Official Ignes Chat Thread #2

[No Cute]

TL, you're too nice to me. Thanks. I am so with duranie on screw that friend. She will mess up things with her daughter.

Yes, duranie. I thought we were friends. I get regular photo updates from one cousin, thoughtful cards from another about Mom at important dates, so at least two open opportunities to tell me. No excuses. My brother wrote them all off when Mom died and they couldn't be bothered to go say goodbye the week we moved her here.

If you can get your Dad out for lunch (is that possible) would it be easier for you? Away from Mom and all? Hands on is hard, but not how you'd imagine. I became more of a caretaker and struggled to connect with Mom's heart. My brother was here just a short time and was all heart with Mom, but he does carry guilt like you mention. Remember that what our parents need when ill, imo, is physical care, sure, but they need our hearts, to feel connected. That connection is more likely when you don't have to deal with daily care. Once a month for three hours can create a lot of memories and connections. Take pictures, video tape stories, make memories instead of doing laundry. I did laundry. Not a good choice but all I could manage.

[tlloveshim]

Aw, NC, you are equally nice to me. Well, my friend also has a younger dd that I watch often for her while she works. She plays with my youngest dd. Usually she calls me the night before and asks if it's OK to bring her over the next day and most times it's fine. Tonight at 10:30 PM I hadn't heard from anyone about tomorrow even though earlier today the older dd said that the younger might need someone to watch her. I called and was told by the older dd that my friend said she'd let me know in the morning. I thought that was a little rude since I would like to know before I turn in for the night. DD said something about me not being bothered since I had already watched her today blah blah blah which I never said. Why would I call to check if it were an issue for me? They're going to take her to work with them rather than her come here to play with my dd. It's nothing but pride at this point because the mom won't ask me and is making it look as if it's because I'm being inconvenienced. So, now my heart hurts. I know, it's her problem but I still hurt. Why are people so mean? I stood up for myself and said no, she couldn't come over tomorrow unless I knew tonight so I guess she's going to work with her mom and older sister. Why do I care?

NC, and anyone else who needs it... (((hug)))

Maybe my BE SS goodies will arrive tomorrow to take my mind off things.

[No Cute]

Thanks for the hug. And back at you.

Mean people suck, TL. That was not nice. It is rude to tell you in the morning: I think a call in the evening stating it's unclear until morning is fair if you're flexible, but all yucky about it now. I'm really sorry.

I am just sitting here feeling really sad that my Aunt will likely die before the year is out. I seriously hope she is there in August so I can say my goodbye to her, when I go to reunion. :(

[tlloveshim]

Yes, NC, if I had been asked if an answer could wait until morning I would have been OK but I really felt walked on this time around. Oh, well. A good night's sleep may help. Off to bed with me.

I hope your Aunt is at the reunion in August too so you can love on her.

[No Cute]

^^^She lives nearby the reunion site, so I will visit her earlier in that day, I hope. Who knows what time will bring.

I'm sorry you feel stepped on by your friend.

[lionlaw]

Happy Birthday Irainie and tlloveshim!

NC, Tl and Duranie, sorry to hear about petty family/friends and sick dads.

[Euridice]

Yes,echoing Lionlaw's statement, sorry to hear this, y'all.

[gingeybear]

Dropping by because after reading all of this..I felt that I wanted to reach out. Happy Birthdays to everyone..FWIW..I am not a big fan of BD's..but I'll post about that in September..right now..I just want to say I'm feeling it.

TLH..Durainie..NC..everyone...people are so peculiar...family..friends..and life seems to constantly throw us curveballs..I for one am tired of being in the batting cage..I bet you feel the same way!

somehow..NC..someone in the family is always bestowed the mantle of caretaker (whether or not we want it) to immediate and extended family..tag..you're it..so am I..so are others...but I believe that we get back what we give..and I'm trying to teach my children by example..although it really becomes exhausting and infuriating at times..

Speaking of getting back what we give..TLH..your "friend" will. But may I just say that perhaps there is something else that is troubling her..fear that they are too young to get serious and fear that she will end up having to support two young newlyweds...or something irrational along those lines? I'm not making excuses..I think what she said was horrid..and the fact that you are such a generous friend makes it worse..plus the way she is treating you now..sigh..I had (notice the tense) friends like that too.

I am sure your DS is a young man that any mother would be proud to brag about if her daughter was keeping company with him..you did an amazing job. Especially in this day and age. I'm sorry you were hurt. You don't deserve it.

Good that you stood up for yourself. I've learned that I do not have "welcome" printed on my back..I'm no longer a doormat for some of my "friends" to walk on..and I don't turn my cheek as often as I used to..there is friendship where sometimes one does more..and the next time the other does..it balances..but when it tips into abuse..well..I believe that a trial seperation is in order..and yes...you can divorce a friend..it's painful..it hurts..but it's better for your peace of mind.

(hugs) to all who need them..and I will now go back into hiding..until later..

XOXO
Mindy

[irainei]

Will comment later but I just had to share it took me 20 minutes to get to my desk. They freakin' shrink wrapped my cubicle and filled it waist high with balloons...AND shrink wrapped both chairs which I had to cut out (which by the way it's hard to bend over when you're pregnant...did you know that?) Pictures to come later...

[tlloveshim]

Thanks everyone for listening to me whine! Yes, I think there is some fear that my son will marry this girl and not take care of her but yes, it's irrational because ds has no intention of marrying her right now. She's only 17 and he's only 21 so he knows it's too soon.

My friend is miserable because of her own issues and is punishing everyone around her rather than deal with her own emotional problems. Her insecurities are being pushed to the surface by various things in her life and it's just easier to remove the things that are perceived to be causing you discomfort rather than look inward. I too am looking inward and seeing that I need to stand up for myself and not be co-dependent by trying to make it all better for anyone. I'm better today though. I was trying hard last night to make sense of it but was too tired and emotional to do so. Things are a bit clearer today.

[greenpixie]

Happy, happy birthday Irainei! Have a wonderful day!

NC and TL, I am sorry. Hang in there.

[Euridice]

Originally Posted by tlloveshim

Thanks everyone for listening to me whine! Yes, I think there is some fear that my son will marry this girl and not take care of her but yes, it's irrational because ds has no intention of marrying her right now. She's only 17 and he's only 21 so he knows it's too soon. My friend is miserable because of her own issues and is punishing everyone around her rather than deal with her own emotional problems. Her insecurities are being pushed to the surface by various things in her life and it's just easier to remove the things that are perceived to be causing you discomfort rather than look inward. I too am looking inward and seeing that I need to stand up for myself and not be co-dependent by trying to make it all better for anyone. I'm better today though. I was trying hard last night to make sense of it but was too tired and emotional to do so. Things are a bit clearer today.

this all makes sense, I was kind of suspecting this...being unhappy and preoccupied and not realizing that you are being rather rude to a dear and supportive friend. I think you can be a supportive friend to her while setting some boundaries, TL!

[tlloveshim]

Thanks, E! I'm a bit PMSey too so that doesn't help and I got some information back on a heart check up that I participated in that's just a little upsetting. It's dumb because I knew I need to add exercise and improve my good cholesterol and reduce the bad but my ecg came back abnormal and it bugs me just a little. However I have what are called PVCs and I bet that's what's showing up so no need to be worrying. I'm probably just overreacting to everything because of the timing with my cycle anyway, ya know? I really could have used a good 'cheer me up' in the mail today!

[Euridice]

Aw, that's no good, sorry you weren't happy with your test result. Well, it's summer, and you've got all that beautiful scenery to get out and walk around in!!

[tlloveshim]

Yes, I do! It's so pretty here and so much to take in! Anyway, I'm OK. I can make changes and that's good plus I'm learning alot about myself through this moment of discomfort, KWIM? All is well! Hugs to you all!