[lionlaw]

I ran into Short Hills last night to pick up some things when I saw it coming at me.
What was “it,” you ask? (Read best with Jaws theme music playing in background.)
It was a "woman" carrying the dreaded squirrel Ramona (or a/k/a Ramona lined in shearing). I wanted to grab the bag and set the squirrel free. Run squirrely run!

The "woman," let’s call her TPH (trailer park ho) had on slouchy grey swet pants (which I later found out read JUICY across her bum) and a see through white v-neck with a pink bra. Tacky + dead squirrel bag= just wrong. That in short Hills= call the cops.

TPH starts heading towards me with the squirrel bag. I start looking for somewhere to hide because I know I wont be able to keep a straight face next to squirrely but she is coming towards me and motioning to my croc riki that I had on. I turn to my friend for help but he is already laughing and running away.

TPH tells me she loves my bag and then shoves squirrely in my face and tells me it is to die for. Now I am thinking well yes, a squirrel would have had to died to line something so ugly but I just nod my head. She then goes on about the lining and I am cringing inside and just reply, that’s great.

Now you would think that would end our little story, but alas I have no luck but bad luck and TPH wouldn’t let it drop. She then tells me I have to feel the inside. I try to pull away and leave and she grabs my left hand and shoves it into her bag. WTF? So now I am petting a dead squirrel in a bag. Yuck. I go to remove my hand and guess what gets caught on squirrely’s nappy hide? Yes, you guessed it—my new engagement ring. TPH is exclaiming not to hurt her bag and I am like WTF you crazy idiot, there is a diamond ring caught in there. My friend comes over with tears in his eyes from laughing too hard and tries to help hold off TPH while I get my ring out of nappy squirrel. I finally get the ring out (but not without yanking a little) and TPH is screaming that I ruined her bag. It was like two freaking threads gone and frankly, she shouldn’t have forced my hand in there-- plus it is so ugly, who is going to notice.

She demands I buy her a new one and I am like I must be getting punked because this can’t be for real. My friend mentions he saw a dead squirrel on the highway coming in and offers to go get it to glue on her bag and she goes off and hits him with it. My friend is a mini version of Christian from Project Runway so you can imagine the cat fight. Security is called and I just want to crawl in a corner. Luckily the SAs all knew me so TPH got in trouble and we were let go.
The squirrel that lined the Ramona must have been rabid because TPH was one crazy loon.

[Bichon Lover]

[jburgh]

OMG, what a story! What did the bag feel like, was it filled with nuts? Just kidding. I would be horrified if someone tried to shove my hand in their handbag. Just took another look at the bag in this thread: MORE FALL 08 bags . Yep, still looks like a dead squirrel.

[muggles]

OMGWhat a wierdo!Someone actually bought that fugly bag!

[MicheleS]

Oh lionlaw I am sorry you had the unfortunate run in with the dead squirrel bag but I was dying laughing at your story. I could just see it in my head; the mental image of being confronted with the bag from hell and then being forced to touch.

Who in their right mind does something like force a total stranger to touch their handbag? Crazy!

[Stinkerbelle]

That whole entire story made me LOL!!! Oh my God....I so wish I had been there to see the look on your face when she shoved your hand inside her fugly bag....and it got STUCK!!

I can not stop laughing!! Thanks Lionlaw, I seriously needed that!

You thought you were getting punked....

[purseinsanity]

OMG, I almost peed my pants. Thanks for a good laugh!

[KDB]

You are so funny! And such a good story teller...I felt like I was there!!! Thanks for the good laugh!!!

[lionlaw]

Originally Posted by Stinkerbelle

That whole entire story made me LOL!!! Oh my God....I so wish I had been there to see the look on your face when she shoved your hand inside her fugly bag....and it got STUCK!!

I can not stop laughing!! Thanks Lionlaw, I seriously needed that!

You thought you were getting punked....

Thanks. I figure the place could do with some light entertainment.

Speaking of light entertainment, since the circus troops could never get their act together, and Muggles seems game for anything, we could always have a squirrel shoot with the fugly shearing Ramonas. Not the same flare as the rings of fire, but who wants to smell burning squirrel?

I am a pretty crappy shot, god knows I would probably hit a real squirrel or myself by accident, but we have to have a crack shot here-- any volunteers? Since I can't see paying for these fugly bags, there may be some light larceny involved, but we can always blame Bonnie's or someone else's kids (we can have a volunteer your toddler event) and juvinelle's aren't prosecuted.

We may need several volunteers since you know with this group we aren't going to be able to get in and out of a choo store without several bags walking away. Extra ice cream to the toddlers who can recognize exotics or crocs.

[CuriousGeorge]

ahh lionlaw, you made my work day go by that much more easier. Thank you

[yyz]

Lionlaw,

Love'd your story!

I thinking though.........
Instead of squirrels we could go shoot Wille Coyotes, and not to be left out the very, very, cunning Jackalopes!

I figure we could start a whole new Line of Handbags to compete with the Squirrelly CHoo!

Maybe Possum lined!

Whoo Doggie!
We could start a new line of Hillbilly CHoo'!


Matt

[lionlaw]

Matt: The words hillbilly and choo together gives me hives. Perish the thought! The squirrel bag must die!

[jburgh]

Lionlaw - After reading bonniec's post on the recently resurrected "Choo Secrets" thread, we might want to cut the squirrel bags up and make a suit for her MIL, prior to target practice.

You didn't bend the prongs on your ring, did you?

[lionlaw]

Originally Posted by jburgh

Lionlaw - After reading bonniec's post on the recently resurrected "Choo Secrets" thread, we might want to cut the squirrel bags up and make a suit for her MIL, prior to target practice.

You didn't bend the prongs on your ring, did you?

Excellent idea for bonnie's mil! cutting the bags up is too much work for me, so we can just super glue them on her and then set her free.

No, thank goodness the prongs on my ring are ok! The shearing got caught but when I yanked it the strands came loose but the ring didn't get damaged. I need to have it sized some since it is a little loose so I am taking it to a jeweler and will have them double-check the prongs too.

[yyz]

I think I just figured it out!

Lionlaw was so jealous of the TPH with Squirrel CHoo that she tried to get her ring stuck in it and that way her DF would have had to buy her that exact, rare, sold~out, Jimmy CHoo Squirrel from the TPH, that she has a secretly been lusting after week after week!!!
The proof is here in this theard she started MORE FALL 08 bags
you all will notice that she put the picture of that BAG first!
And then she tried to throw us off track by calling it FUGLY!

Nice try, but you can't fool us this time!

Matt