Compulsive eating

[amanda]

So, this is a little hard for me to put out there, because there are very few people that I've ever admitted it to, but I thought that maybe there would be others here dealing with the same problem that maybe could be supportive.

I'm a compulsive eater. It's taken me a long time to realize this. I'm not sure if it's an eating disorder or not; I think it might be. I don't eat constantly, I'm not much of a snacker, but when I start at a meal, I can't stop myself until I'm so full that I want to throw up and I'm in physical pain. I have no idea why I do it. I don't have a self esteem problem. I don't really even have much of a problem with my body or how I look, not any more than the average girl does. I have a good job, a supportive family, and great friends.

But I can't stop myself. When it comes meal time, all I can think about is stuffing myself. I eat way past the point of enjoying it. I'm usually not even hungry come the next meal time, but I force myself to eat anyway. I often hide my habit from others - I'll get takeout when my roommate isn't home and stuff myself with it, eat fast food in the car on the way to work, etc. I can destroy the evidence and no one is the wiser.

Over the past few years, I've been able to get it under control for a few months at a time, but never been able to stay with a healthy habit; I always go back to the compulsion. I'm otherwise healthy and my weight has not become detrimental to my health, but it will if I keep going as I am.

I don't think that going to a dietitian or therapist would help, it's not that I don't know how to eat healthy. I do. I just don't know where to go from here. Are there any good books on the subject? Has anyone else here worked with this problem? What's been successful for you?

It's odd...mostly, when people post here about their serious issues with food, they're emotional about it. I'm not sad or angry with myself or anything, I'm just desperate to become healthy and not have to have this be such a big part of my life.

[mh21]

This is very brave of you to put your eating habits into words for us to read. I don't have any advice (I'm sure others do), but I really hope talking about it here helps you in a way where you can put this behaviour behind you.

[thelace]

I'll be watching this with interest as I have the same problem. With me, it seems that once I start eating, I can't stop. It feels like a big rush and I want to keep going. I can put off eating, but it is when I sit down with some food it begins a chain of bingeing. I don't regularly starve myself, so it is not that when I start eating I am famished (though sometimes that is the case), mostly it is any time I start eating anything.

[Spreiki]

What if it isn't your fault?

What if the overeating is just a sign that you have an imbalanced biochemistry, nothing more? And that by changing what and when you eat you can heal your body, stop the bingeing, and know what to do to prevent it from happening ever again?

I used to binge. It was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing at night. I hated myself, I was depressed, I had to drag myself through the day and I had so much shame it was unreal.

Now, eighteen months after following the advice on the Radiant Recovery website I am totally different. I am joyful, content, serene, confident, I haven't binged in well over a year and I eat just three meals a day.

There was no white-knuckling, just a sensible approach to healing my biochemistry with normal everyday foods.

Finding Radiant Recovery has changed my life. Why not look it up and see what you think? There is hope out there. And it's not your fault.

All the best from someone who has been there and come out the other side.

[audball67]

Amanda, kudos to you for being so brave and stepping forward with this. I do think what you describe sounds like a biochemical/nutrition imbalance and I would try to get an appointment with either a nutritionist or dietician soon. Before your appointment, draw up a food diary - similar to what "diet plans" recommend - where you log what you are eating, where, how much (even approximately), and how you are feeling (both before and after). Do this for a few days. It may seem like a lot of work, but I bet there is a lot of information to be found in your pattern of how and what you eat.

Good luck to you. If nothing else, at least seeing a professional will help quell any concerns you have about the way you are eating.

[ArmCandyLuvr]

I, too, am a compulsive eater. No surpises there. How else would I have become 360 pounds? I still overeat sometimes, particularly when I am stressed. In fact, realizing what triggers me to eat is the only thing that has helped me gain some control over it. That, and sticking to a structured program of eating. It's not easy. In some ways, it's a psychological addiction. My only real suggestions are to eat slowly and plan what you intend to eat ahead of time if you can. Divide the food into two portions and eat each on slowly, so you sort of trick your mind into thinking you've eaten more. Drink a lot of water with your meal. It'll help you get full faster. Brush your teeth after meals if you can. Food is less tempting when your mouth is clean. Also, try to figure out why you eat. If you know you eat a lot when stressed, you can find other ways to deal with that stress and be able to assess when it is stress or real hunger that is making you want to eat. The same applies to boredom.

[heat97]

Amanda- I just wanted to show my support and acknowledge the amount of strength it must have taken to put this post out there. I also wanted to say that it is very brave of you to realize that you have some food disorder. Have you been for a yearly checkup with the doctor? Can I ask how long this has been going on and if there was anything that initally triggered it? What happens when you go out to dinner or eat with other people/ family, etc? Do you find yourself altering your behavior around them?

[iluvluxe]

Compulsive eating is probably more common than you would ever know.
I am a BIG BIG BINGE EATER. I have one MEAN sweet tooth. sometimes I will not eat all day just so I can eat what I want too. Even when I eat healthy, its so bad because Im eating enough calories necessary to more than sustain my existance, but then I feel like a kid waiting for my parents to go on vacation so I can throw a party, as soon as the nighttime comes and I am done with all my daily chores I just feel like its okay to eat whatever I want.
I can never leave a little bit of something left either lol. (but not really lol) I have to eat the WHOLE thing. UGH. I am always thinking about food. its so bad :(

[boxermom]

I've always had food issues and I know exactly where it came from--my parents. There are days when it seems I can't eat enough--just reaching for the next quick fix. It makes no sense. I'm NOT at a healthy weight so it does affect me negatively.

Brave of you, Amanda, to share this. So often someone posts about something and it turns out that so many others can relate.

Best wishes to you and any of us who have a poor relationship with food.

[amanda]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words, and to those of you who have PMed me as well. Having the support means a great deal to me.

The thing that first got me thinking about all of this was in January, I began making close friends with a girl that had just gotten out of in-patient treatment for a very serious anorexia problem. She's easily one of the smartest people I've ever met, I have an immense amount of respect for her and the work that she's doing on herself. She speaks about being in therapy (she still goes 5 days a week) very frankly, and she has no problem admitting her issues with food and that they would have killed her if she hadn't gotten help (she's not exaggerating - I saw her right after she got out of the hospital, and she was positively skeletal. That wasn't even the smallest she had been).

We see each other very often, and her experiences are what made me start thinking that maybe what I had was much more serious than just having a weird appetite - when I'm honest with myself, I know that what I have is an eating disorder.

And the more I've thought about this since I posted the thread last night, the more I think I'm going to need some help for it. I'm very strong-willed, and if I could have willed this away, I think I already would have. I'm going to speak with my friend about who she sees in town for her therapy, and hopefully I can get in contact with them or a dietitian.

I'd like to plot my progress here, and I'd love it if anyone else who's struggling with this could do the same or give me some input. Hopefully, this is the beginning of something new for me.

[Swanky Mama Of Three]

I'm glad you wrote this too Amanda
I have similar issues but maybe not as severe{?}

I eat when I'm not hungry and I tend to eat more than I need, not regularly to the point of being uncomfortable though. I mean, if I'm still even remotely full we'll go ahead and have the next meal.
I also do not really snack, oddly when I do I can do that heathfully {nuts, granola, etc. . . } and in moderation.

It bothers me as I truly know how to eat healthily. When DH and I dated we watched what we ate, made special requests at restaurants to cut silly hidden fats/calories. . . . I have no excuse.
I tell myself I just have ZERO willpower.

What is REALLY frustrating is when I exercise I don't really ever notice a difference because diet is SO important and I work my butt off in the gym and then still whatever I want My trainer was so discouraged by me, poor guy!
My problem is also that I loathe cooking. I mean I really dislike it
So we out all the time and that is usually very unhealthy.
If I watched what I ate and didn't exercise much I'm very sure I could easily lose 15 lbs quickly. Where the heck is my drive?

I'll watch for your updates

[thelace]

Yes, please do keep us updated. It would be great if you can help others with whilst finding a solution for yourself

[Keane Fan]

I also am a binge eater =( Like others said, I'll eat when I'm full to the point where my stomach will hurt. I'll eat just to eat and it annoys the hell out of me. I definitely am an emotional eater and sometimes I have no self-control. I lost a good amount of weight last summer and through the entire school year I just yo-yoed. I have a normal BMI but I am definitely not bathing suit ready at all so I am on a diet.

[PinkCupcake]

Totally agree with Spreiki. I am two people. One of me can't stop eating and the other one eats only enough to satisfy hunger.

The one who can't stop eating takes over whenever there is junk in my diet - sugar and white starch. They both cause my appetite to explode. Take away the white starch and sugar and I turn into person #2, a woman who eats moderately, naturally and without any effort, and who stays effortlessly very slim.

I've been 200lbs and I could balloon back up to that weight in a year if I let myself eat that sort of food. I won't, because I like it so much more at 100lbs. Bakery and confectionary are like addictive poisons to me - they send my appetite out of control and I can't get enough of them ... or anything else that happens to be lying around.

[amanda]

Originally Posted by PinkCupcake

Totally agree with Spreiki. I am two people. One of me can't stop eating and the other one eats only enough to satisfy hunger.

The one who can't stop eating takes over whenever there is junk in my diet - sugar and white starch. They both cause my appetite to explode. Take away the white starch and sugar and I turn into person #2, a woman who eats moderately, naturally and without any effort, and who stays effortlessly very slim.

I've been 200lbs and I could balloon back up to that weight in a year if I let myself eat that sort of food. I won't, because I like it so much more at 100lbs. Bakery and confectionary are like addictive poisons to me - they send my appetite out of control and I can't get enough of them ... or anything else that happens to be lying around.

It's interesting that you bring that up, because I think I may have very specific trigger foods that send me in to this kind of behavior. If I can force myself to 'detox' from these junk foods - usually dairy, sugar, and white carbs - for two or three weeks, I can be ok for months at a time. Then something happens and I fall off the wagon, and I'm usually binging for at least a year.

I went and bought lots of healthy groceries yesterday morning - fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, whole grain carbs. Hopefully I can start kicking these trigger foods out of my diet.