How to keep one's mouth shut when...

chestnuthannoverian · Jul 1st, 2006, 03:26 AM

you have a friend who has repeatedly asked for workout regimes, diet suggestions and motivational tips...

BUT...

Eats McDonalds like it's going out of style, and suggests that you need to cut loose once in awhile.

I consider myself to be a fairly knowledgable person about all things diet, exercise etc. But she's a great friend and proceeds to shoot herself in the foot... Bah...

Do you stand there? What the heck do I say besides "Hon, the 4 x a week McDees is killing whatever chance you have of toning up, so lay off the fries sista!"

Sincerely,

A Rock and a Hard Place

ilzabet · Jul 1st, 2006, 03:49 AM

oh BFF is that you?

seriously though, that girl is me (minus the mickey dees

substitute sweets). personally, i need to hear someone say "lay off the junk and take a jog lardass and you won't be fat!"....but it really has to come from the right person for me not to get my feelings hurt. my husband can say it. my best friend can say it. one of the girls i work with can say it. my sister can say it. that's it.

are you one of those types of close people to your friend? if so, say it. if not, stay in your nice soft hard place.

but maybe don't expend so much effort with the suggestions. she has the tools...she just needs the life changing experience...like not fitting into any of the off the rack wedding dresses or having a truck full of a**hats mooing at her as she walks down the street<---my personal motivations.

amanda · Jul 1st, 2006, 09:14 AM

i guess your approach would depend upon how close you are to your friend and how much of a situation your friend has gotten herself into. if she's like 30 pounds overweight, a good friend and doing this to herself, maybe next time she asks you, you should tell her to start paying attention to how she eats, because that's what's really hurting her. unfortunately, you can't guarantee that she'll listen, but if she's asking for diet tips anyway, maybe you'll get to her eventually.

Megs · Jul 1st, 2006, 10:07 AM

Ohh I so have friends like that...

What I have found is that you just leave them alone. Don't talk to them about it. You are taking time out of your life and day to help them out and they could care less to follow it- it sounds like it isn't the first time either. I completely stopped trying to help a friend that completely would just whine all the time and always complain and just be a drag... I feel much better about it now .

If someone really wants help they have to help themselves first

amanda · Jul 1st, 2006, 10:48 AM

you know, now that i've thought about it, i have a friend at work like this. she's a little bit crazy. she wants to lose weight and asks me about weight watchers, etc a lot (and even sometimes criticizes me when i splurge! like i said, she's crazy) but then all she does at work is buy chips and candy and drink full-calorie sodas, and then her and her boyfriend eat out almost every night and usually he brings her takeout for lunch (he works in the store as well). somehow, she doesn't get the connection between these behaviors and her weight. i've stopped saying anything or giving her advice when she asks, because like megs says, she has to want to help herself and "own" her lifestyle first.

nativenydesigns · Jul 1st, 2006, 10:54 AM

I agree 100% with Megs-I have a friend like that always asking how to do this or that and never listening and I felt that it was a supreme waste of my time and an insult to my intelligence

The friend I am referrencing is grossly morbidly obese and I finally told her to stop wasting my time because she never listens to my advice and to contact a dietician,

goodmornin · Jul 1st, 2006, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilzabet

oh BFF is that you?

seriously though, that girl is me (minus the mickey dees

substitute sweets). personally, i need to hear someone say "lay off the junk and take a jog lardass and you won't be fat!"....but it really has to come from the right person for me not to get my feelings hurt. my husband can say it. my best friend can say it. one of the girls i work with can say it. my sister can say it. that's it.

are you one of those types of close people to your friend? if so, say it. if not, stay in your nice soft hard place.

but maybe don't expend so much effort with the suggestions. she has the tools...she just needs the life changing experience...like not fitting into any of the off the rack wedding dresses or having a truck full of a**hats mooing at her as she walks down the street<---my personal motivations.

I 100% agree with ilzabet. I eat fries, chocolate, and cake at least 3 times a day so once in a while, so its quite unsurprising that once in a while, i find that that I gain weight.

Don't get me wrong, I know the approx calorie content of most foods, how to exercize to maximise weightloss, what foods to avoid etc etc... (as do most women)

But I always seem to blurt out and ask my friends (maybe even half seriously), "I'm becoming a house, WHAT SHOULD I DOO???!!!"

For those people that get annoyed with us people, I'm sorry!

Its just that when people actually reply, it says to me that I have gained weight and its time to lose it. Its comparable to a very effective motivational speech. I don't really need to hear your "eat this, do this etc," I just need you to say, "yes.. you need to do something about your lifestyle."

People like this just either need 1) some reassurance that they're not fat, or 2) a motivational starter to get them in the mood for getting in shape.

goodmornin · Jul 1st, 2006, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nativenydesigns

The friend I am referrencing is grossly morbidly obese and I finally told her to stop wasting my time because she never listens to my advice and to contact a dietician,

sorry didn't read this part.

IF your friend is morbidly obese, maybe it is best to stop talking and put action in it. For her own sake!

I might even give her a gym membership as a bday present or something like that just so that she'd feel guilty not using it - so she'd have to go. Or even go with her for the first few times. They just need to see some results.

If they're still eating its because they feel hopeless, and that nothings working and are actually addicted to food. (I felt that way when i weighed about 160lbs and 5'3)

Once they're on their way, they should shut up.

IntlSet · Jul 1st, 2006, 04:59 PM

My friend/future roommate is like this. It is SO annoying. Like, she can literally be stuffing her face with In-N-Out while at the same time complaining that she's fat. The way I figure it is that if you want to eat a burger: eat the darn burger and enjoy it.

There's nothing worse than knowing you're doing something that's self-defeating (i.e. eating a giant burger when you already think you're overweight), complaining to everyone in the world about it, then repeating the act again. Kinda like the girl who is always b*tching about her boyfriend but refuses to break up with him.

ArmCandyLuvr · Jul 1st, 2006, 06:25 PM

I can understand your frustration. My mom does this to me all the time, especially since I've been successful losing quite a bit of weight She will aks me to help her repeatedly, but she continues to eat all kinds of junk. She's from the South, and all her cooking seems to involve frying and gravy. No wonder I was a fat kid!

coachwife6 · Jul 1st, 2006, 07:27 PM

When I have friends like that, I tell them the truth: when you are ready to lose weight, you will lose it. And there are different routines that work for different people. YOU have to find your OWN routine, and when you do and when you're REALLY ready, you will lose it.

amanda · Jul 2nd, 2006, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

My friend/future roommate is like this. It is SO annoying. Like, she can literally be stuffing her face with In-N-Out while at the same time complaining that she's fat. The way I figure it is that if you want to eat a burger: eat the darn burger and enjoy it.

There's nothing worse than knowing you're doing something that's self-defeating (i.e. eating a giant burger when you already think you're overweight), complaining to everyone in the world about it, then repeating the act again. Kinda like the girl who is always b*tching about her boyfriend but refuses to break up with him.

hey, i broke up with him eventually

MandM · Jul 2nd, 2006, 12:39 AM

omg, I have an older friend who has had diabetes and a heart attack -- yet he still cruises through the McD's for a supersized meal around four...then asks what we all want to do for dinner an hour and a half later. If I'm snacking on a few cashews, he'll ask what I'm eating and if he can have some, the proceed to eat the WHOLE CAN. It's truly sad b/c he's hurting himself, but he just can't stop.

Anyway, I do try to tell him to stop, and he says "ok" but then just keeps doing it. With some people it's a compulsion and really hard to change.

Your friend sounds a bit less severe...so maybe you SHOULD try saying something just to see if it would shake her into changing her ways b/f it's too late.

chestnuthannoverian · Jul 2nd, 2006, 01:15 AM

Thanks ladies - aww my purse forum peeps, stickin up for their CH.

It's just ridiculously frustrating to the point of irritating the snot out of my ever-patient self.

Hmm.. perhaps I shall leave her alone. That's a good point. Haven't tried that one.

IntlSet · Jul 2nd, 2006, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda

hey, i broke up with him eventually

HaHA! So you KNOW I wasn't talking about you, girl! We are both moving onto bigger, better things. Erm, I mean, people.

Jul 1st, 2006, 03:26 AM	#1
chestnuthannoverian Balencia-gasms. Yum.	How to keep one's mouth shut when... you have a friend who has repeatedly asked for workout regimes, diet suggestions and motivational tips... BUT... Eats McDonalds like it's going out of style, and suggests that you need to cut loose once in awhile. I consider myself to be a fairly knowledgable person about all things diet, exercise etc. But she's a great friend and proceeds to shoot herself in the foot... Bah... Do you stand there? What the heck do I say besides "Hon, the 4 x a week McDees is killing whatever chance you have of toning up, so lay off the fries sista!" Sincerely, A Rock and a Hard Place

Jul 1st, 2006, 03:49 AM	#2
ilzabet easily amused Location: side of the sea	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... oh BFF is that you? seriously though, that girl is me (minus the mickey dees substitute sweets). personally, i need to hear someone say "lay off the junk and take a jog lardass and you won't be fat!"....but it really has to come from the right person for me not to get my feelings hurt. my husband can say it. my best friend can say it. one of the girls i work with can say it. my sister can say it. that's it. are you one of those types of close people to your friend? if so, say it. if not, stay in your nice soft hard place. but maybe don't expend so much effort with the suggestions. she has the tools...she just needs the life changing experience...like not fitting into any of the off the rack wedding dresses or having a truck full of a*hats mooing at her as she walks down the street<---my personal motivations. __________________ every 18 minutes someone takes their own life. every 19 minutes someone else is left to make sense of it. if you're hurting, please tell someone. 1 800 273 TALK Last edited by ilzabet; Jul 1st, 2006 at 03:57 AM.*

Jul 1st, 2006, 09:14 AM	#3
amanda I Bleed Georgia Red Location: Athens, GA	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... i guess your approach would depend upon how close you are to your friend and how much of a situation your friend has gotten herself into. if she's like 30 pounds overweight, a good friend and doing this to herself, maybe next time she asks you, you should tell her to start paying attention to how she eats, because that's what's really hurting her. unfortunately, you can't guarantee that she'll listen, but if she's asking for diet tips anyway, maybe you'll get to her eventually. __________________ PROUD TO BE A UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA BULLDOG! Read my blog: http://graduationday.wordpress.com

Jul 1st, 2006, 10:48 AM	#5
amanda I Bleed Georgia Red Location: Athens, GA	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... you know, now that i've thought about it, i have a friend at work like this. she's a little bit crazy. she wants to lose weight and asks me about weight watchers, etc a lot (and even sometimes criticizes me when i splurge! like i said, she's crazy) but then all she does at work is buy chips and candy and drink full-calorie sodas, and then her and her boyfriend eat out almost every night and usually he brings her takeout for lunch (he works in the store as well). somehow, she doesn't get the connection between these behaviors and her weight. i've stopped saying anything or giving her advice when she asks, because like megs says, she has to want to help herself and "own" her lifestyle first. __________________ PROUD TO BE A UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA BULLDOG! Read my blog: http://graduationday.wordpress.com

Jul 1st, 2006, 10:54 AM	#6
nativenydesigns Member Location: Lake Worth, Florida	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... I agree 100% with Megs-I have a friend like that always asking how to do this or that and never listening and I felt that it was a supreme waste of my time and an insult to my intelligence The friend I am referrencing is grossly morbidly obese and I finally told her to stop wasting my time because she never listens to my advice and to contact a dietician,

Jul 1st, 2006, 10:07 AM	#4
Megs	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... Ohh I so have friends like that... What I have found is that you just leave them alone. Don't talk to them about it. You are taking time out of your life and day to help them out and they could care less to follow it- it sounds like it isn't the first time either. I completely stopped trying to help a friend that completely would just whine all the time and always complain and just be a drag... I feel much better about it now . If someone really wants help they have to help themselves first

Jul 1st, 2006, 04:59 PM	#9
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... My friend/future roommate is like this. It is SO annoying. Like, she can literally be stuffing her face with In-N-Out while at the same time complaining that she's fat. The way I figure it is that if you want to eat a burger: eat the darn burger and enjoy it. There's nothing worse than knowing you're doing something that's self-defeating (i.e. eating a giant burger when you already think you're overweight), complaining to everyone in the world about it, then repeating the act again. Kinda like the girl who is always b*tching about her boyfriend but refuses to break up with him. __________________ http://drinkmorechampagne.wordpress.com/

Jul 1st, 2006, 06:25 PM	#10
ArmCandyLuvr Loves Boys X Boys! Location: WI, USA	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... I can understand your frustration. My mom does this to me all the time, especially since I've been successful losing quite a bit of weight She will aks me to help her repeatedly, but she continues to eat all kinds of junk. She's from the South, and all her cooking seems to involve frying and gravy. No wonder I was a fat kid! __________________ I reached my goal of losing 225 pounds! Thank you, tPF! Thank you, Richard! My Wishlist: [ ] Dior Holiday 2008 Palette [ ] Chanel Exclusive Nail Color Trio [X] Louis Vuitton Inclusion Ring in Pomme D'Amour-Got it! Thank you, DBF! [X] Coach 3x5 Leather Agenda in Gold-Got it! DBF strikes again! [ ] David Yurman 5 MM Cable Bangle in Blue Topaz [ ] David Yurman 5 MM Cable Bangle in Peridot [ ] MacBook Air Can't seem to stay on my shopping ban!

Jul 1st, 2006, 07:27 PM	#11
coachwife6 Member Location: In the gym	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... When I have friends like that, I tell them the truth: when you are ready to lose weight, you will lose it. And there are different routines that work for different people. YOU have to find your OWN routine, and when you do and when you're REALLY ready, you will lose it. __________________ "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12

Jul 2nd, 2006, 12:39 AM	#13
MandM Member Location: the middle of Pennsylvania	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... omg, I have an older friend who has had diabetes and a heart attack -- yet he still cruises through the McD's for a supersized meal around four...then asks what we all want to do for dinner an hour and a half later. If I'm snacking on a few cashews, he'll ask what I'm eating and if he can have some, the proceed to eat the WHOLE CAN. It's truly sad b/c he's hurting himself, but he just can't stop. Anyway, I do try to tell him to stop, and he says "ok" but then just keeps doing it. With some people it's a compulsion and really hard to change. Your friend sounds a bit less severe...so maybe you SHOULD try saying something just to see if it would shake her into changing her ways b/f it's too late.

Jul 2nd, 2006, 01:15 AM	#14
chestnuthannoverian Balencia-gasms. Yum.	Re: How to keep one's mouth shut when... Thanks ladies - aww my purse forum peeps, stickin up for their CH. It's just ridiculously frustrating to the point of irritating the snot out of my ever-patient self. Hmm.. perhaps I shall leave her alone. That's a good point. Haven't tried that one.