Moms of pre-teen girls, how do you deal?

W

whistlerchic

Member
Oct 28, 2006
1,138
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#1
My oldest daughter is about to turn 10. If she's not laughing - she's crying... and she's not sure why. Man, - puberty is the worst!!! Does it get better? Do I try to stay her best friend - do I maintain the discipline - and risk becoming the enemy?

HOW do you DEAL with this?? :crybaby:

(DH has been out of town all week and I am solo-parenting I think I need a shot of vodka...Oh yeah - and I have a 1 yr. old boy as well who's tearing my house apart... )

Can anyone share stories or advice? :sad: Can we get a parenting sub-forum here?

sorry now I am rambling...
 
#2
:sad: I can only imagine it only gets worse...i'm a teenager myself! :P hormones take over and for some reason everything my mom says to me riles me up and I talk back to her. I don't mean to sound like a brat! I always feel bad afterwards and I'm really only mean because I'm mad at myself for not being able to be the person she wants me to be. I just want to make my parents proud some day! :/ but i keep screwing up and I take it out on the ones i love...
 
#3
Interesting... You'd think I never was a pre-teen, being on the mom side is sooo hard! I feel like sometimes I can't figure her out!

I just don't know if I want to be the "buddy" mom - or the discliplinarian. I try to do a combo of both - but that is soooo hard to balance. It's like emotional aerobics.

Thanks for your thoughts!
 
#6
I have TWO! One is 12 and the other is 11!!!!
I am sooo tired. I am used to being the DIVA around here and now there are 2 more. LOL! Really though, it is hard at times. Maybe because they have each other to bother it's not so bad. But the mood swings have to stop. Mine are lazy at this point and need lots of encouragement to keep up with their laundry, room, etc. My son was not as bad as a pre-teen.
 
#7
I can so relate. I have 2 girls (going on 11 and 9). I keep saying I can't wait until they come on their cycle. It seems like there is this build up that will hopefully break when they come on their cycles. Makes no sense but yes I can relate and empathize with you. I am usually patient but I have found myself being a little more impatient recently. Then I just remember they are kids, they probably have not a clue what is going on!!!!
 
#9
"Wait until she hits her teens" I remember those words so well. My advice is to stay close to your darling daughter, understand her, listen to her, stay connected and most importantly, let her know that you are on her side. It is very easy for teens to feel as if 'everyone is against them' (meaning parents). Good luck and hang in there, hope it all works out for you.:smile:
 
#10
I feel your pain. Puberty starts younger now and they are not equipped to handle it. I went thru it with mine too. Ages 9-11 were the worst. Hang in there!
 
#11
dallas said:
"Wait until she hits her teens" I remember those words so well. My advice is to stay close to your darling daughter, understand her, listen to her, stay connected and most importantly, let her know that you are on her side. It is very easy for teens to feel as if 'everyone is against them' (meaning parents). Good luck and hang in there, hope it all works out for you.:smile:
Click to expand...

I completely agree with you dallas. Its really important that you stay close with your daughter. You'll want to know everything thats going on with her, it will really help you out when she's a teenager. My mom was never close with me when I was a teen. I really wish that she was because I know I would have been good girl.
 
#12
there's an american girls book that deals with the changes a girl goes through- it has cartoon drawings and deals with EVERYTHING in a factual, informative, approachable manner. it's a really great book- i don't know that it will help with emotions, but maybe if she is confused about some things, it will help clear things up. it's a great tool for opening up conversations, too. i know bath & body shop sells it.
 
#13
I don't have any kids but remember what it was like to be that age. Just insist on talking to your daughter and invite her to tell you what's going on in her life. If you (in her mind of course) are the enemy she will only shut you out. This is the time where she is learning coping skills that will carry over as an adult. It's ok to cry but talking things out is so important if she doesn't learn that now she will only internalize her stress. Please be as supportive as you can and let her know you are doing your best. It was really tough for kids back in my day I can only imagine the things kids are dealing with today.
 
#14
Thanks for all the advice - it's nice to know I am not alone!!

Baby&me - I have heard about that book apparently it's very hard to get b/c it's very popular and very good. I am going to try to get a hold of it.

I do strive to open her up to talking and I know she wants to talk it's just that she doesn't always understand what is bothering her. It's not always horrible- lots of the time she's just fine. She just has moments where she gets really depressed and doesn't know why!! That's the hardest part - when I can't fix it b/c she doesn't even know what IT is!!

I know I need to keep her talking now - because it will only get harder - and I will inevitably become The Worst Person EVER so I have to set a pattern now - for communication.

Anyone interested in a parenting sub-forum on tPF...- I'd be IN.
 
#15
I'm not a mom, but I remember how it was to be a pre-teen. Yes, it is hard! You sound like a wonderful and understanding mom, though. I'm sure she'll snap out of it!
 
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