separate or joint?

[daluu]

my bf aka soon to be fiance and i recently opened up a joint account. i have no clue as to how married couples figure out their finances together. between the two of us, i think i have a better grasp of handling my finances, whereas he had massive credit card debt which he consolidated with an agency (he is still paying it all off) but his credit score is probably now in the dumps. what system is out there so that we can coexist peacefully when it comes to our monies? allowances, separate accounts, checking in with each other for big purchases....what? we are already living together and we will be engaged soon (he is saving up for my rock). just thought i'd peer into the future of married life and ask you ladies for some sound advice before our new adventure begins.

[glamgirl84]

BF and I live together but keep our money separate. One warning I will give you is that, legally speaking, 50% of anything in a joint account is technically his money. So if you put in $10,000 and he puts in $5, he's entitled to half of your $10,000. Personally, I won't be having any kind of joint account until I'm married. I just find it so much easier to split up the bills- you pay some and he pays some. Good luck.

[plain jane doe]

I think it is far easier to keep your accounts separate. They are already set up this way and it is just very simple. My parents had a joint account because of the mentality that everything should be shared and open, which is a nice ideology. But I think pragmatically separate is easier. I guess unless one person is just a financial slob and the other wants to manage accounts for both.

[xostephie]

I vote for separate accounts. I know you guys plan on getting married, and maybe at that time it would be acceptable, but until then I would suggest not doing that. I say that as protection for both of you-with Joint accounts, either account holder can go in at any time and withdraw the entire account/close it without needing the other person's permission (at least this was the case at the bank I worked at). I'm sure neither of you would ever do that-but hey, it happens, and its probably better to be cautiously optimistic and just split who pays what bills.

[ami kio]

This has been discussed in several threads previously.

In your particular case, I'd avoid anything other than a minimally joint (i.e. put in just enough to cover joint costs) account until he gets his debt paid off. I would also encourage him to spend less on the ring now & concentrate on paying off his debt. You can always upgrade your ring when he's more financially secure.

JMO.

[curlsjang]

My DH and I have joint accounts and we are responsible for different bills every month. This system has worked very well for us, we know what we have to pay at the end of each month and we pay them.

I know he has worked hard so if he wants to splurge on something, I trust that he knows to save for rainy days and should get whatever he wants. I would hate for someone to keep a tab on my spending and tell me what I can and cannot buy, my DH would never do that, he trusts me. It's really all about trust, I used to nag at him for buying stuff but realized that I would hate it if someone did that to me so I stopped.

[daluu]

thanks for the advice ladies. we are not putting a lot in the joint account at all. it's the "saving for vacation account" until we get married and it becomes more functional and plays a bigger part in how we pay for things. it's just that we are going to get married and i'm just starting to think what this might mean in the future.

so do married couples do monthly allowances? is it better to have separate accounts? should you put your money in one account since "what's yours is his and vice versa?" again, i'm asking what is a good way to deal with finances once married. as of right now, since we are not, we have separate bills and pay separately...just thinking ahead.

ami- i did not do a search beforehand. i will next time. sometimes, some questions are unique...perhaps in my particular situation, it was not. thanks for the links.

[bedhead]

My DH and I have separate accounts and a joint account. We opened it because we got some gift checks when we got married that were addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Bedhead. Now, we both put money in the joint account for household bills and I have most of our bills (cable, electric, etc.) set up to auto-pay from that account. It works really well for us, but what works well for us wouldn't work for some other couples - it really depends on your personal financial styles. But I definitely do recommend keeping at least one personal account for yourself that has some money in it - even a savings account that you never touch.

[bellafleur]

We have separate accounts and each pay for certain bills, and we also have a joint account that we really don't use much. In our situation, my employer is very antiquated and doesn't understand the concept of direct deposit, so I have an account at my employer's bank so I can actually access my money on the same day I'm paid. My DH has an account at the credit union of the university he works at. If we didn't need the conveniences of our own banks, we'd probably just have one. Though I don't mind keeping some details of my account usage to myself. Of course we trust each other, but we're just used to buying what we feel like buying and not having to run it by each other. Unless it's a big purchase. It works for us.

[Cheetah7]

Originally Posted by daluu

so do married couples do monthly allowances? is it better to have separate accounts? should you put your money in one account since "what's yours is his and vice versa?" again, i'm asking what is a good way to deal with finances once married. as of right now, since we are not, we have separate bills and pay separately...just thinking ahead.

I don't think there's a *best way* to do it as it depends on the couple and what is comfortable for them. For me and DH, we have separate savings and checking account as we both work but we also have one joint account where we contribute a certain amount each paycheck. The joint account is used to pay for bills, utilities, household stuff, groceries and occasionally vacations. Our separate accounts are used to buy things for ourselves and for each other like presents and such. This arrangement was agreed upon by us even before we got married and it works out real well for both of us. I think you should both figure out what works best for the two of you and stick with it.

[lorihmatthews]

Given the fact that your BF is still getting his finances straightened out, I wouldn't merge anything.

[runner22]

DH and I didn't get a joint account until after we got married. We lived together for a year before that. Now we have a joint account where all of our money goes into when we get paid, but we also have separate saving accounts that we can use for whatever we want, no questions asked. DH makes about $600/month more than me but we each deposit an equal amount into our separate saving accounts. Works very well for us!

[jenniferelaine]

DH & I have been married for over 3 years & we maintain separate EVERYTHING in regards to finances. The only thing we're even joint on is our house. We both had some debt prior to getting married & he's responsible for child support (not paying that out of my $$) & also, even though we didn't talk about it in DETAIL when discussing finances prior to getting married, I suspect he's still carrying a little debt from his divorce (10+years ago). It was a huge amount & he told me about what he 'owed' but didn't specify to whom. Again, not paying that out of my $$. Plus he works 2 jobs (his choice); one is manual labor, so he works a lot more & a lot harder than I do. We wouldnt' have stayed married THIS long if he thought I was out spending HIS $$ while he was working so hard. We're each responsible for certain bills & we transfer $$ back & forth, but neither of us can access each others accounts. It works well for us & we certainly don't fight over money, but most people think we're nuts. Tease us about only being married 'on paper'.

[natalie78]

Dh and I have been together for five years and we still maintain different accounts. It just works easier for us. Our only joint ventures are the house and his truck. It works out very well.

[LeeMiller]

Right now my DH and I have separate accounts, but he's going to put me on his checking account as a joint account so that I can manage the money. He hates doing that. We had discussed doing the same allowance, since my DH makes alot more money than me, but since we got married he just started paying the rent, leaving me to pay groceries, cable, etc. So we haven't really set up the allowance system. It works for us, but we're both saving quite a bit each money since we're only renting a place. I think if our budget was tigher I'd feel it ws fair for both of us to get the same spending allowance (partially because he's asked me to stay in my job right now for security, etc).

In your situation I'd keep less than five grand in a joint account and start bi-weekly money meetings with your fiance to track your financial progress/goals as a couple. I'm also really suprised at the poster who has no idea how much her husband owes. That would make me really nervous, since to me you plan these things as a couple, you set up goals as a couple. What he is doing to his credit affects what you both get to purchase in terms of a house! That's just me though.

I think having regular meetings with your fiance will also help him keep on track. Personally, I've been tracking my net worth monthly for several years. It really keeps me on track, yet also gives me the freedom to splurge when I want.