SPINOFF: How do you keep your mans nose out of your check?

PurseFanatic · Jun 30th, 2008, 01:18 AM

Ok so now that I'm making good money my boyfriend and I agreed I'd pay a little bit more on rent. (We haven't moved in together yet.)

But last weekend I bought a shirt and since I'm short, it has to be hemmed, love the shirt just not the length, so he made a comment about me spending money twice on one shirt. To me that has always been the case, even when I was stick thin, bc I am short. So having something tailored to me is just a part of me buying clothes. Not every item I buy but maybe about every 3 months or so I find something that would look great with a little hem or tuck here or there, so I get it and have it tailored.

My question is, how do I sweetly tell him that what I spend my money on is none of his business? HAHA! He says I waste money on stupid stuff. But yet he doesn't mind when I give him $100 to pay his cell phone bill. (which I told him if I'm paying more on rent that won't happen any more.)

Nola · Jun 30th, 2008, 01:29 AM

Just explain that just like him, you have some personal interests that you will continue to pay with your own money.

UK2ME · Jun 30th, 2008, 07:22 AM

There is no sweet way of doing that, honey! You just have to be upfront about it, and fight the good fight. (Trust me on this one....)

Virgo · Jun 30th, 2008, 07:44 AM

I agree with Nola and UK2ME. You have to be upfront with him about it and it may turn into an argument but its worth it. You want to make sure you guys get some things clear before you move in and start sharing expensives.

Allisonfaye · Jun 30th, 2008, 08:17 AM

Well, I don't know if you are planning to marry this guy some day but this is part of being in a relationship. You need to pay attention to how he deals with money and your money too. If he is constantly nagging you about how you spend your money, you need to pay attention. You can tell him it is none of his business what you spend your money on but when and if you get married, it IS his business.

Snowqueen! · Jun 30th, 2008, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allisonfaye

Well, I don't know if you are planning to marry this guy some day but this is part of being in a relationship. You need to pay attention to how he deals with money and your money too. If he is constantly nagging you about how you spend your money, you need to pay attention. You can tell him it is none of his business what you spend your money on but when and if you get married, it IS his business.

DH and I have been happily married for nearly 10 years. We have separate accounts and each of us are responsible for certain household expenses, contributing to our retirement and saving for specific short term expenditures. We also have our own spending money and neither of us would dream of telling the other what to do with that money or asking where it went. I strongly disagree that it is your significant other's business what you do with YOUR money. However, I think you need to establish what is a reasonable amount of money on which you will not be held accountable.

kbell · Jun 30th, 2008, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snowqueen!

DH and I have been happily married for nearly 10 years. We have separate accounts and each of us are responsible for certain household expenses, contributing to our retirement and saving for specific short term expenditures. We also have our own spending money and neither of us would dream of telling the other what to do with that money or asking where it went. I strongly disagree that it is your significant other's business what you do with YOUR money. However, I think you need to establish what is a reasonable amount of money on which you will not be held accountable.

This is how my husband and I deal with finances as well which is working.
We never fight about $$. He would have no idea how much a shirt I purchased cost, or the amount to hem it and he's blissfully ignorant about it. As long as I pull my weight on the household bills & joint contributions, he's happy & vice versa.

socalgem · Jun 30th, 2008, 01:43 PM

I would tell him unless he is funding the shopping, he really doesn't have much say in what you spend your money on.

ami kio · Jun 30th, 2008, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allisonfaye

Well, I don't know if you are planning to marry this guy some day but this is part of being in a relationship. You need to pay attention to how he deals with money and your money too. If he is constantly nagging you about how you spend your money, you need to pay attention. You can tell him it is none of his business what you spend your money on but when and if you get married, it IS his business.

IMO, it's only his business if you're neglecting joint expenses (e.g. utilities, rent, insurance) & retirement in favor of personal purchases and/or going into debt. It is important to know how the other person spends money, but not to the point of micromanaging.

DH & I have personal "fun money" accounts, and the other person has no say how that money is spent. IMO, every married couple needs to have to separate "fun money" accounts. I've seen too many people get in fights w/ their spouses b/c there weren't any personal accounts -- just one large joint account.

UK2ME · Jun 30th, 2008, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ami kio

IMO, it's only his business if you're neglecting joint expenses (e.g. utilities, rent, insurance) & retirement in favor of personal purchases and/or going into debt. It is important to know how the other person spends money, but not to the point of micromanaging.

DH & I have personal "fun money" accounts, and the other person has no say how that money is spent. IMO, every married couple needs to have to separate "fun money" accounts. I've seen too many people get in fights w/ their spouses b/c there weren't any personal accounts -- just one large joint account.

I agree completely, but I do understand that different families handle it differently. My DH's parents share everything, it's all "our" money. My parents tried having a joint account once - it lasted about two months before they were ready to kill each other. My DH and I have a joint account which we coth contribute into which pays for joint expenses, including CC and student loan debt. Providing we are both contributing a fair amount, I don't consider that my DH has any right to dictate how I spend my money - if we didn't split it out, I'd be forever justifying spending $5 in Walmart, let alone anything more.

leslieh74 · Jun 30th, 2008, 05:36 PM

My husband and I also have seperate accounts and it is the best thing we could have done....

barcreperie · Jun 30th, 2008, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by socalgem

I would tell him unless he is funding the shopping, he really doesn't have much say in what you spend your money on.

Exactly! And before my husband and I married, I made it clear to him that he will *never* control how I spend money, and if he wasn't ok with that, that we'd be incompatible, to hit the road now. It sounds cruel and superficial, but to me that represented a whole lot more than just how I spend money.

My husband and I both work and have a joint account. He knows that I have a good head on my shoulders in terms of money, and I take care of all the household finances. We confer on bigger purchases, but not on personal purchases such as clothes, shoes, handbags, that type of thing.

You need to 'lay down the law' now!!

mmmpurses! · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UK2ME

There is no sweet way of doing that, honey! You just have to be upfront about it, and fight the good fight. (Trust me on this one....)

Agree with this, there is no 'sweet' way to deal with this. Tell it like it is, and be done with it.

Then kiss and be sweet all you want once this is understood.

socalgem · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:49 PM

I like the way you think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by barcreperie

Exactly! And before my husband and I married, I made it clear to him that he will *never* control how I spend money, and if he wasn't ok with that, that we'd be incompatible, to hit the road now. It sounds cruel and superficial, but to me that represented a whole lot more than just how I spend money.

My husband and I both work and have a joint account. He knows that I have a good head on my shoulders in terms of money, and I take care of all the household finances. We confer on bigger purchases, but not on personal purchases such as clothes, shoes, handbags, that type of thing.

You need to 'lay down the law' now!!

Irishgal · Jun 30th, 2008, 10:43 PM

Before we got married we had a very long talk about money. I recall where we were, in a great Thai resturant in Irvine, CA.I made it clear that I did not grow up worrying about money and did not plan to become accustomed to explaining every purchase. But also, I do work and bring in a salary, so what is he going to say? Anyway..I handle all the money, wealth management account, paying the bills, etc. He is sort of immature in this way, so I have used it to my advantage.

Jun 30th, 2008, 01:18 AM	#1
PurseFanatic Member Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,669	Ok so now that I'm making good money my boyfriend and I agreed I'd pay a little bit more on rent. (We haven't moved in together yet.) But last weekend I bought a shirt and since I'm short, it has to be hemmed, love the shirt just not the length, so he made a comment about me spending money twice on one shirt. To me that has always been the case, even when I was stick thin, bc I am short. So having something tailored to me is just a part of me buying clothes. Not every item I buy but maybe about every 3 months or so I find something that would look great with a little hem or tuck here or there, so I get it and have it tailored. My question is, how do I sweetly tell him that what I spend my money on is none of his business? HAHA! He says I waste money on stupid stuff. But yet he doesn't mind when I give him $100 to pay his cell phone bill. (which I told him if I'm paying more on rent that won't happen any more.) __________________ My sweetie's latest ultrasound pic It's a girl!!

Jun 30th, 2008, 01:29 AM	#2
Nola Practical Patty Joined: Jul 2006 Location: Europe Posts: 18,964	Just explain that just like him, you have some personal interests that you will continue to pay with your own money. __________________

Jun 30th, 2008, 07:22 AM	#3
UK2ME Go on, I dare ya! Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Maine Posts: 473	There is no sweet way of doing that, honey! You just have to be upfront about it, and fight the good fight. (Trust me on this one....) __________________ *Wear clean knickers!* (As my mother always told me, you just never know when you'll be run over by a bus.)

Jun 30th, 2008, 07:44 AM	#4
Virgo Member Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,530	I agree with Nola and UK2ME. You have to be upfront with him about it and it may turn into an argument but its worth it. You want to make sure you guys get some things clear before you move in and start sharing expensives. __________________ Virgo

Jun 30th, 2008, 08:17 AM	#5
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,933	Well, I don't know if you are planning to marry this guy some day but this is part of being in a relationship. You need to pay attention to how he deals with money and your money too. If he is constantly nagging you about how you spend your money, you need to pay attention. You can tell him it is none of his business what you spend your money on but when and if you get married, it IS his business. __________________ Ink City, tomato first, white first, violet first, black flat brass first, rouge vif city, white city.

Jun 30th, 2008, 01:43 PM	#8
socalgem Because I can... Joined: Apr 2007 Location: California Posts: 4,364	I would tell him unless he is funding the shopping, he really doesn't have much say in what you spend your money on. __________________ Life is too short to drink cheap champagne.

Jun 30th, 2008, 05:36 PM	#11
leslieh74 forever in my heart Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 218	My husband and I also have seperate accounts and it is the best thing we could have done....

Jun 30th, 2008, 10:43 PM	#15
Irishgal Member Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Treasure Island Posts: 6,604	Before we got married we had a very long talk about money. I recall where we were, in a great Thai resturant in Irvine, CA.I made it clear that I did not grow up worrying about money and did not plan to become accustomed to explaining every purchase. But also, I do work and bring in a salary, so what is he going to say? Anyway..I handle all the money, wealth management account, paying the bills, etc. He is sort of immature in this way, so I have used it to my advantage. __________________ Ten thousand blessings to all of our furry friends who are in need of prayers. May they be comfortable, healthy, and blessed with joy and companionship. May their eyes shine brightly and may they know that they are loved.