they arent requirements to getting married and you cant ask for one. I have always heard that showers should only be thrown by friends not family members as well. Traditionally (in America), The grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner, the brides family pays for the wedding and reception, the groom pays for the honeymoon and the attendants pay for their dresses/tuxedos. Today, especially with so many people getting when they are older and more established, these rules often dont apply. I think people getting married should always go out of their way to make the wedding affordable for their attendants and guests. Is it more important to have close friends by your side when you get married, or that they have matching $100 updos? __________________ Wish List: the perfect big clutch the perfect grey bag

Jun 4th, 2008, 07:56 PM	#13
Virgo Member Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,545	From my experience, traditionally the bride's family pays for the wedding, the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner, the bridemaids pay for the shower and the bridemaid and other friends pay for the bachelorette party. The couple usually pays for the honeymoon. Now that can totally vary depending the financial status and age of all those involved. __________________ Virgo

Jun 4th, 2008, 08:26 PM	#14
ImASadGiraffe Twilight 11/21/08 Joined: Aug 2007 Location: IL Posts: 2,897	For my wedding, my father paid for the wedding ceremony and reception. My husband's father paid for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. Everything else my husband and I paid for. We couldn't afford the tuxes and dresses so we picked inexpensive attire that everyone could afford. __________________

Jun 5th, 2008, 07:55 AM	#15
BlkLadyLaw Haute Legal Diva Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Washington DC metro Posts: 1,720	This is all fascinating about parents paying for weddings because everyone I have ever known has paid for their own wedding; but maybe this is because all of us are doing better than our parents are I guess this is for people whose parents are well-off? __________________