Boyfriend issues...(long!)

K

kissmyace108

O.G.
Nov 18, 2006
4,140
16
#1
Wow I have talked to all my best friends about this and they have helped but I have decided to seek out in tPF also!

So basically im 17 years old ...turning 18 in october...and ive been with my boyfriend since november 2004, a little after my 15th birthday, which comes to almost 2 1/2 years. We get along really well but I think our feelings are starting to change for each other. Before him I was a huge party girl, always going out with my friends, shopping all the time ...I was basically living the life of an IT girl which was nice, but he came along and swept me off my feet:smile: . He always tells me he loves me and our relationship has always been serious; he tells me I am the only girl he will ever love and if I leave him/we break up he will always miss the love of his life. All this sounds great, but his actions do not meet his words. He recently started acting veryy weird...this boy is NOT a party guy and he *suddenly* wants to go out with his friends (who are annoying hockey-playing idiot losers lol) every friday night. And they always go out to the. same. effing. place. and its so boring! When we go out together, he never dances he just kinda sits in a corner drinks a little and watches me dance, which is kinda weird when you think about it. But his friends keep raving about how *fun* it is when he comes out with them blah blah blah but my bf claims to me that he does the same thing even when im not present. The worst part is I feel like he doesnt treat me with the respect I deserve. I turn down invitations from friends all the time to be with him but whenever his friends decided that THEY are going out and thats hes coming, nothing can be done to keep him here. 2 things have been bothering me. We went to high school together but now we go to different colleges and I started at mine last fall and hes in his second year. He has met like ONE of my new friends from school, and 2 fridays ago it was one of my really good friend's birthday. I asked him 2 weeks ahead to plan on going out with us for that night and he said it was fine. Thursday, freaking 24 hours before he tells me well im going out with my friends on friday is that ok yeah bye....So I had basically told 10-15 people that were coming that they were gonna meet my boyfriend and they were all like soo where is he? I was like hmm well he couldnt come you know something came up... So for the first 10-15 minutes of the night I felt like hiding in the bathroom and crying lol...Second of all ...the last 3 fridays he has gone out with his friends and ive gone out with mine ...friday night before we go out I call him and im like "Hey do you want us to see each other tomorrow afternoon, or youre gonna be sleeping off your night?" He tells me no no ill be fine lets meet at your house at 12 for lunch. I go out, go back and sleep at my friends house downtown, so I get up early to go all the way back to the south shore (I live on the south shore of montreal) to lunch together ...he FINALLY shows up at 1 oclock and instead of having a nice afternoon together he ends up sleeping/vomiting all afternoon!!!!! 3 WEEKENDS IN A ROW! It just makes me so effing mad because I made an effort to come see him I mean I wouldve like to keep sleeping at my friends house too...

So I dont really know what to do ...I dont know if im wasting my time and youth on him; I basically gave up my old lifestyle to have a couples lifestyle with him and I dont regret it at all, I just dont understand why hes suddenly acting like this ...I offered him to leave the relationship the other day if he wants this "single guy" lifestyle (all his loser friends have no girlfriends...I wonder why:rolleyes: ) and he said of course not I love you blah blah...what do you guys think am I overreacting or am I allowed to be a little pissed off? (Wow sorry its so looooong!)
 
#2
remember always, actions speak louder than words...

that said, I would try to give him a taste of his own medicine. make YOURSELF less available so that he can finally start showing some effort and SHOWING YOU how he really feels...

If he starts acting the way you want him to, then maybe what he says is really true, but if he doesn't and this just makes you grow apart further then maybe it's time to move on?

Remember, you guys are young....maybe both of you need to spend some time apart to see life outside of your relationship. This will either make you appreciate each other more, or prove that it is time to move on.

just my 2 cents :smile:

Good luck :smile:
 
#3
Well, I can offer you advice from an adult perspective and my own experience with my high school boyfriend, which is actually quite a common experience.

I had the same boyfriend from Junior to Senior year, and during the time when we were both in high school, our relationship was great--we were both in :love:. He, being a year ahead of me, graduated and went to a local college. We were still together my senior year, and he was actually still very sweet to me. By the end of my senior year, and towards the end of his freshman year in college, he started to change. We broke up a couple of months after my graduation and I was devastated. That is, until I started college and began meeting more people. Slowly, I started understanding what he was experiencing--change. While we might think, at eighteen, that we are at the apex of maturity, in reality, we are constantly evolving. Even now, for me in my thirties, I think that I am old, but I also now know that ten years from now, I will think back to how young I was and how much I didn't know.

I suggest that you don't start playing "Two Can Play it That Way" games--be up front and tell him that he has changed, he is not the same person that you first fell in love with, and that perhaps you should stay friends but start seeing other people. I will tell you that the longer you have been with someone, the harder it is to make a clean break. It might take months, or longer, (as was the case for me--we still saw one another occasionally in between other relationships), but eventually it does happen.
 
#4
Jeez...you're only 17!!! Clearly this isn't "the one" so dump him and enjoy your college years! Why on Earth would you want to be tied down at such a young age? I speak from experience, BTW--my first two years in college I had a "serious" boyfriend, and I regret it. After all, where is he now? Who knows, who cares? You're much too young to decide that anyone is "the love of your life", and so is he, as his actions seem to show. Don't worry about hurting him, he'll get over it. Good luck.
 
#5
ITA w/ madzia -- "make YOURSELF less available so that he can finally start showing some effort and SHOWING YOU how he really feels..."

or

the snorks --- "be up front and tell him that he has changed, he is not the same person that you first fell in love with, and that perhaps you should stay friends but start seeing other people. "

and girl you are sooooo young to take things seriously like that :smile: There's a lot of fish in the sea :smile: Go out and enjoy yourself..:smile:
 
#6
You both are so young and experiencing change and it is very normal to drift apart. The snorks and madamefifi have given you great advice, which I can relate to, and may be hard for you to understand now, but trust us, just enjoy your friends, your time in college and have a good time!
 
#8
I'm around the same age as you (18) so maybe I can give you some advice as well. If you're boyfriend isn't making an effort to see you, you need to stop making efforts to see him as well. If he isn't going to try, you shouldn't be the ONLY one to pull the relationship together. It takes two to have a relationship. If/when he starts trying to make plans with you, do the same things that he has done to you, i.e. be late, not go to what you said you were going to etc.etc. If it's meant to be he will realize the errors in his ways, and change. If not, you don't need him. You're in college, and you can go out and meet a lot of new people. I know it's hard since you've been through high school, but you don't want to be the only one making the relationship work,when he isn't even trying to see you. You can do better, and get someone who wants to make an effort to try to see you.
 
#10
hmm, this is a situation i have sort of been in with my ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend. i think in the beginning of most relationships things are always "peachy" and you both are lovey dovey. but after a while, people do change ... sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. you also have to realize that in college that people want a lot of freedom in general. i've dated my bf since highschool and we go to college together. he always complains that i never let him do things on his own with his friends so i've finally got it through my head to let him have his occasional outings. i think it's okay to have a life without your bf but he has to take you into consideration (like meeting your friends for birthday parties etc.) i hope you two can work something out. hopefully, he'll wake up and realize that it's all about compromise
 
#11
madamefifi said:
Jeez...you're only 17!!! Clearly this isn't "the one" so dump him and enjoy your college years! Why on Earth would you want to be tied down at such a young age? I speak from experience, BTW--my first two years in college I had a "serious" boyfriend, and I regret it. After all, where is he now? Who knows, who cares? You're much too young to decide that anyone is "the love of your life", and so is he, as his actions seem to show. Don't worry about hurting him, he'll get over it. Good luck.
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ITA!! You are much too young. Men are like busses - one comes along every few minutes.
 
#12
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but it sounds like he doesn't want to be tied down to the things that are important to you..
Either he's itching to be single or he's blatantly taking advantage of the fact that he could do whatever he wants and you'll be there waiting for him if he finally shows up..
ITA with everyone else, you are both young, so see what's out there and live your life...doesn't mean you have to break up but start doing for you first and see where life takes you...
 
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