Do you make more than your SO?

[PurseFanatic]

How do you handle it if you make more than your man? I'm really interested in women's opinions bc traditionally if a man makes more it is considered his duty to take care of the woman.

With my new job I will be making significantly more than my boyfriend. We are looking at moving back in together and I am very excited bc I love him alot and want us to start a new life together, however I am feeling a little bit selfish because the thoughts that keep going through my head are:

1) I want him to at least be able to pay half the rent, power, water, cable, HIS cell phone bill and HIS truck payment.

2) I want to pay the other half of the rent, power, water, cable, my cell phone bill and any other bills I have. Soon I will have a small car payment, plus I want to buy whatever I want for the house, myself, the baby, etc.

However, with his job (construction), there will be times I'm sure, that I have to help him out. I feel a little stingy with my money and part of me doesn't want to help him out at all. However, I know that is probably the wrong way to feel, since I was raised in such a traditional household, (dad worked step mom stayed home, etc.) I'm wondering if it's just the old way of thinking that has me being a little itchy about it, since the roles may be reversed sometimes.

So if you make more than your man, do you ever have to help out? And if so, does it make you upset, you have no problem with it, it's just part of the times now that woman have great earning potential? Etc. Tell me what you think and how you feel if you actually have to go though this situation.

[Nola]

My man makes a little more, so he also pays more to the household. If I made more than him, I would pay more. That´s just how it is with us.

[mlisaac]

PurseFanatic, my advice to you is for you and your bf to be in constant communication about the state of your finances. Because you make more than he does, it would be unfair for you to split your shared expenses evenly; you'd be asking him to contribute more than his fair share, and possibly compromise his ability to cover his individual bills. Instead, you should divide up the bills according to the percentage of income you each bring to the table: 60%/40%, 70%/30%, whatever it comes out to.

I understand how you feel, because I've been in your shoes for a while. My boyfriend, whom I live with, decided to go to culinary school, which was very fulfilling for him, but often frustrating for me, since I had to cover all the expenses. He did have a part-time job, but that pretty much only covered his student loans and credit card payments, so he wasn't able to contribute much. Sure, there were a lot of times I resented the situation, because I felt as though I was working my butt off, with little to show for it after I handled our expenses. I also hated the fact that I had little money left over to save and buy bags with. Fortunately, he has now gotten a full-time position that allows him to pay his portion of the bills while he caters on the side, so our situation has improved. I still make more than he does.

I recommend being open about how your finances, as well as how you feel about the situation, because you may find out that you're not the only one having a bit of trouble with the situation - my bf let me know that he often struggled with the fact that I was supporting him and felt as though he wasn't fulfilling his duties as a man. That was when I told him that I because I loved him and wanted to be with him, I was willing to take on this sacrifice; I also told him that I fully expect him to return the favor in a few years when I go back to school.

Your situation is not unmanageable, but perhaps it will give your bf a push to find a better paying job, especially since you have a baby on the way. In the meantime, try to look at the situation as a collaboration, vs. a mine/yours kind of thing. I hope I helped a little.

[Virgo]

Like Nola, my DH makes more so he contributes more to our expenses. If I made more than I would contribute more.

My best advice to you is to talk, talk, talk to him about finances and whats best for you as a couple. Its normal for each person to handle and think about money differently. Therefore, it requires work and frustation until you are in synch about this. Remember that you are a partnership

[socalgem]

When I was working a made a tad bit more than my hubby. He still paid most of the bills, his idea.

Communication is the key.

[Zophie]

I made more than my most recent SO and for me it was a problem. But I was also more responsible and that added to the problem also. All in all, I felt more like his mother than his girlfriend and the relationship didn't work.

Now, that's not to say that your situation is the same though. I agree with socalgem that communication is the key.

[cristalena56]

hahaha.... not even close

[Litigatrix]

I make a little more than 4x what my husband makes. All of our money goes into a single account and we don't really have a system for designating who is responsible for what. He is a pretty low-maintenance guy, so I guess it just works out that he gets fewer material goods than me. Since we both feel the money is "ours" rather than "his" and "hers," we haven't really had any issues with splitting things and each feeling like we get our fair share. However, we are married and have been living together for years now, so I'm sure that makes a difference.

[lolitakali]

Hubby makes tons more. We take care of the bills, but he has some hobbies that takes quite a bit of money... I don't; but I am fine with that, just love watching him enjoying himself.

[socalgem]

We have a single account for bills, single account for savings and we each have our separate accounts for whatever.

I am the financial person in the household.

[Bay]

Atm I make more than hubby yes. So I take care of more expenses than him wich is fair.

[Jahpson]

I would never be able to tell. I probably do, but he is so conservative with his money, he doesnt spend on much. So I make more, but he has more. lol

[titania029]

My DH is like yours. He made less, but he saved so much more, he definitely had more. To the OP, I think you have the right idea with splitting the utilites, and paying individual expenses, like cell phones and cars, on your own. On the rent though, that should depend on where you two will be living. Is the house/apartment more akin to your salary, or his? If it's yours, I think you should foot a higher percentage of that bill. My DH is back in school now. I don't think of it as bailing him out. This was a partnership decision, and it's something that we both wanted.

Originally Posted by Jahpson

I would never be able to tell. I probably do, but he is so conservative with his money, he doesnt spend on much. So I make more, but he has more. lol

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by PurseFanatic

So if you make more than your man, do you ever have to help out? And if so, does it make you upset, you have no problem with it, it's just part of the times now that woman have great earning potential? Etc. Tell me what you think and how you feel if you actually have to go though this situation.

Interesting.

I'm in the opposite situation, but maybe my take will be helpful because it sort of reveals a double-standard...

My SO makes significantly more than I do. In a couple months, we plan to move in together. He will pay for most of the rent, utilities, expenses, etc. If your SO were like mine, in terms of making more than you do, would you expect him to chip in more? Perhaps not. I admittedly have a double-standard are how men and women are or should be... I guess I'm a traditionalist.

If I were you, I'd be concerned about having to "help out" a boyfriend. Sure, he's in construction, but he can work overtime and save for a rainy day when work is slow. I don't think you should ever have to kick him cash.

[IntlSet]

By the way, your boyfriend can definitely find a second job during seasons when construction is not in demand... such as the winter.