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Wedding invite does not say "plus one" or "guest"?

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Jun 1, 2010, 11:56am   #1
jordanjordan's Avatar
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jordanjordan
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Recently a good friend from high school who I haven't seen in 5+ years got engaged and requested my address to invite me. The invite arrived this morning and I am a little baffled because the invitation says "Miss jordanjordan", with no mention of a guest or plus one. This family is very well to do and proper, so I am quite certain this means they do not intend for me to bring a guest, but to be honest I am quite offended. My Mom also received an invite (a separate one) with no mention of a guest (she is a widow).

I am only a few years out of college and so it seems to be very common in this age group that you don't know the SO of the person you are inviting but it is still okay for them to attend and you get a "plus one". All of the other invites the SO and I have received have been this way. The friend knows I have a serious boyfriend and even if I did not, I would not want to attend a wedding alone and would expect to be able to bring a guest.

What is the right thing to do in this situation? I will not attend the wedding without my BF, as I feel that will hurt his feelings, but clearly I'm not going to bring an uninvited guest, either!
Jun 1, 2010, 12:09pm   #2
Sternchen's Avatar
Sternchen
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You won't attend the wedding because if your boyfriend isn't invited it'll hurt his feelings?

What about her feelings?
Jun 1, 2010, 12:11pm   #3
jordanjordan's Avatar
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jordanjordan
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I don't want to attend the wedding alone, so that is more the issue than anything. I would feel very out of place alone at a very fancy wedding where everyone else will have dates and it is a bunch of people I haven't seen in over 5 years.
Jun 1, 2010, 12:25pm   #4
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Nikkeipursefan
Slow-paced collector
Since this is a good friend, why not be upfront about your situation and make sure she understands why you wouldn't be attending (if there's no budget/space for your BF)?
Jun 1, 2010, 12:29pm   #5
jordanjordan's Avatar
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jordanjordan
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She WAS a good friend, but we haven't really spoken since high school about 6 years ago. I guess I am just confused because this is a very formal wedding at a very expensive venue and I thought that "proper" etiquette is that an invitee is always given a plus one (if they are single or in a non-married relationship). Is this not the case anymore?

This family is very, very traditional and about sticking to the rules so I find it odd that they would not allow people to bring a guest.

I guess I should add that I have lived with my boyfriend for over two years, so technically he should be invited from what I understand about wedding etiquette.
Jun 1, 2010, 12:33pm   #6
Nishi621's Avatar
Nishi621
Member
It sounds like they are inviting you and you alone, that is their prerogative. Not everyone has money for a huge wedding or a lot of guests. My nephew threw his daughter's bat mitzvah and did not invite any single people with guest because the cost was already through the roof.

as for etiquette, sometimes if the money is not there, you cannot abide by etiquette rules.
Jun 1, 2010, 12:35pm   #7
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Sternchen
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Originally Posted by jordanjordan
I don't want to attend the wedding alone, so that is more the issue than anything. I would feel very out of place alone at a very fancy wedding where everyone else will have dates and it is a bunch of people I haven't seen in over 5 years.
Your mom received an invitation too, so you won't be alone
Jun 1, 2010, 12:38pm   #8
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jordanjordan
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My Mom won't be attending, so I would be going alone. I guess I was wrong if you all disagree, I Just thought that traditional etiquette was that if you invite someone that you always invite their spouse or live in partner, and that typically you let a single person have a guest. I definitely won't be going if I really can't bring a guest, and it's a shame as I was really looking forward to this wedding.
Jun 1, 2010, 12:42pm   #9
l
luckygirl83
Member
OP, maybe you can call your friend. If your mom can't go, can they make space (in lieu of your mom's attendance) for your b/f?
Jun 1, 2010, 12:53pm   #10
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twinkle.tink
Choose to be happy
How long have you been with your BF?

"Proper" etiquette actually only requires long term serious SOs be invited. It used to be considered gauche to resort to +one or guest, the thought being if you were invited to the wedding, they should know whom your escort would be. If you live at separate homes, invitations should be sent to each of you. If you live together, one invite listing both names can be sent.

In any event, you are indeed invited without a guest.

http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/10/22/plus-one/

http://weddings.weddingchannel.com/w...ermission.aspx

http://www.aisledash.com/2007/12/10/...s-no-plus-one/
Last edited Jun 1, 2010 at 12:58pm. Reason: Added links
Jun 1, 2010, 12:54pm   #11
shanam's Avatar
shanam
62 is the new 40 LOL
Are you looking forward to seeing your friend celebrate her marriage or are you interested in the expensive venue, etc.? Just because the family is well off does not mean that they don't have to draw the line somewhere in respect to who is invited. How do you know that everyone else will have "dates"?
Jun 1, 2010, 1:05pm   #12
t
twin53
Member
You were invited without a guest/escort. Weddings are expensive. Trying to second guess the bride and her family is not proper at all. I would be offended if an invited guest tried to wrangle an extra invite.
Jun 1, 2010, 1:11pm   #13
ILuvShopping's Avatar
ILuvShopping
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i dont' know much about proper wedding etiquette but i'm always a bit miffed when people don't allow a +plus on the invites. i'm single but who wants to go to a wedding alone????
i had to do it once but i skipped out on the reception because i didn't know anyone besides the bride.

how is the RSVP card set up?? does it ask how many people will be attending or is there just a spot to mark "attending / not attending" ?

depending on how their reception is set up you might be able to "sneak" in your BF. unless they're doing a plated dinner with a seating chart, then that won't work (and yes i know it's not kosher to bring a guest that isn't invited).
but if the reception is buffet style (which if this is super fancy then it probably isn't) and there is no seating chart then i doubt anyone would notice an extra guest.

and now that i think about it... i'm a little peeved my cousin didn't even give me the option to bring a guest!


also, years ago a family friend was getting married. my parents were invited since her parents are good friends of my parents. i told my parents i wanted to go because i hadn't seen this friend for YEARS - so they just contacted her and asked if it was ok if they brought me as well. she said no problem and just told them to mark on their rsvp card which meal i wanted.

so i guess it doesnt hurt to ask either
Jun 1, 2010, 1:24pm   #14
dusty paws's Avatar
dusty paws
8.11.2012
if you haven't really talked to her in 6 years then its not fair for her to assume that there is a plus one.
Jun 1, 2010, 1:52pm   #15
twinkle.tink's Avatar
twinkle.tink
Choose to be happy
Originally Posted by ILuvShopping
i dont' know much about proper wedding etiquette but i'm always a bit miffed when people don't allow a +plus on the invites. i'm single but who wants to go to a wedding alone????
i had to do it once but i skipped out on the reception because i didn't know anyone besides the bride.

how is the RSVP card set up?? does it ask how many people will be attending or is there just a spot to mark "attending / not attending" ?

depending on how their reception is set up you might be able to "sneak" in your BF. unless they're doing a plated dinner with a seating chart, then that won't work (and yes i know it's not kosher to bring a guest that isn't invited).
but if the reception is buffet style (which if this is super fancy then it probably isn't) and there is no seating chart then i doubt anyone would notice an extra guest.

and now that i think about it... i'm a little peeved my cousin didn't even give me the option to bring a guest!


also, years ago a family friend was getting married. my parents were invited since her parents are good friends of my parents. i told my parents i wanted to go because i hadn't seen this friend for YEARS - so they just contacted her and asked if it was ok if they brought me as well. she said no problem and just told them to mark on their rsvp card which meal i wanted.

so i guess it doesnt hurt to ask either
Oh! My! Goodness! You may not realize this is very bad advice.

Not 'kosher' to sneak in an uninvited guest..it is down right rude, as is asking to bring an uninvited guest, as it is to feel miffed that you could bring a date, as it is to skip out on a reception in which you said you would attend...you are an invited guest, you should feel honored for the couple to want to include you. You don't know the reasons for lack of a date option, it could be anything from monetary issues to space issues, it is not your place to speculate. You may, of course decline the invitation. I am sorry to be so blunt, but this kind of self entitlement is horrid, it is about them...this is their wedding, it is not about you and your date.
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