Nooch's 132lb weight loss journey thread - soon to feature 40% less Nooch!

[bedhead]

Nooch, you are doing so great! 45 lbs in 6 months is AMAZING!

MILs can say dumb things sometimes. (And don't even get me started on my FIL, who makes comments about food consumption to my SIL, who has an eating disorder.) She probably just wishes she could have the discipline to do what you're doing.

Anyway, you're inspiring me, and lots of other girls here, so forget what she said. You're awesome!

[CoachGirl12]

Congrats on your continuous weight loss, such an accomplishment!! Good for you!!

[nooch]

Thanks, everybody! I know she's just projecting her own frustration onto me, but it is still infuriating! And when I go to NY, I am going to see my 84 year old Italian grandma who has not seen me since 320 pounds... I am gonna start a family pool to bet on how long it takes her to stick her foot in her mouth! Her reigning best quote is "you are so beautiful... why do you waste it like that?" It doesn't bother me coming out of her though, when you are 84 you get a lot of leeway from me.

In all seriousness though, I find my face takes makeup a lot better now (as I have lost A LOT from my face - I like the picture of myself I posted on the first page of this thread because my fat doesn't obscure how pretty I am... but it's still a very fat face) because I just feel like I see the angles of my face better. And I am lucky in one respect - my double chin goes away quickly - I took a cell phone picture so I could see my profile yesterday and it is very slight now. I'm pretty happy about that as there are women half my size who have double chins and looking at a picture of myself from about 220 pounds, I don't have one at all - I just am not prone to being fat there unless I am really, really fat.

A downside I'm struggling with right now is that I have lost major inches from every single part of my body except my upper belly - it is still the same measurement it was in June. I'm pretty bummed about that because while I do know and understand that eventually it will leave - you cannot be a normal weight with a 55 inch gut measurement - right now it just causes pretty much everything I wear to look sloppy because it is so out of place. I didn't expect to shrink in a perfectly even fashion, but I guess I just didn't expect my gut to so steadfastly remain. I look like a snowman right now - I've lost a band size & cup size, my hips and under-gut are smaller (a LOT smaller - I am embarrassed to post this but I have this birth mark I use to track my progress... it's on my upper thigh and when I started losing weight I could not see it at all head-on and now my under-gut is a good three inches above it), my legs are smaller, everything is smaller except this giant roll of fat. I know it will eventually have no choice, but I am frustrated with it.

This week I saw my vulva in the shower for the first time since 2005. Let's all marinate on that for a second while I wonder if I should really cop to that.

There's this whole image that we're trained to have of 300 pounders - completely immobile, can't fit through doors, washing themselves with rags on sticks... and a lot of it is NOT true (and a lot of it was not true for me due to my age but had I continued getting fatter I was making myself a date with the jaws of life at some point in the future) but a lot of it is. I am 23 years old and until this week I hadn't seen my own vulva save for in the mirror in FOUR YEARS. I hesitate to say that a 110 pound gain over seven years is gradual but to me it was (because of my height I didn't change sizes very often) - and then I woke up and I hadn't seen my own twat in four years.

I really think I am gonna have to take a break from the weight loss forums - it's too depressing. It's this gaggle of ex-fatties telling all the current fatties they're doing it wrong with a mix of current fatties who hate themselves so much they think they have to put their entire lives on hold until they're thin. They think once the scale reads 199 (I am talking about the people my size, the people who may not have seen sub-200 since 5th grade) that men will suddenly appear, that their jobs will get better, that their parents will love them... all sorts of ridiculous things.

I don't expect any of that and I think that's one of the reasons I am successful - the only thing I am looking for out of weight loss is to not be this fat anymore. I met my husband when I weighed 240 and married him at 330. The concept of needing to be thin for a man to bless you with his presence is alien to me. I have experienced happiness and personal success at every weight I have ever been. I have also experienced complete misery and failure at every weight I have ever been and the most miserable I was until my dad died was when I was starving myself and working out all day in high school. I wish someone could tell these people that weight loss will not fix all their problems.

When I was a kid and I managed to lose a few pounds and my entire family told me how proud of me they were I took it to mean that they would only be proud of me if I lost weight. I see it differently now (mostly - there are exceptions), but what a mess.

Anyway, that was a major brain dump. Hope you all got through it okay. I love how I don't post for a week and then I bust out with this rambling.

[VanessaJean]

nooch I love your posts!! Your brutal honsesty is wonderful. I know how you feel about the gut with the staying power. For the longest time my gut was the only part of me that wasn't shrinking and I called it my baby belly. It was a pot belly. It will go away though! I'm not saying I have the flatest stomach but the pot is offically gone! Keep swimming babe.

[misschbby]

that why you rule nooch !!! your honesty and lol insights are fabulous as your are hope you achieve all you wish for !

[Jeneen]

Hooray for lady parts! good for you Nooch!

And yes - losing weight and being thin never solved all of life's problems - we have to work on ourselves from the inside out.

[talexs]

Nooch I love your posts and wish I could put thoughts together as well as you do--I really mean that too. Also really liked how you touched upon the whole idea of certain weights bringing people happiness. My sister and I are very different sizes and people (esp in high school bc we went to the same one and look very different and well they couldn't hide their surprise when they realized we were related) would always ask her if she was happy, or people at school would ask her if she wanted to be more like me. Believe me I get no pleasure from writing that, truth of the matter is on many levels she was happier in high school than I ever was. It used to piss me off so much when people thought that she wasn't as good as I was (for no reason other than the fact that I was 110 and well she was almost 175) or would talk about her and the "nerve" she had to try out for the high school musical and other school activities. the fact the she was about 60 pounds more than me meant absolutely nothing to her and well this has kind of got off track and I have completely lost my thought. I guess I just wanted to send a big "YES" with a high five to you bc people can be so happy and do almost anything at any size and who are other people to try and rain on people's parades. And of course congratulations on your new view

[bridurkin]

Nooch, I love your posts also! Your major brain dump really makes me sit here and think about stuff. I think weight loss means different things for different people, whether it be happiness, love, health, etc. For many people, i think these things get tied together with the weight loss because people's whole outlook and attitudes have changed, and that brings about changes in other aspects of their lives. Congratulations on ALL of your accomplishments so far! You are doing great!

[Samia]

Congrats Nooch, keep it up! I wish I was as dedicated to weight loss as you.

[Bay]

You are doing a great job! I have always had a smaller lower body..and I have a tummy that ruins everything for me. I could be 2 sizes smaller if it wasn't for my tummy.

Keep up the good work!

[socalgem]

You are a beautiful person and don't ever let anyone make you feel less than that.

I applaud you for wanting to become healthier and I wish you all the luck in the world.

I know you can do it!!

[nooch]

Thank you, Bay & socalgem! It really means a lot whenever someone new stops by to wish me luck - you all keep me going!

I've eaten takeout like four times this week (shit is hitting the fan as far as some family stuff goes and I just find myself exhausted and bringing in takeout) - all within my calories, but I have probably eaten enough salt this week to... I don't know, be very salty. On a related note, Subway's buffalo chicken is really, really good, especially if you can get them to comprehend "no ranch, extra buffalo". Anyway, calorie wise I am on point but I am pretty bloaty and water-retainy and I should be ovulating soon so the weigh in may or may not be good/make sense.

Oh! On a completely UNrelated note, if anyone has hair advice I would love to take it - my appointment is at 12 tomorrow! Getting a haircut tomorrow - HELP!

[talexs]

Nooch I went over to your thread in the beauty bar and honestly hon you look amazing. So pretty, congratulations you look beautiful!

[bnjj]

Nooch, you are doing so well - congratulations!

I can totally relate to looking down in the shower and actually being able to see my "parts". That happened to me a couple months ago.

I've been really bad with eating this week as well have consumed far too much salt. I know I have not eaten enough calories to gain weight but am retaining water. At least that is an easy enough problem to fix.

[VanessaJean]

Can't wait to see pics of your new hair nooch. I'm getting a cut and color today too. :)