Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarriage?

TravelBug · May 31st, 2007, 04:29 AM

One of my colleagues just suffered a very traumatic miscarriage. She reports to me and called me first thing when she got home from the hospital where she had an operation. Anyway, I want to send her something (she lives in another state) in the mail but I don't know 1) what kind of card I should send ... sympathy, get well, thinking of you? 2) I want to send her something nice in addition to the card, something to let her know we are thinking of her, should I send flowers, a care package?

Any ideas/suggestions would be much appreciated!

SwirlyGirly · May 31st, 2007, 04:36 AM

That's a tough one. When I had a m/c, I just wanted to forget about it and move on. I didn't need anyone reminding me of my loss. However, a simple "thinking of you" card w/ a simple bouquet should be well received. Another possibility is a gift card for the bookstore. Reading, to me, contributes heavily to the healing process.

bonniec · May 31st, 2007, 04:50 AM

Axe the flowers.
Just a phone call +/- card.

Pursegrrl · May 31st, 2007, 04:52 AM

I think flowers + a bookstore giftcard is a very touching and thoughtful gift.

batgirl0711 · May 31st, 2007, 05:21 AM

i dont know, this is a tough one. she might be in denial and a gift may anger her. ask the family/DH, maybe just offering condolenses is enough for now. and then in a month or so how about having lunch with her and a day at a spa, dont push the issue of the miscarriage, just let her talk about it if she wants.

Liberté · May 31st, 2007, 05:32 AM

I think the most important part is to show that you care, do not be too elaborate.

In my opinion, a "thinking of you" card would be the best choice, I don't really feel "get well" vcard would be appropriate after a miscarriage. =-/

I don't ever think flowers can be inappropriate on any occasion, flowers would be the only "gift" option I can think of in this case.

Later on, taking her to the spa sounds like a wonderful idea. =)

ShimmaPuff · May 31st, 2007, 05:53 AM

The best thing you can send her is you. If you know her well enough, send her something that she loves, maybe chocolate (from Switzerland) or if she collects something, like glass elephants, or those horrid little spoons, send her one that you know she won't already have.

But mostly, give her you. Call her, get a sense of whether she wants to talk, about the miscarriage, or about the crazy counter help at the deli where the two of you used to have lunch, or the weather, Sanjaya, whatever.

Best of all will be if you can make her laugh, or figure out what does, and send her that. Do you have a photo of yourself with a really terrible hairdo?

If she does want to talk, call her every few days or so for a while.

When she feels up to it, if you could get away for a weekend and go see her, the Day of Beauty idea might be something she will really enjoy.

Even if she doesn't enjoy the beauty so much, she will enjoy you!

Every person is so different in the way we handle grief, I don't think that there is a One Size Fits All answer.

You will just have to think about her, and figure out what is most likely to let her know that she is loved, that you are there for her, and bring a smile to her face, that is what is most appropriate.

gillianna · May 31st, 2007, 10:05 AM

When one of my friend's best friend suffered a miscarriage and she lived out of town my friend called her favorite resturant and arranged for a few dinners to be made and delivered. These were meals that could be frozen and then reheated. It was just a simple gesture that helped make her days a bit easier because my friend knew her friend would not want to cook but needed to feed her family.

~Fabulousity~ · May 31st, 2007, 11:37 AM

I would send a thinking of you card, this is simple not too pushy and shows that you care

guccimamma · May 31st, 2007, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gillianna

When one of my friend's best friend suffered a miscarriage and she lived out of town my friend called her favorite resturant and arranged for a few dinners to be made and delivered. These were meals that could be frozen and then reheated. It was just a simple gesture that helped make her days a bit easier because my friend knew her friend would not want to cook but needed to feed her family.

^^ that is a thoughtful suggestion gill

Sternchen · May 31st, 2007, 12:10 PM

I would send a "thinking of you" card and maybe some flowers, cookies, cupcakes or even a gift certificate for her and her husband/SO at their favorite restaurant...Just something that might get their minds off of that for even a few seconds

TravelBug · May 31st, 2007, 01:32 PM

Thanks ladies for your ideas. We talked for a long time on the phone when she called and she was still in shock and I think she will be for a while given how things happened. I do think I need to leave her alone until she comes back to work, ie. no phone calls but I think I need to send her something. A 'Thinking of You' card first and see how she is doing, and then we will go from there. She is a very very nice person, considerate and just sweet. This is so hard.

merika · Jun 1st, 2007, 04:10 PM

What Shimma said was most true. I had a miscarriage, and what helped me most was not the phone calls, the cards (I tore them up and threw them away) or the flowers (which I gave my neighbor downstairs) but my female friends who just visited, dragged me out of the house, took me out for a cup of coffee or just a little drive down the street. It helped immensely. They didn't say anything about the baby, only let me talk if I wanted to. They kept me company and let me share my pain.

Since you live in another state I'm sure that visiting may be difficult, in that case some sort of gift that would help her get back to normal would help...maybe a gift card to a clothes shop or a bookstore? Something that would make her spend a litle time on herself as a person instead of the mother who was not to be.

katy 1368 · Jun 2nd, 2007, 08:08 PM

When I suffered a miscarraige in Jan just getting "thinking of you" cards off people was nice, and my work sent flowers which touched me. There was nothing else I wanted - all she will need is time and understanding to get over it which i'm sure you will give anyway.

May 31st, 2007, 04:29 AM	#1
TravelBug What R U Lookin' At?	Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarriage? One of my colleagues just suffered a very traumatic miscarriage. She reports to me and called me first thing when she got home from the hospital where she had an operation. Anyway, I want to send her something (she lives in another state) in the mail but I don't know 1) what kind of card I should send ... sympathy, get well, thinking of you? 2) I want to send her something nice in addition to the card, something to let her know we are thinking of her, should I send flowers, a care package? Any ideas/suggestions would be much appreciated!

May 31st, 2007, 04:36 AM	#2
SwirlyGirly Member	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria That's a tough one. When I had a m/c, I just wanted to forget about it and move on. I didn't need anyone reminding me of my loss. However, a simple "thinking of you" card w/ a simple bouquet should be well received. Another possibility is a gift card for the bookstore. Reading, to me, contributes heavily to the healing process. __________________ Life is too short to love only one brand. Love All. Collect All.

May 31st, 2007, 04:50 AM	#3
bonniec Neurotic SAHM by day	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria Axe the flowers. Just a phone call +/- card.

May 31st, 2007, 04:52 AM	#4
Pursegrrl Oh no she di-int!! Location: Seattle	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria I think flowers + a bookstore giftcard is a very touching and thoughtful gift.

May 31st, 2007, 05:21 AM	#5
batgirl0711 Sofa King Banned Location: PVD/Central Cali	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria i dont know, this is a tough one. she might be in denial and a gift may anger her. ask the family/DH, maybe just offering condolenses is enough for now. and then in a month or so how about having lunch with her and a day at a spa, dont push the issue of the miscarriage, just let her talk about it if she wants.

May 31st, 2007, 05:32 AM	#6
Liberté Member	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria I think the most important part is to show that you care, do not be too elaborate. In my opinion, a "thinking of you" card would be the best choice, I don't really feel "get well" vcard would be appropriate after a miscarriage. =-/ I don't ever think flowers can be inappropriate on any occasion, flowers would be the only "gift" option I can think of in this case. Later on, taking her to the spa sounds like a wonderful idea. =) __________________ Last edited by Liberté; May 31st, 2007 at 05:34 AM.

May 31st, 2007, 05:53 AM	#7
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Location: Earth	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria The best thing you can send her is you. If you know her well enough, send her something that she loves, maybe chocolate (from Switzerland) or if she collects something, like glass elephants, or those horrid little spoons, send her one that you know she won't already have. But mostly, give her you. Call her, get a sense of whether she wants to talk, about the miscarriage, or about the crazy counter help at the deli where the two of you used to have lunch, or the weather, Sanjaya, whatever. Best of all will be if you can make her laugh, or figure out what does, and send her that. Do you have a photo of yourself with a really terrible hairdo? If she does want to talk, call her every few days or so for a while. When she feels up to it, if you could get away for a weekend and go see her, the Day of Beauty idea might be something she will really enjoy. Even if she doesn't enjoy the beauty so much, she will enjoy you! Every person is so different in the way we handle grief, I don't think that there is a One Size Fits All answer. You will just have to think about her, and figure out what is most likely to let her know that she is loved, that you are there for her, and bring a smile to her face, that is what is most appropriate. __________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.commongroundrelief.org http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride! http://mangonocturna.blogspot.com/

May 31st, 2007, 10:05 AM	#8
gillianna Member	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria When one of my friend's best friend suffered a miscarriage and she lived out of town my friend called her favorite resturant and arranged for a few dinners to be made and delivered. These were meals that could be frozen and then reheated. It was just a simple gesture that helped make her days a bit easier because my friend knew her friend would not want to cook but needed to feed her family.

May 31st, 2007, 11:37 AM	#9
~Fabulousity~ ...is rebooting	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria I would send a thinking of you card, this is simple not too pushy and shows that you care __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

May 31st, 2007, 12:10 PM	#11
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Location: Beauty RAOK	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria I would send a "thinking of you" card and maybe some flowers, cookies, cupcakes or even a gift certificate for her and her husband/SO at their favorite restaurant...Just something that might get their minds off of that for even a few seconds __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog

May 31st, 2007, 01:32 PM	#12
TravelBug What R U Lookin' At?	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria Thanks ladies for your ideas. We talked for a long time on the phone when she called and she was still in shock and I think she will be for a while given how things happened. I do think I need to leave her alone until she comes back to work, ie. no phone calls but I think I need to send her something. A 'Thinking of You' card first and see how she is doing, and then we will go from there. She is a very very nice person, considerate and just sweet. This is so hard.

Jun 1st, 2007, 04:10 PM	#13
merika Sac Himalaya Location: In front of a computer	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria What Shimma said was most true. I had a miscarriage, and what helped me most was not the phone calls, the cards (I tore them up and threw them away) or the flowers (which I gave my neighbor downstairs) but my female friends who just visited, dragged me out of the house, took me out for a cup of coffee or just a little drive down the street. It helped immensely. They didn't say anything about the baby, only let me talk if I wanted to. They kept me company and let me share my pain. Since you live in another state I'm sure that visiting may be difficult, in that case some sort of gift that would help her get back to normal would help...maybe a gift card to a clothes shop or a bookstore? Something that would make her spend a litle time on herself as a person instead of the mother who was not to be. __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you. Last edited by merika; Jun 1st, 2007 at 04:13 PM.

Jun 2nd, 2007, 08:08 PM	#14
katy 1368 Member	Re: Need suggestions - what do I send someone who just suffered a traumatic miscarria When I suffered a miscarraige in Jan just getting "thinking of you" cards off people was nice, and my work sent flowers which touched me. There was nothing else I wanted - all she will need is time and understanding to get over it which i'm sure you will give anyway.