Our Very Own Purse Secret: Part II

[BagLadie]

So I can't comment that I think this is one of the best forums and it's refreshing that it doesn't get ugly in here or insulting or degrading? And I can't comment that it's nice to see people having respect for the mods who spend their valuable time keeping this forum running smoothly?
Crap...I wish I could comment on it.

[xlana]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret I don't care if there's feedback. I haven't had the best friend luck over the years. A few years back, I had a friend who was also my biggest bully. I was fortunate enough to be able to walk alway from the situation. I haven't regretted my time with her, seeing as she made me a stronger person. I recently had a friend who was like my other half. I loved her like I would a sister. However, something traumatic (she doesn't like to talk about it, so I won't post it), and I was like a mother to her. I think it somehow crushed our relationship, because at the time I would do what she asked. I didn't mind. About a year after, she started to be just plain out rude and mean to me. I didn't like it, but I didn't confront her about it either. I knew she wouldn't listen. At the time, I was also dealing with other friend relationship issues as well. Which, made it all the more worse. I have been fortunate to have moved on from the "friends" that haven't been there for me for very long. The one thing I despised about my friends was, at a young age, nothing was sugar-coated. So, I went through a couple hard times, but even though they seemed to be there, they never really were. At least not the way I was there to them. Currently, I have a group of friends who love me more than my old friends ever could. I couldn't be happier, except for one issue. My friend with the tramautic issue has been hanging around. I really despise her, as I see now how childish she is. I really don't want her around, but I can't do anything about it. She constantly embarrasses me and it's annoying. I wish she would just go away and find other friends, but that's not obviously happening any time soon. The one thing I hate the most is, I feel like I have to be protective of my new friends sometimes. Like maybe she'll manipulate them and they won't want to hang out with me anymore. I feel territorial, like I was there first, so why should she be the one who's constantly there. I just hate it!

Hmm..please don't be offended when I say this because I'm not trying to be, but I think most of what you said is easily fixed, thus you shouldn't be stressing over it too much. I don't know how old you are, but this kind of stuff is happened to me all the time in middle school or high school. Everyone goes through this sort of stage where they are trying to find good friends.

You can't control who she hangs out with, you can control who you hang out with. If you feel that your current friends will be manipulated by her, maybe they're not the loyal and dedicated friends you think they are. It doesn't matter if "you were there first", she's fully entitled to be friends with whoever she wants.

Why are you letting her get to you? She's not worth it, just move on and ignore her. She'll eventually get tired of poking fun at you if she doesn't get a reaction out of you.

[intheevent]

To post #44
I know that women are made to feel guilty when they don't care much for or don't want to be bothered with their kids or family. Don't feel guilty, its normal as long as its not constant. I feel that way all the time. Well 2-3 days of the week I wish I was single, not that I don't love boyfriend and kids but its natural to miss that freedom. Especially when you have money issues it makes you wonder even more what could have been.

About the money, I am going through major issues since I llat my job and may have to consider bankruptcy and I have to believe there are many people on this forum who either have or will at some point go through it. There's no shame or guilt in it. I know sometimes on this forum, television, etc sometimes you wonder if you're the only one going through tough times. You are not, statistically 54% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, another like 10 or so only have about 90 days of savings should something like a job loss happens. That's the majority of us. One last thing about envy. It will eat you up inside. Even though the majority of us are struggling there is plenty wealth and prosperity out the for all of us. It comes from the universe or higher power or what have you so it is limitless. As long as you know this there is no reason to ever be jealous of anyone because there is enough joy, happiness, wealth, health in the universe for all of us 10 times over. We just need to attract it with positive energy and we can't do that if we are consumed with comparing ourselves to others.

I think you are very brave for your post and a lot stronger than you know. I am glad you spoke up about how you've been feeling and I wish you the best. PM me if you need a shoulder.

[onegirlcreative]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

^'no comment on feedback' meant that the OP didn't say whether or not they wanted feedback, as in, there was no comment as to whether or not they wanted feedback.

OK, so I was right to begin with. I thought that's what it meant, but wasn't sure. Thanks for the clarification.

[onegirlcreative]

Originally Posted by intheevent

To post #44 I know that women are made to feel guilty when they don't care much for or don't want to be bothered with their kids or family. Don't feel guilty, its normal as long as its not constant. I feel that way all the time. Well 2-3 days of the week I wish I was single, not that I don't love boyfriend and kids but its natural to miss that freedom. Especially when you have money issues it makes you wonder even more what could have been. About the money, I am going through major issues since I llat my job and may have to consider bankruptcy and I have to believe there are many people on this forum who either have or will at some point go through it. There's no shame or guilt in it. I know sometimes on this forum, television, etc sometimes you wonder if you're the only one going through tough times. You are not, statistically 54% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, another like 10 or so only have about 90 days of savings should something like a job loss happens. That's the majority of us. One last thing about envy. It will eat you up inside. Even though the majority of us are struggling there is plenty wealth and prosperity out the for all of us. It comes from the universe or higher power or what have you so it is limitless. As long as you know this there is no reason to ever be jealous of anyone because there is enough joy, happiness, wealth, health in the universe for all of us 10 times over. We just need to attract it with positive energy and we can't do that if we are consumed with comparing ourselves to others. I think you are very brave for your post and a lot stronger than you know. I am glad you spoke up about how you've been feeling and I wish you the best. PM me if you need a shoulder.

Well said. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I will suggest this for that same OP from post #44—please, please go to your doctor and renew that prescription!!! My late MIL suffered from depression and it was horrible for my husband while he was growing up to see his mom suffer on a daily basis. He said that once she started taking medication, she was a completely different person.

Please try and get help or maybe talk to your husband or a dear friend about it. sometimes keeping it bottled up inside is the worst.

I commend you for posting your secret because it means that you're saying it aloud and not just to yourself.

Good luck to you.

[Cedes]

Originally Posted by onegirlcreative

I have to say that I agree with the OP's "secret" 100%. I also feel the same way, especially when a mod posts (no offense to any particular mods, of course). You're not alone. I feel like whenever a mod posts—regardless of how elitist it may seem—everybody is always like "good post....xxxx" when what they're saying might be completely ignorant and self-absorbed. But I think that people are afraid to disagree with these mods because they're afraid of getting banned. I honestly hope that wouldn't be the case because any forum where someone would get banned for disagreeing with a mod, is not a forum I would want to particularly belong to. The other forums I belong to are not like that at all, in fact, people are not afraid to tell the mod(s) if they're disappointed with something or whatever. I feel like you have to walk on eggshells with certain mods (not all, of course) when posting. Just wanted the OP to know that you're not alone. I feel the exact same way.

There's a lot of kissing ass that goes on around here.. I guess some people just need that (whether it's having people suck up to them or doing the sucking up). It's just another form of validation. (But I agree it's irritating.)

Originally Posted by xlana

Also, I assume that if the poster specifically said "do not comment" that we cannot comment. Otherwise, if they didn't say anything, I think it's safe to say that they'll allow it.

I think this is kind of silly.. you know that you're submitting a secret (which is usually inherently bad in some way) to a very public forum. I can see that this is designed to make people feel more comfortable admitting something without being judged.. but if that's what you're really after then this isn't the place to do it. It's also somewhat antagonistic - kind of like, "ha ha, I will say this potentially awful thing and you can't say anything about it, neener neener!" You know that old saying - if you're gonna dish it you need to be able to take it.

[twinkle.tink]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

Secret No comment on feedback. I am not sure this is a 'secret'...but I am always lurking the Purse forum, and quite frankly, I think some posts are just downright phony. I mean, for example, in the Pics of your SO thread, no one EVER said 'Eeeeewww, what an ugly mug!' It's always 'Awww, what a cute couple'(when they obviously are NOT) It sort of nauseates me a bit. I mean, come on, some of those people are just really unattractive. Mom said, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anyting at all!....stop being fake. Oh, and those 'regular' members that post in EVERY thread, and are self-proclaimed experts on all topics under the sun, make me want to barf with their holier-than-thou comments. It's like a high school clique around here. Ok, feel better :)

If the site and comments make you want to barf, why waste your time here?

Originally Posted by onegirlcreative

I have to say that I agree with the OP's "secret" 100%. I also feel the same way, especially when a mod posts (no offense to any particular mods, of course). You're not alone. I feel like whenever a mod posts—regardless of how elitist it may seem—everybody is always like "good post....xxxx" when what they're saying might be completely ignorant and self-absorbed. But I think that people are afraid to disagree with these mods because they're afraid of getting banned. I honestly hope that wouldn't be the case because any forum where someone would get banned for disagreeing with a mod, is not a forum I would want to particularly belong to. The other forums I belong to are not like that at all, in fact, people are not afraid to tell the mod(s) if they're disappointed with something or whatever. I feel like you have to walk on eggshells with certain mods (not all, of course) when posting. Just wanted the OP to know that you're not alone. I feel the exact same way.

First, I want to make sure you realize...it's not the 'OP's' secret...Candy (the OP) is simply posting the secret for some one who e-mailed her.

Second, if you feel you need to walk on eggshells around mods, that is your problem, not theirs. I have disagreed with the mods plenty of times (sometimes in public, sometimes in private) and I am still here.

Again, I will echo what I said before...if you're not happy here, why waste your time?

Originally Posted by BagLadie

So I can't comment that I think this is one of the best forums and it's refreshing that it doesn't get ugly in here or insulting or degrading? And I can't comment that it's nice to see people having respect for the mods who spend their valuable time keeping this forum running smoothly? Crap...I wish I could comment on it.

...There is a reason we have the number of members and posts we do. Do I agree with everything? Of course not...I love my DH and his really my best friend, yet I still disagree with him.

[candypants1100]

Secret Responding to post #30...OP who says:
What if I end up alone for the rest of my life? What if I never marry? What if I can never have the children I so desperately desire? What if nobody else but the man I'm with will ever love me?

There are things about our relationship that I DISLIKE but I accept... JUST BECAUSE I'm afraid to be alone.

------

Oh, I know what you are going through, as I've gone through the same thing 30 years ago. I came from a dysfunctional, alcoholic background with my parents. I, too, knew there were things about my fiance that disturbed or unsettled me. But, I too, was SO afraid of being alone, not having children, having to start all over again. After 20 years, years of unhappiness and unfulfillment, I left him. No, we never had children, and frankly I'm glad since he would have made a rotten father. And I would have been a single mother, and that may have made it much harder to leave him. Yes, I was alone for awhile, but there is a difference between "alone" and "lonely." I found someone else now, someone who I can not only love but RESPECT. Things are better than they ever were. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE look at your situation carefully, DO NOT settle, DO NOT accept things you dislike...this is your inner self telling you things are not right! And DO NOT be afraid to get out ...please believe me, as I've been there, it's much preferable to staying in an unsatisfying and/or abusive relationship, and wasting much of your life away. My heart goes out to you...please be strong, okay?

[candypants1100]

Secret
Dear girls who love Edward Cullen/Jacob Black and wish that they were Bella,
You. Are. Stupid.
You are silently condoning psychological and physical abuse. You have set yourself up to fall prey to unhealthy, controlling relationships. The world would have been better off without Meyer's deranged fantasy.

[candypants1100]

secret- well, this isn't really a secret...To 'onegirlcreative', thank you for agreeing with me! That is awesome that someone is being honest on here, for once.

And to 'twinkle.tink', this comment-"Second, if you feel you need to walk on eggshells around mods, that is your problem, not theirs. I have disagreed with the mods plenty of times (sometimes in public, sometimes in private) and I am still here.

Again, I will echo what I said before...if you're not happy here, why waste your time?'' is exactly what I mean about the attitude on here. You telling onegirlcreative that she has a 'problem'...wtf. That is how she feels, it is not a problem.
And then you proceed to assume she's 'not happy here', and 'why waste your time'....
I am just thankful for this thread. I can vent and be anonymous, and I'm sure I speak for a lot of girls as well.


I do enjoy other informative forums here...I just don't 'waste my time' posting anymore.

[candypants1100]

Secret
I have been 'dating' a married man for the last 21 years. (Yes, 21!) I met him when I was working at a design company and he was the president of our biggest account. When he walked through the door, I immediately fell in love at first sight. He is perfect in every way.
He never kept the fact that he was married a secret, and I didn't care. I wanted him. And till this day, I get butterflies when we are together. I have never felt any sort of attraction to any other man besides him. I know he'll never get divorced, and I really don't care.
I love living alone, and never wanted to be in a 'committed' relationship. I travel all over with him, and adore him with all my heart, and he keeps me satisfied in every way imagineable. After 21 years, he still treats me like a princess, and I love it. I have confided in a few people about my situation, and always get the same lectures..."You know he's just USING you!" "How can you DO that to his wife!" blah blah blah ,,, but this relationship lasted more than most marriages. And I never made a vow to anyone, that's between him and God, as far as I am concerned. You just can't help who you fall in love with, and I'm crazy about him. There has never been a time when I called him that he ever put me off. And if he is 'using' me, I think by now he would get bored...
I got pregnant by him about a year into our relationship. He begged and pleaded for me to have this baby, that he loved me and would take care of me forever (but maybe also because his wife was sterile) I just never wanted kids, and still don't, so I had an abortion (secret #2). Even though it has been 20 years ago, he still cries about that decision. It genuinely hurt him.
I do not know what it is like to be married and to live with someone. Am I missing out on something? ...because I can't imagine being in a more ideal situation. I still get excited to see him, we never have bad words between us, and we enjoy each other's company. And I love my freedom living alone.
But I think if we lived together for 21 years, knowing all his 'imperfections' (if there are any) would turn me off. KWIM? It feels like a fantasy world to me.
And, yes, I have thought about growing old alone. It doesn't scare me. I am fiercely independant, have a successful business, and am surrounded by my loving animals. And I am not needy for human companionship 24/7.
I just know I will be in love with him till the day I die.

I do not mind comments...

[Virginia]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret I never thought I'd feel comfortable sharing my secrets, but thanks to anonymousfeedback.net, I'll give it a shot. I don't know whether this is particularly scandalous or not, but I've figured out a very sneaky and surely unethical method of returning stuff at TJ Maxx and Marshalls, and I've been doing this for years. Since they get new stuff in all the time and never really know what they have, I noticed that their tagging system is really non-specific. That is, each item has a department number and a SKU number, but there's really nothing to identify an item exactly. So, if I buy a BCBG dress for example, when I get home, I will attach the price tag to another dress in my closet that I've only worn once or twice, and then I'll return that dress instead. It's kind of a way to keep rotating my closet, keeping the things I like, and returning the things I don't end up liking that well. Their return period is only 30 days, so often it's too late to return the original item. 99% of the time, the employees take the returns without batting an eye. I've returned stuff that was a couple years old this way! I suppose this is an indicator that I have a shopping problem... I used to be worse, but now I make enough money that I can generally buy what I want within reason and not feel guilty. However, that doesn't stop me from using this returning scheme. I know I shouldn't rationalize it, but the items I return are in perfectly saleable condition, and the employees and even management don't even know the value of what they're selling anyway (example: I once paid $12.99 for a pair of Cavalli sunglasses!). I know switching tickets is technically "wrong", but I really don't feel bad about it.

Reading this makes angers me. I really would hate to be the one to buy something after it's been worn and is being passed off as new.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

Secret No comment on feedback. I have a great amount of contempt for people. I find them horribly lazy, short-sighted, self-centered, ungrateful, and bratty. I listen to their "problems" and wish they understood that 90% of the people on this planet would love to have those problems. I know people think that I think I'm better than them. I'm attractive and intelligent, with two post-gradate degrees, making almost a quarter million dollars a year in this amazing country. What people don't know is the story behind the scenes: my childhood distorted by infidelity, alcohol, sexual obsessions, and mental disease. I want to scream at people and shake some sense into them - if I can overcome that baggage to get to where I'm at today, anyone can! Get off your fat, lazy ass and take control of your life already! I hate other people for letting themselves be disabled by things they can control, and then passing the costs of that disability off to the rest of society. **** them.

With a few detail changes I could have written this, I know exactly where you are coming from.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

Secret No comment on feedback. I am not sure this is a 'secret'...but I am always lurking the Purse forum, and quite frankly, I think some posts are just downright phony. I mean, for example, in the Pics of your SO thread, no one EVER said 'Eeeeewww, what an ugly mug!' It's always 'Awww, what a cute couple'(when they obviously are NOT) It sort of nauseates me a bit. I mean, come on, some of those people are just really unattractive. Mom said, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anyting at all!....stop being fake. Oh, and those 'regular' members that post in EVERY thread, and are self-proclaimed experts on all topics under the sun, make me want to barf with their holier-than-thou comments. It's like a high school clique around here. Ok, feel better :)

Havent you thought that maybe people think that they are a cute couple because they are in love and feel good with each other and it shows on the pics? How about getting past the physical?

And just because YOU find them ugly, that doesnt mean others think so as well - and definitely not their SOs. "There is no disputing about tastes".

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret- well, this isn't really a secret...To 'onegirlcreative', thank you for agreeing with me! That is awesome that someone is being honest on here, for once.

LOL and now you presume that because somebody has a different POV than yours, they are not being honest? wtg.