too young to have such bad spending habits?

misstrashe · Jun 21st, 2008, 05:26 PM

Hey guys! I've been reading this forum for a quite a bit and just thought maybe some of you wise ladies could give me some well needed advice.

I'm a 19 year old university student who has extremely expensive taste. That is, probably 2 years ago I was still very good with spending money. I would buy a FEW luxury items a year and that would be while shopping with my mom and us both lusting for the same bag or something we could both use. I was a lot more cautious with my credit card and would leave all major purchases up to the accompaniment and approval of my mother. You know, her approving and letting me buy so and so.

But after this past year, I've noticed that my spending habits have severely changed. I think I've built such a high taste for fashion and everything that I only want those $600+ Louboutin pumps or a See by Chloe blouse. Or even I've managed to have SA's call me from SCP when new items come in and ask if I want to charge send it to my University address!! Which seems completely ridiculous when I think about it because I go to a university where Greek Life and frat parties and the likes are common place... and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those to be beer soaked!

I've been buying Chanel flats (4 pairs since Janurary) and a year ago spent over $5,000+ on 2 Chanel bags. Like, I'll go to Bloomingdales and after going into ONE department, I'll rack up a $1,000+ bill in all Theory clothes.

My parents have commented about my spending habits, but the thing is I don't buy random ~for the sake of buying~ items (AND MY PARENTS KNOW THIS WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY THEY HAVEN'T TAKEN AWAY MY CREDIT CARD!!) Plus, my parents are real softies and they like seeing me happy. All my pieces are classics and very well put together and when I'm 30 years old, I'll probably be wearing the same clothes and similar styles. My wardrobe looks like it doesn't belong to a 19 year old, maybe a 25 year old NY socialite or something.

But the problem lies in that I feel like I need those designer shoes and nothing else can substitute it, you know?

And half of my wardrobe I wouldn't be wearing to a frat party on a Saturday night so it's usually tucked in my closet to be worn during class presentations or Sunday morning brunch or even the summer now.

I am very blessed and thankful for everything that I have but even though I keep on spending, I'm really afraid of what will happen when I'm not living with my parents and off on my own. (MY PARENTS ALWAYS COMMENT THAT ALL THE MONEY I'LL MAKE AT MY FIRST JOB WILL BE SPENT ON HANDBAGS AND SHOES.) I know if something happened or whatever, my parents will definitely provide for me, but I want to learn how to not be so weak!

That said, I have absolutely no income right now. I'm taking a summer unpaid internship in NYC with Conde Nast and am a little afraid of what working in NYC and spending my summer in Bergdorfs will do to me.

Can you tell me your stories (they don't have to relate to college) about how you managed to keep yourself in check while you were working? And not be tempted to buy and how to tell yourself no?

I know that I am way too young to have such outrageous spending habits and I know that if I don't do something about it I'll go into debt when I get my first job.

uafly1 · Jun 21st, 2008, 06:08 PM

I think part of your problem is that you feel like you are getting "approval" to keep spending money. Just because your Mom does not tell you that you should not have something or that they have not taken your credit card away, does not make it ok. You have to know to set your own limits. Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Put yourself on a budget. Track exactly how you are spending on these luxury items and put those numbers in real items for you. For examples, 2 chanel handbags equal 1 semester of college.
It's not to say that you can't have these luxury items, but you should balance. I love nice handbags, in exchange, I do not wear makeup, I do not get manicures, I only get pedicures and haircuts on a as needed basis. With all the little things I cut out I justify the purse of my expensive handbags.

But becareful with that approval. I have a friend who's husband constantly gave her permission to shop. They had no money, but it he said it was ok. They just filed bankruptcy. You have to be strong enough to know what's right and wrong.

ImASadGiraffe · Jun 21st, 2008, 06:17 PM

To be truthful, if I had parents that paid my bills for me, and didn't complain about it, I would spend whatever I wanted to.

But, eventually we all grow up and go out on our own. I have a very impulsive streak and the only way for me to tame my spending is to put it all down on paper (or in my case, an Excel spreadsheet) and give myself a budget. For example, what money I do earn needs to go to X number of things first - housing, utilities, food, necessities. The amount of money leftover needs to be divided between savings and entertainment.

You said you're going on an unpaid internship. Why don't you ask for your parent's help this summer in keeping a budget? For example, they can setup a Visa Buxx card with a pre-set amount of money on it. It works like a Visa but isn't a credit card. They set the amount, something reasonable, and then you can budget it out while you're in NYC. It would be good practice and make you really think about what you're buying.

socalgem · Jun 21st, 2008, 06:18 PM

My love for fashion started when I was 13. I was the only girl and my grandparents bought me whatever I wanted. My college days were fashion filled as well. Everything I bought was what I wanted and used. I never bought just because.

Now my daughter, who is almost 17, is the same way. She has her own CC and she loves fashion. She has a nice collection of bags as well(LV, Gucci, Juicey). I have taught her as well as her brother(who will be 16 soon) about the value of a good education, paying bills and about money. So I am very confident they will do great in the real world.

I think as long as you can afford the things you get, and you use them there isn't anything wrong with that. The problem comes when you can't afford your bills, food, gas, etc.

Maybe you should have a set amount of bags, clothes or money you want to spend a year and stick to that.

Good Luck to you!!

TropicalGal · Jun 21st, 2008, 07:33 PM

I think you'll have your reality check when you live on your own salary and not have Mom paying for everything. Then you'll figure out your values and your spending/saving strategy. Life is a grand teacher.

socalgem · Jun 21st, 2008, 09:06 PM

^I think if you are taught about finances when you are younger, you tend to do well in the real world. At least for me, it has been that way. My shopping hasn't changed much since I've become older.

Zophie · Jun 21st, 2008, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImASadGiraffe

To be truthful, if I had parents that paid my bills for me, and didn't complain about it, I would spend whatever I wanted to.

But, eventually we all grow up and go out on our own. I have a very impulsive streak and the only way for me to tame my spending is to put it all down on paper (or in my case, an Excel spreadsheet) and give myself a budget. For example, what money I do earn needs to go to X number of things first - housing, utilities, food, necessities. The amount of money leftover needs to be divided between savings and entertainment.

You said you're going on an unpaid internship. Why don't you ask for your parent's help this summer in keeping a budget? For example, they can setup a Visa Buxx card with a pre-set amount of money on it. It works like a Visa but isn't a credit card. They set the amount, something reasonable, and then you can budget it out while you're in NYC. It would be good practice and make you really think about what you're buying.

Honestly, I'd probably do the same thing if my parents paid my bills. And even though my parents didn't pay for things for me, I lived with them all through school. When I moved out and moved away to start my career I sold literally everything that anyone on eBay would buy and a lot of that designer stuff and jewelry, etc., helped fund the start of my career. I think the fact that you are even thinking about it at such a young age is good. But the main thing I think is to be sure that you NEVER go in debt for luxury goods. Whatever credit card you ever get, pay it off every month.

barcreperie · Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:10 AM

It's wonderful that you're realizing now that it's a problem. Luxury products are marketed with the idea of selling a lifestyle or image along with the product. And it's so much easier to do now with the internet constantly selling products via product placement. I think most people who fall victim to this marketing ploy figure it out eventually, and quit handing so much of their hard earned money over to the makers of luxury items. The items will not change your life, they will not validate you, they will only make you poor.

That said, I think most people 'get it' when they're out on their own and don't have their parents to foot the bill for their extravagance. Few people start out their careers being able to afford designer goods, so they either limit their purchases or go deep in to debt fast. Like I said, it's good that you recognize now that a problem may be brewing. It sounds like you are level-headed and not let yourself be a victim of the dreams marketing promises.

socalgem · Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:46 AM

So do you buy luxury goods? And I don't think many people buy them to validate or change their lives. I really believe most people buy different things because they enjoy them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by barcreperie

I think most people who fall victim to this marketing ploy figure it out eventually, and quit handing so much of their hard earned money over to the makers of luxury items. The items will not change your life, they will not validate you, they will only make you poor.

That said, I think most people 'get it' when they're out on their own and don't have their parents to foot the bill for their extravagance. Few people start out their careers being able to afford designer goods, so they either limit their purchases or go deep in to debt fast. Like I said, it's good that you recognize now that a problem may be brewing. It sounds like you are level-headed and not let yourself be a victim of the dreams marketing promises.

Allisonfaye · Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:48 AM

Are your parents wealthy? Are they sacrificing their future retirement to buy you this stuff? Even if you get a job after you graduate and they still continue to buy this stuff and they pay for it, what happens when you get married? You need to learn to be independent at some point. I honestly don't think parents do their kids any favors by buying them all these luxuries at such an early age. If there comes a day when they can't or won't do it anymore, it leaves the kids hanging out to dry and they never learned to support themselves.

Bay · Jun 22nd, 2008, 12:49 PM

Sadly, I did not learn how to tell myself no yet..Therefore I have no good advice to give you.

airmarket · Jun 22nd, 2008, 12:51 PM

maybe you should cut up your credit card?

socalgem · Jun 22nd, 2008, 01:12 PM

I think it depends on the parents and the child. I have confidence my children will be fine on their own, just like I've been.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allisonfaye

Are your parents wealthy? Are they sacrificing their future retirement to buy you this stuff? Even if you get a job after you graduate and they still continue to buy this stuff and they pay for it, what happens when you get married? You need to learn to be independent at some point. I honestly don't think parents do their kids any favors by buying them all these luxuries at such an early age. If there comes a day when they can't or won't do it anymore, it leaves the kids hanging out to dry and they never learned to support themselves.

LV Luvr · Jun 22nd, 2008, 07:32 PM

What you are probably feeling is guilt because you don't have income to pay for the stuff. It is good you realize your habits now will put you into debt later on. And debt isn't an easy thing to get out of. Maybe you shouldn't take such advantage of the situation and go back to shopping only with your mom. Afterall, it is their money you are spending. Perhaps you are using shopping to fill a void/need? My suggestion would be listen to Dave Ramsey. That will be a great place to begin.

acshih · Jun 22nd, 2008, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misstrashe

Hey guys! I've been reading this forum for a quite a bit and just thought maybe some of you wise ladies could give me some well needed advice.

I'm a 19 year old university student who has extremely expensive taste. That is, probably 2 years ago I was still very good with spending money. I would buy a FEW luxury items a year and that would be while shopping with my mom and us both lusting for the same bag or something we could both use. I was a lot more cautious with my credit card and would leave all major purchases up to the accompaniment and approval of my mother. You know, her approving and letting me buy so and so.

It sounds like so much fun, be able to shop with mom and lusting after the same items

.

Quote:

But after this past year, I've noticed that my spending habits have severely changed. I think I've built such a high taste for fashion and everything that I only want those $600+ Louboutin pumps or a See by Chloe blouse. Or even I've managed to have SA's call me from SCP when new items come in and ask if I want to charge send it to my University address!! Which seems completely ridiculous when I think about it because I go to a university where Greek Life and frat parties and the likes are common place... and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those to be beer soaked!

I've been buying Chanel flats (4 pairs since Janurary) and a year ago spent over $5,000+ on 2 Chanel bags. Like, I'll go to Bloomingdales and after going into ONE department, I'll rack up a $1,000+ bill in all Theory clothes.

My parents have commented about my spending habits, but the thing is I don't buy random ~for the sake of buying~ items (AND MY PARENTS KNOW THIS WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY THEY HAVEN'T TAKEN AWAY MY CREDIT CARD!!) Plus, my parents are real softies and they like seeing me happy. All my pieces are classics and very well put together and when I'm 30 years old, I'll probably be wearing the same clothes and similar styles. My wardrobe looks like it doesn't belong to a 19 year old, maybe a 25 year old NY socialite or something.

It sounds like each purchase is well-planned, and you have a great sense of fashion and truly love it. Your parents are well-aware of your spending as well. I can understand that parents want the best for their beloved daughter, so, if they are willing to support your spending, and they are not jeopardizing their financial future, I really don't think there is anything wrong with it.

Quote:

But the problem lies in that I feel like I need those designer shoes and nothing else can substitute it, you know?

And half of my wardrobe I wouldn't be wearing to a frat party on a Saturday night so it's usually tucked in my closet to be worn during class presentations or Sunday morning brunch or even the summer now.

I am very blessed and thankful for everything that I have but even though I keep on spending, I'm really afraid of what will happen when I'm not living with my parents and off on my own. (MY PARENTS ALWAYS COMMENT THAT ALL THE MONEY I'LL MAKE AT MY FIRST JOB WILL BE SPENT ON HANDBAGS AND SHOES.) I know if something happened or whatever, my parents will definitely provide for me, but I want to learn how to not be so weak!

The fact that you are discussing it here shows that you know what you are doing/spending and are mindful of it. That is so mature for a 19-year old

. Appreciating finer things is not a weakness, it is human nature. If you are feeling bad about spending that much money now and feel that you have to have those shoes, why not use that as a motivation? Get as much out of your education now so after you graduate, you can get a good job which will pay for your passion! As a matter of fact, if you do love fashion so much, why not consider maybe working in the fashion industry one day?? If I remember right, Vera Wang was a fashionista when she was younger, and that's how she started her own design house with loan of money from her father.

Quote:

That said, I have absolutely no income right now. I'm taking a summer unpaid internship in NYC with Conde Nast and am a little afraid of what working in NYC and spending my summer in Bergdorfs will do to me.

Can you tell me your stories (they don't have to relate to college) about how you managed to keep yourself in check while you were working? And not be tempted to buy and how to tell yourself no?

I know that I am way too young to have such outrageous spending habits and I know that if I don't do something about it I'll go into debt when I get my first job.

Learn as much as you can about finances now. Maybe sit down with your parents and set up a budget for yourself. Limit yourself to number of shoes/bags/clothes that you can buy each season. And if an item is out of season, and is something that you no longer will wear, maybe consider selling it on eBay or thru consignment stores to help fund future purchases!

In the meantime, learn as much as you can about personal finances, investing, retirement savings, etc., and enjoy your life being 19!

Jun 21st, 2008, 05:26 PM	#1
misstrashe baby jess Joined: May 2007 Location: NJ/NYC Posts: 497	too young to have such bad spending habits? Hey guys! I've been reading this forum for a quite a bit and just thought maybe some of you wise ladies could give me some well needed advice. I'm a 19 year old university student who has extremely expensive taste. That is, probably 2 years ago I was still very good with spending money. I would buy a FEW luxury items a year and that would be while shopping with my mom and us both lusting for the same bag or something we could both use. I was a lot more cautious with my credit card and would leave all major purchases up to the accompaniment and approval of my mother. You know, her approving and letting me buy so and so. But after this past year, I've noticed that my spending habits have severely changed. I think I've built such a high taste for fashion and everything that I only want those $600+ Louboutin pumps or a See by Chloe blouse. Or even I've managed to have SA's call me from SCP when new items come in and ask if I want to charge send it to my University address!! Which seems completely ridiculous when I think about it because I go to a university where Greek Life and frat parties and the likes are common place... and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those to be beer soaked! I've been buying Chanel flats (4 pairs since Janurary) and a year ago spent over $5,000+ on 2 Chanel bags. Like, I'll go to Bloomingdales and after going into ONE department, I'll rack up a $1,000+ bill in all Theory clothes. My parents have commented about my spending habits, but the thing is I don't buy random ~for the sake of buying~ items (AND MY PARENTS KNOW THIS WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY THEY HAVEN'T TAKEN AWAY MY CREDIT CARD!!) Plus, my parents are real softies and they like seeing me happy. All my pieces are classics and very well put together and when I'm 30 years old, I'll probably be wearing the same clothes and similar styles. My wardrobe looks like it doesn't belong to a 19 year old, maybe a 25 year old NY socialite or something. But the problem lies in that I feel like I need those designer shoes and nothing else can substitute it, you know? And half of my wardrobe I wouldn't be wearing to a frat party on a Saturday night so it's usually tucked in my closet to be worn during class presentations or Sunday morning brunch or even the summer now. I am very blessed and thankful for everything that I have but even though I keep on spending, I'm really afraid of what will happen when I'm not living with my parents and off on my own. (MY PARENTS ALWAYS COMMENT THAT ALL THE MONEY I'LL MAKE AT MY FIRST JOB WILL BE SPENT ON HANDBAGS AND SHOES.) I know if something happened or whatever, my parents will definitely provide for me, but I want to learn how to not be so weak! That said, I have absolutely no income right now. I'm taking a summer unpaid internship in NYC with Conde Nast and am a little afraid of what working in NYC and spending my summer in Bergdorfs will do to me. Can you tell me your stories (they don't have to relate to college) about how you managed to keep yourself in check while you were working? And not be tempted to buy and how to tell yourself no? I know that I am way too young to have such outrageous spending habits and I know that if I don't do something about it I'll go into debt when I get my first job. __________________ of vice and men Last edited by misstrashe; Jun 21st, 2008 at 05:29 PM.

Jun 21st, 2008, 06:17 PM	#3
ImASadGiraffe Twilight 11/21/08 Joined: Aug 2007 Location: IL Posts: 2,745	To be truthful, if I had parents that paid my bills for me, and didn't complain about it, I would spend whatever I wanted to. But, eventually we all grow up and go out on our own. I have a very impulsive streak and the only way for me to tame my spending is to put it all down on paper (or in my case, an Excel spreadsheet) and give myself a budget. For example, what money I do earn needs to go to X number of things first - housing, utilities, food, necessities. The amount of money leftover needs to be divided between savings and entertainment. You said you're going on an unpaid internship. Why don't you ask for your parent's help this summer in keeping a budget? For example, they can setup a Visa Buxx card with a pre-set amount of money on it. It works like a Visa but isn't a credit card. They set the amount, something reasonable, and then you can budget it out while you're in NYC. It would be good practice and make you really think about what you're buying. __________________ "If you want to be loved, be loving." - Ovid

Jun 21st, 2008, 07:33 PM	#5
TropicalGal Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,580	I think you'll have your reality check when you live on your own salary and not have Mom paying for everything. Then you'll figure out your values and your spending/saving strategy. Life is a grand teacher. __________________ Visit me! www.theportablemother.blogspot.com

Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:48 AM	#10
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,960	Are your parents wealthy? Are they sacrificing their future retirement to buy you this stuff? Even if you get a job after you graduate and they still continue to buy this stuff and they pay for it, what happens when you get married? You need to learn to be independent at some point. I honestly don't think parents do their kids any favors by buying them all these luxuries at such an early age. If there comes a day when they can't or won't do it anymore, it leaves the kids hanging out to dry and they never learned to support themselves. __________________ Ink City, tomato first, white first, violet first, black flat brass first, rouge vif city, white city.

Jun 22nd, 2008, 12:49 PM	#11
Bay Purses are teh shiet Joined: Feb 2007 Location: Canada/Sweden Posts: 1,610	Sadly, I did not learn how to tell myself no yet..Therefore I have no good advice to give you. __________________ Lusting for Prada/MiuMiu, Balenciaga and MJ..

Jun 21st, 2008, 06:08 PM	#2
uafly1 Member Joined: Nov 2005 Posts: 225	I think part of your problem is that you feel like you are getting "approval" to keep spending money. Just because your Mom does not tell you that you should not have something or that they have not taken your credit card away, does not make it ok. You have to know to set your own limits. Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Put yourself on a budget. Track exactly how you are spending on these luxury items and put those numbers in real items for you. For examples, 2 chanel handbags equal 1 semester of college. It's not to say that you can't have these luxury items, but you should balance. I love nice handbags, in exchange, I do not wear makeup, I do not get manicures, I only get pedicures and haircuts on a as needed basis. With all the little things I cut out I justify the purse of my expensive handbags. But becareful with that approval. I have a friend who's husband constantly gave her permission to shop. They had no money, but it he said it was ok. They just filed bankruptcy. You have to be strong enough to know what's right and wrong.

Jun 21st, 2008, 06:18 PM	#4
socalgem Because I can... Joined: Apr 2007 Location: California Posts: 4,388	My love for fashion started when I was 13. I was the only girl and my grandparents bought me whatever I wanted. My college days were fashion filled as well. Everything I bought was what I wanted and used. I never bought just because. Now my daughter, who is almost 17, is the same way. She has her own CC and she loves fashion. She has a nice collection of bags as well(LV, Gucci, Juicey). I have taught her as well as her brother(who will be 16 soon) about the value of a good education, paying bills and about money. So I am very confident they will do great in the real world. I think as long as you can afford the things you get, and you use them there isn't anything wrong with that. The problem comes when you can't afford your bills, food, gas, etc. Maybe you should have a set amount of bags, clothes or money you want to spend a year and stick to that. Good Luck to you!!

Jun 21st, 2008, 09:06 PM	#6
socalgem Because I can... Joined: Apr 2007 Location: California Posts: 4,388	^I think if you are taught about finances when you are younger, you tend to do well in the real world. At least for me, it has been that way. My shopping hasn't changed much since I've become older.

Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:10 AM	#8
barcreperie Member Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 638	It's wonderful that you're realizing now that it's a problem. Luxury products are marketed with the idea of selling a lifestyle or image along with the product. And it's so much easier to do now with the internet constantly selling products via product placement. I think most people who fall victim to this marketing ploy figure it out eventually, and quit handing so much of their hard earned money over to the makers of luxury items. The items will not change your life, they will not validate you, they will only make you poor. That said, I think most people 'get it' when they're out on their own and don't have their parents to foot the bill for their extravagance. Few people start out their careers being able to afford designer goods, so they either limit their purchases or go deep in to debt fast. Like I said, it's good that you recognize now that a problem may be brewing. It sounds like you are level-headed and not let yourself be a victim of the dreams marketing promises.

Jun 22nd, 2008, 12:51 PM	#12
airmarket :) Joined: Jan 2007 Location: San Diego Posts: 666	maybe you should cut up your credit card? __________________ my collection

Jun 22nd, 2008, 07:32 PM	#14
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,390	What you are probably feeling is guilt because you don't have income to pay for the stuff. It is good you realize your habits now will put you into debt later on. And debt isn't an easy thing to get out of. Maybe you shouldn't take such advantage of the situation and go back to shopping only with your mom. Afterall, it is their money you are spending. Perhaps you are using shopping to fill a void/need? My suggestion would be listen to Dave Ramsey. That will be a great place to begin. __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Something Red Epi! Gucci Black Tote Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Juicy Earrings - Got it! Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Dior Hoop Earrings Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!