Dilemma: Friend's boyfriend is cheap and costing me money! Help!

exotikittenx

exotikittenx

O.G.
Jan 28, 2007
11,204
9
#1
Okay... I really just need to vent and get some good advice. Here is the story:

My good friend's boyfriend is really getting on my nerves. Apparently he is extremely clueless or just plain cheap! And I just don't know what to do anymore. Last night, we went out for dinner and then afterwards for drinks. At dinner, he orders two beers (total $10 for both) and a meal ($10). My friend and I SPLIT an appetizer platter ($10) and just got waters with lemon. The bill comes. So not factoring in the meal tax or tip, her boyfriend pulls a $20 bill out of his wallet and plops it on the table as if he's saving the day! And then he says, "Oh, here" and pulls out another one dollar bill. That should cover it. Yeah, right! I ended up putting in $9 for what should have been less than that but I didn't want the poor waiter to go without a good tip, and my friend put in more than that!

It seems like she is always covering for this guy! This is not an isolated incident, it occurs a lot. And right now, I am trying to save some extra cash. And wait, it gets better. We go to a pub after, and get some drinks. I make my order of the cheapest $1.50 drink special (because I am trying to save money right now) and he gets the $4.50 bottle of imported beer! And has the nerve not to take out any $ under the assumption that since I first placed the order, the first round is on me. I was too shy to ask for any money so I paid that and the tip. He didn't offer anything.

And now this really boils my blood.... :cursing::cursing::cursing: He asks his girlfriend a little while later what she wants to drink and DID NOT even ASK me!!!!! So he got the next round for just himself after I just bought his beer and didn't even get another one for me! What the heck!!!!

As you can tell I am just so mad right now. I didn't know how to say something to him without ruining the evening or feeling awkward. What do I do in the future? I dont' want to keep paying for this guy when we all go out! Thanks in advance!
 
#3
You need to just straight up ask him for money. At the restaurant, ie you might have said "don't you think the waiter deserves a tip on that?" At the bar "ok, your beer was $4.50--can you just give me $5 to cover the tip?"

Most guys are not sensitive little flowers, and they can handle it. It shouldn't ruin the evening. You really need to just stick up for yourself, because it seems pretty clear he's not going to suddenly start volunteering money. You don't have to be mean about it--just be straightforward. The first line could be said jokingly.
 
#5
I have to admit that I find this strange.

We my group of friends all go out (I don't drink at all!) we just split the bill exactly between us all. I usually end up paying more than i would if we did it individually because as I said, I don't drink so I do end up paying for other peoples drinks but I think it all sort of works out.

I can't bear it when a group of people go out and somebody says "well, I only had this and that and I didn't have any of that" - just split the bill, its easier and it saves friendships sometimes!
 
#6
you should ask for separate bills next time and never pay for him. If he assumes, you should tell him you only brought money for yourself.
It's probably a good idea to talk to your friend about this too.
 
#7
Ali-bagpuss said:
I have to admit that I find this strange.

We my group of friends all go out (I don't drink at all!) we just split the bill exactly between us all. I usually end up paying more than i would if we did it individually because as I said, I don't drink so I do end up paying for other peoples drinks but I think it all sort of works out.

I can't bear it when a group of people go out and somebody says "well, I only had this and that and I didn't have any of that" - just split the bill, its easier and it saves friendships sometimes!
Click to expand...

It does make it easier, but why should my friend and I have to pay into his many alcoholic beverages and meals when we just had water and split some appetizers? I don't think we should have to be responsible for his spending, and this is a frequent occurence. While it is less work to split the bill, it is costing me more money when I am trying to put my money toward other things.

I would not feel good if I spent a lot of money on food and drinks and someone else ended up paying for me significantly. I do not have this problem with other friends, and I am by no means cheap myself, but I am fair. If we all spent more or less the same (it doesnt have to be exact), yes, it is easier to just split the bill to avoid argument, but in this case, it is extreme and this guy always flakes out on what he owes and always spends more. He's a big guy so he eats and drinks a lot. It's getting pretty old that he shortchanges us all the time.
 
#9
Ali-bagpuss said:
I have to admit that I find this strange.

We my group of friends all go out (I don't drink at all!) we just split the bill exactly between us all. I usually end up paying more than i would if we did it individually because as I said, I don't drink so I do end up paying for other peoples drinks but I think it all sort of works out.

I can't bear it when a group of people go out and somebody says "well, I only had this and that and I didn't have any of that" - just split the bill, its easier and it saves friendships sometimes!
Click to expand...

I totally agree with your statements.

I cannot stand cheap people. I don't tolerate them. First of all, why should my time be ruined by not going to a nice place because someone doesn't want to spend the money to go to a more expensive place. The cheap person should stay home or suck it up and dig in their pockets. I am not going to alter my good time. Like in NYC or Miami there is a thing called "bottle service". You buy a bottle of alcohol for a ridiculous amount of money and you get a nice table in a nightclub. I have one friend who always refuses to put her share in because she doesn't drink. Well since us others are paying a premium, she is benefitting by not having to stand on a crowded line for drinks (alcoholic or not) and she gets to relax by sitting at a nice table. I always tell her, either don't come out with us or don't sit with us. What's brilliant now is a lot of places only serve bottled water so I just love that she can't get a glass of ice water for free.

As far as the OP, either get separate checks or tell your friend to pay for her bf's stuff. OR you could say you forgot your wallet and tell them, you will get it next time.
 
#11
exotikittenx said:
It does make it easier, but why should my friend and I have to pay into his many alcoholic beverages and meals when we just had water and split some appetizers? I don't think we should have to be responsible for his spending, and this is a frequent occurence. While it is less work to split the bill, it is costing me more money when I am trying to put my money toward other things.

I would not feel good if I spent a lot of money on food and drinks and someone else ended up paying for me significantly. I do not have this problem with other friends, and I am by no means cheap myself, but I am fair. If we all spent more or less the same (it doesnt have to be exact), yes, it is easier to just split the bill to avoid argument, but in this case, it is extreme and this guy always flakes out on what he owes and always spends more. He's a big guy so he eats and drinks a lot. It's getting pretty old that he shortchanges us all the time.
Click to expand...

Maybe, before you go out - mention to them that you're trying to save some money so you won't be drinking much and you would like to pay for your own things. If you state it before you go anywhere then if they choose to eat or drink more then that is up to them and they know that you will not be paying for it.
 
#12
HubbaWubba said:
I totally agree with your statements.

I cannot stand cheap people. I don't tolerate them. First of all, why should my time be ruined by not going to a nice place because someone doesn't want to spend the money to go to a more expensive place. The cheap person should stay home or suck it up and dig in their pockets. I am not going to alter my good time. Like in NYC or Miami there is a thing called "bottle service". You buy a bottle of alcohol for a ridiculous amount of money and you get a nice table in a nightclub. I have one friend who always refuses to put her share in because she doesn't drink. Well since us others are paying a premium, she is benefitting by not having to stand on a crowded line for drinks (alcoholic or not) and she gets to relax by sitting at a nice table. I always tell her, either don't come out with us or don't sit with us. What's brilliant now is a lot of places only serve bottled water so I just love that she can't get a glass of ice water for free.

As far as the OP, either get separate checks or tell your friend to pay for her bf's stuff. OR you could say you forgot your wallet and tell them, you will get it next time.
Click to expand...

Wow, extremely harsh things to say!

While I would LOVE to not have to worry about money and think it would be SO nice to always be able to pay for a friend's boyfriend to have dinner and drinks, I simply cannot afford it. I am not talking about fancy clubs and VIP bars, I am just talking about going out to average and fun pubs with my friends on Friday nights and these places don't have wait lines or VIP tables so that is not an issue for me.

It is not a choice anymore for me to continue paying for him. I also think you are completely misunderstanding the point of what I am saying.

Maybe you cannot stand cheap people (and I am typically not one, but I also do not have the means to spend frivolously), but I am not a huge fan of people who are judgmental and lack understanding towards others. Maybe they are not being cheap, but trying to spend within their budget. Also, look at the person who is not paying fairly! I am OVERPAYING in these situations, and her boyfriend is UNDERPAYING and getting way more out of it. No matter what I spend, my friend spends, and what he spends, he never puts in a fair share. He pays too little, and then we end up footing the rest of it, which is wrong on his part. Why should I feel guilty for not wanting to pay for this guy anymore?

I can afford to pay for myself and perhaps a little bit over that, but I don't want to blow my budget on someone else's regularly high spending. Anyway, thank you for your input.
 
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