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mocha.lover · Nov 21st, 2009, 11:21 AM

Sounds silly, but I finished paying off my mom yesterday afternoon! :) Now, my Paypal is linked to my personal credit card, so I can begin working on my own credit. (No debts either!)

dr. twiggers · Nov 21st, 2009, 11:31 AM

That's great mocha!!!

Took the doggie to the vet today....turns out he has an ear infection. He wasn't giving any symptoms at all about it, we were just there for annual exam! So he's on some meds and I have to go back next weekend. Definitely blowing the pet expenses budget and cleaning out that fund....and will even be short, but I can just grab from the emergency fund.

mocha.lover · Nov 21st, 2009, 12:01 PM

@dr. twiggers - Thank you!

I hope your dog feels better soon and even though paying for his meds wasn't expected, I think it's great that you thought ahead about the pet expenses budget. My friend had her dog for several years and when it came to pet expenses such as visiting the vet, my friend's mom would cringe a bit because the bill always came out so expensive! Also, my friend doesn't have a job, so she doesn't contribute paying the bills.

berta · Nov 21st, 2009, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by dr. twiggers

Took the doggie to the vet today....turns out he has an ear infection. He wasn't giving any symptoms at all about it, we were just there for annual exam! So he's on some meds and I have to go back next weekend. Definitely blowing the pet expenses budget and cleaning out that fund....and will even be short, but I can just grab from the emergency fund.

Oh no, your poor puppy. I hope he feels better soon. I have three that I need to keep healthy and I understand those Vet bills. Sometimes you feel that they should dedicated a room in your name after paying the bill.

berta · Nov 21st, 2009, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by Loganz

berta - I don't believe that by staying in the marriage you are enabling - you are enabling if you are supporting or taking part in his indulgences. If you accompany him on the dinners he can't afford than you are enabling - perhaps, you just need to lead by example. When he is home don't go to the dinners with him, offer to cook in and show him that you don't have to spoil yourself out to be spoiled by food!! I know my chef skills meet or beat most of what's available in my City (granted I am not in NYC or LA, lol!!) Hang in there - if the marriage matters to you lets all brainstorm ways to stop participating in his extravagances - then you will NOT be enabling, you will be leading!

I have reworked the household budget that includes a limit each month for his trip home so that we can use the debit card and not his cc. One dinner out and the rest at home. I do order chicken, no wine, but coffee and desert. He orders a huge steak with drinks, wine, you name it. So this trip home I am putting a limit on his dinner tab.

He knows that I am going forward with filing for divorce and only he can stop it. He understands that when he gets home next week he is turning in his cc, his debit card and his checkbook. He will open a checking account for his allowance that I will transfer money into each month.

He bounces a check, oh well I'm sorry.

I have also asked him to put together a schedule of goals, showing milestones and how each step will be accomplished. This he has to bring home next week to show me his progress.

I hate that I have to file for divorce for him to realize that he has been a real big arse over the past 7 years.

Loganz · Nov 21st, 2009, 02:40 PM

berta - I admire your fortitude! You have formulated a fantastic plan to help him stay on track - I suppose if he falls off the train he has no one to blame but himself. I wish you both the best - do keep us posted on the progress! As an aside, are your other 2 babies the same breed as your pup in your avatar? There are a LOT of dog lovers in this thread. As you can see, my 3 labs are in my avatar!

dr. twiggers · Nov 21st, 2009, 03:03 PM

Thanks Mocha! We have to make some changes to his diet, and it will actually help save us some money....so this little visit will hurt a bit. Before we would have just charged it and worried about it later. I'm glad that isn't the case anymore!

Berta: I hope he can stick to it! I admire your organization and strength though....I'm a little weak when it comes to giving the DH heck when he buys things.

doreenjoy · Nov 21st, 2009, 04:05 PM

Ailoveresale, welcome to the thread! Sounds like you're on the right track to paying down the CCs. Let us know if we can support your process. I just contacted a high-end bag reseller on eBay to see if they'll take a couple of BV pieces that I'm just not using at all. Impulse buys wreak havoc with my savings. The more I resist temptation, the fewer regrets I have.

Vintage Leather, I love your mother's re-gifting idea. I'll have to ask around and see if I have any friends who'd be willing to trade "re-gifts". I have to pick up small holiday gifts for a couple of employees and I'm not sure what to give them. I have a $100 credit on my Macy's card so I'll be looking for something suitable there this weekend.

windycityaj, dr.twiggers and plain jane doe, thanks for your kind words and the hugs. Aside from the grief and other issues, my father's death put a dent in my savings because of all the additional travel required. I'm slowly getting back on track.

Sammieee, big congrats on your acceptance!

I'm in grad school -- a low-residency program that requires trips to the opposite coast twice a year -- and I've just made all my travel plans. It's a stretch for me to pay all that off when the bills come, especially in a month when quarterly taxes are due. My goal is to keep my spending lower than normal so I can put more toward those bills. The cost can get astronomical (air far, rental car, hotel for 10 days, lots of eating out).

I have two of my favorite nieces coming to visit for Thanksgiving, and I'll be taking them to Hermes on Monday. I've foregone a few personal splurges in anticipation of getting both of them a little sumpin' sumpin' at H. I'm picking up a new wallet at the BV sale on Monday. Not a great deal at 30% off, but I do need a new wallet.

Canadian studies, have you heard about the DH's division yet? Fingers are crossed that it works out for you. Good for you, donating so much. I keep a donation bag in the closet at all times, and when I see something I'm not wearing anymore, I toss it in the bag. Once it's out of the house, I don't feel the guilt of having bought something I don't wear. My "impulse buys" are getting fewer and far between these days.

I've been enjoying vicarious shopping a lot. I went with a friend to help her pick out a diamond bracelet and ring for herself. I had almost as much enjoyment looking at items for her as I would have had buying them for myself. It's also nice knowing I'll see the pieces when she wears them. More and more, I'm discovering that I don't have to be the one spending the money to enjoy shopping.

SheisHollywood

I hope your bank reimburses you for the fraudulent charges to your debit card soon. I hate that they take so long to give you your money back. This is one reason I don't have debit cards...I just have to be careful not to overspend on my credit cards. I can see that debit is a better choice for some people.

d3899

Glad to hear you're feeling better. I hope you have a fun and productive day.

berta,

to you, too. I think you're on the right track with your husband. I hope that it doesn't come to divorce, but big kudos to you for making your own financial safety a priority. FWIW I had a similar period with my own DH. I was earning all the money and he was spending most of it! We sat down and made an agreement about how much was reasonable for him to be spending on fun things, and it became his "allowance." As long as he stayed within that amount, I was not allowed to ask where he spent the money or criticize any of the toys he bought. Gradually things normalized and now I spend more than him on extravagences! I know it can work out for you, too. We're all rooting for you!

twiggers, I hope your dog is feeling better soon.

Whew, I think I'm all caught up.

plumaplomb · Nov 21st, 2009, 06:10 PM

Wow, so I just removed three giant trash bags of clothing from my house. They are going straight to the thrift store tomorrow. I feel so great about this, even though they are nice clothes like J Crew and Banana Republic. I just can't be bothered with ebay for triflings like this, so off they go. Hundreds of dollars worth of clothes, but I'd rather have the space. I'm really happy with my attitude about shopping this month... I'd rather not be bothered by it! I want to minimize even more once I get back from the thrift store. I have several key pieces that I WILL list on ebay. Thanks for the advice ... didn't know buying was pretty much dead on ebay after the holidays. Good to know!!

VanessaJean · Nov 21st, 2009, 06:47 PM

I love decluttering! I am going to add this to my list of things to do on Xmas break. I need to go through my closet again and DH's too.

d3899 · Nov 21st, 2009, 07:05 PM

Did some shopping today! I don't feel toooo guilty b/c it has been a while & for a good purpose- dress, sweater wrap, boots, undergarments, dh pants, neck pillow.... things like that. All told likely $600 ($200 boots really pushed us over), but I love everything. :) Heck, the neck pillow was a $100!!

d3899 · Nov 21st, 2009, 07:06 PM

Decluttering definitely coming soon!

mocha.lover · Nov 21st, 2009, 07:07 PM

@plumaplomb and @VanessaJean - Very nice!

I cleaned up my closet space during spring break and it felt great!

Vintage Leather · Nov 21st, 2009, 08:21 PM

Wow - that article made me want to go out and buy birdseed on a cc. It's a bit crazy.

Sammi - Congratulations!!

Pluma - do you have a consignment shop in the area? I know several cities do have them, and they should be able to sell your clothes for you - you'll make about 5-20% of what you originally spent on them - but it's a little back.

Dr. Twiggers - Hugs for the puppy! At least you had the vet expenses fund.

Doreen - Having your nieces over Thanksgiving should be fun! especially taking them shopping. Congrats on budgeting for it.

Berta - you are strong for making such a decision. You might want to be careful on how you approach your husband about it - he probably feels entitled to spend the money, and he might think that you will be treating him like a child. I'd try to focus the conversation on how you are helping him - make this about him instead of your own fear of debt.

Canadian - Have you heard about DH's job? Companies being bought and sold always results in stress - I just hope the right company buys it!

AiLoveResale - Congratulations on selling the little things, and cleaning out. Shopping is a dangerous world.

SheisHollywood - I hope you bank gets off their a$$es and starts treating you the way you deserve - that is infuriating that they are malingering at getting you back your money.

d3899 - I hope you keep feeling better. I'm glad the disability insurance came through.

To everyone out there cleaning out their closets - Good luck and good decisions!
(mutters about a closet that seems to hide clothing when I'm cleaning, and have it show up after I'm done...)

canadianstudies · Nov 22nd, 2009, 01:09 PM

Auction is still ongoing. *is slightly frazzled*

Nov 21st, 2009, 11:21 AM	#1471
mocha.lover (･ω･) Joined: Mar 2009 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 623	Sounds silly, but I finished paying off my mom yesterday afternoon! :) Now, my Paypal is linked to my personal credit card, so I can begin working on my own credit. (No debts either!)
	__________________ “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” -Coco Chanel

Nov 21st, 2009, 11:31 AM	#1472
dr. twiggers OP Finally Done! Joined: May 2006 Location: The Library Posts: 22,476	That's great mocha!!! Took the doggie to the vet today....turns out he has an ear infection. He wasn't giving any symptoms at all about it, we were just there for annual exam! So he's on some meds and I have to go back next weekend. Definitely blowing the pet expenses budget and cleaning out that fund....and will even be short, but I can just grab from the emergency fund.
	__________________ March Goals: 1. Get credit card to $2100 - 3/6 $100 payment made 2. Add $1500 to vacation savings for April cruise 3. Add $1400 to savings (minus any associated vet expenses from puppy's surgery)

Nov 21st, 2009, 12:01 PM	#1473
mocha.lover (･ω･) Joined: Mar 2009 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 623	@dr. twiggers - Thank you! I hope your dog feels better soon and even though paying for his meds wasn't expected, I think it's great that you thought ahead about the pet expenses budget. My friend had her dog for several years and when it came to pet expenses such as visiting the vet, my friend's mom would cringe a bit because the bill always came out so expensive! Also, my friend doesn't have a job, so she doesn't contribute paying the bills.
	__________________ “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” -Coco Chanel

Nov 21st, 2009, 03:03 PM	#1477
dr. twiggers OP Finally Done! Joined: May 2006 Location: The Library Posts: 22,476	Thanks Mocha! We have to make some changes to his diet, and it will actually help save us some money....so this little visit will hurt a bit. Before we would have just charged it and worried about it later. I'm glad that isn't the case anymore! Berta: I hope he can stick to it! I admire your organization and strength though....I'm a little weak when it comes to giving the DH heck when he buys things.
	__________________ March Goals: 1. Get credit card to $2100 - 3/6 $100 payment made 2. Add $1500 to vacation savings for April cruise 3. Add $1400 to savings (minus any associated vet expenses from puppy's surgery)

Nov 21st, 2009, 04:05 PM	#1478
doreenjoy I should be writing. Joined: Feb 2008 Location: Mostly in the USA Posts: 4,132	Ailoveresale, welcome to the thread! Sounds like you're on the right track to paying down the CCs. Let us know if we can support your process. I just contacted a high-end bag reseller on eBay to see if they'll take a couple of BV pieces that I'm just not using at all. Impulse buys wreak havoc with my savings. The more I resist temptation, the fewer regrets I have. Vintage Leather, I love your mother's re-gifting idea. I'll have to ask around and see if I have any friends who'd be willing to trade "re-gifts". I have to pick up small holiday gifts for a couple of employees and I'm not sure what to give them. I have a $100 credit on my Macy's card so I'll be looking for something suitable there this weekend. windycityaj, dr.twiggers and plain jane doe, thanks for your kind words and the hugs. Aside from the grief and other issues, my father's death put a dent in my savings because of all the additional travel required. I'm slowly getting back on track. Sammieee, big congrats on your acceptance! I'm in grad school -- a low-residency program that requires trips to the opposite coast twice a year -- and I've just made all my travel plans. It's a stretch for me to pay all that off when the bills come, especially in a month when quarterly taxes are due. My goal is to keep my spending lower than normal so I can put more toward those bills. The cost can get astronomical (air far, rental car, hotel for 10 days, lots of eating out). I have two of my favorite nieces coming to visit for Thanksgiving, and I'll be taking them to Hermes on Monday. I've foregone a few personal splurges in anticipation of getting both of them a little sumpin' sumpin' at H. I'm picking up a new wallet at the BV sale on Monday. Not a great deal at 30% off, but I do need a new wallet. Canadian studies, have you heard about the DH's division yet? Fingers are crossed that it works out for you. Good for you, donating so much. I keep a donation bag in the closet at all times, and when I see something I'm not wearing anymore, I toss it in the bag. Once it's out of the house, I don't feel the guilt of having bought something I don't wear. My "impulse buys" are getting fewer and far between these days. I've been enjoying vicarious shopping a lot. I went with a friend to help her pick out a diamond bracelet and ring for herself. I had almost as much enjoyment looking at items for her as I would have had buying them for myself. It's also nice knowing I'll see the pieces when she wears them. More and more, I'm discovering that I don't have to be the one spending the money to enjoy shopping. SheisHollywood I hope your bank reimburses you for the fraudulent charges to your debit card soon. I hate that they take so long to give you your money back. This is one reason I don't have debit cards...I just have to be careful not to overspend on my credit cards. I can see that debit is a better choice for some people. d3899 Glad to hear you're feeling better. I hope you have a fun and productive day. berta, to you, too. I think you're on the right track with your husband. I hope that it doesn't come to divorce, but big kudos to you for making your own financial safety a priority. FWIW I had a similar period with my own DH. I was earning all the money and he was spending most of it! We sat down and made an agreement about how much was reasonable for him to be spending on fun things, and it became his "allowance." As long as he stayed within that amount, I was not allowed to ask where he spent the money or criticize any of the toys he bought. Gradually things normalized and now I spend more than him on extravagences! I know it can work out for you, too. We're all rooting for you! twiggers, I hope your dog is feeling better soon. Whew, I think I'm all caught up.
	__________________ "Mistrust all enterprises that require new clothes." - Thoreau

Nov 21st, 2009, 02:40 PM	#1476
Loganz pupping along Joined: Dec 2005 Location: La Jolla in my mind Posts: 5,369	berta - I admire your fortitude! You have formulated a fantastic plan to help him stay on track - I suppose if he falls off the train he has no one to blame but himself. I wish you both the best - do keep us posted on the progress! As an aside, are your other 2 babies the same breed as your pup in your avatar? There are a LOT of dog lovers in this thread. As you can see, my 3 labs are in my avatar!

Nov 21st, 2009, 06:10 PM	#1479
plumaplomb Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,188	Wow, so I just removed three giant trash bags of clothing from my house. They are going straight to the thrift store tomorrow. I feel so great about this, even though they are nice clothes like J Crew and Banana Republic. I just can't be bothered with ebay for triflings like this, so off they go. Hundreds of dollars worth of clothes, but I'd rather have the space. I'm really happy with my attitude about shopping this month... I'd rather not be bothered by it! I want to minimize even more once I get back from the thrift store. I have several key pieces that I WILL list on ebay. Thanks for the advice ... didn't know buying was pretty much dead on ebay after the holidays. Good to know!!
plumaplomb Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,188	__________________ http://ebayfashionaddict.blogspot.com

Nov 21st, 2009, 06:47 PM	#1480
VanessaJean Tattooed Princess Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Prince Edward Island, Canada Posts: 3,237	I love decluttering! I am going to add this to my list of things to do on Xmas break. I need to go through my closet again and DH's too.
	__________________ March Goals: 1. Pay 350.00 on credit cards. Paid 665.00 2. No shopping. 3. Take lunch to work every shift and eat out only 2x this month.

Nov 21st, 2009, 07:05 PM	#1481
d3899 Makes me happy! :) Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 631	Did some shopping today! I don't feel toooo guilty b/c it has been a while & for a good purpose- dress, sweater wrap, boots, undergarments, dh pants, neck pillow.... things like that. All told likely $600 ($200 boots really pushed us over), but I love everything. :) Heck, the neck pillow was a $100!!
d3899 Makes me happy! :) Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 631	__________________ "Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill." Christopher Parker

Nov 21st, 2009, 07:06 PM	#1482
d3899 Makes me happy! :) Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 631	Decluttering definitely coming soon!
d3899 Makes me happy! :) Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 631	__________________ "Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill." Christopher Parker

Nov 21st, 2009, 07:07 PM	#1483
mocha.lover (･ω･) Joined: Mar 2009 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 623	@plumaplomb and @VanessaJean - Very nice! I cleaned up my closet space during spring break and it felt great!
	__________________ “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” -Coco Chanel

Nov 21st, 2009, 08:21 PM	#1484
Vintage Leather Bag Lady Joined: Jan 2007 Location: US Posts: 2,509	Wow - that article made me want to go out and buy birdseed on a cc. It's a bit crazy. Sammi - Congratulations!! Pluma - do you have a consignment shop in the area? I know several cities do have them, and they should be able to sell your clothes for you - you'll make about 5-20% of what you originally spent on them - but it's a little back. Dr. Twiggers - Hugs for the puppy! At least you had the vet expenses fund. Doreen - Having your nieces over Thanksgiving should be fun! especially taking them shopping. Congrats on budgeting for it. Berta - you are strong for making such a decision. You might want to be careful on how you approach your husband about it - he probably feels entitled to spend the money, and he might think that you will be treating him like a child. I'd try to focus the conversation on how you are helping him - make this about him instead of your own fear of debt. Canadian - Have you heard about DH's job? Companies being bought and sold always results in stress - I just hope the right company buys it! AiLoveResale - Congratulations on selling the little things, and cleaning out. Shopping is a dangerous world. SheisHollywood - I hope you bank gets off their a$$es and starts treating you the way you deserve - that is infuriating that they are malingering at getting you back your money. d3899 - I hope you keep feeling better. I'm glad the disability insurance came through. To everyone out there cleaning out their closets - Good luck and good decisions! (mutters about a closet that seems to hide clothing when I'm cleaning, and have it show up after I'm done...)
	__________________ “Fashion anticipates, and elegance is a state of mind ... a mirror of the time in which we live, a translation of the future, and should never be static.” Banned until I buy my first house! Last edited by Vintage Leather; Nov 21st, 2009 at 08:37 PM.

Nov 22nd, 2009, 01:09 PM	#1485
canadianstudies 1 <3 Lyndee! Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 5,862	Auction is still ongoing. is slightly frazzled
	__________________ Saving For: Toronto Trip $710/$1000 Vancouver Trip $1510/$2000 Emergency Fund Booster $170/$1000

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