Strategies for dealing with a boss who drives you crazy

[bnjj]

I would really welcome some input on how to deal with my brand new boss, with whom I just do not gel. He grates on my last nerve and I am finding it hard to suck it up and plaster on a smile all day. I find him to be rude, arrogant and completely annoying.

Some background, I started this job about 7 months ago and was hired by the President who had been there just a short time (2 months). He was terminated 2.5 months after I started. We then had an interim President for about 3.5 months while the Board did an executive search and I got along fine with both of those Presidents. They've now hired this guy and he and I just really are very different people and I find him very hard to take.

These 7 months have been extremely difficult personally for me though my work never suffered and I am taking this coming week off for some badly needed R&R to recharge my batteries. I am hoping that this short break will help me come back to work feeling at least somewhat rested.

I welcome any suggestions you guys have on how to make the best of a work situation when your boss drives you mad.

[bnjj]

Also, may I just add that I might be somewhat more sensitive right now as this past week I spent 10 hours with him in a car as I really didn't have any choice but to travel with him to and from a 4 day conference. Those 10 hours were painful. Painful.

[onegirlcreative]

i'm sorry you're going through this. i JUST went through this with my last job, so i can completely empathize with what you're going through.

i had worked for the company 6 months when this person was hired, but when she was hired, she wasn't my superior, just my colleague. i hated her from the very first day. she literally started the first day with balls blazing! omg, i couldn't believe the balls on this chick. i wish i had that much confidence (and courage) to start a new job like this chick did.

after 3 months, she was promoted to my superior. ugh!!! imagine my annoyance and surprise when this happened. even though she has a great deal more experience than i do, i think i was more upset that she was going to be my superior than anything else.

well, i never really treated her like my superior and always went to the owner whenever i had an issue or problem. i hated this person THAT much.

tbh, i don't have any advice or suggestions because i was let go from this job a month ago (for reasons that have nothing to do with her), but honestly? it was the best thing that ever happened to me. i had a wonderful month off to spend with my family (i had to commute 2 hours/day with this job), and now i was just offered an amazing position where i will have to travel to england to train for 2 weeks. oh, and it's only 15 minutes away from me, too.

so am i excited? uhhh...yeah! am i missing my last job? no way, josé! it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

ok, sorry for the long story, but would it be something you'd consider to look around elsewhere while you're still there? i hate to say it, but since he's the president of the company, chances are, you guys might not ever get along and you will probably always feel the same way, and since he's your boss, it's something you'll have to live with as long as he's there. you never know what's out there. in this economy, i thought for sure i would be unemployed for a while, but luckily i found a job in my field only a month later.

i wish you luck because i know how you're feeling. hang in there.

[Pursegrrl]

Hey there, bnjj -

Glad you're taking some time off to decompress. Oh, I can only imagine how painful that time in the car must have been! Yuck.

I assume his rude, arrogant behavior is toward everyone and not just at you or a few others? Not that it makes any difference...just curious. I don't know...sometimes there's a teensy bit of comfort knowing that someone's a jackhole consistently and not just towards their direct reports. Rudeness and arrogance is often a mask for enormous insecurities.

I can empathize with this situation as well. When I was hired at a job a few jobs back there was a peer of my manager who was such an arrogant, explosive a-hole. I was so grateful I didn't have to interact with him at all. Fast forward a few months and, yep, we went through a company re-organization and I now reported to explosive a-hole.

I don't know if I have a lot of substantial advice other than to find ways to limit your interactions with him as much as possible. If you "know" what he wants done on a regular basis you can keep to those tasks without him hovering or having to ping you every couple minutes, if that makes sense.

Since he's the company President, he doesn't have anyone above him to whoomp him on the head when he's being a jerk (figuratively, of course, even though he made need it literally, LOL). And unless he moves on/retires or there is another re-org where he's moved out of the picture things are not likely to change.

I don't know if any of this was helpful, other than to empathize and give you a big hug with everything that's going on with you right now Might be worthwhile to see if there are other opportunities out there, or if there are internal openings to work for a different exec at this company?

XXXOO PG

[kmh1190]

Sounds like you have to deal with this person a lot on a daily basis. All I can say is work is work. Be professional, don't engage in conversations that doesn't have to do with work (will prolong the amount of time you have to deal with him, plus gives him insight into your personal life that he might make assumptions about). I empathize with you bc I deal with a difficult boss too (I just zoomed in on this thread). My boss is a habitual liar which is more irritating IMO than if she was rude and arrogant. Honestly, on days she drives me particularly crazy I keep things short with her-what needs to be done and that's it. I've learned to cover myself by keeping emails, etc.
Can you give an example of a typical interaction with your boss? (Maybe then the advice can be more specific)

[bnjj]

Thanks for the hug, PG. There is no where to move internally and there are no jobs out there right now, just like everywhere else. Which is why I need to find a way to not let it show on my face that he is annoying the crap out of me as I really do not want to lose my job. I really would rather not change jobs either after having only been at this one for 7 months as my last job was short in duration as well (very similar situation, boss that hired me was fired one week after I started, executive search took 7 months, complete chaos at organization, new boss started and I chose to leave) and that just looks so bad on a resume. I would really like to find a way to work with this situation.

His behaviour is the same with everyone as it is simply his personality. He is loud and obnoxious and laughs at all his own jokes, which he's constantly making. He constantly interrupts people. Even government officials we were meeting with this past week would be speaking and he'd start talking right over them.

KMH, he already knows about some of what is going on in my personal life as I've been dealing with a lot since the day I started this job (major crisis in my personal life happened the day after I accepted this position). I do agree with keeping things professional, however, many of us talk openly about things going on in our lives so it may be difficult to exclude him from those discussions unless I stop having those discussions with everyone else.

I just need to find ways to either not let him get under my skin or at least not let it show as, as I said above, I find it hard to keep a smile on my face some days.

[Pursegrrl]

Me again, LOL.

I understand if most people share personal info and how it would be hard to exclude just him, especially with something major happening right when you accepted the position.

I'm slowly working through a really great book, The No A$$hole Rule: building a civilized workplace and surviving one that isn't. It's by Robert I. Sutton, PhD. Might be worth perusing? I am continually fascinated by office politics and office conflict stuff and this was recommended to me by a good friend. Just thought I'd pass it along too!

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?ur...sutton+asshole

[bnjj]

No others have bosses who drive them crazy and have to deal with this day in and day out??

[ILuvShopping]

*raises hand!!!*
but honestly.. i have absolutely no good advice for you. my whole office is driven completely nuts by our boss. she is PSYCHO. she assumes way too much, micro-manages and then claims she doesn't have enough time in the day to get all her work done. We all know that she 'thinks' she tells us stuff and then asks us about it later, when in reality she just tells herself and forgets to tell us, then accuses us of not listening. i've even heard her say negative things about the whole staff to clients and customers (we're a small office of less than 10 people).

We occasionally get the day when she's gone... we do a potluck.. order lunch out... and have hours venting sessions and just sort of bond together without her being here. other than that.. we just pretty much deal with it. and to make things worse, i'm friends with her outside of work. I was friends with her before i started working here. one of my other co-workers was friends with her for 12 years and then came to work here, now she hates her because my boss is so psycho. It took my boss about 1 week to ruin a 12 year friendship.

I know a couple of my co-workers are on the job hunt to get out of her. what keeps me here is that my job is SUPER laid back (when my boss is not a horrible pain on my a$$). I can pretty much do whatever I want as long as I get my work done, although that does not include making my own schedule... our schedules are very strict and if we're late or leave a couple minutes early my boss freaks out. so pretty much i can play games online all day if i want.

I guess what you need to ask yourself, do you like the job? If you like the job, then i say grin and bear it. perhaps this guys' attitude will come back and bite him in the butt. every year we have to do a review of our boss and we all speak our minds. does it get stuff changed? no, but at least her superiors know what we're dealing with. If the job you do does not make you happy (taking that guy out of the occassion) then i would say look for a new job.

And just a side bar, I had a part time job for 7 years, then a new manager came in. He was great at first and then suddenly decided to threaten everyone's job and was just the most ridiculous a-hole. Because I had been there for so long I decided to take a stand and went to the owner of the store (which is says to do in our handbook). It cost me my job.

[HandbagLuvr]

I've had some bosses that drove me crazy for many reasons. As long as the situation does not affect your work then let it slide off. Pick your battles wisely. I actually had coworkers at a past job tell me how much they admired my "teflon" approach to my supervisor.

My past boss would sometimes get confused (she was busy and a lot on her mind)and tell me my work was incorrect (math was involved and there was only 1 right answer). At first when this happened I would try and say it was not wrong and then a back and forth squabble about the work would happen because she would be in such a tizzy. The next time it happened I changed my approach. Instead of insisting I was right I told her I was confused and would like it if she would walk me through it so I could understand. Well wouldn't you know it that she would figure out I was right afterall when actually doing the math out on a piece of paper.

If you find that he is always explaining things to you that you already know then speak up and say "yes I remember our talk about this last week (or whenever it was), you can trust me to do xyz". If he talks over you, wait for him to finish and then say "Bob (or whoever) that was a great point (even if it isn't) and I would like to add to that if I may?". Usually at this point all the attention wil be on you.

Chances are you are not the only one annoyed by him and you could end up being admired by your coworkers for how you handle him. There will always be a difficult person in the workplace so leaving makes no sense unless the guy is verbally abusive or downright mean.

[deem0nessa]

bnjj glad you got a well deserved week off!.....I really feel bad for you having to be in such a situation for your work/career...please don't let that fool get the best of you...having to work soo dang close to that thing can be a blessing in disguise! honestly Im pretty much 100% sure because he is so arrogant people are shutting his bs out and there is opportunity for YOU to step forward to be noticed....my boss is a semi work of art (nowhere near like yours but mine has moments) and at times makes a fool of himself to others and I have gotten opportunity out of it to forge well respected business relations with certain clients/vendors....in the end people will know he is just a pawn and there are others to go to to really get things done/heard....I would just try to use his negative to your advantage to gain respect from coworkers and others who have to deal with his arrogance.....im sure when you two show up anywhere they are sooooo delighted to see you! lol...take advantage of that!.....hugs and I hope things get better because you have made them better..dont expect that dummy to change..people like that know no other way...

[Allisonfaye]

Ok, I will you my last boss story. My last boss, ( I sometimes refer to her as Satan), thought the entire world revolved around her. She didn't do much actual work. She didn't really know how to work a computer so she had to have everyone help her. She took 2 hour lunchs to work out. She flirted with male coworkers. She treated anyone below her like a servant. I finally got a new boss after working with Satan for a couple of years and after a year or two working for my wonderful boss, I had to GO BACK TO HER. Ughhh! I kept hoping lightning would strike or something but it didn't. The other thing she used to do was give edits to the same document to her AA and to me. So we would both be working on the same document at the same time and I would have to review her work, too but it would be a different document. Satan couldn't even comprehend why this would be a problem.

When I got pregnant, I knew I wasn't coming back so I kind of stood up to her. I just figured she would attribute it to hormones. Due to complications in my pregnancy, I was told NOT to work any overtime and it was our busy season and she just kept piling more and more work on me. I loved doing the annual project but I had to leave. It drove her nuts. So finally, I started contracting and was admitted to the hospital for 4 days and put on permanent bedrest for the remaining three months. It was the best thing that could have happened to my unborn baby because she was stressing me out so badly.

[bnjj]

iluv, handbag and deem0n, you all make some great points. Thank you for your feedback. I am really trying to destress this week and have been reading up on dealing with a difficult boss and really hope to go back to work on Monday with my batteries a bit recharged and in a more positive frame of mind when it comes to him.

I cannot control his actions, only my reactions.

I'm now off to the spa for the next few hours for some serious pampering.

[ILuvShopping]

^^ have fun with that!!! I'm jealous lol

another trick - learn what makes your boss tick. if certain things upset him, try to avoid those things. that's how I get around my boss. I know what upsets her so i try to be one step ahead of her. Do i lie to her sometimes? yes i do. is it a lie that will hurt our business? nope, just a lie to get her off my back. and it works. some of my other coworkers will do things because they will irritate her but i'm the opposite because i don't really want to make myself miserable here. and because of that she's on their a$$ more than she's on mine.