Do you get along with your SO's friends?

kirsten

kirsten

O.G.
May 9, 2006
7,385
104
#1
I have been dating my boyfriend for 17 months and it seems like I don’t get along with his friends. I don’t hate them or anything; they are nice people but we just don’t have anything in common. Last night after going to dinner with 4 of his friends I got really upset because I was just sitting there for 2 hours listening to them talk about things and people I don’t know. Their conversations will pretty much only be about people I haven’t met or they will talk about motorcycle related stuff. That is it! It just seems kind of rude. I really feel so unwelcome around them. Isn’t it common courteous when you are with friends and someone new is there to talk about things everyone can discuss? I know my friends and I do that. We have millions of inside jokes we talk about when it is just us, but if someone new is there they are never brought up. It is getting to be a problem because I don’t want to hang out with them. I would never tell my boyfriend he can’t hang out with them though. I wouldn’t mind if I just stayed home but he always wants me to come along. He says I need to talk more so I feel like I am to blame. They probably think I am a huge witch for not talking, but I can’t chime in with anything because I am completely clueless about who or what they are discussing. I am shy too so it does take me awhile to warm up to people but a year and a half seems a little long and I should be comfortable around them by now. My boyfriend friend’s wives are even a bigger problem! I won't even get into that. It is just really frustrating and makes me feel bad about myself and second guess our relationship. Uggh.

(Sorry to vent!)


How do you guys deal with your SO’s friends???
 
#2
iv been seeing my SO for 4 years and his friends hate me. i have a totally different background, most of them are stoners without jobs and they think there is something wrong with us wanting careers and nice things. the first time i met them one of them he said very loudly as if i wasnt there "i bet shes had planty of d*** up her ass"!!!!!! iv never spoken to him since. i was horrified. the way i see it is, i have my own friends and social life and he has his. i just try to be as civil as i can to them when i see them. it is rude not to include you in convo if you were with them though. maybe you could mention to your SO that you didnt feel comfortable.
 
#3
Awww don't worry about it. I do think it is rude that they haven't tried to conversate with you. My DH had some really tough friends to break in. But there were two that always tried to make me feel welcome and conversate. Actually I am closer to them now than he is...LOL. But there are two others I despise. They never conversated with me, and I later found out they were talking stuff behind my back of how I was a golddigger and I am spoiled. But its funny because I pay my own bills and l buy what I love. Where they still live with mommy and daddy (both guys) and they are in debt of about $20000 (one guy). So I just don't waste my time worrying about them. And you shouldn't either. And your SO should also try to include you as well. It's hard trying to start a conversation with people you've never met, and they all know each other. Good luck to you!!!
 
#4
i have been dating my BF for about 3 years. basically his friends integrated into my set of friends. and yes there are some that i definitely don't particularly get along with. im civil with them but i honestly rather not deal with any additional drama. i tell him which friends i dont like but i also give him a substantial reason. one time his friend yelled at me and made a whole scene. i just walked away and told my BF to take me home. then his friend came begging for forgiveness because he knew i could break their friendship. i hope it works out for you! its really frustrating, i understand :heart:
 
#5
First remember that women are more sensitive than men for the most part. We are more sensitive when someone in a group feels left out where men in a group are ready to just go out and hunt something down and drag it back to the cave, KWIM? So, that said, the best thing to do is to begin to tune into their conversation and ask questions about what they are talking about. Become genuinely interested in the topic of discussion and if you're not quite sure what they are talking about, ask! Men love to explain their interests. The more interested you seem, the more they will want to know about you and start asking you questions.
And yes, I do get along with all my DH's friends.
 
#6
DH's friends are all friendly to me. It's alot of fun seeing them together because all they do is talk about their high school days. I have fun talking to their wives as well... Show intereset in the things they are talking about without trying too hard. And they'll warm up to you in no time ;)
 
#8
bagnshoofetish i wanted the ground to open and eat me live. SO just laughed. i sat in the car for 20 mins and waited for him. they all say inappropriate things like that, they are sick
 
#9
I´m sorry you have to go through that, I can certainly understand it would be difficult. I get along great with my so´s friends since they are also my friends.
 
#10
My husbands friends treat me very well. I'd say they love me and I love them too. Heck, most of us have been friends for our entire marriage (15 years) and some even before. Yes, we all pretty much get along. Even the ones I don't really care for---only a couple---are very nice to me and I tolerate them....lol.
 
#11
See in my head I somehow have it planted that in order for a relationship to work and be sucessful; we have to get along with each others friends. Friends are very important in our lives. I don’t think I could ever be okay not being friends with his friends. Of course I don’t expect us all to be BFF’s, but I don’t want to feel upset most of the time hanging out with them. Especially after knowing them for 17 months and still not having anything to talk with them about. It just bothers me a lot. I wish it didn’t, but it does. I guess I am worried that they hate me and will eventually tell that to him and he will change his mind about me. I know that is my own insecurity but I know his friends are important in his life so I’d like for us just to all be able to have fun together.

FYI: We hang out with them at least once a week. We go to dinner or sometimes on the weekend we will all go out of town together like the river or the desert to dirtbike ride. In two weeks we are going with a couple to Las Vegas. I see them a lot so I don’t want this just to continue to happen.
 
#12
kirsten, that is how I used to be around my fiance's friends, but eventually after I opened up, they opened up, and we all talked about general things, not just things they are interested in. They just probably need to get to know you a little more. Maybe if you had a little get together and invited your friends and your SO's friends, you could all get to know eachother! Maybe you just need to open up to them, maybe ask them questions about their interests, and they will wanna know more about you. See, I used to be shy around my SO's friends and they thought that I didn't like them, but I really thought they were pretty cool. Once everyone got to know eachother, it was fine!!
 
#15
I USED to get along with SO's friends...then I figured out that, while they are extremely intelligent college students, they are terrible moochers, they used to wreck my house, leave trash around, eat all of my food, etc. They sit around during their free time and just play videogames and D&D. One is too lazy to drive to see his GF, so she always has to drive two hours to see him. This girl is also one of my best friends. He is cheap and never buys her anything nice, takes her to cheap restaurants, etc. I hate the way he treats her. OH and he's cheated on her, and she has no idea...I can't tell seem to tell her, as the incident was a year ago, and they've been together 3 years now :sad: One of his now ex-best friends from high school got drunk at a party and decided to push me into a wall. That was the end of things with him, but he still hangs around at times because all of SO's other friends like him. I care for maybe three of them now out of the 10. Oh well :rolleyes: I treated them so well at first, cooked for their games, provided them with game space...and they just took and took and took.
 
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