Dealing with chronic liars...

Aslan

Aslan

rainy
Nov 12, 2006
3,987
1
#1
How do you all handle chronic liars?

I have a girlfriend whom I have known since the age of ten. At 13, or 14 I noticed that she had a lying problem. She wouldn't lie about big things, but tons of little things. For example, she would lie about how she got home from an event, saying the bus when she took the train, ridiculous stuff like that!

On the other hand, she was the sweetest person I knew. She would do me favors that no one else would, and she was so sensitive to whatever feelings I had.

But I really couldn't understand or take the lying. After a while, when I was around 17, I just stopped spending time with her. On a base level, I felt personally insulted every time she'd tell me another silly lie, because I thought, "Wow, she must really think I'm an idiot." Now, as I'm older, I realize that her problem was personal and had nothing to do with me, and I feel stupid for cutting off that relationship.

What do you all think?

 
#2
I don't think it was stupid at all to cut off that relationship even if you later realized it was a general behavior of her rather than something directed at you. Who needs liars? Why is it necessary to lie over silly things like that? I could never have a friendship with someone who I would never be sure is telling me the truth even on small things like that.

You did the right thing by walking away from it. It's not your job to 'fix' her behavior. Hopefully it's a phase she will grow out of.
 
#3
bchelo, I have a friend like that, too. She's an awesome friend, but comes up with ridiculous lies. She lies about dating celebrities and what job she's currently holding... right now she's supposedly working for a professional sports team's marketing department. Too bad my parents know the director of marketing there (who she says is her boss) and he's never heard of this girl. She is a super great friend, though... I wish she would get some help for her lying because it's getting really out of control!
 
#4
One of my best guy friends is a liar- his mouth opens and lies come out. After a while it is just draining, and no one wants to be lied to. I have to distance myself when he is getting out of control about it- and just realize that his problem affects me and our friendship, but it is nothing I can change.
 
#6
IntlSet said:
bchelo, I have a friend like that, too. She's an awesome friend, but comes up with ridiculous lies. She lies about dating celebrities and what job she's currently holding... right now she's supposedly working for a professional sports team's marketing department. Too bad my parents know the director of marketing there (who she says is her boss) and he's never heard of this girl. She is a super great friend, though... I wish she would get some help for her lying because it's getting really out of control!
Click to expand...

What do you do when she tells you these lies? Do you ig them?
 
#7
I had the exact same problem with a girl who I considered one of my closest friends all throughout high school. The summer after our first year of university, I caught her in a lie that was inconsequential but at the same time so insulting; I couldn't deal with the fact that she thought it was ok to lie so blatantly to someone so close to her. I ended up confronting her and she completely ignored what I said, which led me to decide I didn't want her in my life.

I personally think liars are a social cancer in your life. If someone won't allow you basic human dignity by making up stupid lies that insult your intelligence, they are just not worth your time.
 
#9
nerdphanie said:
Do you think it's a disease? Like kleptomania? I don't have any friends like this, but I find it really sad.
Click to expand...

It sure, is, it's totally compulsive. I don't think that she could stop if she wanted to.

She just told my mom a week ago that she misses me and wants to speak to me again. My guilt is compounded by the fact that she was abused by her stepmother and she and her 7 brothers and sisters went into foster care twice after I broke off her friendship. When we were friends, I was aware something wasn't right in her household, and she had bruises, but she always told me she was getting into fights, which was easy for me to believe because she was kinda crazy and we didn't go to she same school.

I'm still trying to figure out whether I should call her, but at this point, I probably am.
 
#10
^ If the lies are harmless and in every other way she's a nice person, I'd definitely call her. :yes:

It sounds like the lying is probably linked to the psychological damage she suffered, as a result of the abuse she was subjected to as a child.

Poor thing. :sad:
 
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