[meeeks]

So i'll make this short and sweet.

7 years ago (i was 16) i started feeling sad, depressed, emotional and even suicidal. I've had attempts but none worked. I started cutting first using a safety pin, then an exacto knife every other night. I've been hiding it for years and years and since then I've been with 3 different serious bfs that have all tried to convince me to go to the doctor and seek help. I always refused because i knew that if i go, it will be "official" and i will be diagnosed with depression. i was in denial, i didn't wanna know the truth. so far 7 years i've been battling it and hiding it away. Finally 2 weeks ago, i went to the doctor. first she said "no medication can help you, it's up to you to change." Well that wasn't much help. The next day, i went to get a second opinion. Sure enough, I was diagnosed with not only depression but severe depression. the day i started taking meds is the day i got the flu so for the past 2 weeks, its been incredibly tough. people around me said nothing was wrong with me, i didn't need medications. others said "..but i'm so bubbly and cheerful." and only one person said "i'm proud of you for getting help." So as you can see i'm really not getting much support from the people around me. My ex-bf whom just broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I didn't make him happy anymore (yes in the middle of my slow, long-term, up-hill battle of a recovery) hasn't visited me and hasn't been much support at all. I don't know what to do anymore.....

[Batel]

I'm so proud of you for getting help for yourself! It's a hard road and it will take time but you've started down the path, just keep working on it. You can PM me if you'd like to talk =)

The people around you just didn't want to see what you were going through, try not to let their comments get you down, you're doing this for you and keep that in your mind!
Good job!

[boxermom]

It was courageous to talk to a doctor, and when he/she didn't give you the help you needed, you had the motivation to see a 2nd doctor. Good for you! I'm sorry you're dealing with the flu, but try to give the meds time. Often, antidepressants take time to get the right dosage, or even try a couple different ones to find the right thing for you.

You've been doing this for a long time, so it won't be easy to stop. You're worth it, though, so please take good care of yourself. Maybe the people around you just don't know what to say, so they avoid the subject.

Good luck to you. Post and talk here when you need to share. Among us, we've experienced just about everything or know people who have. You're not alone.

[chessmont]

Please, PLEASE keep up with your doctor and the meds! I suffered with depression, anxiety and irritable/depressive bipolar disorder for more than 30 years before getting a diagnosis and help. Feeling better overnight does not happen. Please don't give up! Keep up with your appointments and try not to be discouraged; it has taken me more than a year to get ~ 80% better. amd you will be so amazed at how that can feel, even if it is not 100%. Don't give up!

[*Lo]

Its a huge step that you are seeking help, I am proud of your courage. Its not an easy battle but know that you are worth so much and that includes helping yourself get through this and create a happier life for yourself. Good luck we are here if you need us like the others have said. I know how hard it is sometimes to get people in your personal life to understand you, so come her when you feel like you need people who can talk to you with an open mind.

[Charlie]

You sould be proud of yourself for finally admiting that you need help and actually doing something about it. Hang on there, you'll get trought this. Count on me and tPf for support.

[meeeks]

Thank you so much ! This is exactly what i need. You guys are the best. This is why i love tpf. I'm currently on STD at work. I haven't gone to work for 2 weeks, my first day back was yesterday. I didn't go again today. and i'm unsure about tomorrow. luckily my boss is very supportive and she understands that its a long road ahead. I'm happy to feel that i'm not the only one.

[kissingurami]

aww we're here for you!

hope you continue with your success at your first step! hugs!!!

be strong

[fabgrabs]

meeeks, I am SO proud of you - your courage amazes me. Not only did you go to the doctor, but you got a second opinion when the first was less-than-helpful. You are resiliant, and I wish you nothing but the best.

[MichelleAntonia]

you have an amazing amount of perspective on yourself and your situation, that is very rare and will invariably help you in your journey to getting better! you should be very, very proud of yourself for not only that, but taking that HUGE step and getting help!

lots of people can't see their situation as clearly as you see yours, and it costs them a lot. the people who love you seem to be in more denial about your issues than you are that's disenheartening, but in the end, it's most important that YOU know what's going on and YOU are helping yourself, which you are!

but of course, you NEED support, that's an absolute must. wherever you can get it, its valuable. all of us here will surely be rallying around you!

GOOD LUCK! & get better soon!(as trite as it sounds, we mean it wholeheartedly )

[meeeks]

it's 3:05 am here, i can't sleep. i went to my appt yesterday and the dr changed my medication because it was causing me to have insomnia. so like i said earlier, i was off work sick for the past 2 weeks. i went to work on monday and then called in sick on tuesday because i was getting nauseous and tired for not sleeping the night before. i don't know what to do right now. i have a ton of things going on in my mind that i can't sleep. because i've been sick for more than 5 consecutive days, im on short term disability right now - someone from the insurance company will be contacting me fairly soon to see if i qualify for it. im covered for the first 6 weeks with full pay... what should i do....do i go to work? and possibly do a half-ass job.. or do i stay home and rest. what do people in my situation do?

[MichelleAntonia]

^if you're still feeling sick and fatigued from not sleeping, i would say take it easy for the day. unless you feel that going into work will help your overall mood and make you feel mentally better, sometimes being up and out of the house can do that?

but otherwise, it sounds like you're still a little sick, and tired too. so don't stress yourself out worrying too much about work tomorrow, especially since you're covered for it

[meeeks]

well, my concern is i don't want work to think i'm just missing work for the hell of it. i know even if my boss is supportive, i feel bad for missing so much. afterall i just started in oct and i just recently became eligible for benefits. i'm not sick-sick as in coughing, or sniffling. i'm just mentally ill i guess. i think thats the politically correct name for it.. in total, 17 days of rest - 11 work days. is it ok to still be ill?

[fabgrabs]

meeeks, our boss sounds like a caring person, so I'd think she would support you getting the rest and help you need. You need to take care of yourself right now, not anyone else.

The one thing I'm wondering...I hope you are not isolating yourself; taking time off work to feel better physically/mentally/ get used to your new meds is a great thing, as long as you are not completely isolating. Do you talk with friends, go for walks, stuff like that? I only mention this because I know how alluring/depressing isolation can be.

You do what you need to in order to feel better...you deserve it!

[meeeks]

well, i guess in a way i am. i guess i have been for the past few years. i do talk to friends, i don't have much but i am quite selective on who i say certain things to. my close gfs i haven't told about this. my 2 ex bfs i talk to regularly. one has been so special to me and he's really helping me get through this. the other one hasn't been supportive at all. he thinks its all in my head. i haven't had any suicidal thoughts lately but i just feel like i dont know what to do.