Questions regarding Exes...

[sjc0105]

Hey everyone..
This is a question for everyone who has been in a relationship I guess...
Well, it's been a litte over a year since my ex-boyfriend dumped me and I'm still having such a hard time getting over him. I can't seem to find myself attracted to anyone else. While I'm still crying over him, he's had two new girlfriends..he's in a new relationship right now...

I really loved him a lot, and I guess my big mistake was loving him more than myself. I sacrificed a lot of things for him, and just put him before me. He dumped me saying that he just doesn't have it in his heart to love me....

We have been friends since college..and I've started liking him since then (for about two years) and then we started dating..which lasted a little less than a year...

Does anyone else have an experience like this with a happy ending? I feel so hopeless..I feel like I will never love again. It's weird, I can't imagine myself with anyone else but him..but then again..I can't imagine me getting back together with him also...

Just wanted to see if anyone has been through such heartache..and if things ever got better?...

 

[twinkle.tink]

It will get better...remember to give yourself time...and try to be happy with yourself, find things and do things that make you happy...don't look for someone else to make you happy. If you do that, then you will find someone better suited to you, rather than changing yourself for them

 

[purselova34]

I think you were too clingy. You probably didn't give him enough space. I also think you got so into him, you forgot about you. Just try to get into yourself and when you find the new guy just try to chill out a little.

 

[Luna]

Good things find you when you least expect them to. You probably wanted this to work out a little too much.

Try to not think about him so much and his relationship and focus on you.

I've had several sh*tty relationships that have ended like this.... and it was when I wasn't even looking that I found my boyfriend who I've been with for almost 4 yrs.

You'll find someone that deserves you. Don't let some idiot that wasn't worthy get you down.

 

[NVMyLV]

You have to find yourself and be comfortable with yourself and love yourself before you can expect a healthy, long lasting relationship.

When you are not looking, the right one will come along. I am so sorry you are going thru this, but it's part of life, it really is.

I dare say that every member of this forum has had their heart broken at one time or another and we all have lived to tell the story.

To start the healing process, you must be honest with yourself. You need to ask yourself what you are "grieving" that was lost in the relationship. His company? The way you felt when you were together? The things that you did together?

Furthermore, you need to move on and not concern yourself with what he is doing now.

Good luck!!

 

[sjc0105]

Thanks you guys...

I just wish that we didn't have mutual friends so I would just never ever hear about the guy again~

But seriously..thanks..just needed some words of encouragement

 

[IntlSet]

I had a highschool boyfriend for two years before we both went off to seperate colleges. We both got into Greek life which eventually ended our relationship -- and for a long time afterward I was really sad. To this day I still feel a little twinge of pain when I think about it, because it seems true for me that there's no love like your first! Although I try to recognize it wasn't love, we were just two young kids, after all.

Value what you had, learn from what went wrong and try to put yourself out there. Go out with girlfriends, take up some new activities and in no time you'll find another guy to be excited about!

 

[purly]

Yes!

Because there is only so far a girl can fall before her butt hits the ground. And once you're at the bottom, you can only up. I promise, I've been there.

It gets better once you take control of your life. It may seem lonely at first, but not if you go out and do things! Make friends, party, just keep busy and work on improving yourself.

You'll find a new guy and you'll be far stronger too.

 

[bernz84]

Awww! *virtual hug* It's okay, things WILL get better. The heart can learn to love again, although sometimes it doesn't seem like does, esp. in situations like these.

I think this is a time where you should focus on YOURSELF. Go out with your girlfriends! Take up a new hobby! Do anything that will keep your mind off him.

Learn to love yourself; you're much better than he is. Sooner or later you'll find someone who is crazy about you as much as you are with him. But for now, take some time off and reflect on your past relationship. Cherish the good memories and learn from mistakes.

 

[amamxr]

Yes!

Because there is only so far a girl can fall before her butt hits the ground. And once you're at the bottom, you can only up. I promise, I've been there.

It gets better once you take control of your life. It may seem lonely at first, but not if you go out and do things! Make friends, party, just keep busy and work on improving yourself.

You'll find a new guy and you'll be far stronger too.

You are so correct in your statement. It was ages ago that I was in the same situation. Trust me- work on yourself and when you least expect it.. Love comes knocking on your door. My kindred spirit found me and it will find you too..

 

[heavunlydevil]

i know exactly how u feel. when i first broke up w/ my boyfriend it was soo hard because we, till this day, have all the same friends. mutual friends can make a tough situation even tougher, but just focus on yourself. if its meant to be, it will happen. when i was going thru this, someone told me "in the end, it will be okay. if its not okay, then its not the end" and they were so right, because now i can say im fine w/ the whole situation and eventually u will be too.

>>HUUGGG!!<<

 

[kitskats]

This is such a universal theme - you are sharing this same type of experience with more people than you can imagine, including me. It was not meant to be. But....it will all change when you meet "THE one". I married again in my mid 40's and THIS is the guy I should have been with all along. I'm grateful for every wonderful moment we have and the joy is that he is too. How lucky we are! You deserve no less than someone who is mad for you too. What you're experiencing is a life lesson, and it is slowly pushing you along to better things - honest!!

 

[sjc0105]

I'm seriously getting teary~
Thanks everyone, really. I know that many people go through this, but of course..you always feel, yours is the worst~ Thanks for the many words of encouragement!!! Really brightened up my morning~!

 

[Bag Fetish]

everything takes time.
Just remember there is a reason he's your Ex, it will help you realize its time for you to move on.
Try and keep yourself busy with friends. change things around in your house/apt. Remove all the songs from your ipod that remind you of him and put on more kick ass tunes.
Stay away from tear jerking movies, you dont want anything to remind you of him.


Good luck!!

Hey everyone..
This is a question for everyone who has been in a relationship I guess...
Well, it's been a litte over a year since my ex-boyfriend dumped me and I'm still having such a hard time getting over him. I can't seem to find myself attracted to anyone else. While I'm still crying over him, he's had two new girlfriends..he's in a new relationship right now...

I really loved him a lot, and I guess my big mistake was loving him more than myself. I sacrificed a lot of things for him, and just put him before me. He dumped me saying that he just doesn't have it in his heart to love me....

We have been friends since college..and I've started liking him since then (for about two years) and then we started dating..which lasted a little less than a year...

Does anyone else have an experience like this with a happy ending? I feel so hopeless..I feel like I will never love again. It's weird, I can't imagine myself with anyone else but him..but then again..I can't imagine me getting back together with him also...

Just wanted to see if anyone has been through such heartache..and if things ever got better?...

 

[ShimmaPuff]

sjc0515 I bet at least 99.9% of people who read your post will be able to relate.

It is the rare person who does not at some point, find themselves in the unfortunate position of having intense feelings for someone who does not return them.

There are cliches and platitudes galore that I could recite to you, and many of them have a healthy dose of truth, and not one of them will make you feel better.

What will make you feel better is a combination of time (oops, a platitude snuck in!) and loving yourself.

And every one of us who has been blessed with finally finding the Right One, and thus that happy ending will confirm that the road to the Right One is littered with discarded Wrong Ones.

And they are discarded even if it is they who ended the relationship, even if it is they who do not love you. That also is a part of getting better, and I will try to say it without platitudes, but what you must do is understand that, and Discard him, in the sense that since he does not love you, he is clearly one of the Wrong Ones - no different than a pair of jeans that gaps at the waist or makes your butt look fat, you just leave him on the dressing room bench.

At the risk of being called a hopeless romantic, an accusation I do not deny, I do believe that somewhere, there is a Right One for each one of us.

Long before I met Mr Puff, I had an experience similar to yours, I remember being Mr Big'ed - by a man that at the time, I really believed I loved.

And just like Carrie in the TV show, I let it go on for years.

Although technically, it was I who finally ended that relationship, it was he who, like your ex, "did not have it in his heart to love me," though unlike your ex, he was not together enough to understand that himself, much less tell me so. But he didn't have to. I knew that I would never make him happy, therefore he would never make me anything but miserable.

And love, we sometimes forget, especially when we are in that process of discarding Wrong Ones, is supposed to make us happy.

In my case, it did not take me long to realize that what I had felt for my Mr Big was not really love, but a really cheesy cliche of simply wanting to be The Right One for him because - I was not.

If you want to call it a challenge, or wanting something simply because it is unattainable, thinking you can be the mechanic who can fix what one author, sorry, can't remember which one - called "the broken Ferrari," go ahead. You won't be wrong!

But that is nothing like love, and in retrospect, with the 20/20 vision of hindsight, and several other similar cliches, I don't know how I could ever have confused such feelings with love!

I guess my big mistake was loving him more than myself

That tells me that you are on the right track to your happy ending. Who actually "broke up" with whom is irrelevant. If he doesn't love you, you love yourself enough discard him and love yourself enough so that when you do get to the Right One, you will be able to give him the gift of a You who is whole, a You who loves yourself enough to be able to really love him, and yes, when that happens, you will both love each other more than you love yourselves in a sense, but at the same time, there will be an equality, balance there, you will love him, and he you, in different ways than you each love yourselves. Woo. That is hard to explain!

So I guess we are stuck with platitudes after all. You have probably heard the story of the young man who asked his grandfather, "How do I know if this girl is really the Right One?"

His grandfather answered, "If you have to ask, she's not."