My FAT Journal

SunnyFreckles · Jan 8th, 2008, 08:55 PM

So, I have struggled with my weight forever. I don't have a problem admitting that. I am a comfort eater. If I get stressed or sad or my feelings get hurt, I eat and eat and eat.

I can give advice like you would not believe and I know what I need to do to loose weight but I just won't do it. Can't tell you exactly why, but I don't do it.

I wanted to start this thread for all the over-eaters out there. I don't mind the comments, be as honest as you want, you are not going to hurt my feelings, I promise. I have a thread out there already about dealing with depression and my newly diagnosed bipolar "disorder" or whatever...so I am not afraid to share my feelings, in fact, I think it helps me!

So to start, I am going to a nutrionist (again) Friday to get back on track.

But...

I have a heck of a time getting this right. I weigh about 225 lbs...depending on if I weigh in the morning, on my scale or the dr's. I'll have a better idea Friday (that will be the scale I report my numbers on...) My lowest weight was 145 in high school but I lived on a serving size of Cheetos for lunch everyday. I really didn't eat other than that and I worked out like a crazy horse.

Now, I am a fat SunnyFreckles! I just think that this thread will make me more, mmm...responsible? I don't know...I don't really feel like posting my food intake each day, but more the emotional side, as I am an emotional eater!

Let me know your thoughts, anyone! Feel free to poke back every once in a while...I'll be here!

alexis77 · Jan 8th, 2008, 09:00 PM

Props to you for putting it down in writing. You have a plan and you WILL see it through, but don't put yourself down in the process. We have all been there-emotional problems and self-medicating with food. As women, this is something we all struggle with. We are all here for you! Check out the 2008 Healthy Eating Support Thread--there's lots of great ladies in there giving advice and supporting each other. It is a very positive place to hang out!

gucci fan · Jan 8th, 2008, 09:03 PM

Good luck! Would love to know how you're doing so keep us posted.

SunnyFreckles · Jan 8th, 2008, 09:05 PM

alexis77, gucci fan, thank you SO much!!!

[coco] · Jan 8th, 2008, 10:45 PM

Yes what a big move posting your story. Good for you!!
I am italian so I understand completely... we are, by nature, compulsive eaters!! My family is really small and petite and they eat HUGE meals everyday. I am bigger than most of the women and always feel conscious about it. So what exactly will you post here? Journal entires?
We will make you accountable... don't worry!

SunnyFreckles · Jan 9th, 2008, 12:40 AM

I'm not sure what I'll be posting...

Like...my Mom has also struggled with her weight and when she was lighter she would say things to me like..."Have you thought about getting your stomach banded or has your dr. suggested weight loss pills?" Has anyone taken those pills? Those are heart attacks waiting to happen! And as for the banding surgery...it is way too selfish, way too easy and not for me. I got myself this way, I WILL get myself better. But when she comments on my weight, it makes me want to go to McDonalds. I hate that part.

I also struggle (internally) with people who are truly skinny (don't care how they got there, either through true diet and exercise OR eating disorders, it's all the same to me) and comment about how fat they are. That kills me. I would do almost anything to be their size, and hearing that just makes me so angry. I shut off completely from those conversations. I don't believe in developing an eating disorder just to get "skinny or pretty". Eating disorders are not beautiful, and I won't do it.

Let me also say here that I know that what I am doing is the same, I am just over-eating, not starving myself. So in a way, yes, I am being hypocritical. I know that. But I tell myself that starving myself is wrong, so I won't do it. Now I just need to find the right way (diet and exercise) to loose weight and become healthy! I struggle with loosing weight, other's struggle to gain weight.

For me, it is not about being more beautiful or prettier. I know that I am beautiful. I just want to be healthy and be around for my son, my husband and my family for a long time!

So, here's to my journey!

SnrKat · Jan 9th, 2008, 01:03 AM

I understand where you are. I'm 5ft7, and at my thinnest in college I was 118. That's only because I was a flag girl in the college band, and we had a weight requirement we had to meet or not march. It was higher than 118, but I was so worried that I kept losing weight, and then everyone told me how great I looked. Fast forward 15 years, and I've got two kids and over 100 pounds more of me. I hate to look in the mirror any lower than my face, and even though my kids tell me I look pretty, I know that I look officially fat. I've got to lose this weight for my health and to be a good role model for my kids.

It's hard for me to lose weight. I went on Weight Watchers last year, and saw 20 pounds come off really fast, and then nothing for the next two months. The 20 pounds have returned, and I feel awful. I've really got to buckle down and lose some substanial weight this year.

MissyO · Jan 9th, 2008, 01:08 AM

I have had a battle with food since I was a teenager. Back then, I would stop eating when things were bad. If I had a break-up, I would not eat days. Well after having a baby that changed. Now I am an emotional over-eater. When I am having a bad day I turn to food for comfort. I tend to binge and then I ended feeling worse because I feel so guilty! It is a horrible cycle. I am hoping this is the year that I can stop using food as a crutch!

SnrKat · Jan 9th, 2008, 01:14 AM

What doesn't help is that I have a brother who is a doctor who tells me to exercise more. Yes, I know that. But this brother has never had problems with his weight, and is able to go home and work out (bike, walk with his wife) without having two kids needing/wanting constant attention. I wasn't this overweight when I was younger and childless; I only began to pack on the pounds during a traumatic home move and, ahem, porking out during my second pregnancy.

Sorry to hijack your thread, Sunny, but I've been in a vent mode today.

SunnyFreckles · Jan 9th, 2008, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnrKat

What doesn't help is that I have a brother who is a doctor who tells me to exercise more. Yes, I know that. But this brother has never had problems with his weight, and is able to go home and work out (bike, walk with his wife) without having two kids needing/wanting constant attention. I wasn't this overweight when I was younger and childless; I only began to pack on the pounds during a traumatic home move and, ahem, porking out during my second pregnancy.

Sorry to hijack your thread, Sunny, but I've been in a vent mode today.

Honey, hijack away! That is what this is for!!!!!! It is so important that we all know that we are not alone!!!

SunnyFreckles · Jan 9th, 2008, 04:04 PM

So today...

I had an egg and cheese breakfast burrito and a couple pieces of peanut butter toast. It is DH's 30th birthday and we had cake before lunch, so I just had some fresh fruit for lunch.

I hope to find time to work out today. I know that if I can work out at least once a day for 3-4 times a week (and stay in that routine) I will feel so much better!

jellybebe · Jan 9th, 2008, 06:52 PM

Thanks for posting. I was a ballet dancer for most of my youth, and since I wasn't super-skinny (I was always curvy but not overweight) I felt self-conscious about it. Didn't help that my mom was super-skinny when she was young and only gained a bunch of weight because she had 3 consecutive children in a row and developed hypothyroidism so it was really hard for her to lose weight. But anyway I'm also from an ethnic group where the women are traditionally small and I'm very tall and big compared to most of my family. I think eating healthily and finding some form of exercise you enjoy will help you stay on track. If you feel like eating, grab something like frozen berries or dark chocolate. If you don't buy junk food, it will be less accessible to you so make sure you get your family to help you out.

SnrKat · Jan 9th, 2008, 07:24 PM

I've got to get the junk food out of our house! The sad thing is that late at night I'll even snack on something I really don't like, just to snack on something. I'm trying to stick with water and hot tea at night, so I'm filling up on liquids. During my WW phase, I ate baby carrots as a late-night snack; took effort to chew, a little sweet, but overall good for you. That would be better than my current regimen of Cheez-Its.

gucci lover · Jan 10th, 2008, 07:57 AM

i can totally relate about knowing what to do and NOT doing it!!! Im right here with you sister... i was actually on eBay and looking at th WW packets. Tried it numerous times but never successful. What gives? Oh and my sad lonely treadmill is folded up in my bedroom, i need to move that sucker out and get it working. Good luck!!!

SunnyFreckles · Jan 10th, 2008, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gucci lover

i can totally relate about knowing what to do and NOT doing it!!! Im right here with you sister... i was actually on eBay and looking at th WW packets. Tried it numerous times but never successful. What gives? Oh and my sad lonely treadmill is folded up in my bedroom, i need to move that sucker out and get it working. Good luck!!!

You, too honey! And I love your avatar!!!!

My elliptical is currently a coat rack.

Hopefully when DH's bike gets here and put together we will get all the coats off of there!

Jan 8th, 2008, 08:55 PM	#1
SunnyFreckles ~Cute 'n Proud~ Location: Near corn fields...	My FAT Journal So, I have struggled with my weight forever. I don't have a problem admitting that. I am a comfort eater. If I get stressed or sad or my feelings get hurt, I eat and eat and eat. I can give advice like you would not believe and I know what I need to do to loose weight but I just won't do it. Can't tell you exactly why, but I don't do it. I wanted to start this thread for all the over-eaters out there. I don't mind the comments, be as honest as you want, you are not going to hurt my feelings, I promise. I have a thread out there already about dealing with depression and my newly diagnosed bipolar "disorder" or whatever...so I am not afraid to share my feelings, in fact, I think it helps me! So to start, I am going to a nutrionist (again) Friday to get back on track. But... I have a heck of a time getting this right. I weigh about 225 lbs...depending on if I weigh in the morning, on my scale or the dr's. I'll have a better idea Friday (that will be the scale I report my numbers on...) My lowest weight was 145 in high school but I lived on a serving size of Cheetos for lunch everyday. I really didn't eat other than that and I worked out like a crazy horse. Now, I am a fat SunnyFreckles! I just think that this thread will make me more, mmm...responsible? I don't know...I don't really feel like posting my food intake each day, but more the emotional side, as I am an emotional eater! Let me know your thoughts, anyone! Feel free to poke back every once in a while...I'll be here! __________________ <>< *Sunny's Collection*

Jan 8th, 2008, 09:00 PM	#2
alexis77 Adopt a Greyhound!	Re: My FAT Journal Props to you for putting it down in writing. You have a plan and you WILL see it through, but don't put yourself down in the process. We have all been there-emotional problems and self-medicating with food. As women, this is something we all struggle with. We are all here for you! Check out the 2008 Healthy Eating Support Thread--there's lots of great ladies in there giving advice and supporting each other. It is a very positive place to hang out! __________________ Race Cars, Not Dogs...

Jan 8th, 2008, 09:03 PM	#3
gucci fan Member Location: currently Montgomery, Alabama	Re: My FAT Journal Good luck! Would love to know how you're doing so keep us posted.

Jan 8th, 2008, 09:05 PM	#4
SunnyFreckles ~Cute 'n Proud~ Location: Near corn fields...	Re: My FAT Journal alexis77, gucci fan, thank you SO much!!! __________________ <>< *Sunny's Collection*

Jan 8th, 2008, 10:45 PM	#5
[coco] gucci addict Location: Australia	Re: My FAT Journal Yes what a big move posting your story. Good for you!! I am italian so I understand completely... we are, by nature, compulsive eaters!! My family is really small and petite and they eat HUGE meals everyday. I am bigger than most of the women and always feel conscious about it. So what exactly will you post here? Journal entires? We will make you accountable... don't worry! __________________

Jan 9th, 2008, 12:40 AM	#6
SunnyFreckles ~Cute 'n Proud~ Location: Near corn fields...	Re: My FAT Journal I'm not sure what I'll be posting... Like...my Mom has also struggled with her weight and when she was lighter she would say things to me like..."Have you thought about getting your stomach banded or has your dr. suggested weight loss pills?" Has anyone taken those pills? Those are heart attacks waiting to happen! And as for the banding surgery...it is way too selfish, way too easy and not for me. I got myself this way, I WILL get myself better. But when she comments on my weight, it makes me want to go to McDonalds. I hate that part. I also struggle (internally) with people who are truly skinny (don't care how they got there, either through true diet and exercise OR eating disorders, it's all the same to me) and comment about how fat they are. That kills me. I would do almost anything to be their size, and hearing that just makes me so angry. I shut off completely from those conversations. I don't believe in developing an eating disorder just to get "skinny or pretty". Eating disorders are not beautiful, and I won't do it. Let me also say here that I know that what I am doing is the same, I am just over-eating, not starving myself. So in a way, yes, I am being hypocritical. I know that. But I tell myself that starving myself is wrong, so I won't do it. Now I just need to find the right way (diet and exercise) to loose weight and become healthy! I struggle with loosing weight, other's struggle to gain weight. For me, it is not about being more beautiful or prettier. I know that I am beautiful. I just want to be healthy and be around for my son, my husband and my family for a long time! So, here's to my journey! __________________ <>< *Sunny's Collection*

Jan 9th, 2008, 01:03 AM	#7
SnrKat Member Location: Arizona	Re: My FAT Journal I understand where you are. I'm 5ft7, and at my thinnest in college I was 118. That's only because I was a flag girl in the college band, and we had a weight requirement we had to meet or not march. It was higher than 118, but I was so worried that I kept losing weight, and then everyone told me how great I looked. Fast forward 15 years, and I've got two kids and over 100 pounds more of me. I hate to look in the mirror any lower than my face, and even though my kids tell me I look pretty, I know that I look officially fat. I've got to lose this weight for my health and to be a good role model for my kids. It's hard for me to lose weight. I went on Weight Watchers last year, and saw 20 pounds come off really fast, and then nothing for the next two months. The 20 pounds have returned, and I feel awful. I've really got to buckle down and lose some substanial weight this year.

Jan 9th, 2008, 01:08 AM	#8
MissyO Member Location: Florida	Re: My FAT Journal I have had a battle with food since I was a teenager. Back then, I would stop eating when things were bad. If I had a break-up, I would not eat days. Well after having a baby that changed. Now I am an emotional over-eater. When I am having a bad day I turn to food for comfort. I tend to binge and then I ended feeling worse because I feel so guilty! It is a horrible cycle. I am hoping this is the year that I can stop using food as a crutch! __________________

Jan 9th, 2008, 01:14 AM	#9
SnrKat Member Location: Arizona	Re: My FAT Journal What doesn't help is that I have a brother who is a doctor who tells me to exercise more. Yes, I know that. But this brother has never had problems with his weight, and is able to go home and work out (bike, walk with his wife) without having two kids needing/wanting constant attention. I wasn't this overweight when I was younger and childless; I only began to pack on the pounds during a traumatic home move and, ahem, porking out during my second pregnancy. Sorry to hijack your thread, Sunny, but I've been in a vent mode today.

Jan 9th, 2008, 04:04 PM	#11
SunnyFreckles ~Cute 'n Proud~ Location: Near corn fields...	Re: My FAT Journal So today... I had an egg and cheese breakfast burrito and a couple pieces of peanut butter toast. It is DH's 30th birthday and we had cake before lunch, so I just had some fresh fruit for lunch. I hope to find time to work out today. I know that if I can work out at least once a day for 3-4 times a week (and stay in that routine) I will feel so much better! __________________ <>< *Sunny's Collection*

Jan 9th, 2008, 06:52 PM	#12
jellybebe Back to school! Location: Canada	Re: My FAT Journal Thanks for posting. I was a ballet dancer for most of my youth, and since I wasn't super-skinny (I was always curvy but not overweight) I felt self-conscious about it. Didn't help that my mom was super-skinny when she was young and only gained a bunch of weight because she had 3 consecutive children in a row and developed hypothyroidism so it was really hard for her to lose weight. But anyway I'm also from an ethnic group where the women are traditionally small and I'm very tall and big compared to most of my family. I think eating healthily and finding some form of exercise you enjoy will help you stay on track. If you feel like eating, grab something like frozen berries or dark chocolate. If you don't buy junk food, it will be less accessible to you so make sure you get your family to help you out. __________________ Wish List: LV Farandole bracelet (WL) LV pink scuba pochette (WL) white Balenciaga City with GGH (?) Prada E/W Gauffre

Jan 9th, 2008, 07:24 PM	#13
SnrKat Member Location: Arizona	Re: My FAT Journal I've got to get the junk food out of our house! The sad thing is that late at night I'll even snack on something I really don't like, just to snack on something. I'm trying to stick with water and hot tea at night, so I'm filling up on liquids. During my WW phase, I ate baby carrots as a late-night snack; took effort to chew, a little sweet, but overall good for you. That would be better than my current regimen of Cheez-Its.

Jan 10th, 2008, 07:57 AM	#14
gucci lover Member Location: tx	Re: My FAT Journal i can totally relate about knowing what to do and NOT doing it!!! Im right here with you sister... i was actually on eBay and looking at th WW packets. Tried it numerous times but never successful. What gives? Oh and my sad lonely treadmill is folded up in my bedroom, i need to move that sucker out and get it working. Good luck!!!